What if you're tired of everything?

[Brother]

Have you ever felt like a salmon swimming upstream? It seems that you are making every effort, and indomitable forces are thrown back. Or maybe you felt like a squirrel in a wheel who lives an endless groundhog day? Hard work, household chores, problems, stress. Vicious circle. No interest or motivation.

You're tired. And they were tired not only physically, but from everything in general: from work, boss, spouse, friends, children. You are tired of life itself. This happens…

In this article, we will tell you how to bring back the joy of life if everything is tired.

7 signs you're tired of life​

There is a big difference between the usual fatigue from another failure and deep exhaustion at all levels: physical, mental, emotional, which forms the feeling of "tired of everything." It is important to understand if you are really tired of life itself or if you are just going through a tough week.

Here are seven key signs that signal that you are truly exhausted:

1. Your passion has faded. The work that made me tremble with joyful excitement now brings only superficial pleasure. If you are an artist, then it seems as if nothing comes out from under the brush except stupid scrawl; if a photographer, then every shot seems trivial.
2. You stopped reacting emotionally to events. The only emotion you experience is detachment. When a person is seriously tired of everything, he becomes indifferent: nothing causes reactions. You look at the events taking place with an attitude of "everything is meaningless", and you are not even able to find the strength to play some kind of emotion. For example, if your relative is celebrating the birth of a child, you do not feel joyful, and when you hear about a friend's illness, you do not feel compassion.
3. Little things annoy you. You break down at the slightest unpleasant event, like an internal fuse blown. Loss of composure over small things means that something is going wrong at a deep level.
4. People tire you. People are different. Some know how to energize everyone around, others are not capable of it. When you are in the “tired of everything” state, no one can feed you: not your family, not your friends, not the most energetic motivators. I would like to hide from everyone, so as not to waste the last energy on communication.
5. Your productivity has dropped. Thoughts get confused, the pace of work slows down, and the goals that used to motivate you to work hard are no longer motivating .
6. You are self-medicating. People who are tired of everything and do not want anything often resort to dangerous self-medication to fill the inner void. Overeating, alcohol, sex addiction, impulsive spending, wear and tear or even drugs - this is not a complete list of destructive "self-help".
7. You are resting, but you still feel tired. A good night's sleep or a couple of weeks of rest helps most healthy people recharge and recover. When you are tired of life itself, neither 20 hours of sleep a day, nor 30 cups of coffee per hour, nor a month's vacation add strength.

As a result, there is total emptiness, and the only thought in my head: “How tired of everything! I am tired of my life, tired of people, tired of constant weariness. " Of course, there are reasons for this state, and now we will consider them.

I'm tired of everything: reasons​

As a rule, the state of "I'm sick of everything" occurs as a result of excessive and prolonged stress. Every insignificant experience requires strength to work through, and their total weight sometimes becomes too heavy for the human energy system. Fatigue causes discomfort, and the mind perceives this discomfort as "tired of everything." The following events can trigger this state :

High speed rhythm of life​

According to a psychologist, a full member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League Elena Khazratkulova, the main reason for internal exhaustion is the rapid pace of modern life.

We have to juggle many tasks at the same time: complete a work project by the deadline; buy a gift for my mother's anniversary; take readings of electricity meters and pay for the apartment; to cure an unexpectedly sick tooth and send a washing machine for repair. It seems that we are drowning in a sea of responsibility.

To complete the picture, add here the information overload that occurs when we simultaneously scroll through the news feed, reply to messages, and listen to an incredibly informative podcast about the mating season of elk.

Scientists confirm that multitasking reduces productivity and depletes a person's energy, making them feel helpless and lagging behind the rhythm of life. Psychology and behavioral neuroscience professor Daniel Levitin explains that when the brain is forced to constantly shift attention from one task to another, the prefrontal cortex and striatum very quickly burn oxygenated glucose, the fuel they need to work.

As a result of the rapid loss of nutrients, a person feels exhausted and disoriented after a short time. Both physical and cognitive potential decreases, and the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, rises.

Living according to the demands of society​

Society puts a lot of pressure on us. By his standards, we should study well at school, get a decent profession after spending 6 years at the university, get a high-paying job, start a family, buy a house, etc.

However, the concept of a happy life is different for everyone. For example, a person may see great value in the conservation of rainforests and dream about the hard work of planting trees somewhere in Brazil, but under the pressure of society (family, friends), choose the monotonous life of an office clerk.

The conflict between the ideals imposed by society and personal values will slowly but surely exhaust such a person, eventually leading to a state of "tired of everything."

Heavy loss​

Loss can take many forms: the death of a loved one or a beloved pet, a sharp break in a relationship, or being fired from work. Regardless of the cause of the loss, the result is usually the same: intense feelings of emptiness, confusion and loneliness.

Each person experiences loss in their own way. The spectrum of emotional, cognitive and behavioral responses can range from subtle changes to profound suffering and even dysfunction.

For example, complicated grief is a syndrome that occurs in about 10% of bereaved people. It manifests itself as a chronic and ongoing state of melancholy. It seems to such people that their life is over, and the strong mental pain that they constantly experience will never go away.

According to experts, the risk of falling into these 10% is for those who are prone to bad mood and anxiety, have experienced several serious losses and adverse life events, and are also deprived of social support.

Other factors can contribute to internal exhaustion, including:

• monotonous, strenuous work that does not bring pleasure and is associated with constant stress;
• lack of proper remuneration for work, which forms a feeling of one's own uselessness and uselessness;
• chronic lack of sleep;
• perfectionist tendencies and a pessimistic view of the world. Research confirms that such thinking patterns make a significant contribution to the development of a stressful state and subsequent burnout;

To overcome exhaustion and restore balance, you need to make some adjustments in your life. We have prepared some recommendations for you.

What if you're tired of living?​

Usually people who are tired of life compare themselves to others. Looking at those who seem to be as purposeful and motivated as possible, the thought may arise: “Probably they have a great goal, a mission, which helps to strive forward, easily overcoming difficulties. And I am a small person." This is the main mistake to avoid.

Recently, numerous coaches and self-development masters have been actively encouraging everyone to set a big goal for themselves in order to create something meaningful and leave a mark on the world. This concept is not only unrealistic but can be a source of intense anxiety. According to the president of the Higher School of Methodology, psychotherapist Andrei Kurpatov, modern ideology overestimates human potential. There is no individuality through which a person works miracles. There are circumstances that help a person to do great things.

Therefore, our first advice sounds like this: do not chase the global, but look for micro-meanings. Find a goal that inspires you and take the first step towards it. It is not necessary to be guided by a mission on a planetary scale. The goal must be meaningful enough for you to drive action.

For example, set a goal - to stay on the diet for 1 day instead of 1 month; put things in order in the bedside table, and not in the whole house at once; run the first 200 meters in my life, and not an ultramarathon for 50 km. To be guaranteed to improve your life, you need to move in small steps. This thesis confirms the classic experiment of psychologists Albert Bandura and Dale Schunck.

They took children aged 7-10 who had no interest in solving math problems at all. The aim of the study was to find a way to improve the academic performance of these children. Scientists divided the subjects into groups: the first one solved 6 pages of mathematical problems in each of 7 lessons, the second - 42 pages each.

As a result, children who set themselves small goals (6 pages a day) were more motivated, faster, and coped better with the exercises, having solved 80% of the problems correctly, while the second group mastered only 40%. Interestingly, the children from the first group also had higher confidence in their mathematical abilities. Small steps towards the goal not only helped them solve problems, but improved their attitude towards mathematics in general.

Successful people don't achieve their goals overnight. In 99% of cases, they gain momentum over the years, solving micro-problems day after day. Try the same. Find a micro meaning sufficient to take the first step. You can do the following:

1. Write down 1 thing you want out of life right now.
2. Think about what steps you need to take to achieve it, and list the smallest possible steps. Give up excessive ambition, such as losing 10 kg in a month. Only specific, guided actions that you master. Let's say one of the steps to losing weight can be to reduce the amount of soda you drink.
3. Pick one action and take it immediately.

Small steps can help you avoid decision fatigue when energy reserves are at zero. By the way, about energy.

People seldom realize how important structure is for adequate expenditure of energy and prevention of “tired of everything”. The lack of structure makes life difficult because it is difficult for the body and brain to know when to apply energy and when not.

In 2017, scientists Jeffrey S. Hall, Michael Rosbash, and Michael W. Young were awarded the Nobel Prize for their discovery of the molecular mechanisms that control circadian rhythm. The circadian rhythm is an internal clock that adapts our physiology to different phases of the day with exceptional precision, regulates sleep patterns, eating behavior, hormone release, etc. We can say that our entire body is adapted to life on a schedule.

So think about structure. To keep your life in order, we recommend making to-do lists for the day. For this:

1. At the end of each day, write down 3 things you need to do tomorrow. Remember the small steps. You don't have to make a to-do list of 85 right away.
2. Pick the easiest thing to do and put it at the top of the list. This will mean that you must complete it before lunch.
3. Do the other two things during the day.
4. Be sure to make a mark as soon as you complete the task (if you wish, check the box next to the completed task, cross it out or circle it).

David Cohen, a psychologist and fellow at the Royal Society of Medicine of Great Britain, sees great value in making to-do lists and is confident that they:

• reduce anxiety about the chaos of life;
• provide an action plan;
• are proof of our achievements for a specific day, week or month.

Try to incorporate the above tools into your life, track your progress and you will feel relieved over time.

And if you want to get to know yourself better, define your values and understand the motives of behavior, welcome to the online program "Self-Discovery". We have selected special tests and exercises, through which you will learn more than 50 characteristics of your personality. This will allow you to find a business to your liking, if now you do not know what to do; find inspiration and motivation to move through life with joy; improve social skills in both work and personal life.

What if you're tired of work?​

A 2018 study by the international recruiting company Hays showed that 79% of Russians experienced burnout in the workplace. According to a survey by consulting and auditing firm Deloitte, 77% of American employees also experienced burnout. At the same time, 64% of respondents said that they often experience stress, despite the fact that they are truly passionate about their work.

Burnout is defined by the World Health Organization as a syndrome resulting from chronic stress in the workplace that has not been successfully overcome. International statistics are relentless, and according to their data, from 30 to 90% of working people are susceptible to the formation of emotional burnout syndrome. In a special risk group are employees of the penal system, education and medical personnel.

What to do if you find yourself among the “lucky ones” and start to lose interest and motivation? If you're tired of working, here are some tips to help you overcome burnout and feel refreshed again.

Admit that you are burned out​

Being honest with yourself is the first step to recovery. Admit that you are exhausted. Most people pretend that they are in complete order, while experiencing total emptiness. Denial only makes the situation worse. The sooner you realize that there is a problem, the faster you will deal with it.

Change your attitude to work​

If you are tired of your current job, the most effective advice in this case is to quit and find one that satisfies you. Of course, for many people, changing jobs is not the most practical solution. Some are grateful simply for having it and being able to pay bills. No matter what situation you find yourself in, you can always take steps to improve your state of mind.

Find value in your current job. Focus on the aspects that you enjoy, even if it is socializing with coworkers over lunch. If you can't see the pros, look for meaning and satisfaction in other areas of life: family, friends, hobbies, sports. Concentrate on the things that bring joy.

Make friends with colleagues. A study by the American Institute of Public Opinion Gallup found that employees who have friends at work perform better, attract clients better, have higher well-being, are less likely to be injured while on duty, and have a 7x higher job engagement rate. compared with those who are not friends with colleagues. Seok-Hwi Song, Ph.D., adds that friendship in the workplace promotes positive attitudes towards work and increases productivity.

Leave work at work​

There is the illusion that if you stay in touch with an employer 24/7, you increase your awareness and are better prepared to tackle problems. But when coworkers or clients know that you are always available for work issues, it is impossible to completely “leave work” to relax and recharge your internal battery.

Talk to your manager about setting clear time boundaries for dealing with work issues. This will significantly reduce stress levels and help cope with burnout.

Change the guidelines​

Guidelines or attitudes such as “I have to do everything right and 150%. I mustn't be wrong. You need to keep everything under control, ”eventually become a burden and suck out the juices of life. You can read about how to overcome limiting beliefs in our articles, Strategies for Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and False Beliefs. Try the following technique as well.

Let's say you have the belief "I shouldn't make mistakes at work." Ask yourself three questions in sequence and answer them honestly, as in the example below.

Question 1: is it possible to never be wrong at all?
The answer is no (although it would be nice).

Question 2: is this guideline helpful?
The answer is no, because I am overly focusing on the details of the work so as not to make a mistake, and as a result, I am behind schedule. It makes me nervous and makes more mistakes.

Question 3: Does the guiding principle contain an obsession with exclusivity?
The answer is, unfortunately, yes.

This kind of logic should lead you to want to reformulate the guiding principle into "I have the right to be wrong."

The most important prerequisite for healing burnout is the willingness to change your mindset. Yes, letting go of old beliefs is not easy, but practicing negative beliefs can significantly improve the quality of your life.

Talk to coworkers, loved ones, or yourself​

Asking for support is one of the strategies for overcoming burnout, which social psychologist Christina Maslach and professor of psychology Michael Leiter mention in their research.

Sometimes a short conversation with a colleague can be enough to recuperate. A study conducted with the participation of call-center workers showed that employees who discussed their problems with a large number of colleagues during breaks between work answered calls faster and were less nervous.

Friends and family may not directly relieve your fatigue, but they are able to listen and be helpful. For example, your mom might bring a bag of groceries or homemade pie if she finds out you've had a rough week and don't have the energy to make dinner.

If you find it difficult to share your thoughts with others or are afraid to burden them, talk to yourself in the second person. According to a study by psychology professors Sanda Dolcos and Dolores Albarracin, self-talk increases the effectiveness of problem solving.

In their experiment, Dolcos and Albarracin asked undergraduate students for advice and encouragement before solving a series of anagram puzzles. Half of the participants were instructed to use the pronoun "I", the rest addressed themselves to "you".

As a result, those students who spoke to themselves in the second person solved more anagrams, and their level of enthusiasm was higher.

Take time out​

If you are burned out, try to take a full break from work. Go on vacation, ask for unpaid days - take every opportunity to get away from chronic stress.

If you are hesitant to take time out because you have responsibilities and deadlines to meet, realize that your health comes first. Focus on yourself and, if necessary, abstract not only from work, but also from others.

Most burnout in the workplace can be avoided by being considerate, self-compassionate and loving enough to put yourself first.

What if you are tired of close people?​

Exhausted on all fronts, a person can get tired of even the closest people. What if you are tired of your husband / wife, boyfriend / girlfriend, friends or even children? It should be noted right away that you must find a solution to the problem that is within your control. This means that you cannot fix the other person, but must work only with your own condition.

If you feel like you've outgrown your partner or friend, make a choice: continue the relationship, accepting the loved one for who they are, or break up. This is the adult approach.

When it comes to fatigue from your children, then realize that they are not a project that can be quickly closed. Sometimes they won't succumb to your proactive parenting or grow as fast as they'd like. Fatigue is almost synonymous with parenting. Here are some tips to help you regain your strength:

Practice self-care​

Taking care of yourself can increase resilience and energy levels, making it easier to deal with problems with those around you. When you feel physically and emotionally healthy, it becomes easier to maintain a positive attitude and control the feelings of irritability, hopelessness, and pessimism that are common companions of persistent exhaustion.

Make a personal care plan. It may include the following items:

• getting enough sleep;
• healthy food;
• physical exercise;
• a walk in nature;
• SPA day;
• breathing practices;
• at least two days off a week;
• a trip "where the eyes are looking";
• watching your favorite movie or TV series;
• refusal to view toxic / negative news;
• reading;
• hot tub with foam;
• a day all alone;
• listening to music;
• solving puzzles or crosswords;
• allowing yourself to cry;
• hobby.

Create a self - care checklist by adding activities that resonate with you. He will help to introduce the planned habits into daily life, monitor their adherence, track progress and, if necessary, revise your plan.

Be in love​

Don't take this advice literally. If you decide to fall in love again, great, but you can also practice loving what you already have: sports, music, hobbies, food, etc. In this case, love should be understood as: attention (showing interest, focusing on the object of love), affection (expression of positive emotions), action (direct manifestation of love).

For example, if you love to cook, you will: carefully choose the ingredients for the dish (attention), do it with a good attitude (affection), strive to ensure that cooking becomes a priority in your life (action).

When a person is in love with what he is doing, he naturally falls into a state of flow. According to research, the state of flow leads to an experience of the highest quality and gives the opportunity to experience an inspired sense of control, ease, satisfaction, fusion of action and awareness.

As the outstanding psychiatrist and teacher Carl Jung said: “Remember what you did in childhood, because of which the hours passed like minutes. This is the key to your earthly quest. "

Find the relaxation strategy that's right for you​

Science has long proven that relaxation techniques have amazing health benefits: they counteract the effects of stress and hyperactivity by increasing the growth of those parts of the brain that regulate cognitive and executive functions, emotions, and self-control; increase immunity; reduce cardiovascular problems.

You can choose any method of relaxation that suits you. We recommend paying attention to yoga nidra. This is a simple deep relaxation practice that aims to scan your own body with your inner gaze and move into a state of relaxed consciousness.

In 2002, scientists proved that a yoga nidra session leads to an increase in the production of dopamine (a neurotransmitter of well-being) by 65%. And a 2018 study by neurophysiologists from Brazil and Thailand showed that yoga nidra is an effective tool for reducing both cognitive and physiological symptoms of anxiety.

It affects the autonomic nervous system, which regulates the processes that occur without a person's conscious efforts (heartbeat, breathing, digestion, blood flow) and is divided into the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Yoga nidra helps to calm the sympathetic part, which is responsible for arousal and the fight-or-flight response, and activate the parasympathetic part, which is responsible for calming.

The Mental Self-Regulation online program will also help you cope with stress . It contains science-based mental health management techniques and is suitable for anyone experiencing high stress from work or personal problems; poorly controlling emotions and, as a result, has difficult relationships with others; worried about any reason; has a hard time tolerating setbacks and is prone to apathy.

Everyone can experience the state of "tired of everything": from a diligent worker who works with all his might for the good of the organization, to a diligent housewife who takes care of children, home comfort and aging parents. Friends, if you are tired of everything, slow down. Learn to relax and understand that self-love is the first thing on your to-do list if you want to be happy.

Good luck!