Lord777
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In her seven bestselling books, Barbara Sher repeatedly repeats: "Each of us is unique and has a unique view of the world." At the same time, the advice of other people can stop us or turn us in the wrong direction. There are two reasons for this. First, it is difficult for us to understand what we want, there are too many options. Freedom is beautiful, but also painful. And the second reason is that something prevents us from realizing our desires.
Live by someone else's expectations or still by your own
The family, society, culture in which we grow up overwhelm us with their expectations. Sometimes these attitudes scream: “Get married. Earn money. Buy an apartment. "And sometimes they sneak into the subconscious and stay there. We usually forget how and when we got the attitudes that rule our lives. Barbara Sher suggests constantly asking yourself one simple question:" Who said that? "not do what you are doing now or what you want to do?
Want to start something? Just start
When we see successful people who passionately love their work, we secretly envy them: how are they so lucky? It's simple: they started to act. Barbara Sher argues that continuous action is simply vital for people who do not know what they want.
1. Action helps you think. Plunging into real life situations, we do not assume how it would be, but operate with real factors.
2. Action increases self-esteem. When we overcome our fears, we feel successful. Let someone yell at you or ignore your letter, anyway you have already conquered your fear - you have taken a step towards your goal.
3. Luck comes to those who act. Planning doesn't work. It is necessary to set a goal (any) and start doing whatever comes to mind in order to achieve it. For example, Barbara Sher herself did not know before what her dream job would be. She called her ex-boyfriend to complain about her miserable life. He spoke about the therapeutic groups that have helped him. Barbara joined the group, the psychologist liked how she coped with the tasks, and he offered her a job.
4. Each of us has an animal hidden - and he has excellent instincts. This point is about the fact that you need to believe your desires, even if they are from the realm of fantasy and no one supports them.
Determine who you are - a scanner or a diver (surely one of them)
Barbara Sher believes that all people can be divided into scanners and divers. The scanners are equally enthusiastic about flower structure and music theory. They want to do everything at once. The only problem with scanners is finding a job where they can use their particular talent. Divers, on the other hand, do not want to spray. They are ready to give everything to do one thing all their lives. However, divers can be unhappy if they begin to behave like scanners, going through one case after another. This can happen for several reasons.
First, divers are not used to learning. We must accept and understand that it is normal to be wrong. The second reason is dependence on novelty. If you are chasing every new and exciting opportunity, the Lost Dreams Lost and Found office will come in handy. Take a small box and every time you want to quit your current business and do a new one (start your own business, travel to Asia, learn Spanish). Write this new activity on a piece of paper, put it in the box, and get back to work. Work on what you are doing until it feels good. Then you can open the box and choose a new case. The third reason is anxiety attacks, which occur as soon as you start doing one thing. Most likely, it crushes the feeling of guilt towards other people or family. You are not selfish if you want to do what you enjoy.
What to do if you find yourself in an "unsuitable job"
Often graduates of schools or universities are decently covered by the question "What to do next?" Barbara Sher believes that graduation should be seen as a career change. When for a job, we are faced with rejections. Refusal, of course, is not to anyone's liking. It has a particularly devastating effect on recent graduates. Finding the perfect job the first time around you definitely won't succeed, no matter how hard you try. And it's okay if it turns out to be unsuitable. Barbara Sher has a set of rules "What to do in the wrong job" :
1. Prepare to leave. The first thing to do is schedule a layoff date and plan a party. Now you will not feel trapped because you know when you can end it.
2. Work for yourself. Your goal is not to win the favor of your boss, but to gain maximum knowledge and complete tasks 100% for yourself.
3. Be a correspondent. Your task is to study everything related to the industry in which you temporarily work. Sooner or later, you will find a use for this information.
4. Write a novel. In a conflict situation, you can suffer, but you can create. As you record what is happening, you will find yourself in awe of horrific encounters and overheard remarks.
How to cope with life changes and "regroup" in time
Change is inevitable. You may be fired, your children will grow up and leave home at some point, and you will retire altogether. In all these situations, you need to be able to regroup. Changes are a shock to the nervous system, and the loss of the usual way of life is one of the most difficult losses. Barbara Sher talks about methods for coping with change and starting over.
Method 1. If you always know how you feel, but don't like to complain. Complain anyway. When you are in this mood, any positive words about great opportunities will seem like nonsense. Therefore, allow yourself to panic or write down all your emotions in a special notebook called "Hard Times".
Method 2. If you do not accept your feelings. You have to define your feelings and describe them in words. Ask yourself: Am I happy? Anger? Sadness? Fear? There is no need to be afraid of feelings, they come and go, so you need to accept them. Suppressing feelings is an unhealthy practice that sooner or later will go badly.
Method 3. If you are bogged down in a swamp of unpleasant feelings. If you have dealt with the feelings and let them go, but they still come, fence yourself off. Change the subject, switch to another matter. Prepare for a good tomorrow every night.
It is important to realize that the change is good for us and that you have already dealt with it. Now you can act and look for a new path. The first step is to figure out what you want. To search for desires, try to dream up. Take a piece of paper and a pen and answer four questions:
So, you have worksheets filled with dreams and preferences, favorite roles and activities. Now look at everything you've written down and find the key to your desires. And when you find it, put it aside for a while. Think about what opportunities you have. To do this, you need to collect information about what you want to do and how realistic it is - interview friends, find the right connections, meet different people, communicate with them and find out what they are doing.
If you need a job right now, plan two projects: a short-term one - finding a well-paying job, and a long-term one - finding a job that you really love. Work during the day and do what you love in the evenings.
In seminars for people who want to start a new life, Barbara is often asked what to do for those who have no ambition. She happily congratulates such people and replies: “You have outgrown youthful zeal and are ready to start living. You no longer expect praise from the outside world, you are able to evaluate yourself. And finally you can do what you want. "
Therefore, if you dreamed of becoming an actor, lying in a hammock or reading a book a day, you can do it now. Each age brings its own gifts. Older people do not have that dissatisfaction that prevents young people from living. You can finally calm down and love everything: the change of seasons, the sky, reading, loved ones. This is what a new beginning might look like.
Live by someone else's expectations or still by your own
The family, society, culture in which we grow up overwhelm us with their expectations. Sometimes these attitudes scream: “Get married. Earn money. Buy an apartment. "And sometimes they sneak into the subconscious and stay there. We usually forget how and when we got the attitudes that rule our lives. Barbara Sher suggests constantly asking yourself one simple question:" Who said that? "not do what you are doing now or what you want to do?
From childhood, we drag all other people's expectations into adulthood. This can lead to destructive behavior or poor choice of spouse. For example, one of Barbara's clients realized that he had married an opera singer only because his dad loved opera. Taking a look at the list of other people's expectations, it is important to understand that these are not your personal desires. As Barbara says, "Living up to family guidelines is like always wearing a bridesmaid dress ordered for someone else's wedding."
Want to start something? Just start
When we see successful people who passionately love their work, we secretly envy them: how are they so lucky? It's simple: they started to act. Barbara Sher argues that continuous action is simply vital for people who do not know what they want.
1. Action helps you think. Plunging into real life situations, we do not assume how it would be, but operate with real factors.
2. Action increases self-esteem. When we overcome our fears, we feel successful. Let someone yell at you or ignore your letter, anyway you have already conquered your fear - you have taken a step towards your goal.
3. Luck comes to those who act. Planning doesn't work. It is necessary to set a goal (any) and start doing whatever comes to mind in order to achieve it. For example, Barbara Sher herself did not know before what her dream job would be. She called her ex-boyfriend to complain about her miserable life. He spoke about the therapeutic groups that have helped him. Barbara joined the group, the psychologist liked how she coped with the tasks, and he offered her a job.
4. Each of us has an animal hidden - and he has excellent instincts. This point is about the fact that you need to believe your desires, even if they are from the realm of fantasy and no one supports them.
Determine who you are - a scanner or a diver (surely one of them)
Barbara Sher believes that all people can be divided into scanners and divers. The scanners are equally enthusiastic about flower structure and music theory. They want to do everything at once. The only problem with scanners is finding a job where they can use their particular talent. Divers, on the other hand, do not want to spray. They are ready to give everything to do one thing all their lives. However, divers can be unhappy if they begin to behave like scanners, going through one case after another. This can happen for several reasons.
First, divers are not used to learning. We must accept and understand that it is normal to be wrong. The second reason is dependence on novelty. If you are chasing every new and exciting opportunity, the Lost Dreams Lost and Found office will come in handy. Take a small box and every time you want to quit your current business and do a new one (start your own business, travel to Asia, learn Spanish). Write this new activity on a piece of paper, put it in the box, and get back to work. Work on what you are doing until it feels good. Then you can open the box and choose a new case. The third reason is anxiety attacks, which occur as soon as you start doing one thing. Most likely, it crushes the feeling of guilt towards other people or family. You are not selfish if you want to do what you enjoy.
What to do if you find yourself in an "unsuitable job"
Often graduates of schools or universities are decently covered by the question "What to do next?" Barbara Sher believes that graduation should be seen as a career change. When for a job, we are faced with rejections. Refusal, of course, is not to anyone's liking. It has a particularly devastating effect on recent graduates. Finding the perfect job the first time around you definitely won't succeed, no matter how hard you try. And it's okay if it turns out to be unsuitable. Barbara Sher has a set of rules "What to do in the wrong job" :
1. Prepare to leave. The first thing to do is schedule a layoff date and plan a party. Now you will not feel trapped because you know when you can end it.
2. Work for yourself. Your goal is not to win the favor of your boss, but to gain maximum knowledge and complete tasks 100% for yourself.
3. Be a correspondent. Your task is to study everything related to the industry in which you temporarily work. Sooner or later, you will find a use for this information.
4. Write a novel. In a conflict situation, you can suffer, but you can create. As you record what is happening, you will find yourself in awe of horrific encounters and overheard remarks.
How to cope with life changes and "regroup" in time
Change is inevitable. You may be fired, your children will grow up and leave home at some point, and you will retire altogether. In all these situations, you need to be able to regroup. Changes are a shock to the nervous system, and the loss of the usual way of life is one of the most difficult losses. Barbara Sher talks about methods for coping with change and starting over.
Method 1. If you always know how you feel, but don't like to complain. Complain anyway. When you are in this mood, any positive words about great opportunities will seem like nonsense. Therefore, allow yourself to panic or write down all your emotions in a special notebook called "Hard Times".
Method 2. If you do not accept your feelings. You have to define your feelings and describe them in words. Ask yourself: Am I happy? Anger? Sadness? Fear? There is no need to be afraid of feelings, they come and go, so you need to accept them. Suppressing feelings is an unhealthy practice that sooner or later will go badly.
Method 3. If you are bogged down in a swamp of unpleasant feelings. If you have dealt with the feelings and let them go, but they still come, fence yourself off. Change the subject, switch to another matter. Prepare for a good tomorrow every night.
It is important to realize that the change is good for us and that you have already dealt with it. Now you can act and look for a new path. The first step is to figure out what you want. To search for desires, try to dream up. Take a piece of paper and a pen and answer four questions:
- Who in this world would you like to spend the day with? Why?
- What famous person would you like to be for the day? Why?
- What kind of animal would you like to become for a day? Why?
- What place and time in history would you like to visit? Why?
So, you have worksheets filled with dreams and preferences, favorite roles and activities. Now look at everything you've written down and find the key to your desires. And when you find it, put it aside for a while. Think about what opportunities you have. To do this, you need to collect information about what you want to do and how realistic it is - interview friends, find the right connections, meet different people, communicate with them and find out what they are doing.
If you need a job right now, plan two projects: a short-term one - finding a well-paying job, and a long-term one - finding a job that you really love. Work during the day and do what you love in the evenings.
In seminars for people who want to start a new life, Barbara is often asked what to do for those who have no ambition. She happily congratulates such people and replies: “You have outgrown youthful zeal and are ready to start living. You no longer expect praise from the outside world, you are able to evaluate yourself. And finally you can do what you want. "
Therefore, if you dreamed of becoming an actor, lying in a hammock or reading a book a day, you can do it now. Each age brings its own gifts. Older people do not have that dissatisfaction that prevents young people from living. You can finally calm down and love everything: the change of seasons, the sky, reading, loved ones. This is what a new beginning might look like.
