CarderPlanet
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Each person has his own individual style of behavior, facial expressions, gestures, body posture, intonation in the voice, the main set of verbal expressions and of course the representational system. Each person has a certain system of worldview, perception of external reality and behavior. Knowing these features of the interlocutor, you can gain confidence in him while communicating with him using the technique of hidden manipulation of the interlocutor (neurolinguistic programming - NLP), using the "adjustment" method. The point is that people converge with others, guided by the principle of "common". It can be a mutual interest or a similar worldview, one zodiac sign or profession, a similar facial expression or a way to express their emotions, etc. People love their own kind and reject “strangers”.
"Adjustment" is aimed at achieving subconscious trust in the interlocutor (rapport). The technology for building subconscious trust contains the following main components:
- adjustment to posture;
- adjustment by gestures;
- adjustment to breathing;
- adjustment for speech;
- psychological adjustment.
Adjustment to the pose. The first thing to do to build a rapport is to copy the pose of your interlocutor. But this must be done naturally and easily so that the interlocutor does not have the impression that his body positions are being deliberately copied. During the conversation, the partner can change body position several times. Therefore, copying all the changes that occur in the position of his body, you need to follow them with a slight lag. To make the adjustment less noticeable, you can adjust gradually, for example, first make the same tilt of the body and head, and then adjust to the rest of the positions.
Adjustment by gestures. Gestures are always a signal of any psychological changes in the interlocutor. By accurately adjusting the interlocutor's gesture system, you can achieve a deeper level of trust from his unconscious.
To gain confidence in the interlocutor, it is not necessary to emphasize the exact copying of gestures; it is enough to reproduce their general direction. For example, if the interlocutor raised his hand to his forehead, you can remove an imaginary speck from his jacket. If the interlocutor took off and wipes the glasses, you can manipulate the handle that lies in front of you.
Breathing adjustment... This is a fairly difficult technique to master and requires a long training. Adjusting to breathing means that we begin to breathe with the same depth and intensity as the interlocutor. In this case, it is better to start watching one thing, either the inhalation or exhalation of a person. An important feature of this technique is the ability to apply cross-adjustment, that is, to reflect the inhalation and exhalation of a person not with their breath, but with the movement of body parts, for example, by tapping a finger on the table ... In addition, in cases where it is physiologically difficult to adjust to the breathing rate of the interlocutor (who breathes too fast or, conversely, too slow), you can use the so-called multiple cycle method.
The greatest difficulty in adjusting to breathing is recognizing how the interlocutor breathes. A person's breathing can be heard, you can notice the steam from breathing in winter, in the summer - the movement of the nostrils. You can see how a woman's chest or a man's belly moves. You can hug or put your hand on your shoulder and get into the rhythm that way.
It is necessary to note such an aspect as the importance of exhalation. Since we speak mainly with the exhalation, our inner speech is also synchronized with the exhalation. Therefore, when you adjust to the breathing of the interlocutor and speak on his exhalation, your speech will automatically adjust to the interlocutor's internal rhythm and increase the effect of psychological influence.
Adjustment for speech. Adjustment for speech includes adjustment for the timbre of the voice, the speed of speech, other characteristic features of the interlocutor's speech, for example, his use of parasitic words, verbal predicates.
Theatrical reception.
Consider a devastating trick that can give you instant confidence in someone. This is a wonderful theatrical technique - an echo. It consists in repeating words and phrases that the interlocutor uses in his speech. These words and characteristic phrases may depend on various factors - on the profession, place of residence, occupation and on many others.
What is the peculiarity of using this method? Imagine that you are talking to the owner of a motor boat. If you name the subject of his pride "boat", then your chances of getting this boat for hire are sharply reduced to almost zero. Why? Yes, all because the owner will definitely call her "ship"! And in order to effectively get in touch, you need to speak his language, because otherwise a subconscious barrier will arise between you and the interlocutor, which will interfere with the further development of the conversation.
How to inspire confidence and liberate the interlocutor in communication? Speak in his language. Also, notice when someone speaks to you in your language, because this is a professional who is familiar with this technique and wants to gain confidence in you and build good constructive communication and dialogue.
If a person calls his house "chalet", then he will not tolerate if you call him "house", so be careful. In fact, many kindergarten teachers have a hard time being called “educators” because they are “preschool educators”!
As you speak, notice the slang words that the person uses to characterize the elements of his life, and then casually insert them into the conversation.
Psychological adjustment. Such adjustment is realized by creating a communication space in which you will feel with your interlocutor as a part of one whole. At the same time, when it comes to methods of psychological adjustment, you must remember that you are entering the territory of maximum significance for another person and any wrong word or deed will immediately become an obstacle for you in further interaction with this person.
Adjustment for emotions. Before the beginning of the impact, it is advisable to bring oneself into the same emotional state that is observed in the interlocutor.
Adjustment to the structure of values. The values of another person are his rigidly fixed and definite attitude to all things in the world. If a deep dissonance between your values suddenly appears, the person will be completely lost for you. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid any evaluative statements in the preparation and implementation of the impact. An evaluative statement activates the value structure of the interlocutor, and this very often leads to dissonance.
Adjustment to the representative system. Each person has a more developed one channel of perception. The main ones are: visual, auditory, kinesthetic. The dominance of one channel or another means that a person receives and processes information mainly in this form. The tactics of influencing a person depends on the dominant system of perception.
Among the signs of the dominance of the visual channel is a lively gaze: the eyes are in constant motion, speech is fast (a person does not have time to describe the images that arise in his head), expressions constantly slip in the conversation: “I see it this way ...”, “I saw in mute ...", "I look at these things ...", gestures in the upper body. Directions of eye movement: right - up (creating visual mental images), straight - up (remembering visual images), left - up (remembering visual images), straight forward (figurative imagination from memory or the external world).
In the course of communicating with the visual, you should not tell him “listen to me”, but you should say “look”. One should rely on figurative comparisons, talk about "bright prospects", support his expectation of a "brilliant future."
A sign of the dominance of the auditory canal is a very pleasant, modulated voice with complex and varied intonations. Expressions are often found in speech: "I hear ...", "these are the sounds of my soul ...", "melody of life ...", "but, I heard ...", "by ear ... "Such people are very sensitive to the correct phonetic organization of speech, in particular to stress. Direction of eye movement: to the left - sideways (memory of sound images), to the left - downward (internal dialogue with oneself).
How do you gain the confidence of such a person? In communicating with the audience, it is necessary to pay maximum attention to the intonations of speech (raising or lowering the tone, changing the timbre, increasing the volume, switching to a whisper), since this will be the main instrument of influence.
1For a left-handed person, this happens with the opposite opposite. In addition, there are some individual deviations from the general rules, and at different points in time the system of perception may change.
A sign of the dominance of the kinesthetic channel - a person operates with such concepts as feelings: "I feel this way ...", "I felt it ...", "Oh, what sensations ...", "I was captured by this feeling ... "He has a good memory for sensations, noticeable attentiveness to their comfort, selectivity in food, great love for outdoor recreation. Direction of eye movement: straight - down (imagining bodily sensations), right - sideways (creating internal sounds).
When communicating with a kinesthetic, it is necessary to introduce more descriptions of possible sensations that the interlocutor may have during the interaction. For example, you can often say the phrases "you may feel that ...", "a sense of strong confidence." He needs to say "you feel", "feel", etc.
OK. When a partner does or says something, he always subconsciously expects an assessment of his actions. This is a very deep psychological mechanism, which is associated with the fact that any of our actions should automatically be evaluated by society. Using approval, you can nudge the interlocutor's subconscious in the direction of building his trust in you. When entering into trust, the following should be considered.
Naturally, the subject's desire to establish rapport in all parameters at once. However, this will lead to the fact that his brain will be overwhelmed with information. Instead of following the thread of a conversation, he will load the brain with such things as the need to avoid evaluative statements, etc. During a conversation, you need to talk, and not think about the individual components of how to build trust. Therefore, it is advisable to train the rapport setting strictly consistently. And until the subject has brought one skill to automatism, it is not worth taking on the next tool. It is a long road, but only it will lead to success.
In order not to look funny and suspicious, it is necessary to act very subtly and carefully, without causing discomfort to the interlocutor. After all, frankly imitating, you can offend a person. In addition, it should be borne in mind that at first it is difficult to get used to this communication technique, but with practice it will become a habit.
