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In the 2nd century AD, at the close of his life, the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius began to write down his reflections on her. He asked himself the same questions as many of us today: How to live a meaningful life? how can one gain resilience in the face of suffering? what does it mean to be happy? Aurelius did not intend to provide anyone with the opportunity to get acquainted with the dialogue that he had with himself, and did not plan that "Meditations" would be read by others. And yet, despite the presence of repetitive topics, the text reads as a series of independent entries, the length of which varies from one or two sentences to a paragraph. In these fragments, Marcus Aurelius left deep seeds of wisdom, many of which are confirmed by modern psychological research.... However, The Reflections not only reflect the insightful thoughts of Marcus Aurelius, they also reveal something unusual about the person himself: his ability to change perspective in the process of thinking about important ideas.
At times, Aurelius' thoughts reflected a first-person perspective, as evidenced by the use of the pronoun "I" in the first-person singular. However, at other times he used "we", expressing ideas related not only to him, but also to humanity as a whole (for example, "Our life is a battlefield and just a pilgrimage"). In other recordings, he switches again using the second person singular pronoun "you." Aurelius's use of second-person pronouns reflects not so much an appeal to the reader (remember, he did not have a reader in mind), but rather his tendency to view his life as if he were in dialogue with himself, that is, referring directly to himself.
In her research, social psychologist Ariana Orwell studied how subtle linguistic shifts like these can dramatically alter the content of our thoughts and thus alter how we feel. She writes that for this reason she was particularly struck by the following quote, in which Aurelius gives himself advice - in the second person - on how to calm the roaring, inner sea of mind, which, if unbridled, can make a person feel like he is drowning:
Here Marcus Aurelius writes about the power that people have over their thoughts. He invites us to ask ourselves: "What is upsetting you at the moment?" The wording is paramount - he doesn't write, "What's upsetting me?" Rather, he advises himself to ask this question from the perspective of an outside observer, using a detached point of view on himself and his problems.
Orwell calls this process of self-reflection using second- or third-person pronouns, or even his own name, "self-distancing." A growing body of research by psychologists shows that distancing ourselves from our states can help us regulate negative thoughts and emotions in situations ranging from working through painful past experiences to performing tasks that cause stress.
According to Orwell, these findings about self-distancing are based on decades of research showing that psychological distance — looking beyond the here and now — is an important part of aligning our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with our goals. By using the second-person pronoun “you” to reflect on ourselves, we can move beyond our standard, self-centered perspective and view our thoughts and feelings from a more objective observer's perspective. This distant self-perspective opens up new ways of thinking that can change our feelings and behavior in a variety of emotionally charged situations.
For example, in one study, Orwell and colleagues found that asking study participants to try to sort out their feelings by using distant self-reflection (for example, “Why does Dylan feel this way?”) Instead of immersed self-reflection (for example, “Why do I feel this way? ”), Then they begin to relate more positively to personal negative experiences that evoked such emotions as feelings of deception, anger, rejection, disappointment, anxiety, and a sense of existential threat. Moreover, these benefits persisted even in those volunteers who were particularly prone to anxiety and rumination.
Another study by her team during the 2014 Ebola outbreak in the United States showed that when participants were instructed to reflect in writing about the threat of the virus using distant versus submerged self-reflection, those who were particularly anxious about it began to reason more rationally (list more factual reasons for concern), which reduced their anxiety. In another study Ethan Cross and his team at the University of Michigan encouraged volunteers to use detached self-reflection to mentally prepare for upcoming speech, which, compared to a control group, helped them see speech as a challenge they had the resources to overcome, rather than an overwhelming threat. Researchers at the University of Buffalo in New York conducted a similar study and found that this change in cognitive assessment - from threat to challenge - was also reflected in a calmer physiological response.
The benefits of distant self-reflection go beyond helping people regulate negative emotions. This practice has also been shown to foster calm reasoning by increasing participants' willingness to seek compromise and helping them to recognize the limitations of their own knowledge. Similarly, when viewed in the context of resolving moral dilemmas, distant reflection helped study participants to discard personal preferences that might cloud their judgment. For example, in a scenario where you see your best friend sexually harassing someone, distant self-reflection can help you make the decision to report it despite your close relationship.
This linguistic tool is not only useful for adults. In one study, young children (ages 4 and older) performed longer on a boring task on a computer when they were encouraged to periodically check themselves using their own name (for example, “Does Gabriella work well?”) Rather than first-person pronouns (for example, “I do I work well? "). These benefits of psychological distance were even more significant when the children were instructed to adopt the point of view of a fictional character with a reputation for being a hard worker (such as Batman or Dora the explorer).
Part of the reason that distant self-talk can be so beneficial for adults and children in different situations is because it is easy to apply. You may have already heard the advice "Take a step back" or "Think about the big picture" that frustrated you and made you think, "Easier said than done!" Remote self-talk offers a relatively easy solution (as supported by research using brain scans that showed that this practice does not require excessive cognitive effort).
When Marcus Aurelius wrote about our ability to change the nature of our thoughts as a means of changing our emotions, he understood something profound in human psychology. Over the centuries, research has confirmed that changing the way you think about something is a powerful way to deal with and manage emotional responses. To facilitate this process, you can try to follow Aurelius' example and work through your negative thoughts and feelings by referring to yourself or by name. Thus, by using distance, you can use the structure of the language to take a step back and see the big picture.
