NLP: Confidence in Communication

[Brother]

The ability to speak kindly and tactfully is the basis of "self-confidence." It is radically different from the stress-driven communication styles of passivity and aggression. Passivity and aggression give rise to feelings of insecurity and fear.

These feelings are primarily protective. They operate on the basis of attack-or-flight neuroscience, which occurs when our mind-body system is in danger or overwhelmed. On the contrary, self-confidence is a calm and gentle reaction when we think and talk about something, talk about our intentions, and do it in light of the other person's condition.

How can your friendly conversation strategy help you communicate what you think, value, feel, and believe in? Do you have a good strategy for doing this? Do you think that it is a fundamental human right to speak confidently about your views, opinions, feelings, etc.? Since speech is one of the basic human abilities, it simply implies responsibility for one's own thoughts, values, and feelings.

Some people simply lack the strategy and knowledge of how to do it. They didn't have good role models. Others have forbidden themselves to speak out, so now they do not allow themselves to express their feelings. They are afraid of what will happen if they start behaving confidently (the state of meta-fear). "If I give my opinion, people will not like it, they will reject me and think that I like to command." Associated with this lack of self-confidence are numerous dysfunctional beliefs that need to be addressed.

Conceptually confident behavior is different from attack-or-flight responses - two responses that occur when we feel fear, threat, danger, or are being abused. When we attack, we primarily feel fear - this is a sign of danger and stress. When we attack, we primarily feel anger - this is a sign of danger and stress. At the same time, both aggression and passivity lack the resource of self-confidence. This pattern allows one to communicate with confidence, benevolence, and respect, which will serve as a resource for communication and establishing relationships (Apskeas & Apskeaz, 1989; Boislaa, 2002).

Confidence in communication pattern

1. Find out how the person does not allow themselves to speak confidently.

What is holding you back from speaking confidently?

Do you allow yourself to express your opinion?

Think of a time when you wanted to confidently express your opinion, but did not feel that you can do it, and mark the pictures that you imagined. Where do you see them, how many there are, what are they? Describe your looks. Also note what you said to yourself, in whose voice and from which side this voice came.

How do you feel when you notice this, and where are these feelings?

2. Locate the beliefs associated with self-confidence.

When you contemplate expressing your own thoughts and emotions, what ideas or beliefs do you have in this regard?

Do you have any negative thoughts about the affirmative conversation?

What positive goals do you achieve when you don't speak confidently?

Do you have any beliefs that support your disrespect for your opinion or denial of the right to be confident? If so, which ones?

3. Give self-confidence more value and value.

What benefits will you get if you become more confident

in itself?

When you consider the full benefits of more confident communication, what values do you consider most important?

What do you think of other people who are polite but firm? If you yourself used this resource, what would it give you?

4. Fully imagine self-confidence.

What pictures, sounds, sensations and words support your confidence resource?

What kind of inner movie would give you the most confidence in yourself?

What are the qualities and location of your inner voice when you speak with confidence?

What inner words or language would help you feel confident?

What would be the best tone of voice, rate of speech, and location of your voice?

What feelings would help you be more confident in yourself ?

When were you most confident?

Incorporate these feelings into your paintings so you can confidently respond now and in the future.

5. Switch patterns.

Place your pictures and representations of uncertainty behind pictures and representations of confident communication. Now that you allow the images of insecurity to take on the traits of images of confidence, how do you feel about it?

Move your images of insecurity so that they are behind the image of you speaking with confidence. Change them, let them reflect you as confident in yourself, in the same colors, movements, as the images of confidence. Change your speech so that your inner voice helps you feel confident.

Whenever you see a picture that makes you feel insecure, switch to one of yourself who can easily speak confidently.

6. Adjustment to the future.

Do you now see yourself clearly in the future, responding confidently in situations in which self-confidence is a valuable resource? Good. Now enter this future and fully experience all the pleasant feelings associated with confident behavior.

Are you completely satisfied with this condition? Do you like it? Will you save it?

 

[Tomcat]

Incentive Potential in NLP​

The Incentive Potential In NLP Or How To Design A Great Future For Yourself?

In NLP there is such an interesting term - "incentive potential". If we understand what this is about and learn how to use it, then the fulfillment of desires (no worse than Transurfing promises!) Is guaranteed to us!

To begin with, an analogy, a metaphor.
Imagine that you are at home, in the evening - with a small child entrusted to you for supervision. The child plays peacefully in the room while you are busy in the kitchen - you warm up dinner for him. Suddenly, the kid runs into your kitchen and points to his room, shouts that he is afraid to go there, because a Monster is sitting under his bed.

No matter how much you calm your child, he will not calm down until you play a little magic scene. You will go, firmly holding the baby's hand in his room, turn on the light, move the bed and start talking loudly with the Beast. When you "chase" him away in the tone of a grumpy neighbor grandmother, driving out pranksters teenagers from the yard bench, the child will calm down and believe that this time the Monster retreated in disgrace, tail between his legs.

If you make fun of the kid and say that this is all nonsense and no Monsters, then the child will pretend to agree with you, but peace in his soul will not be restored. And one more thing: he will lose in your face - a defender and an "understanding".

What can you do: small children have their own reality, you have your own. In your reality, there is no money, in his reality there is no belief that there are no monsters. Over time, everything will fall into place, but for now you need to reckon with the reality of the child ...

And now let's once again play through this NLP movie in our head and examine your (psychotherapeutically literate or psychotherapeutically not literate - in this case it doesn't matter) reaction.

The reaction to the child's message that the Beast is sitting under the bed in his room.

After all, you remained absolutely cool, didn't you? This information has not prompted you to remember all the phone numbers of the rescue services known to you? Didn't the information prompt you to go over the plan of evacuation from the apartment on the rooftops in a second?

And all because a person adequately reacts exactly to the reality in which he himself believes! No more, no less.

The paradox of human psychology is that you and I react not to what really is (what really exists), but to what seems real to us.

The child's reaction to the Monster is adequate and active - he believes in the monster.

Your reaction is different, there are no monsters in your reality.

Well, now answer me the question: which of you two, in need, can brilliantly implement a complex plan to escape from the apartment - you, who waves his hand at danger, or the one who sees this danger as alive?

Believing in monsters is beneficial in terms of developing the rooftop escape skill.

***

Well, now let's move on directly to the interpretation of the term NLP - incentive potential.

Incentive potential is what we believe is real. This is what prompts us to react.

If you tell a child that if next time he does not put all his toys in place, but the next morning they will be in the trash, and the child does not react, this means only one thing. Attention:

You have drawn a “picture of the future” that your child does not believe in. That is, this picture has no incentive potential for him.

***

What have people been doing all their lives?

All their life (from the point of view of NLP) people (that is, you and I) have been asking themselves questions: "How is it really?", "What is real and what is not?"

The driving force of a person is the need to react and act in some way. But we can only react and take actions to the side and about what is REALITY for us, and not fiction.

It is vital for us to know: what really exists and what does not exist in reality, what is happening there, and what is just rumors and speculation.

The most emotional and common question that we like to ask whoever we are: "Does this person love me?"

Because we need to know how to behave with this person. If he loves, then we will behave like that, and if he does not love, then in a completely different way.

Depending on the answer we receive to the questions of interest to us, we will react and act in completely different ways. So we ask ourselves and the whole world burning questions:
Am I really handsome?
Is it true that desires are fulfilled if only you want to?
Is it true that I am always lucky?
Is it true that the past has left many scars on my soul?
Is it true that my husband cheated on me?
Is it true that people like me need to work twice as hard to achieve something?
For answers to such questions, people come to professional fortune-tellers, to office informers, to soul mates, to psychotherapists, to fiction, to religion, to the media, to ..., to ..., to ...

It is important for us to have an idea of what is real and what is not, so as not to waste our energy in order to save body and body movements ...

Thus, the threat of an angry teacher to "give a test tomorrow" is carefully weighed and pondered by the whole class after the door slammed. How big is the chance that it will "give"? Or get angry and forget? So all the same, to prepare for the test or "score"?

How does this property of the psyche play a cruel joke with us?
It's great when we prefer not to believe in the reality of the "threat" - according to the principle: "Don't believe, don't be afraid, don't ask." An experienced person who has lived in society for a long time has learned well - 99% of the threats that are whispered in our ears from everywhere are "wiring", dishonest manipulation of annoying politicians or "sellers", which is simply not worth paying any attention to.

It's bad when we choose not to believe in the reality of our beautiful future.

But ...

There is a whole category of people who (without the help of NLP and psychotherapy!), As if playing with nothing to do with themselves, construct a probable (wonderful) future for themselves. And then they behave as if this wonderful future either already exists or is about to come (you have to prepare everything!)

People who behave as if their beautiful future designed by them is already "the right thing", as a rule, always get what they ordered.

As Viktor Pelevin wrote about this in "Chapaev and Emptiness":

“Because, in fact, they do not foresee the future, but shape it, crawling to where, in their opinion, the wind will blow. After that, the wind has no choice but to really blow from this place."

How do you believe in a date? In a trip? A job offer? How to fill this picture with incentive potential?

It's very simple - remember a child who believes that a monster is sitting under his bed. And remember his aunt, who only believes that if she keeps the cutlets in the pan for one more minute, they will definitely burn out.

You can probably guess - whose strategy of "feeling of being" in this case should be copied. To be able to take off, pushing off the roofs ...

 

[Tomcat]

NLP and self-love​

It would seem that all people are egoists and, ultimately, if you dig deeper, they do everything for themselves, for example, they want to be liked, to experience a state of happiness and satisfaction, to be loved. So why is it so difficult for us to love and accept ourselves, why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves for mistakes and mistakes?

Psychologists have found that the relationships that we have with others are a reflection of our attitude towards ourselves. After all, until you love and accept yourself, you will not understand and learn to love others correctly.

So, for example, latent aggression is a reflection of dissatisfaction with oneself and what one has, a desire to control, may be the result of distrust of oneself and one's emotional reactions, and resentment is a reluctance to notice one's responsibility.

People put in a lot of effort to love themselves: going to fitness, dieting, trying to make a lot of money or power, not to mention plastic surgery, but this is not satisfying, because this is an external job, and you have to look inside yourself.

What happens when we do not love and accept ourselves, we are constantly in a state of internal criticism? Imagine that inside you, as in the cartoon "Puzzle", your emotional reactions are sitting and for every even harmless action, your inner anger begins to scold you and scold you "why are you so stupid", "but your hands are in the wrong place", and etc. Such a reaction is tantamount to the fact that it occurs outside from a very close person who is constantly dissatisfied with you, and this is a real stress.

If relationships with others do not work out, you constantly criticize yourself, you are constantly unhappy with others - this is an occasion to look at yourself differently and take steps on the path of love and acceptance of yourself.

In NLP there is such a technique, which is simple in essence, but very useful for those who have realized that it is time to love themselves. The technique is called "Look at yourself with eyes full of love."

Imagine that you are a writer.

Find someone in your life whose love you have no doubt about. It can be a person from the present, the past, or even an image you have created. Please describe it in more detail. What is he? What makes it unique and unique to you?

Now move into his body and look at yourself through the eyes of a loving person. Anchor this perceptual position.

Remember that you are a writer and write a story through the eyes of someone who loves you. Why is he so beautiful? What makes it the only one in the world? Describe its merits and wonderful qualities.

Now return to your body with these emotions and feelings of love.

This technique allows you to change the position of perception. Dissociate from the inner critic. See your dignity from the outside. And the main thing is to feel these emotions of acceptance and self-love.

If you do this exercise regularly, you will gradually notice how your environment, relationships with people, and your mood begin to change.