How to agree with yourself

[Teacher]

Have you ever had a desire to “both want and inject”? Or you know exactly what you really want: a car, a job, a relationship, a position, the development of any qualities, and the desired goal runs away all the time. And what is especially offensive when everyone around is repeating: "they say, if you want, do it and you will get it," and you have already rubbed your hands into the blood, but it just doesn't work out.

This situation suggests that, most likely, there is internal resistance to achieve this very goal. How to find and fix it?

Recently I got acquainted with a very interesting technique of overcoming "plugs". A variety of requests are suitable for working out: financial ceiling, m / f relationships, desired, but so far unattainable goals from any context. I personally used this technique to work out the financial ceiling. And he made unexpected and resource discoveries for himself, and most importantly - a real change in the financial issue. For the better, of course.

This amazing technique is based on the concept of ego states "Adult - Child - Parent". The bottom line is simple: each of us has the above parts of the personality. To achieve any goal, it is desirable that all these parts want it and agree with each other on methods and ways of achieving it.

To carry out the technique, it is not necessary to deeply know psychology, it is enough to have a child's curiosity and the skill of listening to a client (it can be extremely difficult to keep yourself from advice for people who are not trained in practice ).

More about the parts of the personality:

Adult: the part of the personality responsible for choice, action, responsibility.

Child: the part of the personality responsible for play, desires, curiosity, body.

Parent: this part is responsible for social requirements - must, must, the safety of the child.

Technique Steps:

1. Formulate the request in the affirmative and dependent on the client. I don't want bananas or bad relationships - it doesn't fit, it's necessary: what I want. "I want Vasya to change" is also not suitable. Better "I want to learn how to build trusting relationships with Vasya." The more specific the better, however, it is not necessary to be too detailed.

2. Metaphorically draw a target on paper and place it on the floor. Arrange the cards next to them in the desired order and at a distance from the target: "adult", "child", "parent".

3. Offer the client in the desired order to enter each position and feel it. This can be helped by listing the qualities of each ego-state.

4. Get out of ego states and look at the whole picture from the outside, if you want to shift the cards, change or supplement the goal.

5. Now the client enters the ego state and looks at the goal. It is important to tell about your attitude to the goal from each state: what he feels, how he sees the goal, is it real for him, etc. For example, it may turn out that the child is not interested in the goal, and the parent is angry with the child for it.

6. Let each part of the client speak out, including through dialogue, passing from state to state (moving through the cards on the floor). Most often, childhood trauma is found at this stage. The small child inside the client still feels the pressure of parents from childhood. Here we must try to separate the real parents from the past and the inner parent responsible for the child's safety.

Alternatively, have the inner child speak out to his parents in the past, and the inner parent support him. Thus, communication between the parts continues until they agree on mutual support on the way to the goal. It is advisable, in the position of the child, to also absorb new feelings of support from the parent with the body.

7. The client comes out of ego states and looks at what is happening from the side, if he wants to, he rearranges the cards as he likes and makes changes to the drawing of the goal.

8. Discussion with the client. His new vision of the goal, changes in the attitude towards himself and the ways to achieve the goal. It is important to warn that realizations and transformations will take another week, or even more. Let him just observe the change in his reactions to what is happening.

Experts, be prepared that very deep experiences will climb in the process. Do not hurry! Be prepared to give a lot of support and not give advice. The client has to live every step. Gradually immerse yourself in each state, experience change, permission, acceptance, support. Share your vision of new perspectives, opportunities and desires.

One of my clients had an unpleasant situation at work, this caused a lot of negative states, which she hardly experienced. In the conversation, she recalled that for several years she had glanced towards one international organization, but for one reason or another had not sent her resume there. It was her dream job, but as usual, dreams are left for later ...

This time I offered to work on my dream and see what different parts of the personality think about it. During the practice, fears, doubts and enormous resources emerged, thanks to which all fears were neutralized. When all parts of the personality agreed to support each other, the client was transformed - her eyes were shining, her smile was all 32, the difficulties at the current job were forgotten and there was a burning desire to immediately start writing a resume for a new dream job.

Dream, change, act! Remember that within everyone there are all the resources for change and success! Ask questions and write the results of the technique.