Emotional manipulators

[Lord777]

Emotional manipulators perfectly mimic ordinary people: there are many of them among our acquaintances, friends, and even close relatives. But while some resort to manipulation only occasionally and often unconsciously, others have mastered a whole science and skillfully achieve from those around them those actions in which they are interested.

? You have constant feelings of guilt
Relationships can be full only when partners, friends, or colleagues communicate on an equal footing. One of the most important meanings of any relationship is precisely to instill confidence in each other, to support, to help in a difficult situation. However, if after communicating with a person you regularly experience feelings of guilt, there is no doubt: you are dealing with a manipulator who uses you for his own purposes. The art of inspiring others to believe that they are to blame or owe something, some people master in early childhood. It is noteworthy that the reason for making you feel guilty can be both your action and its absence. You did not turn to your acquaintance-manipulator with words of consolation when he was demonstratively suffering - he makes you understand that you are hard-hearted. You tried to console him - he emphasizes that you chose the wrong words for this, and again you are the guilty party. Anything is suitable as a means of manipulation - when communicating with a manipulator, you will not be able to behave in such a way as not to be exposed to attack.

? Help is being imposed on you
Emotional manipulators often take on the appearance of sympathetic interlocutors who are always ready to listen to you, and friends who want to help. Indeed, by opening up to such a person, you show your vulnerabilities. In the future, this information will be useful to him. Very often, compassion serves only as an excuse to load you with important tasks for him: after listening to your exclamation about a particular failure, the manipulator immediately opens a session of half-hour complaints about his own life; having rendered a service that did not take him neither time nor energy, he immediately demands from you really serious help - and if you refuse, he goes to step 1, making it clear that you are an unreliable, heartless comrade.

? You cannot agree on anything
Manipulators are constantly changing the rules of the game: after all, any firmly adhered to an agreement is a step towards equality and honesty, and they cannot allow this in any way. This is why a favorite tactic of manipulators is to replay the rules on which you seem to have come to an agreement, to pretend that they did not agree on anything like that. In addition, they are real experts in seeing the world only from their own point of view, adjusting any events to their picture of reality. They can insult you in dialogue - and claim that you insulted them first; do a nefarious act that hurts you - and claim that it was you who provoked them. An emotional manipulator does not respect you - which means that he is ready for any lie to prove that he is right.

? An incomprehensible game is going on behind your back
Those who try to control you are forced to hide most of their manipulative mechanics from your eyes. This is why emotional manipulators are so fond of involving other people in their game, for example, retelling harsh statements from others that they did not really say, or, conversely, spreading rumors about you behind your back.

? You are forced to reproduce other people's emotions
Emotional manipulators are usually fixated on themselves: if they feel bad, then everyone around them should cry, they have success - others should jump for happiness with them. Forcing others to reproduce their own emotions is part of their comfort: they are used to seeing other people as a medium for self-affirmation. Of course, there are really serious situations when elementary politeness requires us to correspond to the emotional state of another, but this is rarely the case. If you have to constantly correspond to someone else's mood, this is an alarming symptom.

 

[Brother]

Gaslighting. How manipulators drive you crazy​

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: The term gaslighting comes from the thriller Gaslight. According to the plot, the hero of the film stole his wife's jewelry and hid them in the attic. When he turned on the light in the attic, it became a little darker in the house (the pressure in the other lamps dropped). The heroine was perplexed, and her beloved husband replied that she had mental problems, and the lighting was normal. As a result, the woman believed in her own madness. After all, the person closest to her convinced her of this.

How manipulators drive you crazy​

The term gaslighting comes from the thriller Gaslight. According to the plot, the hero of the film stole his wife's jewelry and hid them in the attic. When he turned on the light in the attic, it became a little darker in the house (the pressure in the other lamps dropped). The heroine was perplexed, and her beloved husband replied that she had mental problems, and the lighting was normal. As a result, the woman believed in her own madness. After all, the person closest to her convinced her of this.
The worst thing about gaslighting is the victim's trust in the executioner. He cannot be wrong. He cannot lie. He's smarter. This is where the gaslighter plays. On your doubts and self-doubt and on your own "super competence." Parents, spouses, partners, bosses and friends can all be the jailers of your ego and the killers of your future. Look around and listen - what if there is someone next to you who constantly twists the gas lamps?

Gaslighter makes you doubt your memory
“When did I promise this? No! You are confusing something. " “What meeting? Yes, there was no meeting. Look - I have not written it down. You, my friend, have sclerosis. " “Did we agree on something? Eh. You should see a neurologist. " The gaslighter may say this with a smile or with concern, but his conviction that it’s not his - your memory is malfunctioning makes you wildly nervous. You can remember all the details, but the gaslighter is so energetic that at some point you start to doubt. Was there a boy? What if you really confused it? What if it really is sclerosis? This is what the gaslighter wants.

The gaslighter regularly makes you question your emotional stability.
Any problem you have is devalued by him with the aplomb of a doctor of psychological sciences
“You're exaggerating again. It is because of your depression that the reactions are inadequate. " “Your eternal paranoia is letting you down. You are too suspicious. " “Honey, you are somehow nervous again. Drink antidepressants. " The gaslighter is calm, affectionate and behaves with you like a mental patient, and you think: “He knows better. Probably, you should listen and let other - normal people decide all important issues. " The gaslighter is pleased.

Gaslighter always makes you intellectually weak
"Listen. People have been learning this for years. Where are you going with your Zakukui diploma? Better shut up - do not disgrace yourself. " “Are you sure that you have enough knowledge and intelligence to do this? Maybe you don’t need to jump over your head ”? “Well, I don’t know what you read and taught there, but it’s no longer good for anything. Progress has gone far ahead. " It is worth taking at least a step to the side, but just raising your leg - the gaslighter immediately makes you doubt that you are smart enough, erudite and quick-witted. He knows for sure that you are not sure of yourself and skillfully uses your doubts against yourself. Sit down and do not rock the boat - the gaslighter is fine with that.

Age, gender, physical incompetence - three favorite gaslighter skates
“You women / men do not understand this. You are arranged differently! "You are too young / old to cope - stay out of the way." "Well, look at yourself, where are you with your health?" "Let's be honest, you can't be called a beauty, so you don't need to wear dresses above the knee." As a result, even if you are seven spans in your forehead, oblique fathoms in your shoulders, with the appearance of a Greek goddess and with an IQ five times higher than that of Aristotle, you somehow cease to trust yourself and begin to consider yourself a zero without a wand. In the end, you become it too.

Gaslighter convinces you of your absolute antisociality. Your attempts to socialize are declared meaningless in advance
"Only I can tolerate you - you yourself know that you are an eccentric." "You are strange. I can still cope, but ordinary people cannot communicate with you." “Hmm. Don't tell anyone else about this - they may misunderstand. "The gaslighter does everything to make you start to consider yourself a social phobia and a marginal, and other people - enemies. It is not difficult if you are a person with unusual hobbies and are not good at looking for like-minded people. It's quite easy if the gaslighter takes you to a couple of places where you feel uncomfortable. Everything! You're on the hook. You are sure that there is no one in this world who would accept and love you ... except for your tormentor , of course.

Gaslighter often appeals to genetics, devaluing your individuality
“Well, what do you want? You had alcoholics in your family. "“ Be careful. I heard your second great-grandmother suffered from schizophrenia. "“ So none of your relatives ever got a tower. ” It's hard to argue, and you can't. Because as soon as you hint that all people are different, the gaslighter says, “Listen. But your great-grandmother was also a squabbler. You are definitely into it. "With such pressure at forty you will get fat, at forty-five you will get drunk, and then how lucky you are.

What if you are a victim of a gaslighter?
It is unlikely that gaslighting can really bring you to the hospital, but neurosis is guaranteed. And here psychotherapists and sociologists advise different things. From “talking heart to heart with the abuser” to “switching roles with him”. It is advised not to doubt yourself in any way, not to poke around in your memory, trying to restore events, not to make excuses and not to look for reasons in yourself. It is advised to go to a professional so that it is he, and not the home-grown "psychoanalyst" who makes the diagnosis, if any. They advise you to go ahead, despite the constant attempts of the gaslighter to put a spoke in your wheels. They also advise you to take courage and part with the one who turns your life into a nightmare as soon as possible.