Professor
Professional
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It was around 2000, in a city with a population of > 5 million people. The only property was a pair of holey pants and one interesting certificate in my pocket. Frankly speaking, there was nothing to lose. A close friend of mine got me into the topic. I worked in this area in each of the positions, I'll tell you about the nuances.
In short, a legal entity is registered, for example, Vector LLC or Computer Master LLC, Megabyte LLC, in short, so that an idiot understands that the company deals with computers. We value a Pentium Celeron III computer as the authorized capital. Of course, no one has ever seen the founders, so it's easier to take a ready-made legal entity with an open account in a bank, now it costs laughable money, it wasn't so fun before, dragging homeless people to banks is fucking crazy.
The next step is to find suitable premises. This must be a premises with a security post at the entrance, and they should actually do their job, and not sit around cracking scanwords.
There must be a back entrance.
We rent a room, the smaller the better. We divide the closet into three parts: the first part is a repair shop, the second part is a warehouse, where spare parts and hardware from clients are stored, and the third part is for managers. We buy used furniture on Avito if the room is empty.
Now we need personnel. Personnel decide everything! (c). I'll tell you right away, the turnover will be just crazy, you'll understand why later.
We start with one girl, she's also a manager, we introduce ourselves as the head of an out-of-town branch, that's what I did. We throw mountains of gold at the girl, like, we actually need a general director, but you yourself understand that you're not dragging your feet yet, let's do an internship (that is, you'll do the work of a manager, and get paid for it as a manager), and if you work your ass off well, we'll make you the head of the branch. Maybe.
Her responsibilities:
1. Working with poster hangers.
2. Working with foremen (hereinafter I'll call her a system administrator). Hand out applications for the next working day, control the fucking system administrators, sort out issues with clients.
3. HR
The personnel hires a girl for the company Megabyte LLC, under our sensitive guidance. We look at those who lie in the questionnaire, the worse the person is, the better for us, I judge from my own experience.
Posters are regularly hired. Each has an assigned territory (district, for example). Their task is to tear down competitors' ads and before the end of the working day, post ads like: "Master's visit $1! Diagnostics free! 1 800 535 35 55 It's easier to call than to borrow from someone!"
Posters are paid not for the number of ads they post, but for the number of applications received from their district. And they don't know how many applications there actually were, of course.
In short, the point is to pay everyone the minimum possible amount of money. You can come up with a system of fines for the posters, it's not really hard to control. And working for such vacancies is all sorts of sludge from the bottom of life.
All applications come to us, we delegate the applications to the girl-manager, then she either charges a free system administrator for the application, or charges a system administrator for another time (day). Be sure to call the client, clarify that tomorrow, for example, Vasya will come and fix your computer.
System administrators also work on a salary (minimum + fines if you earned on a bare salary, i.e. did nothing.) You can even not hire them on staff, if the patient agrees. Especially since most have interesting records in their work records and problems with the army. The admin gets 20% of the order. Like, the office, applications, all this costs money, so for now 20%. And then, a beginner system administrator gets 15% and a progressive bonus system.
The girl gets a percentage of what everyone earns, both the poster hangers and the system administrators. She needs to be financially motivated to jerk off the masters and poster hangers.
The branch manager also gets a percentage of the manager's earnings. In short, the pyramid, with the system administrators at the very bottom.
So far, everything looks like the usual workdays of a company like "Computer Master", what's the catch?
The catch is that the price is 10 times higher than the average market price.
Upon arrival at the order, each system administrator is sure to take the work order and the price list, a thick book, at least 300 pages long. The point is that no one will even pick it up. On the first page we indicate items like
"Call a technician to your home - $1",
"Anti-virus computer scan - $1",
and in the middle we slap on services like "Installing the WinRAR archiver - $10",
"Installing drivers, for each driver - $5.
Any system administrator spends at least 4 hours on an order, even if he sits on Facebook from his phone, the client should see that the person has been sitting with him for a long time.
From the doorway, the system administrator gives the client a work order for signature, with blank columns: the amount and the list of works, supposedly to indicate the time of arrival of the system administrator on the application. After this, the work order with the client's signature and the blue seal of the organization is hidden as far as possible, and the client already works with a handwritten copy, without a signature.
In fact, as soon as a person has signed the work order, any amount can be entered, even $1000, the main thing is that the amount is collected according to the price list.
The system administrator must say, here's the price list, all the prices are listed, look. Most don't bother, they say, do what you need to do, then tell me how much. Before doing the work, the system administrator also calls the owner and says, you need to reinstall Windows, update the drivers and all the crap, ok?
Why such nuances?
The person who planned to give the thing away to the province receives a bill for $120.
In the mind of the sucker, you need to switch the aggression from the system administrator to the manager, to convince him that he was screwed not by a pimply kid, but by a manager or some abstract company. And the system administrator also brews a victim of circumstances, like I don't know, I'm not the one making the price list. Because the kid is sitting here, and the company is somewhere over there.
Very few people decide to just screw a stranger in their own home, and for good reason. But psychologically, the sucker should shift the aggression from the performer to the manager for the fact that he is being screwed like a sucker in his own home, in front of his wife and children. In fact, this is half the battle, to make his face look like a brick in time, and the system administrator also wants this, because they are actually bullying him.
Then the psychological pressure begins. Like, fuck, no money, you're fucking nuts, why so much, here's your thing and fuck off, women are crying, in short, the most negative part of the gimmick that suckers-sysadmins do for us.
In about 50% of cases, the client gives money, tells them to fuck off and freaks out when they're alone. The other half starts to hammer home that it's a mistake and the manager will sort it all out. Telephone negotiations with the office begin. The girl manager frankly doesn't give a shit, she doesn't have an angry mountain of meat hanging over her, for example. The manager reluctantly throws down two grand after 20 minutes, the client happily pays.
IRL personally, when I worked as a sysadmin, I once got my face punched, and very effectively. Well, and the cops were called 10 times.
In this case, by the way, the garbage doesn't do shit, from the outside it looks like a fucking owner of an apartment called a fucking repairman, they screwed up something there, well, why the fuck clean them up inside, no one is cutting anyone with a knife, no one is punching anyone in the face.
At most - you go to the police station with a sucker, write that you, like, system administrator Vasya, citizen K screwed you, agreed with everything, and then bam and says I won't pay, fuck you, threatened to punch you in the face, and generally behaved like a dishonest person. What the sucker writes there is not important, that is, theoretically, this is pure fraud, however, here is the work order, here is the client's signature, he himself does not argue that he called, and the work was basically done, but he is embarrassed by the amount.
The price of the issue is up to 20 (10) thousand, this is some kind of bullshit, and not an occupation for cops. Let the sucker write to the sports lottery, to Rospotrebnadzor, who knows where, as long as he gets the fuck out of here soon. Let them prove that everything happened the way the sucker says, there's no point in signing documents without reading them.
And the sucker usually loses his enthusiasm after the trash, the person makes a Solomonic decision to give a f*ck, because he understands that even if he claws his money back, it will be through the courts at best and oh so soon.
There is also such a scenario. You arrive at the place. You see that the house is richly furnished, let's say the sucker says that "the computer won't start". The system unit under your arm, a piece of paper for the client, a signed work order for yourself that the system engineer took it for diagnostics. After that, for at least five, he will be able to take his system unit back, because during the diagnostics it turned out that the power supply, video card and hard drive were fucked, we can change everything, and the components are really bought on Avito used. In general, all the parts are bought used and as cheap as possible. If the client refuses - no problem, two thousand for diagnostics, cleaning, for each fucking screw according to the price list .
And if the client wants his system unit back - let him pay the money. The system administrator carries the system unit there and back on his back. And he also takes the money from the sucker's hands.
All subordinates have neither corporate communications, nor payment for travel. The system administrator really risks his ass, installing pirated Windows, for example. And still there are those who find some kind of joke in this and work. Paradox. Probably it is necessary to convince subordinates quite convincingly that they work in a reputable computer company, well, yes, they say, the prices are higher than others, but we are the fucking elite, and then stimulate them with real money, for example, a master who made 2 applications in a day gets a thousand in cash from the cash register, come up with your own carrot for the donkey. Try to keep normal admins with all your might, the money comes from them. Offer him two days off, anyway he is paid by the
piece. The office does not have a direct phone, everything is through IP telephony, it is clear that we try to change the numbers more often, as well as the design of leaflets. None of the employees can disclose the location of the office to clients, to those who want to refuse such fucking services, they say we have a serious service here, a security post at the entrance, no one will let you in here.
The system administrator is cleaning up all the bullshit in this topic. He is the one who is messing with the bulls, he is the one who is taking the money from the order to the office, in fact, only the system administrators earn money, everyone else is fucking parasites, that is, a cushion for our ass.
I am tired of writing and proofreading, let it remain as is.
In short, a legal entity is registered, for example, Vector LLC or Computer Master LLC, Megabyte LLC, in short, so that an idiot understands that the company deals with computers. We value a Pentium Celeron III computer as the authorized capital. Of course, no one has ever seen the founders, so it's easier to take a ready-made legal entity with an open account in a bank, now it costs laughable money, it wasn't so fun before, dragging homeless people to banks is fucking crazy.
The next step is to find suitable premises. This must be a premises with a security post at the entrance, and they should actually do their job, and not sit around cracking scanwords.
There must be a back entrance.
We rent a room, the smaller the better. We divide the closet into three parts: the first part is a repair shop, the second part is a warehouse, where spare parts and hardware from clients are stored, and the third part is for managers. We buy used furniture on Avito if the room is empty.
Now we need personnel. Personnel decide everything! (c). I'll tell you right away, the turnover will be just crazy, you'll understand why later.
We start with one girl, she's also a manager, we introduce ourselves as the head of an out-of-town branch, that's what I did. We throw mountains of gold at the girl, like, we actually need a general director, but you yourself understand that you're not dragging your feet yet, let's do an internship (that is, you'll do the work of a manager, and get paid for it as a manager), and if you work your ass off well, we'll make you the head of the branch. Maybe.
Her responsibilities:
1. Working with poster hangers.
2. Working with foremen (hereinafter I'll call her a system administrator). Hand out applications for the next working day, control the fucking system administrators, sort out issues with clients.
3. HR
The personnel hires a girl for the company Megabyte LLC, under our sensitive guidance. We look at those who lie in the questionnaire, the worse the person is, the better for us, I judge from my own experience.
Posters are regularly hired. Each has an assigned territory (district, for example). Their task is to tear down competitors' ads and before the end of the working day, post ads like: "Master's visit $1! Diagnostics free! 1 800 535 35 55 It's easier to call than to borrow from someone!"
Posters are paid not for the number of ads they post, but for the number of applications received from their district. And they don't know how many applications there actually were, of course.
In short, the point is to pay everyone the minimum possible amount of money. You can come up with a system of fines for the posters, it's not really hard to control. And working for such vacancies is all sorts of sludge from the bottom of life.
All applications come to us, we delegate the applications to the girl-manager, then she either charges a free system administrator for the application, or charges a system administrator for another time (day). Be sure to call the client, clarify that tomorrow, for example, Vasya will come and fix your computer.
System administrators also work on a salary (minimum + fines if you earned on a bare salary, i.e. did nothing.) You can even not hire them on staff, if the patient agrees. Especially since most have interesting records in their work records and problems with the army. The admin gets 20% of the order. Like, the office, applications, all this costs money, so for now 20%. And then, a beginner system administrator gets 15% and a progressive bonus system.
The girl gets a percentage of what everyone earns, both the poster hangers and the system administrators. She needs to be financially motivated to jerk off the masters and poster hangers.
The branch manager also gets a percentage of the manager's earnings. In short, the pyramid, with the system administrators at the very bottom.
So far, everything looks like the usual workdays of a company like "Computer Master", what's the catch?
The catch is that the price is 10 times higher than the average market price.
Upon arrival at the order, each system administrator is sure to take the work order and the price list, a thick book, at least 300 pages long. The point is that no one will even pick it up. On the first page we indicate items like
"Call a technician to your home - $1",
"Anti-virus computer scan - $1",
and in the middle we slap on services like "Installing the WinRAR archiver - $10",
"Installing drivers, for each driver - $5.
Any system administrator spends at least 4 hours on an order, even if he sits on Facebook from his phone, the client should see that the person has been sitting with him for a long time.
From the doorway, the system administrator gives the client a work order for signature, with blank columns: the amount and the list of works, supposedly to indicate the time of arrival of the system administrator on the application. After this, the work order with the client's signature and the blue seal of the organization is hidden as far as possible, and the client already works with a handwritten copy, without a signature.
In fact, as soon as a person has signed the work order, any amount can be entered, even $1000, the main thing is that the amount is collected according to the price list.
The system administrator must say, here's the price list, all the prices are listed, look. Most don't bother, they say, do what you need to do, then tell me how much. Before doing the work, the system administrator also calls the owner and says, you need to reinstall Windows, update the drivers and all the crap, ok?
Why such nuances?
The person who planned to give the thing away to the province receives a bill for $120.
In the mind of the sucker, you need to switch the aggression from the system administrator to the manager, to convince him that he was screwed not by a pimply kid, but by a manager or some abstract company. And the system administrator also brews a victim of circumstances, like I don't know, I'm not the one making the price list. Because the kid is sitting here, and the company is somewhere over there.
Very few people decide to just screw a stranger in their own home, and for good reason. But psychologically, the sucker should shift the aggression from the performer to the manager for the fact that he is being screwed like a sucker in his own home, in front of his wife and children. In fact, this is half the battle, to make his face look like a brick in time, and the system administrator also wants this, because they are actually bullying him.
Then the psychological pressure begins. Like, fuck, no money, you're fucking nuts, why so much, here's your thing and fuck off, women are crying, in short, the most negative part of the gimmick that suckers-sysadmins do for us.
In about 50% of cases, the client gives money, tells them to fuck off and freaks out when they're alone. The other half starts to hammer home that it's a mistake and the manager will sort it all out. Telephone negotiations with the office begin. The girl manager frankly doesn't give a shit, she doesn't have an angry mountain of meat hanging over her, for example. The manager reluctantly throws down two grand after 20 minutes, the client happily pays.
IRL personally, when I worked as a sysadmin, I once got my face punched, and very effectively. Well, and the cops were called 10 times.
In this case, by the way, the garbage doesn't do shit, from the outside it looks like a fucking owner of an apartment called a fucking repairman, they screwed up something there, well, why the fuck clean them up inside, no one is cutting anyone with a knife, no one is punching anyone in the face.
At most - you go to the police station with a sucker, write that you, like, system administrator Vasya, citizen K screwed you, agreed with everything, and then bam and says I won't pay, fuck you, threatened to punch you in the face, and generally behaved like a dishonest person. What the sucker writes there is not important, that is, theoretically, this is pure fraud, however, here is the work order, here is the client's signature, he himself does not argue that he called, and the work was basically done, but he is embarrassed by the amount.
The price of the issue is up to 20 (10) thousand, this is some kind of bullshit, and not an occupation for cops. Let the sucker write to the sports lottery, to Rospotrebnadzor, who knows where, as long as he gets the fuck out of here soon. Let them prove that everything happened the way the sucker says, there's no point in signing documents without reading them.
And the sucker usually loses his enthusiasm after the trash, the person makes a Solomonic decision to give a f*ck, because he understands that even if he claws his money back, it will be through the courts at best and oh so soon.
There is also such a scenario. You arrive at the place. You see that the house is richly furnished, let's say the sucker says that "the computer won't start". The system unit under your arm, a piece of paper for the client, a signed work order for yourself that the system engineer took it for diagnostics. After that, for at least five, he will be able to take his system unit back, because during the diagnostics it turned out that the power supply, video card and hard drive were fucked, we can change everything, and the components are really bought on Avito used. In general, all the parts are bought used and as cheap as possible. If the client refuses - no problem, two thousand for diagnostics, cleaning, for each fucking screw according to the price list .
And if the client wants his system unit back - let him pay the money. The system administrator carries the system unit there and back on his back. And he also takes the money from the sucker's hands.
All subordinates have neither corporate communications, nor payment for travel. The system administrator really risks his ass, installing pirated Windows, for example. And still there are those who find some kind of joke in this and work. Paradox. Probably it is necessary to convince subordinates quite convincingly that they work in a reputable computer company, well, yes, they say, the prices are higher than others, but we are the fucking elite, and then stimulate them with real money, for example, a master who made 2 applications in a day gets a thousand in cash from the cash register, come up with your own carrot for the donkey. Try to keep normal admins with all your might, the money comes from them. Offer him two days off, anyway he is paid by the
piece. The office does not have a direct phone, everything is through IP telephony, it is clear that we try to change the numbers more often, as well as the design of leaflets. None of the employees can disclose the location of the office to clients, to those who want to refuse such fucking services, they say we have a serious service here, a security post at the entrance, no one will let you in here.
The system administrator is cleaning up all the bullshit in this topic. He is the one who is messing with the bulls, he is the one who is taking the money from the order to the office, in fact, only the system administrators earn money, everyone else is fucking parasites, that is, a cushion for our ass.
I am tired of writing and proofreading, let it remain as is.
