Disputes, conflicts, misunderstandings… No one is immune from this. The most important thing in such situations is to be able to keep silent in time, so that under the influence of emotions you do not allow yourself offensive remarks, which you will have to regret for a long time later. How not to say too much during a quarrel, but at the same time not to allow a person to neglect your emotional state?
Change your attitude to disputes
During conflicts, not the best sides of people are revealed, as a result of which rash words are constantly torn from the tongue. Those who often experience such disruptions treat disputes as fights without rules. At such moments, a person is 100% sure that he is right, and therefore rarely shows respect for the opponent and does not even try to listen to him. He has only one thought in his head: "The truth is on my side, I must come out victorious!"
If you stop using conflicts as an opportunity to assert yourself, you will have much more opportunities to pay attention to the other person and their words. In this case, the emotional tension will subside a little, and you and your opponent will be able to move from a position of confrontation to a position of cooperation. At this stage, it will be easier to control not only feelings and emotions, but also spontaneous speech.
Give yourself a reprieve
If you feel that offensive words are about to come out of your mouth, try to delay your reaction. For example, mark a couple of minutes on the timer or take a few deep breaths and exhale, counting to twenty in your head. During this period of time, try to shift your thoughts to something else — think about things that bring pleasure, not annoy. When the timer goes off, you won't be so overexcited about the situation. Your anger and anger may not go away completely, but you will be able to reason and express your opinion more cautiously.
This psychological trick was often used by the famous illusionist Harry Houdini and his wife Bess. When the couple quarreled and their anger reached its peak, they used special signs: Harry raised his right eyebrow three times, and Bess pointed her husband to the door. He had to walk around the house four times, and then throw his hat out the window: if it didn't fly back out, then the beloved was cold and ready to talk without raising her voice.
Switch places with the other person
This method is most effective when communicating with children, but it can also be used during quarrels with friends or colleagues. Before you put your child in a corner or yell at him for his antics, imagine that it was you, not him, who broke the window with a soccer ball or broke an expensive toy. Remember how you waited with bated breath for your parents ' verdict and how upset you were when they shouted and said hurtful words. Perhaps a few minutes of reminiscing will allow you to cool down, and you will try to find another way to solve the problem.
It is also useful to reflect on your opponent's motives. The other person doesn't always offend you with malicious intent. Perhaps he just has low self-esteem, wants to get the approval of society, or is trying to assert himself at someone else's expense. There is another banal reason — a person simply does not understand that his words and actions cling to the living and cause harm. If you realize that the person is not trying to violate your rights or deliberately spoil your mood, then you may learn to take conflicts more calmly.
Develop pragmatism
Venting aggression is definitely helpful, otherwise it will eventually destroy you from the inside out. However, is this the benefit you want in the long run? Think about this: winning an argument can only be a momentary victory, and the consequences will be unpleasant: you will injure yourself and the person with whom you come into conflict — and it is known that it is much easier to break than to restore. When the focus is on the main benefit, and not the momentary thirst for victory, careless words are less often spoken out loud.
In such situations, it is wiser to try to find a compromise, to show the other person that you hear and understand them, even if your points of view do not coincide. This will help to reduce the conflict to a minimum and, if not to find a solution to the issue, at least to maintain good relations and the possibility of further cooperation.
Don't you think so
When you say hurtful words out of anger, you believe that they are sincere. And when you find yourself the victim of offensive comments, you think that they 100% reflect the other person's attitude towards you. In fact, the opposite is true — uncontrolled anger is often a superficial reaction that is associated with a specific situation. That is, attacks under the influence of emotions rarely reflect true feelings.
If a child tells his parents that he hates them, these words are not sincere and do not reflect the true attitude. Just the kid was upset because mom and dad refused to buy a toy or sweets.
It is very important to realize that words spoken in a fit of anger cannot be a criterion of truth. If you realize that the other person did not want to offend you with offensive phrases, then you can think more rationally and avoid the development of conflict.
Train your endurance
If intemperance is one of your shortcomings, work daily to eliminate it. Even if you were rude at the bank, stepped on your foot on the bus, or pushed on the way to work, don't say anything. At first, the temptation to put the impudent person in his place will be very great, but over time you will learn not to give vent to anger. By holding back now, you can also hold back during a real conflict.
You can also customize your body with affirmations — expressions that contain a behavior formula that is fixed on the subcortex with constant repetitions. For example, if you have problems with self-esteem, you need to repeat to yourself every day while standing in front of the mirror: "I love myself, I'm talented, I'm beautiful, I can do anything." After some time, the subconscious mind will remember this information, and you will really believe in yourself and your strength.
This technique can also be used during quarrels. If you regularly repeat that you can control your words and actions, you will soon teach your subconscious mind to switch the lever in time.
Change your attitude to disputes
During conflicts, not the best sides of people are revealed, as a result of which rash words are constantly torn from the tongue. Those who often experience such disruptions treat disputes as fights without rules. At such moments, a person is 100% sure that he is right, and therefore rarely shows respect for the opponent and does not even try to listen to him. He has only one thought in his head: "The truth is on my side, I must come out victorious!"
If you stop using conflicts as an opportunity to assert yourself, you will have much more opportunities to pay attention to the other person and their words. In this case, the emotional tension will subside a little, and you and your opponent will be able to move from a position of confrontation to a position of cooperation. At this stage, it will be easier to control not only feelings and emotions, but also spontaneous speech.
Give yourself a reprieve
If you feel that offensive words are about to come out of your mouth, try to delay your reaction. For example, mark a couple of minutes on the timer or take a few deep breaths and exhale, counting to twenty in your head. During this period of time, try to shift your thoughts to something else — think about things that bring pleasure, not annoy. When the timer goes off, you won't be so overexcited about the situation. Your anger and anger may not go away completely, but you will be able to reason and express your opinion more cautiously.
This psychological trick was often used by the famous illusionist Harry Houdini and his wife Bess. When the couple quarreled and their anger reached its peak, they used special signs: Harry raised his right eyebrow three times, and Bess pointed her husband to the door. He had to walk around the house four times, and then throw his hat out the window: if it didn't fly back out, then the beloved was cold and ready to talk without raising her voice.
Switch places with the other person
This method is most effective when communicating with children, but it can also be used during quarrels with friends or colleagues. Before you put your child in a corner or yell at him for his antics, imagine that it was you, not him, who broke the window with a soccer ball or broke an expensive toy. Remember how you waited with bated breath for your parents ' verdict and how upset you were when they shouted and said hurtful words. Perhaps a few minutes of reminiscing will allow you to cool down, and you will try to find another way to solve the problem.
It is also useful to reflect on your opponent's motives. The other person doesn't always offend you with malicious intent. Perhaps he just has low self-esteem, wants to get the approval of society, or is trying to assert himself at someone else's expense. There is another banal reason — a person simply does not understand that his words and actions cling to the living and cause harm. If you realize that the person is not trying to violate your rights or deliberately spoil your mood, then you may learn to take conflicts more calmly.
Develop pragmatism
Venting aggression is definitely helpful, otherwise it will eventually destroy you from the inside out. However, is this the benefit you want in the long run? Think about this: winning an argument can only be a momentary victory, and the consequences will be unpleasant: you will injure yourself and the person with whom you come into conflict — and it is known that it is much easier to break than to restore. When the focus is on the main benefit, and not the momentary thirst for victory, careless words are less often spoken out loud.
In such situations, it is wiser to try to find a compromise, to show the other person that you hear and understand them, even if your points of view do not coincide. This will help to reduce the conflict to a minimum and, if not to find a solution to the issue, at least to maintain good relations and the possibility of further cooperation.
Don't you think so
When you say hurtful words out of anger, you believe that they are sincere. And when you find yourself the victim of offensive comments, you think that they 100% reflect the other person's attitude towards you. In fact, the opposite is true — uncontrolled anger is often a superficial reaction that is associated with a specific situation. That is, attacks under the influence of emotions rarely reflect true feelings.
If a child tells his parents that he hates them, these words are not sincere and do not reflect the true attitude. Just the kid was upset because mom and dad refused to buy a toy or sweets.
It is very important to realize that words spoken in a fit of anger cannot be a criterion of truth. If you realize that the other person did not want to offend you with offensive phrases, then you can think more rationally and avoid the development of conflict.
Train your endurance
If intemperance is one of your shortcomings, work daily to eliminate it. Even if you were rude at the bank, stepped on your foot on the bus, or pushed on the way to work, don't say anything. At first, the temptation to put the impudent person in his place will be very great, but over time you will learn not to give vent to anger. By holding back now, you can also hold back during a real conflict.
You can also customize your body with affirmations — expressions that contain a behavior formula that is fixed on the subcortex with constant repetitions. For example, if you have problems with self-esteem, you need to repeat to yourself every day while standing in front of the mirror: "I love myself, I'm talented, I'm beautiful, I can do anything." After some time, the subconscious mind will remember this information, and you will really believe in yourself and your strength.
This technique can also be used during quarrels. If you regularly repeat that you can control your words and actions, you will soon teach your subconscious mind to switch the lever in time.
