How resentment affects human health and life

[Lord777]

Feelings of resentment are closely related to feelings of guilt. If a person offends you, knowingly or unknowingly, both are guilty of not meeting each other's expectations. That is, both sides of the conflict suffer.

Reasons for resentment
Most often, they take offense at loved ones, loved ones. Since it would never occur to anyone to be offended by a rake hit in the forehead, or by a minister who passed the wrong law. But at our loved ones, who can feel our resentment, that is, to realize that they have done something wrong, to try to improve, we are offended at any opportunity. Such conflicts in the family lead to such a strong deterioration in relations that everyone can be divided into two camps: one takes the side of the offender, and the other - the offended one. In this case, not only two people who are in direct contact in these circumstances suffer, but other family members. And this can lead to an even greater escalation of the conflict. Of course, at first you always feel that you are completely right, but in fact, this is ordinary egocentrism,

Resentment is an emotion designed to work to get people to get used to each other and change, adapting to living together or creating. It is by being offended that we make it clear to the partner that he is not acting the way we would like.

But there is also a negative side to this impact on relatives. First of all, feeling a feeling of resentment, we do the most direct harm to our health! It is by feeling resentment, digesting this state in oneself, suppressing or experiencing it again and again, that a person brings himself to psychosomatic diseases. No wonder they say that all diseases are from the nerves.

You are offended, and, defending against negative influences, the stomach begins to secrete acidic juice without eating, which leads to peptic ulcer disease. And in other cases, for example, the gallbladder closes the sphincter, which prevents the digestion of fat and causes biliary colic. There are many more diseases that distract you from resentment by keeping your brain and nerve cells in relatively good condition.

The more often a person is offended, the more cases occur in his life leading to this very state. Since he makes exaggerated demands on the environment, after which he begins to aggravate his condition with thoughts, they say: "No one loves me and does not understand." It seems to him more and more that everyone around him is to blame for his problems and failures. Therefore, first of all, it is worth changing exactly your attitude towards people, towards their personal qualities, and understand that the world around is unlikely to change. And if you do not change your view of the situation, then it will only get worse.

The impact of resentment on relationships
The offended person makes certain claims against the offender, which are not fulfilled, which ultimately leads to this unpleasant feeling. But we must understand that not every requirement can be met. For example, a psychologist can very lucidly explain why your partner cannot fully meet your needs, which are often simply paradoxical. Requirements for each other are imposed on us by the roles that we play in society, in relations with the people around us. But this does not mean at all that we are obliged to fulfill them unquestioningly. In this connection, it is the expectation of such a partner's behavior that would correspond to the ideally performed role that leads to the emergence of resentment in us when these roles are not performed properly. Each person is an individual with his own worldview, this must be remembered!

The psychology of resentment
Try to write a list of the positive qualities that you think the abuser should have. Perhaps you will see that combining them in one person is simply unrealistic.

When you are trying to arouse a feeling of guilt in a person for having offended you, not behaving correctly in a certain situation, your demands are not taken literally, the opponent is trying to justify himself by making rather tolerable arguments in defense of his act ... All this is because you are just different people and were brought up in different conditions. Your life experiences are different. That is why the behavior of both in the same situation will be different. And you, being offended, and not wanting to accept a different point of view, only lead to a deterioration in relations between you, as well as to your own psychosomatic illnesses.

Resentment as a way of regulating a relationship is a pretty cruel thing. Often it is mothers who teach their children to be offended. In infancy, a child, if he doesn't like something, expresses his feelings by groaning or screaming, and his desires are immediately fulfilled, inconveniences are eliminated by sensitive parents. But growing up, the baby begins to understand that not all of his whims will be fulfilled. In this case, he is offended and screams more demanding and stronger than at an early age. If all his ideas are satisfied as before, the child realizes what influence he has on others through resentment or whims. Then, in adolescence, he will perfectly be able to manipulate his mother or other relatives to achieve his goals.

On the other hand, mothers also use this means of control, putting pressure on the child, reproaching him for misbehaving, offended that the children do not help. By causing her son to feel guilty for not being as diligent as her daughter, the mother brings up a guilt complex in the child, which, perhaps, will ruin a person's life very much and prevent him from developing in full power as a person.

Benefit or harm
Feelings of resentment, being just one of the emotions that accompany our life in many ways and help to adapt to each other and understand other people's needs, nevertheless, can play a pretty cruel joke. It is necessary to work with this feeling with the help of healthy reflection on the situation of resentment, to manage your emotions in order to keep your body and relationships with people around you healthy!

Author: psychologist Ekaterina Svetoch

 

[CarderPlanet]

5 terrible truths, the realization of which will improve your personal life.

1. If you are not yet able to live well, work through your favorite work, rest your soul and body being alone, you are not yet ready to sustain a new personality in your field and love her mutually for more than three months. ?

2. If you have deceived yourself for a long time and endowed your personality with fictional qualities, when in fact you have a mass of imperfections, your pride will not allow you to enter into a love relationship, since the enlightening trauma that you will experience due to the sincerity of your partner may not be comparable to the life of your Ego. ?

3. If you still have not chosen at least 3 hobbies that charge you with inspiration, and ideally benefit others, then the maximum that you can attract into your life is a random partner with minimal love compatibility, which will not affect Your height and even more your level of happiness, but it will just be comfortable. ?

4. If unfavorably ended relationships remained in your past and you chose to forget them like a nightmare by deleting your ex from all social networks, along with all the photos and burnt teddy bears - congratulations, you have created an additional set of lessons in your future, which, rather of all, the next love partner will bring to teach you to love without dependence, idealization and requirements, remaining soulful friends for life. ?

5. If in your head there is an ideal image of a loved one, and persons of the opposite sex who come across you on your life path, cause you exclusively a feeling of disgust, as in contact with an alien creature - you urgently need to reconsider your attitude towards the opposite sex, since such a picture of the world, your ideals will be destroyed, and expectations will be trampled in order to teach you to love and respect all living beings, before setting the criteria for your one and only. ?

 

[Teacher]

Resentment is a way of manipulation

Salute, fans of fucking up someone else's account, many times, when faced with a touchy person, you probably asked yourself the question, perplexed-what exactly am I to blame for?

The answer is often simple-yes to nothing. After all, the behavior of each of us carries in one way or another our natural personality structure, from which we get joy and pleasure. And any restriction of this personality in itself leads to internal conflicts and self-destruction.

Let's look at the meaning of the word wine. It means first of all debt. When they say "I am guilty," they mean " I must."

It turns out that the person who is offended by you, believes that you owe him something, and you, if you feel guilty before him, then agree with this debt. And if you walk with the air of a repentant sinner, then it is obvious that first of all you yourself impose a program of self-punishment — self-destruction. Should I?

In reality, it turns out that instead of paying back a debt, if there is one, you start incomprehensible games with an unnecessary end, from the point of view of natural laws.

Let's remember some of them.

• First, the law«Не критикуй» operates in its absolute meaning, not in relative, and concerns the behavior of absolutely any object of nature. So if someone doesn't like your behavior for some reason, then look for the reason-their benefit from it, and don't blame yourself.
• Remember another law: "Nature has no bad weather"Or in other words, nature has nothing superfluous and harmful. You are needed in this world as you are, PERIOD.
• And finally, by carrying the blame in yourself, you are violating another law of nature: "Don't fall for it."
• Which inevitably leads to a violation of the law: "Live happily in the present, not in the past and not in the future."

I hope that you have already realized your mistake if you accept the blame and live in self-punishment. If we look at the Suspended Tarot card, we will see ourselves repenting in its role. Please note that everything is fine around the Suspended One and no one keeps it in this state. The road to success is open and you just need to understand what and how to do it so that there is happiness and joy, and to begin with, it is in your heart.

Let's also look at the situation from the energy point of view.

In this case, there is a channel from the offended person to the "abuser", which tries to penetrate the person's aura and bring harm to him.

Therefore, resentment is a kind of aggression. And the reason for aggression in adulthood is often unsatisfied sexual needs. I will explain why: natural selfishness and self-importance, in my opinion, are the cornerstones that tell us that we are worthy to continue our family on Earth. If they do not exist, then this need will not exist either.

Let's trace the mechanism of formation of such a form of manipulation as resentment. And the beginning of everything is hidden in childhood — in the natural egoism of the child aimed at his survival in this world.

I believe that in our early childhood, none of us even had the concept of resentment.

But as soon as conscious attempts to control others began to manifest, resentment became one of the most powerful tools in this series.

After all, words to convince mom or dad to buy you another candy will not work and it is much more justified to take offense at it or throw a tantrum. Pouting lips, an offended face, the screams of a "frustrated" child-this hits without a miss and acts more destructively than a nuclear bomb. A rare parent can withstand such an onslaught. The result is a cherished candy or toy. I've personally seen this happen hundreds of times. As a result, crying and kicking, puffed up and "offended" in every possible way please.

What do you think is the conclusion of a child who, contrary to the misconceptions of his parents, is not so stupid? Yes, you are absolutely right. Having made the desired conclusion, the child begins to hone and improve their skills. The ability to take offense becomes a skill, then a habit, and then a reflex.

The trouble is that when a person grows up, their social circle expands, and most people treat them differently from their parents. And the old strategy of being offended no longer works.

Alas, instead of abandoning it and finding a new way to achieve what they want, many stubbornly continue to step on the same rake over and over again. And in all problems and conflicts blame others, calling them cruel and insensitive (and some, by the way, this manipulation works).

We are adults, but we often continue to behave like children, because we use children's ways to achieve results that are useful to us. But in childhood, the main leading state of our personality is selfishness. And often our gains from our parents lead to losses in their world. They've bought another new doll, and it's hard to live up to their paycheck. After all, you understand that giving children something, parents inevitably limit themselves and it does not matter what — in money or in time.

Why do we still have resentment?

Apparently from the fact that what is happening does not coincide with our expectations, with "how from our point of view it is necessary". But it's just a sense of self-importance that dictates this position. Actually, by what right do we believe that people around us should behave as we believe is correct? After all, they probably have their own point of view on how "it is necessary". And they have every right to have their own, because otherwise they will not be individuals, right?!

Adults, when they want to get something for themselves, in my opinion, should look for options for a winning strategy for both partners.

This is especially true for love relationships, in which we, having created a couple, initially agreed to seek mutual benefit. Therefore, it is obviously easier, easier and more correct to help your husband or wife find the behavior option that will bring you both joy.

Let's understand that being offended, for example, by the fact that your wife didn't cook you breakfast or dinner, or your husband didn't notice your new blouse and forgot to give you flowers for your angel's day is exactly the same as being offended by the weather, because it's not what you like. Each of us has our own priorities and life values. Therefore, being offended here is not the best way out of the situation, because it will inevitably spoil the mood of everyone. One option is to calmly communicate your expectations and feelings ("I hate that you didn't do this").

In my opinion, it is more correct to create your life and fill it with joy than to cut down the branch on which you are sitting. So the next time you feel offended by your partner, think: maybe there is another, more reasonable way to resolve this situation. And if you don't find such an option, then think about one more question: why do you not value your relationship so much that you are ready to destroy it?

You can always find a more reasonable option. You just need to do a good search. All you need is a desire.

Although, if you still think that someone owes you something, then agree with the other person-how he can pay you this debt, and do not cling to it further, no matter how things turn out as a result. After all, it is obvious that if he voluntarily and consciously agrees with you and pays you a debt, then both he and you will get a sense of satisfaction, and besides, you will create a partner who is ready to continue playing this joint game of Life with you.