The roots of psychological problems of carders (there are six of them!)

[Lord777]

So, all difficulties and problems, the cause of which is in the mind, and can be solved by psychotherapy, have one of the following categories of "roots":

1. "Hidden Benefits" in Problems
Yes, the problem can be annoying on the surface and lead to whining - but deeply, and not particularly consciously, it has a very cool subjective value. Why do wives complain about their alcoholic husbands, "nag" them - and at the same time continue to live with them and indulge their alcoholism? An amazing thing - but it satisfies the need to be needed, "self-actualize", serve and help someone! Yes, that's so strange.

2. Conflict of Beliefs ("Cognitive Dissonance")
Or "subpersonalities, or patterns of behavior ... But in other words, this is when one part of the brain contradicts another, and they mutually" inhibit "each other. Well, let's say ... Procrastination, the famous is the notorious conflict of ego states" Parent " (Belief system "How it should be and how it should be") and "Child" ("Want"), see Eric Byrne.

3. Non-adaptive automatic behavior patterns; "identification with a standard", vicarious modeling of destructive programs, etc.
Children follow the example of their parents (most often), and copy their behavior patterns by observing them. The trouble is that the child does not have a reasonable filter about the "environmental friendliness" of the observed behavior - he takes what is given. If mom screamed and taught dad about life for any reason, there is a 95% chance that the daughter will unconsciously copy it in the future and endure her husband's brains in the same way. It's not that it's a "curse" or "karma" - they just don't talk about it or think about it; although overcome by simply studying healthier behaviors.

4. Psychotrauma - "undigested" episode in personal experience
This literally means that some situation created such tension that consciousness could not cope with it and "threw out" memory and associated emotions into the unconscious. Which - throughout life, in any approximately similar moments - will "throw" these experiences back, with a hint of "well, digest at least now!"

5. Limiting beliefs, "self-hypnosis", self-fulfilling prophecies, "curves of reality maps", "muddy filters", etc.
Quite a simple case. For example, there are girls with the conviction "All men are kazlys", or guys who think "All women are bloody". Since this belief is most often, "inherited", imposed and not questioned, such a guy (or girl) will CONSTANTLY, in all his communication and behavior with the opposite sex, broadcast it, creating "dumb energy" and receiving appropriate reactions. Which will only confirm his "axiom": all the goats and "bloody" will be attracted to the bearer of the belief, and those who do not belong to these categories will immediately strain and run away.

6. "Self-punishment" - a classic of neurosis
In general, what is neurosis? This is a growing internal stress caused by the conflict between "Need A" and "Need B" (the simplest definition, no medical treatment). In fact, this is a special case of the "Conflict of subpersonalities": one creates some kind of, excuse me, x ... nude because "well, I really wanted to," and the second says, "You can't, you are bad, you will be punished" ... And "punishes "first. In general, this is one person who hits himself on the head with a hammer for having eaten an extra pie.

In fact, as an attentive reader might have already noticed, all these reasons are "subtly" interconnected. This is how it should be: the psyche is a holistic construct, the task of which is to adapt the host's organism to survival and, if possible, lead to well-being and so on.

 

[Lord777]

In fact, as an attentive reader might have already noticed, all these reasons are "subtly" interconnected. This is how it should be: the psyche is a holistic construct, the task of which is to adapt the host's organism to survival and, if possible, lead to well-being and so on.

All "long-term" mental problems are arranged according to the following principle:

- "The core", the root of the problem. The very 10-20% that "spoil all the raspberries" and which can be solved. This is what is described in detail above - one or more "roots".

- "Shell". These are other "problems", the majority of them (80-90%), with which people come to consultations; which, in fact, are not problems, but an attempt by the psyche to adapt to an internal "rift". And these problems are never solved, because they are easily interchangeable and quickly invented instead of one another. What psychoanalysis has aptly called "resistance", and about which Fritz Perls wrote: "Many clients do not want to solve a problem; they want to perfect it to the limit."

Max Ilyin

 

[Teacher]

Psychological secrets

Salute, fans of breaking up someone else's account, today we will talk about psychological secrets that will make you a charming and sociable person

To please people, you need to love yourself! Only when we consider ourselves attractive and accept ourselves for who we are, respect our dreams, desires, ideas, and character traits, do we attract others to us. There are no perfect people, and perhaps not everyone will like you, but those who fall under your personal charm will treat you sincerely and with respect.

Self-love, self-confidence, and sincerity are the three qualities that make people like us. In order to strengthen them and start attracting good people into your life without putting on flattering or flirty masks, you can take certain actions. I want to tell you about them in this article.

Decide who you are and what you are. Preferably in writing, thoughts on paper are usually more structured than in the head. In order to take concrete actions, you must clearly understand all your pros and cons. Describe your life philosophy, your attitude to various things and spheres of life, such as family, friendship, politics, religion, and health. Tell us about what you value most in this life, what you dream about, and what you have already achieved. You can write your manifesto without killing two birds with one stone — decide on yourself and tell other people about yourself.

Never adapt to others or try to stand out from the crowd on purpose. Don't forget, we need sincerity and naturalness! Do what you think is right, not what others like.

Don't sacrifice what's really important to you. If you lose motivation and joy in life, then all the work on yourself will go down the drain.

Trust your instincts and allow yourself to experiment. Learn from experience what things make you happy and look for them, even if you have to make a few mistakes.

See others as they are. Stop judging and criticizing people. Pay attention to their positive aspects, not their mistakes. Learn to communicate with difficult people calmly, not through force.

Listen to people. Just listen and try to understand without interrupting or deviating from the topic. Make it clear that the other person is really interesting to you.

Do not delay solving problems. If something negative appears in your life, act quickly, decide in one way or another, and put it out of your mind. Nothing should take you out of a state of inner calm and balance.

If you have decided to solve a problem, then solve it to the end. Even if you have to make sacrifices, do not delay your decision, be firm and 100% confident.

Lead a healthy lifestyle. Do some exercise and eat healthy foods that will benefit your body.

Don't be a slave to your eating habits, and you'll really respect yourself for it. Be active.

Never wait for the weather "by the sea", act, inspire others, invent, create.

Help others. Do not just listen to their problems, but try to help them with something-advice or business. Do not be selfish and do something for other people, even if it will require you mentally or physically. But this should not contradict points 2 and 3!

Appreciate and support the best qualities of people. See them not only as they are, but also as they might have been in a better situation. When a person notices that others (you, for example) appreciate in him what he considers a small thing, he becomes happier.

Speak positively and to the point.

Encourage, motivate and inspire instead of criticizing or "digging in".

Stop gossiping. Don't talk about others in a critical tone and don't tell them the secrets you've been entrusted with. Smile and laugh.

A smile is the key to other people's hearts, so try to be less serious, make jokes more often, tell jokes and stories, and generally make others laugh.

Ask, but don't complain. If you need something, just ask for it, but never try to push for pity. "Attractive" and " pathetic — are antonyms. Don't make the other person feel guilty. Even if you know that they didn't make the best choice, don't try to tell them that now they're going to have problems and feel bad. Don't be patient if something causes general indignation.

Do not forget about point 10 — you can not expect that everything will come to its senses, you can not hide and try to keep silent when an injustice occurs in front of your eyes. Go ahead. Don't get personal in the dialog. If you're running out of sound arguments, you'd better smile and walk away, but don't engage in a verbal altercation. The other person may think you are a coward, but unlike them, you will look like a reasonable and calm person in the eyes of others.

Offer your help only when you are asked for it. Don't push yourself and try to solve the problems of others just because you think you are a better specialist in some area than they are. Be adequate, otherwise harm may result instead of help.

Don't judge people by their appearance. Wealth, fame, and appearance may not mean anything when it comes to serious life situations. The real value is represented by those who have a good heart and a pure, sincere soul inside. Unfortunately, this is not immediately apparent, so learn to understand people.

Don't say yes when you want to say no. It is better to immediately refuse than agree, and then get out of it and look for excuses. Say " yes " only when you are truly sure of your choice. If you promise something, then do more than you promised. Of course, you shouldn't overdo it either, but try to exceed your promises a little, and people will appreciate you even more. In a relationship, don't try to be the main one or the dependent one. Imposing your own opinion, trying to control others — all this is just annoying.

Do not try to elevate yourself by belittling or suppressing the merits of others, but reward those who deserve it in word or deed. Being a confident person, be able to laugh at yourself and admit your mistakes and shortcomings. You know that's not why people love you. Always be open to new knowledge. Don't flaunt your intelligence and erudition by trying to attract attention.

Admit that you are not perfect, and you can learn something from anyone. In communication, do not be selfish. Instead of talking about your loved one, listen to others around you. Do not teach people to live in their own way, your opinion is not the only correct one. Remember-less "I", more often "you" ("you").

Give the right gifts. Do not try to give the person something that you think will be useful, but rather ask them what they really need. And, of course, do not give a "dummy" that a person will accept with a smile, and after you leave, they will throw it on the mezzanine and forget it. Live on the move and strive for the best. If you have achieved a result in something, do not relax and do not calm down, but continue to act. The saying "A bird in the hand is better than a crane in the sky" is incorrect! Avoid risks and stressful situations.

Eliminate from your life everything that bothers and distracts you. In order to be able to collect your thoughts and tune in to the right mood, find yourself a place where no one will bother you. Live in the present. There is nothing in the world more valuable than the current moment. The past cannot be returned, the future is not predetermined, you only have what you have now. Don't try to fight people or situations that you can't control. It is better to make efforts in some other direction.

Develop yourself. Look for any opportunities for self-development. Read, communicate, take courses, and learn from others. Take for granted the fact that you can't be liked by everyone without exception. There are a lot of people, and everyone has their own problems, so appreciate those who like you, and just do not pay attention to others. In order to be charming and be liked by people, you do not need expensive beautiful outfits, fashionable hairstyles and a loose tongue.

Remember — first of all, you must love yourself.