Forms of verbal violence

[Brother]

Everyone knows the power of words. They can uplift and destroy, cheer up and ruin it. It also happens that we want to cheer, comfort, make laugh, but because of the wrong use of words, it only makes things worse.

But this happens by accident. But in some cases, a person deliberately uses some forms of verbal violence to achieve their goals. Verbal violence itself is insidious in that it looks quite harmless outwardly. So harmless that an outside observer might not suspect anything. Or even the one to whom these words are addressed. The most unpleasant thing is that this form of communication is most often applied to the closest people.

In order to correct this, it is necessary first of all to make a diagnosis - to recognize verbal abuse. There are twelve hidden forms.

Judgment or criticism​

The verbal abuser constantly corrects you by talking about what can be done better. At the same time, he rarely praises, and if he praises, then in such a way that it would be better not to do it. All this is served with the sauce of expert opinion and in order to "help" (even if you did not ask). When you start to get annoyed, the abuser says that he didn't mean to offend at all and he had the best intentions.

Judgment can also be non-verbal: rolling your eyes, pursed lips, looking annoyed.

Containment​

This form manifests itself between emotionally close people: husband and wife, friends, parents and children. The verbal abuser today can be very open, emotional, and caring, and tomorrow he will withdraw completely for no reason. Any of your attempts to find out what the matter does not bring results, and to a direct question about what happened, the answer follows: "I do not understand what you are talking about."

This demeanor hurts the victim very much and is pleasing to the abuser.

Banter​

This happened to everyone: someone spoke evilly in your direction and then said that he was just joking. Only in very rare cases did the person really want to offend you, but most of his intentions were clear - to speak disrespectfully and make you feel uncomfortable.

Note that this person only "jokes" in this way in the presence of other people. Nothing of the sort happens with you alone.

And of course, when you lose your temper, the answer follows: “Come on! Why are you so sensitive? I'm just kidding".

Confrontation​

It doesn't matter what quality of idea or thought you express, the offender will still find a reason to find fault and lower your self-esteem.

There is a constant feeling that your feelings, thoughts, ideas and values are not being respected.

Vulgarization​

The abuser makes it clear every time that all your thoughts or words are stupid or insignificant. He may interrupt you, ask questions and not listen to answers or shout out. Any of your words are vulgarized. Do you like helping other people? Be prepared for the offender to perceive these actions as selfish and find hidden implications in your good deeds.

Depreciation​

No matter how successful you are, the abuser will still claim that it was all too easy. Whereas the successes of the offender are presented as the greatest. We can say that we are dealing with the usual black envy. However, this person can be very close to you.

Digging​

You share with the person your plans, goals and dreams, and in response you hear something like: "You need a little more experience to achieve all this." At the same time, this person has no experience in this area or has been spinning in it for several years without any achievements.

When you are dealing with undermining (envy), you should understand that the abuser wants to undermine your self- confidence and self-esteem at all costs. This is the only way he doesn't feel worse.

Abstraction​

You are having a conversation with a person and the following occurs:

• The abuser changes the subject, and when he does not like it, changes it again;
• The abuser does not answer questions or responds with aggression;
• The abuser constantly interrupts, especially when he doesn't like the flow of the conversation.

In the course of the conversation, you may not feel any rivalry, while the abuser feels all this. Therefore, he is ready to do anything to avoid an uncomfortable topic.

Accusation​

It's a terrific tactic to blame the person for their bad behavior and bad words. If the abuser has offended you, then you yourself are to blame.

This is the most common behavior of the aggressor: to behave aggressively and at the same time impersonate the victim. An outside observer may even take his side, it is all so convincingly presented.

Forgetting​

If something is profitable to forget, it is immediately forgotten. There is even an opinion that the abuser really believes in his lies, which in the end can cause schizophrenia. It comes to the point that even the facts provided in the form of correspondence, photographs and correct information do not affect the offender's confidence that something happened or something did not happen.

Command​

The abuser tells you exactly what needs to be done and how. Moreover, this does not depend on his position: it can be either a boss or an equal in rank.

This form of verbal violence is betrayed by tone, facial expressions, gestures, words, and impatience for any disagreement.

Negation​

Are you in pain, uncomfortable, and disrespectful? The abuser believes that you do not really feel anything like this. Or that he has no idea what this is about. The abuser believes that he behaved perfectly, and that your unstable psyche and sensitivity are to blame.

Finally, I would like to say: first of all, try to see the forms of verbal violence in yourself, and then in others. By failing to do this, you will already prove that you are the abuser, posing as the victim.

We wish you good luck!