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We take offense when we were treated unfairly [in our opinion]. The paradox of resentment is that one wants to get rid of it, but it is difficult to refuse.
Why is it difficult to stop being offended?
Resentment is a symbolic punishment of another with the aim of the triumph of justice. When we are offended, we build an emotional distance, communicate coldly in order to convey to the offender: "You can't do this with me." For example, children find it difficult to resist their parents leaving home, so they get offended. We want justice and we try to get it through emotional judgment. To stop being offended means to forgive the offender, which means to leave him unpunished.
What if the abuser doesn't care about our offense?
In this case, only we ourselves receive the damage from resentment. It turns out that the use of this tool does not bring the desired justice, but only a burden. But if you forgive the only known means of getting rid of resentment, then we will be able to offend again. Therefore, it is difficult to forgive if we have not sincerely apologized to us. But to take offense at someone all your life is to harm yourself. It's hard to live with.
What to do in such situations?
You can internally forgive, but outwardly continue to punish to keep your distance. Then there will be no feeling that the situation was allowed to take its course. We continue to resist injustice. We punish the offender reasonably, but not to our detriment.
I want to finish this post with reflections of my favorite Ukrainian philosopher Grigory Skovoroda about “happiness”, which at one time helped me to stop being offended.
He believed that a person cannot be happy when he experiences: “hatred, memory malice, pride, flattery, satiety, boredom, melancholy ... Open-heartedness opposes this abyss. And here are its fruits: benevolence, gentleness, inclination, meekness, unhypocrisy, trustworthiness, safety, pleasure and other inherent fun. Whoever has such a soul, peace is on him, and mercy, and eternal joy ... ". I also attribute the offense to these feelings. I will leave a link to the full text of Grigory Skovoroda in the comments below the post.
Skovoroda associated the concept of "true life" with "a clear conscience" or "a pure heart." He believed that the value of a human life, like a song, is measured not by length, but by honesty. Such a person does not know the fear of death.
Why is it difficult to stop being offended?
Resentment is a symbolic punishment of another with the aim of the triumph of justice. When we are offended, we build an emotional distance, communicate coldly in order to convey to the offender: "You can't do this with me." For example, children find it difficult to resist their parents leaving home, so they get offended. We want justice and we try to get it through emotional judgment. To stop being offended means to forgive the offender, which means to leave him unpunished.
What if the abuser doesn't care about our offense?
In this case, only we ourselves receive the damage from resentment. It turns out that the use of this tool does not bring the desired justice, but only a burden. But if you forgive the only known means of getting rid of resentment, then we will be able to offend again. Therefore, it is difficult to forgive if we have not sincerely apologized to us. But to take offense at someone all your life is to harm yourself. It's hard to live with.
What to do in such situations?
You can internally forgive, but outwardly continue to punish to keep your distance. Then there will be no feeling that the situation was allowed to take its course. We continue to resist injustice. We punish the offender reasonably, but not to our detriment.
I want to finish this post with reflections of my favorite Ukrainian philosopher Grigory Skovoroda about “happiness”, which at one time helped me to stop being offended.
He believed that a person cannot be happy when he experiences: “hatred, memory malice, pride, flattery, satiety, boredom, melancholy ... Open-heartedness opposes this abyss. And here are its fruits: benevolence, gentleness, inclination, meekness, unhypocrisy, trustworthiness, safety, pleasure and other inherent fun. Whoever has such a soul, peace is on him, and mercy, and eternal joy ... ". I also attribute the offense to these feelings. I will leave a link to the full text of Grigory Skovoroda in the comments below the post.
Skovoroda associated the concept of "true life" with "a clear conscience" or "a pure heart." He believed that the value of a human life, like a song, is measured not by length, but by honesty. Such a person does not know the fear of death.
