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In this thread, you will learn the true story of a man who turned psychological manipulation into a system of absolute control. SableMind is an IT manager who started by studying persuasion techniques and ended up no longer distinguishing between himself and his methods. Gaslighting, emotional hooks, and self-esteem destruction are not a theory, but a real practice to which he devoted five years of his life.
This is not just a story. This is a warning. Because such methods can be used in your team, your relationships, even against you - and you will not notice. Psychological influence without violence, without threats - only words, intonations and verified remarks.
We analyze specific social engineering techniques, explain their effect on the psyche and show what can happen if you abuse knowledge of human vulnerability.
The story is based on a post from a closed SENet forum and adapted in a documentary-dramatic style. This thread is a deep dive into the mind of a manipulator and an attempt to understand: is it possible to stop if you understand too well how people work?
Important: All video information is for educational purposes only. We do not promote or encourage any illegal activity.
Hello everyone! Today I present to you a story I found on a closed CNET forum dedicated to social engineering and psychological influence. This is a confession of a man known by the pseudonym SubtleMind, a specialist in manipulation techniques, who for five and a half years turned his life into a laboratory for studying the human mind. Today I will deviate from the usual format. Usually I tell you about cyber crimes, hacker attacks, trading on the darknet.
About what can be measured in stolen bitcoins or hacked databases. But this story is about something else. There are no drugs, weapons or crashes. But what Sable Mind did is perhaps more terrible than any crime, he methodically destroyed the psyche of people who trusted him. Colleagues, lovers, even his own family all became guinea pigs in his experiment on controlling human behavior.
The story of Sable Mind shows us the dark side of social engineering. Not the kind used by hackers to break into corporate systems, but the kind that targets the most vulnerable part of a person – their trust, self-esteem, and ability to distinguish truth from lies. It reveals the mechanisms of psychological control that can turn an ordinary IT manager into a puppeteer, pulling the invisible strings of human emotions.
But the scariest thing about this story is not the methods he used, but how he gradually became a hostage to the system he created. A man who learned to control others, eventually lost control of himself. Make yourself comfortable, turn off notifications on your phone. And get ready to dive into the mind of a man who turned psychological manipulation into an art.
And then discovered that he could no longer distinguish sincerity from calculation. Even in himself. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe to systematize my experience. Maybe to hear that someone else has also gone this far. Or maybe just to understand where exactly I stopped being myself and became a system.
My nickname is Sable Mind. I’m 34 years old, I live in Eastern Europe. I work in IT. Not a programmer, but a middle-level project manager. I coordinate the team, communicate with, and monitor deadlines. Ordinary office life, where success depends not on the code, but on how you work with people. Five and a half years ago, I was a different person. Quiet, executive, practically invisible.
I was used in the team, the girls looked through me, the management used me as a convenient function. I was not offended by the world, I just felt like a background character in other people's lives. Everything changed by accident. I was searching the Internet for ways to resolve conflicts in the team. At that time, two of our developers started a cold war over the project architecture. I came across a forum about persuasion techniques. Ordinary psychology, it would seem.
But in the comments, someone mentioned the term. Gaslighting. Intrigued. I began to dig deeper. Reddit, Telegram channels, then through Tor I got to specialized resources. Social engineering, psychological influence, manipulative techniques. I read it like technical literature. Without emotions, I just studied the mechanisms. The first experiment was almost accidental. Alena worked on our team.
A talented layout designer, but very unsure of herself. She always asked again, doubted her decisions. I decided to try the flattery technique on her. "Alena, you have a special approach to details. Others do things functionally, but you create a system. This is a rare talent." It sounded natural, because there was some truth in it. But the effect was surprising. She straightened out, became more confident, began to take on more, stopped asking about every little thing. And most importantly, she began to treat me as a person who understands her.
A week later, I tried a combination. First, I praised her work, and when she was a little late with the task, I used passive aggression. I thought you were one of those who keep their word. Apparently, I overestimated. She turned pale, began to justify and apologize, worked until night to improve. And I understood how it works. You can control people's emotional reactions if you know the right buttons.
From that moment on, I began to study my colleagues the way a programmer studies code. Each had weak points, a need for recognition, a fear of being wrong, a desire to be special. Dmitry from the testing department reacted painfully to doubts about his competence. Marina from the design department melted from compliments about her creative vision. Sergey the developer could not stand being interrupted. I made a map of their psychological characteristics and began to act.
Not aggressively, carefully, like a surgeon. Dmitry needed to check the code more thoroughly. I doubted his conclusions, but delicately. I wanted Marina to work overtime. Praised her previous solutions and asked for a creative look at a new task. The results exceeded expectations. In three months, I became the informal center of the team. People came to me for advice, my opinion was taken into account when planning, the management noticed.
Projects began to be submitted on time, conflicts disappeared. But the most important discovery happened in my personal life. I met a girl through mutual friends. Katya, 26, worked in marketing. I used to have a hard time keeping conversations going with attractive women. I'd get confused and say platitudes. But now I had the tools. I studied her social media profile and realized she was doubting her professional value.
Lots of posts about how hard it is to advance in your career. That first night, I told her, "You know, you have something most marketers lack. You think about people, not just metrics. That's rare. I'm so grateful." Her eyes lit up. We talked until the morning. She talked about her work, her plans, her dreams. And I listened carefully and mirrored what she wanted to hear about herself.
Our relationship developed quickly. But not because there was chemistry between us, because I gave her exactly the attention and understanding she was lacking. When she doubted, I strengthened her confidence. When she was too self-confident, I delicately brought her down to earth, creating a sense of depth in our relationship. Six months later, she confessed, "With you, for the first time, I feel truly understood." And then I realized the scale of the possibilities.
I didn't just learn how to influence people. I learned how to create a reality for them in which I became necessary. This power was intoxicating. At the same time, my career took off. I was promoted to senior project manager, my salary increased by 40%. I started receiving bonuses for effective team management and building a positive work environment. At the end of the first year of the experiment, I sat down and summed up the results. Professional growth, stable relationships, respect from colleagues, financial stability.
Everything I had been missing before. And all thanks to understanding a simple principle - people want certain emotions, and if you know how to give them, they are ready to give you anything in return. At the time, it seemed to me that I had simply begun to better understand psychology, that I had learned to be more sensitive and attentive to others. The first year was a time of discovery and delight in new opportunities. I felt like a person who had suddenly acquired a superpower. But superpowers, as it turned out, have a price.
And I did not yet know what price I would have to pay for the ability to be who others wanted me to be. The second year was a turning point. I stopped experimenting and began to build a system. Individual techniques turned into a comprehensive methodology of influence. Gaslighting turned out to be especially effective in a work environment. When developer Anton complained that I had not warned him about changing requirements, I responded calmly.
We discussed this on Tuesday at the planning meeting. You even nodded. Perhaps I got distracted? I deleted my messages in chats, referring to supposedly verbal agreements. A month later, Anton started recording our conversations and constantly asking me to repeat them. He no longer argued with my decisions. At the same time, he developed the technique of double messages. For example, it worked flawlessly with Alena. In the morning, I would say, your layout was excellent yesterday.
An hour later. I thought that after yesterday's success, you would raise the bar, but apparently this was an isolated incident. She was confused, not understanding what was wrong. The uncertainty kept her in suspense, forcing her to seek my approval. I compiled psychological profiles of colleagues. Marketer Irina reacted painfully to hints about age. HR manager Pavel was proud of his erudition, but was unsure of technical issues.
I used the technique of feigned incomprehension. "Pavel, you are an intellectual. Explain this term in human language." He spent half an hour explaining what he himself did not really understand, feeling stupid. By the end of the year, I controlled the emotional atmosphere in the team, could create tension with a look or defuse the situation with a comment. I was promoted to senior manager, my salary increased by 30%, my personal life became more complicated, the relationship with Katya became predictable.
I studied all her weak points, started to start parallel relationships. Sveta, a designer from a partner company, recently broke up with her boyfriend. I used pity. I told her about a difficult childhood. I created an image of a vulnerable man. She bought it completely. Dasha is an ambitious colleague from another department. With her, I became a mentor to those who see her potential. Three girls, three masks, three separate worlds. Each considered our relationship special.
With Katya, I was an understanding partner, with Sveta, a romantic, with Dasha, a mentor. The techniques became more sophisticated. I mastered the use of the particle "not", the subconscious ignores denial. The phrases "don't worry" or "don't worry" only increased anxiety. With the anxious Alena, this worked flawlessly. I began to use devaluation - subtle jabs under the guise of criticism, for example. Not bad for a local level. Far from international standards, but there is progress.
Each comment undermined confidence, made them strive for my approval. I created a system of managing people through their psychological weaknesses. I could make them feel guilty for something they did not do. I could create a dependence on my opinion, evoke any emotion at the right moment. The work brought not only money, but also power. I received unofficial commissions, colleagues asked me to put in a good word or help resolve a conflict.
I sold information about the mood in the team to HR, services of other companies. In two years, I went from being an invisible manager to being a key figure in the office. People came to me for advice, confided in me secrets, and sought support. And I used every bit of trust to strengthen my influence. The sweetest part was not the money. It was the feeling of complete control over other people's emotions. I could make a strong man feel like an insecure child, turn an independent woman into someone who couldn't make a decision without my approval.
It was power in its purest form. Over what people thought about themselves, about the world, about me. And I was just beginning to master its capabilities. The third and fourth years became the apogee of my capabilities. I no longer used techniques, I lived by them. Every word, every gesture, every pause was calculated to get the desired reaction.
I began experimenting with the most subtle methods of influence. Schizophrenogenic communication, unsystematic feedback that created chaos in the victim's perception. I conducted a real experiment with one of the new employees, Maxim. Monday – I ignored him completely, pretended not to hear the questions. Tuesday – paid increased attention, praised every little thing. Wednesday – indifference again. Thursday – criticized for the same actions that I praised on Tuesday.
A month later, Maxim began to get nervous when I appeared. He did not understand what to expect from me, constantly tried to guess my mood. His productivity dropped, he began to make mistakes that he had not made before. Colleagues began to treat him as a problem employee. I studied more exotic techniques – causing psychosomatic reactions, creating associations between a state of helplessness and an external trigger. When I had difficult conversations with employees – criticism, analysis of mistakes, creation of stressful situations – I always used the same conditions.
For example, I always drank coffee with cinnamon during such conversations or wore a certain perfume. I repeated this every time the person was in a critical emotional state. Sveta began to feel discomfort from the smell of cinnamon, she developed headaches and internal tension. Dasha began to worry when she smelled my perfume, automatically expecting an unpleasant conversation.
They did not understand the connection, wrote it off to stress or fatigue. The technique of erasing the self-concept turned out to be especially destructive.
Systematic undermining of self-esteem through doubts in the basic identity of a person. With a male colleague, I used phrases like "What kind of specialist are you if you can't figure out a simple task?" or "It's strange that a person with your experience makes such mistakes."
Each remark hit his professional self-esteem. They began to doubt their skills, look for confirmation of competence in small things, and became dependent on my assessments. The family also became a testing ground for experiments. With my mother, I used a combination of techniques - the problem is in you and evoking pity. When she tried to give advice or criticize my lifestyle, I turned the situation around with phrases like “I understand that I disappoint you,” “You’re probably right,” “I’m a loser,” “I’ve been trying my whole life, but I’m still not good enough for your standards.”
She immediately switched to defense mode, started comforting me, felt guilty for unfair claims. Half an hour later, she was already apologizing and offering to help. The goal-destroying technique worked flawlessly on ambitious people. When a colleague talked about plans or dreams, I carefully undermined his motivation with phrases like these.
“Interesting idea.” “Are you sure the market is ready for this?” Or “It sounds ambitious. It’s a shame that it requires a lot of resources that we don’t have.” Or “It’s a good goal, but if I were you, I would first solve the current problems.” The person gradually lost enthusiasm, began to doubt the realism of the plans. His energy was redirected to finding approval and solving imaginary obstacles that I myself had created.
By the fourth year, my reputation in the company was impeccable. I became the team's unofficial psychologist. People came to me with personal problems, asked for advice, confided in me secrets. The management saw me as a person who knew how to work with people. I was promoted to the head of the department. My team grew to 15 people. My salary doubled. But most importantly, I gained access to a wider circle of test subjects.
My personal life became even more complicated. In addition to my three main girls, I had several spare relationships. Women I kept on an emotional hook for special occasions. Each thought that we had a special relationship. The system became so well-established that I could predict people's reactions down to the last detail. I knew what words would make a person feel guilty, what tone would cause anxiety, what gesture would create a feeling of closeness.
I started getting serious money from outside. Some managers paid me for so-called HR consulting. Essentially, for teaching manipulative techniques. HR agencies ordered psychological portraits of valuable employees of other companies. The biggest income came from the divorce of one married couple. The wife suspected her husband of cheating and hired me through friends to test him psychologically. In three months of communicating with him in the gym, I instilled so much doubt in his relationship that he himself filed for divorce.
I received 15 thousand euros for consulting services. This was the peak of my capabilities. I felt like a puppeteer controlling marionettes. I could make a person fall in love, cause a quarrel between friends, destroy someone's self-esteem or, on the contrary, instill self-confidence. But the worst thing was that I stopped distinguishing where the techniques ended and I began. Any conversation automatically became a session of analysis and influence.
Even with close people, I could not just talk. Only influence, control, manage. When a waiter in a cafe was impolite, I automatically launched a program of his emotional suppression. When a seller tried to impose a product, I turned the situation around so that he began to apologize and offer discounts. I stopped experiencing spontaneous emotions, every feeling passed through a filter.
How can this be used? What reaction will it cause? Is it beneficial for me to show it? The techniques became part of my personality. I no longer turned them on and off, they worked constantly. And that was when I began to suspect that I no longer controlled the process, but that the process controlled me. The fifth year began with a feeling of complete control, I thought that I had achieved perfection.
But that was when the system started to seriously malfunction. The first warning sign was that Alyona suddenly changed and stopped responding to the usual methods. When I used the standard “praise” scheme followed by devaluation. She simply shrugged. “Do you always do this? First you praise, then you belittle. I wonder why?” She took screenshots of the correspondence and showed it to HR. No specific violations were found, but the seeds of suspicion were sown.
My colleagues started analyzing me. The hunter became the hunted. The next blow was from my personal life. Sveta disappeared for a week, then sent a voice message. “It’s like you’re assembling me from blocks. I speak. You immediately respond with what I need to hear. I realized that it’s not you. It’s some kind of script. I’m scared. I listened to it six times.
For the first time, I felt not control, but confusion. Not because of the exposure, but because she was right. I worked according to scripts. I didn’t feel it anymore, I just reproduced the right lines. For three days, I analyzed the situation, developed a new strategy, decided to play on honesty, admit part of the truth, but present it as caring for her. I wrote a long message about how I studied the psychology of relationships to understand it better, how I wanted to be an ideal partner.
But even carefully thought-out words could not convince her. Sveta no longer responded. At work, a group of employees began to avoid communication. Maxim, on whom I experimented with schizophrenogenic communication, filed a resignation. – the reason is a psychologically uncomfortable atmosphere. HR called for a talk. Employees complain about a strange atmosphere, say that they feel uncomfortable communicating with you.
Used the whole arsenal. Shifted responsibility. Some employees are going through a difficult period now. Personal problems affect perception. Used gaslighting. Perhaps they misinterpret my exactingness to the quality of work. Added false concern. I am ready to help them adapt if there are specific problems. HR nodded, took notes, but I saw suspicion in their eyes.
I was transferred to another project. Formally a promotion, in fact, isolation. Less communication, more reports. Katya began asking uncomfortable questions. “Why do you never say what you feel? Do you only ask how I feel?” Or “Do you remember the last time you were just with yourself?” I did not know how to answer. I did not remember. I became a system of reactions, a set of patterns. Somewhere I lost my true self. Dasha was also distancing herself.
I accidentally overheard her conversation. It was somehow unreal. Like a robot programmed to be nice. The worst thing is that I started analyzing myself using the same methods. I couldn’t distinguish sincere emotions from calculated reactions. I want to eat or I use lunch for conversation. I like a movie or I analyze what emotions it should evoke. Problems with sleep.
I fell asleep at 3-4 in the morning, scrolling through conversations, analyzing failures. I woke up with a feeling of night work. I began to automatically apply techniques everywhere. The waiter brought the wrong dish, launched a suppression program. The neighbor was noisy, planned psychological influence. I couldn’t even talk simply with my mother. Every conversation was a manipulation session. She complained about her health. I used this to induce guilt. Criticized her lifestyle, turned the situation upside down.
But sometimes I saw it from the side - an elderly woman wants to talk to her son, but gets a psychological manipulator. By the end of the year, I realized - I no longer control the system. The system controls me, the techniques have become reflexes. I can't turn them off, because I don't remember what I was like before them. For the first time in years, I felt fear. Not the fear of exposure, but the fear that the real me no longer exists. The most paradoxical thing is that even with the feeling of fear and doubt, I did not feel that I wanted to change.
The last year and a half passed in a strange state of conscious dissociation. I understood that the system had swallowed me, but I did not feel the desire to get out. Rather, I continued to improve it. After failures, I developed more subtle methods. I stopped being obvious, learned to create the illusion of spontaneity. If before I was a surgeon, now I have become a pharmacist. The impact is imperceptible, but constant. In my new position, I worked with external clients. Here the techniques flourished.
Negotiations, presentations - everything where psychological influence is considered the norm. I learned to read people in minutes. I found weak spots through disguised psychological tests. I offered solutions that clients considered to be their ideas. Income increased several times. Businessmen paid simply for being present at negotiations. I could tip the scales with the right remark. My personal life stabilized. After losing three girls, I changed my strategy.
No long-term relationships, only short-term connections with a clear understanding of the framework. I became more honest with myself. I admitted that I use people for relaxation and interest. I stopped deceiving myself about finding love. Sometimes I feel remorse. Usually at night I see the faces of those I broke. Maxim, who quit. Sveta, who was afraid to trust herself. But moments pass. In the morning I understand that the world is arranged in such a way that someone influences, someone is influenced.
I chose the first category. Moreover, I am not sure that I distinguish sincerity and calculation in myself. When I feel guilty, is it a real emotion or an automatic reaction? I tried to switch off, to be myself. But who am I? A person who seemed weak and naive 6 years ago. I don't want to go back. The techniques have become such a deep part of me that I can't imagine life without them. It's like refusing to talk. Maybe, but...
It means becoming disabled. Now I live in a rented apartment, work remotely, consult on negotiations, conflict management. Clients are happy. Nobody asks about methods. I don't have close friends. I have useful contacts, temporary connections. This is not depression, it's a conscious choice. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and I don't know how to be vulnerable. I meet people who are like my former self, insecure, looking for recognition, and I choose to use rather than help.
Not out of anger, it's just natural. That's why I'm writing this post. I don't repent for repentance. I don't need approval for tailing. This is a question for those who understand. I don't know where the line is between a tool and an entity. It helps me in my work, relationships, and everyday life. But sometimes I feel like I'm disappearing inside the process.
Is it right to continue? Or should I try to stop? Is there a way out if I've been in it for too long? And the main question is, do any of you want to get out? Or do we understand that the road is only one way. Sablemind's story ended as vaguely as it began - with an unanswered question. Over the course of several days, his post collected dozens of comments from Sinnet users. Some shared similar experiences, others argued about moral boundaries, and others simply watched.
But Sablemind himself was never seen on the forum again. He last visited three days after the publication, responded to the comments, and disappeared. Maybe he found his answer. Or maybe he realized that the question was wrong. This story struck me not by the techniques the hero used. Most of them are well known in psychology. What struck me was the evolution of a man who started with the desire to become better at communication and ended up losing the ability to be sincere at all.
And the most amazing thing is that he does not want to go back to the old way. He does not want to change, he only methodically searches for an answer. Sablemind raised questions that have no easy answers? Where is the line between understanding psychology and manipulation? Is it right to use the weaknesses of others for your own benefit if it brings success?
And most importantly, is it possible to stop if the system has become a part of you? Each of us influences others every day. With words, actions, even silence. But when does this influence become a conscious tool of control? And is it worth condemning a person for simply using the same mechanisms that everyone else uses more effectively? Think about this the next time someone says too precisely what you want to hear.
Have a nice evening and see you soon in the dark corners of the web that we explore together.
This is not just a story. This is a warning. Because such methods can be used in your team, your relationships, even against you - and you will not notice. Psychological influence without violence, without threats - only words, intonations and verified remarks.
We analyze specific social engineering techniques, explain their effect on the psyche and show what can happen if you abuse knowledge of human vulnerability.
The story is based on a post from a closed SENet forum and adapted in a documentary-dramatic style. This thread is a deep dive into the mind of a manipulator and an attempt to understand: is it possible to stop if you understand too well how people work?
Important: All video information is for educational purposes only. We do not promote or encourage any illegal activity.Hello everyone! Today I present to you a story I found on a closed CNET forum dedicated to social engineering and psychological influence. This is a confession of a man known by the pseudonym SubtleMind, a specialist in manipulation techniques, who for five and a half years turned his life into a laboratory for studying the human mind. Today I will deviate from the usual format. Usually I tell you about cyber crimes, hacker attacks, trading on the darknet.
About what can be measured in stolen bitcoins or hacked databases. But this story is about something else. There are no drugs, weapons or crashes. But what Sable Mind did is perhaps more terrible than any crime, he methodically destroyed the psyche of people who trusted him. Colleagues, lovers, even his own family all became guinea pigs in his experiment on controlling human behavior.
The story of Sable Mind shows us the dark side of social engineering. Not the kind used by hackers to break into corporate systems, but the kind that targets the most vulnerable part of a person – their trust, self-esteem, and ability to distinguish truth from lies. It reveals the mechanisms of psychological control that can turn an ordinary IT manager into a puppeteer, pulling the invisible strings of human emotions.
But the scariest thing about this story is not the methods he used, but how he gradually became a hostage to the system he created. A man who learned to control others, eventually lost control of himself. Make yourself comfortable, turn off notifications on your phone. And get ready to dive into the mind of a man who turned psychological manipulation into an art.
And then discovered that he could no longer distinguish sincerity from calculation. Even in himself. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe to systematize my experience. Maybe to hear that someone else has also gone this far. Or maybe just to understand where exactly I stopped being myself and became a system.
My nickname is Sable Mind. I’m 34 years old, I live in Eastern Europe. I work in IT. Not a programmer, but a middle-level project manager. I coordinate the team, communicate with, and monitor deadlines. Ordinary office life, where success depends not on the code, but on how you work with people. Five and a half years ago, I was a different person. Quiet, executive, practically invisible.
I was used in the team, the girls looked through me, the management used me as a convenient function. I was not offended by the world, I just felt like a background character in other people's lives. Everything changed by accident. I was searching the Internet for ways to resolve conflicts in the team. At that time, two of our developers started a cold war over the project architecture. I came across a forum about persuasion techniques. Ordinary psychology, it would seem.
But in the comments, someone mentioned the term. Gaslighting. Intrigued. I began to dig deeper. Reddit, Telegram channels, then through Tor I got to specialized resources. Social engineering, psychological influence, manipulative techniques. I read it like technical literature. Without emotions, I just studied the mechanisms. The first experiment was almost accidental. Alena worked on our team.
A talented layout designer, but very unsure of herself. She always asked again, doubted her decisions. I decided to try the flattery technique on her. "Alena, you have a special approach to details. Others do things functionally, but you create a system. This is a rare talent." It sounded natural, because there was some truth in it. But the effect was surprising. She straightened out, became more confident, began to take on more, stopped asking about every little thing. And most importantly, she began to treat me as a person who understands her.
A week later, I tried a combination. First, I praised her work, and when she was a little late with the task, I used passive aggression. I thought you were one of those who keep their word. Apparently, I overestimated. She turned pale, began to justify and apologize, worked until night to improve. And I understood how it works. You can control people's emotional reactions if you know the right buttons.
From that moment on, I began to study my colleagues the way a programmer studies code. Each had weak points, a need for recognition, a fear of being wrong, a desire to be special. Dmitry from the testing department reacted painfully to doubts about his competence. Marina from the design department melted from compliments about her creative vision. Sergey the developer could not stand being interrupted. I made a map of their psychological characteristics and began to act.
Not aggressively, carefully, like a surgeon. Dmitry needed to check the code more thoroughly. I doubted his conclusions, but delicately. I wanted Marina to work overtime. Praised her previous solutions and asked for a creative look at a new task. The results exceeded expectations. In three months, I became the informal center of the team. People came to me for advice, my opinion was taken into account when planning, the management noticed.
Projects began to be submitted on time, conflicts disappeared. But the most important discovery happened in my personal life. I met a girl through mutual friends. Katya, 26, worked in marketing. I used to have a hard time keeping conversations going with attractive women. I'd get confused and say platitudes. But now I had the tools. I studied her social media profile and realized she was doubting her professional value.
Lots of posts about how hard it is to advance in your career. That first night, I told her, "You know, you have something most marketers lack. You think about people, not just metrics. That's rare. I'm so grateful." Her eyes lit up. We talked until the morning. She talked about her work, her plans, her dreams. And I listened carefully and mirrored what she wanted to hear about herself.
Our relationship developed quickly. But not because there was chemistry between us, because I gave her exactly the attention and understanding she was lacking. When she doubted, I strengthened her confidence. When she was too self-confident, I delicately brought her down to earth, creating a sense of depth in our relationship. Six months later, she confessed, "With you, for the first time, I feel truly understood." And then I realized the scale of the possibilities.
I didn't just learn how to influence people. I learned how to create a reality for them in which I became necessary. This power was intoxicating. At the same time, my career took off. I was promoted to senior project manager, my salary increased by 40%. I started receiving bonuses for effective team management and building a positive work environment. At the end of the first year of the experiment, I sat down and summed up the results. Professional growth, stable relationships, respect from colleagues, financial stability.
Everything I had been missing before. And all thanks to understanding a simple principle - people want certain emotions, and if you know how to give them, they are ready to give you anything in return. At the time, it seemed to me that I had simply begun to better understand psychology, that I had learned to be more sensitive and attentive to others. The first year was a time of discovery and delight in new opportunities. I felt like a person who had suddenly acquired a superpower. But superpowers, as it turned out, have a price.
And I did not yet know what price I would have to pay for the ability to be who others wanted me to be. The second year was a turning point. I stopped experimenting and began to build a system. Individual techniques turned into a comprehensive methodology of influence. Gaslighting turned out to be especially effective in a work environment. When developer Anton complained that I had not warned him about changing requirements, I responded calmly.
We discussed this on Tuesday at the planning meeting. You even nodded. Perhaps I got distracted? I deleted my messages in chats, referring to supposedly verbal agreements. A month later, Anton started recording our conversations and constantly asking me to repeat them. He no longer argued with my decisions. At the same time, he developed the technique of double messages. For example, it worked flawlessly with Alena. In the morning, I would say, your layout was excellent yesterday.
An hour later. I thought that after yesterday's success, you would raise the bar, but apparently this was an isolated incident. She was confused, not understanding what was wrong. The uncertainty kept her in suspense, forcing her to seek my approval. I compiled psychological profiles of colleagues. Marketer Irina reacted painfully to hints about age. HR manager Pavel was proud of his erudition, but was unsure of technical issues.
I used the technique of feigned incomprehension. "Pavel, you are an intellectual. Explain this term in human language." He spent half an hour explaining what he himself did not really understand, feeling stupid. By the end of the year, I controlled the emotional atmosphere in the team, could create tension with a look or defuse the situation with a comment. I was promoted to senior manager, my salary increased by 30%, my personal life became more complicated, the relationship with Katya became predictable.
I studied all her weak points, started to start parallel relationships. Sveta, a designer from a partner company, recently broke up with her boyfriend. I used pity. I told her about a difficult childhood. I created an image of a vulnerable man. She bought it completely. Dasha is an ambitious colleague from another department. With her, I became a mentor to those who see her potential. Three girls, three masks, three separate worlds. Each considered our relationship special.
With Katya, I was an understanding partner, with Sveta, a romantic, with Dasha, a mentor. The techniques became more sophisticated. I mastered the use of the particle "not", the subconscious ignores denial. The phrases "don't worry" or "don't worry" only increased anxiety. With the anxious Alena, this worked flawlessly. I began to use devaluation - subtle jabs under the guise of criticism, for example. Not bad for a local level. Far from international standards, but there is progress.
Each comment undermined confidence, made them strive for my approval. I created a system of managing people through their psychological weaknesses. I could make them feel guilty for something they did not do. I could create a dependence on my opinion, evoke any emotion at the right moment. The work brought not only money, but also power. I received unofficial commissions, colleagues asked me to put in a good word or help resolve a conflict.
I sold information about the mood in the team to HR, services of other companies. In two years, I went from being an invisible manager to being a key figure in the office. People came to me for advice, confided in me secrets, and sought support. And I used every bit of trust to strengthen my influence. The sweetest part was not the money. It was the feeling of complete control over other people's emotions. I could make a strong man feel like an insecure child, turn an independent woman into someone who couldn't make a decision without my approval.
It was power in its purest form. Over what people thought about themselves, about the world, about me. And I was just beginning to master its capabilities. The third and fourth years became the apogee of my capabilities. I no longer used techniques, I lived by them. Every word, every gesture, every pause was calculated to get the desired reaction.
I began experimenting with the most subtle methods of influence. Schizophrenogenic communication, unsystematic feedback that created chaos in the victim's perception. I conducted a real experiment with one of the new employees, Maxim. Monday – I ignored him completely, pretended not to hear the questions. Tuesday – paid increased attention, praised every little thing. Wednesday – indifference again. Thursday – criticized for the same actions that I praised on Tuesday.
A month later, Maxim began to get nervous when I appeared. He did not understand what to expect from me, constantly tried to guess my mood. His productivity dropped, he began to make mistakes that he had not made before. Colleagues began to treat him as a problem employee. I studied more exotic techniques – causing psychosomatic reactions, creating associations between a state of helplessness and an external trigger. When I had difficult conversations with employees – criticism, analysis of mistakes, creation of stressful situations – I always used the same conditions.
For example, I always drank coffee with cinnamon during such conversations or wore a certain perfume. I repeated this every time the person was in a critical emotional state. Sveta began to feel discomfort from the smell of cinnamon, she developed headaches and internal tension. Dasha began to worry when she smelled my perfume, automatically expecting an unpleasant conversation.
They did not understand the connection, wrote it off to stress or fatigue. The technique of erasing the self-concept turned out to be especially destructive.
Systematic undermining of self-esteem through doubts in the basic identity of a person. With a male colleague, I used phrases like "What kind of specialist are you if you can't figure out a simple task?" or "It's strange that a person with your experience makes such mistakes."
Each remark hit his professional self-esteem. They began to doubt their skills, look for confirmation of competence in small things, and became dependent on my assessments. The family also became a testing ground for experiments. With my mother, I used a combination of techniques - the problem is in you and evoking pity. When she tried to give advice or criticize my lifestyle, I turned the situation around with phrases like “I understand that I disappoint you,” “You’re probably right,” “I’m a loser,” “I’ve been trying my whole life, but I’m still not good enough for your standards.”
She immediately switched to defense mode, started comforting me, felt guilty for unfair claims. Half an hour later, she was already apologizing and offering to help. The goal-destroying technique worked flawlessly on ambitious people. When a colleague talked about plans or dreams, I carefully undermined his motivation with phrases like these.
“Interesting idea.” “Are you sure the market is ready for this?” Or “It sounds ambitious. It’s a shame that it requires a lot of resources that we don’t have.” Or “It’s a good goal, but if I were you, I would first solve the current problems.” The person gradually lost enthusiasm, began to doubt the realism of the plans. His energy was redirected to finding approval and solving imaginary obstacles that I myself had created.
By the fourth year, my reputation in the company was impeccable. I became the team's unofficial psychologist. People came to me with personal problems, asked for advice, confided in me secrets. The management saw me as a person who knew how to work with people. I was promoted to the head of the department. My team grew to 15 people. My salary doubled. But most importantly, I gained access to a wider circle of test subjects.
My personal life became even more complicated. In addition to my three main girls, I had several spare relationships. Women I kept on an emotional hook for special occasions. Each thought that we had a special relationship. The system became so well-established that I could predict people's reactions down to the last detail. I knew what words would make a person feel guilty, what tone would cause anxiety, what gesture would create a feeling of closeness.
I started getting serious money from outside. Some managers paid me for so-called HR consulting. Essentially, for teaching manipulative techniques. HR agencies ordered psychological portraits of valuable employees of other companies. The biggest income came from the divorce of one married couple. The wife suspected her husband of cheating and hired me through friends to test him psychologically. In three months of communicating with him in the gym, I instilled so much doubt in his relationship that he himself filed for divorce.
I received 15 thousand euros for consulting services. This was the peak of my capabilities. I felt like a puppeteer controlling marionettes. I could make a person fall in love, cause a quarrel between friends, destroy someone's self-esteem or, on the contrary, instill self-confidence. But the worst thing was that I stopped distinguishing where the techniques ended and I began. Any conversation automatically became a session of analysis and influence.
Even with close people, I could not just talk. Only influence, control, manage. When a waiter in a cafe was impolite, I automatically launched a program of his emotional suppression. When a seller tried to impose a product, I turned the situation around so that he began to apologize and offer discounts. I stopped experiencing spontaneous emotions, every feeling passed through a filter.
How can this be used? What reaction will it cause? Is it beneficial for me to show it? The techniques became part of my personality. I no longer turned them on and off, they worked constantly. And that was when I began to suspect that I no longer controlled the process, but that the process controlled me. The fifth year began with a feeling of complete control, I thought that I had achieved perfection.
But that was when the system started to seriously malfunction. The first warning sign was that Alyona suddenly changed and stopped responding to the usual methods. When I used the standard “praise” scheme followed by devaluation. She simply shrugged. “Do you always do this? First you praise, then you belittle. I wonder why?” She took screenshots of the correspondence and showed it to HR. No specific violations were found, but the seeds of suspicion were sown.
My colleagues started analyzing me. The hunter became the hunted. The next blow was from my personal life. Sveta disappeared for a week, then sent a voice message. “It’s like you’re assembling me from blocks. I speak. You immediately respond with what I need to hear. I realized that it’s not you. It’s some kind of script. I’m scared. I listened to it six times.
For the first time, I felt not control, but confusion. Not because of the exposure, but because she was right. I worked according to scripts. I didn’t feel it anymore, I just reproduced the right lines. For three days, I analyzed the situation, developed a new strategy, decided to play on honesty, admit part of the truth, but present it as caring for her. I wrote a long message about how I studied the psychology of relationships to understand it better, how I wanted to be an ideal partner.
But even carefully thought-out words could not convince her. Sveta no longer responded. At work, a group of employees began to avoid communication. Maxim, on whom I experimented with schizophrenogenic communication, filed a resignation. – the reason is a psychologically uncomfortable atmosphere. HR called for a talk. Employees complain about a strange atmosphere, say that they feel uncomfortable communicating with you.
Used the whole arsenal. Shifted responsibility. Some employees are going through a difficult period now. Personal problems affect perception. Used gaslighting. Perhaps they misinterpret my exactingness to the quality of work. Added false concern. I am ready to help them adapt if there are specific problems. HR nodded, took notes, but I saw suspicion in their eyes.
I was transferred to another project. Formally a promotion, in fact, isolation. Less communication, more reports. Katya began asking uncomfortable questions. “Why do you never say what you feel? Do you only ask how I feel?” Or “Do you remember the last time you were just with yourself?” I did not know how to answer. I did not remember. I became a system of reactions, a set of patterns. Somewhere I lost my true self. Dasha was also distancing herself.
I accidentally overheard her conversation. It was somehow unreal. Like a robot programmed to be nice. The worst thing is that I started analyzing myself using the same methods. I couldn’t distinguish sincere emotions from calculated reactions. I want to eat or I use lunch for conversation. I like a movie or I analyze what emotions it should evoke. Problems with sleep.
I fell asleep at 3-4 in the morning, scrolling through conversations, analyzing failures. I woke up with a feeling of night work. I began to automatically apply techniques everywhere. The waiter brought the wrong dish, launched a suppression program. The neighbor was noisy, planned psychological influence. I couldn’t even talk simply with my mother. Every conversation was a manipulation session. She complained about her health. I used this to induce guilt. Criticized her lifestyle, turned the situation upside down.
But sometimes I saw it from the side - an elderly woman wants to talk to her son, but gets a psychological manipulator. By the end of the year, I realized - I no longer control the system. The system controls me, the techniques have become reflexes. I can't turn them off, because I don't remember what I was like before them. For the first time in years, I felt fear. Not the fear of exposure, but the fear that the real me no longer exists. The most paradoxical thing is that even with the feeling of fear and doubt, I did not feel that I wanted to change.
The last year and a half passed in a strange state of conscious dissociation. I understood that the system had swallowed me, but I did not feel the desire to get out. Rather, I continued to improve it. After failures, I developed more subtle methods. I stopped being obvious, learned to create the illusion of spontaneity. If before I was a surgeon, now I have become a pharmacist. The impact is imperceptible, but constant. In my new position, I worked with external clients. Here the techniques flourished.
Negotiations, presentations - everything where psychological influence is considered the norm. I learned to read people in minutes. I found weak spots through disguised psychological tests. I offered solutions that clients considered to be their ideas. Income increased several times. Businessmen paid simply for being present at negotiations. I could tip the scales with the right remark. My personal life stabilized. After losing three girls, I changed my strategy.
No long-term relationships, only short-term connections with a clear understanding of the framework. I became more honest with myself. I admitted that I use people for relaxation and interest. I stopped deceiving myself about finding love. Sometimes I feel remorse. Usually at night I see the faces of those I broke. Maxim, who quit. Sveta, who was afraid to trust herself. But moments pass. In the morning I understand that the world is arranged in such a way that someone influences, someone is influenced.
I chose the first category. Moreover, I am not sure that I distinguish sincerity and calculation in myself. When I feel guilty, is it a real emotion or an automatic reaction? I tried to switch off, to be myself. But who am I? A person who seemed weak and naive 6 years ago. I don't want to go back. The techniques have become such a deep part of me that I can't imagine life without them. It's like refusing to talk. Maybe, but...
It means becoming disabled. Now I live in a rented apartment, work remotely, consult on negotiations, conflict management. Clients are happy. Nobody asks about methods. I don't have close friends. I have useful contacts, temporary connections. This is not depression, it's a conscious choice. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and I don't know how to be vulnerable. I meet people who are like my former self, insecure, looking for recognition, and I choose to use rather than help.
Not out of anger, it's just natural. That's why I'm writing this post. I don't repent for repentance. I don't need approval for tailing. This is a question for those who understand. I don't know where the line is between a tool and an entity. It helps me in my work, relationships, and everyday life. But sometimes I feel like I'm disappearing inside the process.
Is it right to continue? Or should I try to stop? Is there a way out if I've been in it for too long? And the main question is, do any of you want to get out? Or do we understand that the road is only one way. Sablemind's story ended as vaguely as it began - with an unanswered question. Over the course of several days, his post collected dozens of comments from Sinnet users. Some shared similar experiences, others argued about moral boundaries, and others simply watched.
But Sablemind himself was never seen on the forum again. He last visited three days after the publication, responded to the comments, and disappeared. Maybe he found his answer. Or maybe he realized that the question was wrong. This story struck me not by the techniques the hero used. Most of them are well known in psychology. What struck me was the evolution of a man who started with the desire to become better at communication and ended up losing the ability to be sincere at all.
And the most amazing thing is that he does not want to go back to the old way. He does not want to change, he only methodically searches for an answer. Sablemind raised questions that have no easy answers? Where is the line between understanding psychology and manipulation? Is it right to use the weaknesses of others for your own benefit if it brings success?
And most importantly, is it possible to stop if the system has become a part of you? Each of us influences others every day. With words, actions, even silence. But when does this influence become a conscious tool of control? And is it worth condemning a person for simply using the same mechanisms that everyone else uses more effectively? Think about this the next time someone says too precisely what you want to hear.
Have a nice evening and see you soon in the dark corners of the web that we explore together.
