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Fragment of Irina Mlodik's book "Where You Are Not Yet ... Psychotherapy as Liberation from Illusions"
Psychotherapy is expensive. Even in our country. And it is not surprising that this is so. Not only because psychotherapists themselves also undergo their own psychotherapy, take supervision from more experienced colleagues, constantly study, spending a lot of time, money and effort on this. But also because it is a difficult profession that requires not only good education, high qualifications, but also the ability to withstand the emotions of clients, their transferences, feelings directed towards us, but not directly related to us. This is a profession that requires great psychological stability from us, combined with high sensitivity, responsibility and spiritual strength, combined with a fine mental organization, excellent analytical skills and the ability to feel the slightest shades of feelings.
A person is kind by nature, and when his close or even not very close person gets into trouble, the desire to help and save is as obvious, so natural. Not even three tears of the unfortunate victim will be shed, as almost every such kind person begins to play with enthusiasm as a rescuer.
What do real friends do if one of them has just been abandoned by her husband? They immediately gather advice. And they suggest: "stop crying quickly", "forget this bastard immediately", put on your best dress, go unwind and find yourself another right tonight. All of these tips and suggestions will be exactly the opposite of what a woman experiencing stress and loss should do from a professional point of view. And if the unfortunate woman begins to resist and does not want to do all this, then the girlfriends will definitely be disappointed, and their rescue ardor will subside very quickly. At the same time, the poor woman will remain not only "abandoned" by her husband, but also misunderstood by her own friends.
Let's return to the metaphor with the dentist: you have a toothache, and instead of the doctor with his medicines, drills and fillings you go to a friend and tell him:
- The tooth hurts, can you imagine, it's already the second day!
And he told you about it:
- Forget it, you think, a tooth! Here yesterday my head was spinning, you know how! And you are a tooth!
Or:
- My tooth hurts? Yes, you go and eat sweet, distract yourself ...
It is a pity that very few people can send a person with mental problems exactly where they need to: to a psychologist or a psychotherapist. And the point, of course, is not only that our profession is perceived by ignorant people as emotionally loaded, unsafe, and fearfully ruining our reputation. But also in the fact that people have a poor idea of what kind of process it is. Psychotherapy is not salvation, as it might seem at first glance, it is a method of professional help and support.
- That's what I'm paying for if my therapist just sits and listens to me? - I often hear from people who are not very much associated with psychology. But, first of all, you probably don't even notice how rarely people listen to you attentively. Indeed, in ordinary life, not in the psychotherapist's office, many people like to talk more about themselves than listen. They love to give advice, even when you don't ask for it at all. They offer you easy, from their points of view, solutions for which you are not at all ready, they cram your own experience and mind into you, instead of helping you to acquire your own. They will stop your feelings: do not cry, do not be afraid, spit, forget, forget, give up, start all over again. Instead of helping you to discover and live what has not been lived and prevents you from living on. Help to understand yourself and accept the only true, it is from your point of view, the solution. Helping you, they will unconsciously think about themselves, not about you, about how generous and kind they are, saving someone who is in trouble. And if you do not get out of trouble in the near future, then they may start to actively push you, and if you are not doing well anyway, they may lose interest in you, because they want to be directly involved in someone's salvation.
Rescue makes a dependent victim out of a person, psychotherapy helps to become personally richer from what has been experienced, smarter from what has been discovered, clearer from an honest look at oneself and more confident from the awareness of the ability to survive difficulties, becoming even wiser and more holistic.
Therefore, the proposal "Why should I go to a psychotherapist, can I drink vodka with my friends?" I answer: “You can. It's up to you to decide what to do and what to spend your time and money on. "I say to my clients:" Psychotherapy is not a waste of money, it is an investment, an investment in the most important and responsible project: in your own life, in yourself. "I think so about my personal psychotherapy, and I know for sure that my investments still pay off with interest.
Psychotherapy is expensive. Even in our country. And it is not surprising that this is so. Not only because psychotherapists themselves also undergo their own psychotherapy, take supervision from more experienced colleagues, constantly study, spending a lot of time, money and effort on this. But also because it is a difficult profession that requires not only good education, high qualifications, but also the ability to withstand the emotions of clients, their transferences, feelings directed towards us, but not directly related to us. This is a profession that requires great psychological stability from us, combined with high sensitivity, responsibility and spiritual strength, combined with a fine mental organization, excellent analytical skills and the ability to feel the slightest shades of feelings.
A person is kind by nature, and when his close or even not very close person gets into trouble, the desire to help and save is as obvious, so natural. Not even three tears of the unfortunate victim will be shed, as almost every such kind person begins to play with enthusiasm as a rescuer.
What do real friends do if one of them has just been abandoned by her husband? They immediately gather advice. And they suggest: "stop crying quickly", "forget this bastard immediately", put on your best dress, go unwind and find yourself another right tonight. All of these tips and suggestions will be exactly the opposite of what a woman experiencing stress and loss should do from a professional point of view. And if the unfortunate woman begins to resist and does not want to do all this, then the girlfriends will definitely be disappointed, and their rescue ardor will subside very quickly. At the same time, the poor woman will remain not only "abandoned" by her husband, but also misunderstood by her own friends.
Let's return to the metaphor with the dentist: you have a toothache, and instead of the doctor with his medicines, drills and fillings you go to a friend and tell him:
- The tooth hurts, can you imagine, it's already the second day!
And he told you about it:
- Forget it, you think, a tooth! Here yesterday my head was spinning, you know how! And you are a tooth!
Or:
- My tooth hurts? Yes, you go and eat sweet, distract yourself ...
It is a pity that very few people can send a person with mental problems exactly where they need to: to a psychologist or a psychotherapist. And the point, of course, is not only that our profession is perceived by ignorant people as emotionally loaded, unsafe, and fearfully ruining our reputation. But also in the fact that people have a poor idea of what kind of process it is. Psychotherapy is not salvation, as it might seem at first glance, it is a method of professional help and support.
- That's what I'm paying for if my therapist just sits and listens to me? - I often hear from people who are not very much associated with psychology. But, first of all, you probably don't even notice how rarely people listen to you attentively. Indeed, in ordinary life, not in the psychotherapist's office, many people like to talk more about themselves than listen. They love to give advice, even when you don't ask for it at all. They offer you easy, from their points of view, solutions for which you are not at all ready, they cram your own experience and mind into you, instead of helping you to acquire your own. They will stop your feelings: do not cry, do not be afraid, spit, forget, forget, give up, start all over again. Instead of helping you to discover and live what has not been lived and prevents you from living on. Help to understand yourself and accept the only true, it is from your point of view, the solution. Helping you, they will unconsciously think about themselves, not about you, about how generous and kind they are, saving someone who is in trouble. And if you do not get out of trouble in the near future, then they may start to actively push you, and if you are not doing well anyway, they may lose interest in you, because they want to be directly involved in someone's salvation.
Rescue makes a dependent victim out of a person, psychotherapy helps to become personally richer from what has been experienced, smarter from what has been discovered, clearer from an honest look at oneself and more confident from the awareness of the ability to survive difficulties, becoming even wiser and more holistic.
Therefore, the proposal "Why should I go to a psychotherapist, can I drink vodka with my friends?" I answer: “You can. It's up to you to decide what to do and what to spend your time and money on. "I say to my clients:" Psychotherapy is not a waste of money, it is an investment, an investment in the most important and responsible project: in your own life, in yourself. "I think so about my personal psychotherapy, and I know for sure that my investments still pay off with interest.
