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How to please people: six scientifically proven ways
So how do you get people to love you? It's easier than you think. Here are six research-backed tips:
1. Get people to talk about themselves.
According to researchers, talking about ourselves, be it in person or on social media like Facebook or Twitter, generates in our brains the same sense of pleasure as food or money.
"Self-disclosure is very helpful," says Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir. She was doing research with her colleague Jason Mitchell. Their discoveries were published at a hearing at the National Academy of Sciences. According to Diana, for the sake of talking about themselves, people are ready to give up even money.
2. Ask questions.
If you use leading questions to help people recognize their mistakes themselves and come to the right decision on their own, they will not feel threatened and will become more open.
3. Ask for advice.
Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, belief expert Robert Sioldini, and many others see asking for advice as a good way to influence people and earn their warmth.
Wharton professor Adam Grant writes in his excellent book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success:
“Recent research has shown that asking for advice is a surprisingly effective strategy to grab attention when we lack credibility with the other person. In one experiment by researcher Katie Lilgenquist, people had to negotiate a possible sale of commercial real estate. When sellers concentrated on setting the highest possible price, only eight percent came to an agreement. When sellers asked buyers what to do best, consulted, forty-two percent managed to agree. The requests for advice had a positive effect on cooperation and information exchange, turning potentially contentious negotiations into a mutually beneficial agreement. These studies demonstrate that in manufacturing, financial services,
4. Technique of "two questions".
Ask people about anything that evokes positive emotions. And only then can you ask about other aspects of life.
It sounds silly, but this method is based on research by the psychologist and Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman.
Answering yes to the first question will help people feel more positive emotions about their entire life when you ask your next question.
5. Repeat the last three words.
How can you quickly get people to listen to themselves?
Communication skills expert Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition.
From the book "How to communicate with people: 92 little tips for successful communication":
“… Just repeat the last two or three words of your interlocutor in a sympathetic, slightly hesitant tone. This throws the dialogue ball to the partner's side. "
In this way, you can show that you are listening, that you are interested and that you allow the story to continue.
This type of behavior is surprisingly effective. Especially in negotiations.
6. Gossip, but not evil.
Research shows that how you respond to others influences how people treat you.
Praise others, and you will surely be remembered as a positive person. Complain and you will associate with the negative traits that you don't like so much.
From the book "59 Seconds That Will Change Your Life":
“When you gossip about another person, listeners subconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are talking about. Ultimately, all of this will be attributed to you. So speak well of your friends and colleagues and they will see you as a wonderful person.
So how do you get people to love you? It's easier than you think. Here are six research-backed tips:
1. Get people to talk about themselves.
According to researchers, talking about ourselves, be it in person or on social media like Facebook or Twitter, generates in our brains the same sense of pleasure as food or money.
"Self-disclosure is very helpful," says Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir. She was doing research with her colleague Jason Mitchell. Their discoveries were published at a hearing at the National Academy of Sciences. According to Diana, for the sake of talking about themselves, people are ready to give up even money.
2. Ask questions.
If you use leading questions to help people recognize their mistakes themselves and come to the right decision on their own, they will not feel threatened and will become more open.
3. Ask for advice.
Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, belief expert Robert Sioldini, and many others see asking for advice as a good way to influence people and earn their warmth.
Wharton professor Adam Grant writes in his excellent book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success:
“Recent research has shown that asking for advice is a surprisingly effective strategy to grab attention when we lack credibility with the other person. In one experiment by researcher Katie Lilgenquist, people had to negotiate a possible sale of commercial real estate. When sellers concentrated on setting the highest possible price, only eight percent came to an agreement. When sellers asked buyers what to do best, consulted, forty-two percent managed to agree. The requests for advice had a positive effect on cooperation and information exchange, turning potentially contentious negotiations into a mutually beneficial agreement. These studies demonstrate that in manufacturing, financial services,
4. Technique of "two questions".
Ask people about anything that evokes positive emotions. And only then can you ask about other aspects of life.
It sounds silly, but this method is based on research by the psychologist and Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman.
Answering yes to the first question will help people feel more positive emotions about their entire life when you ask your next question.
5. Repeat the last three words.
How can you quickly get people to listen to themselves?
Communication skills expert Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition.
From the book "How to communicate with people: 92 little tips for successful communication":
“… Just repeat the last two or three words of your interlocutor in a sympathetic, slightly hesitant tone. This throws the dialogue ball to the partner's side. "
In this way, you can show that you are listening, that you are interested and that you allow the story to continue.
This type of behavior is surprisingly effective. Especially in negotiations.
6. Gossip, but not evil.
Research shows that how you respond to others influences how people treat you.
Praise others, and you will surely be remembered as a positive person. Complain and you will associate with the negative traits that you don't like so much.
From the book "59 Seconds That Will Change Your Life":
“When you gossip about another person, listeners subconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are talking about. Ultimately, all of this will be attributed to you. So speak well of your friends and colleagues and they will see you as a wonderful person.
