Effective communication

[Lord777]

This book, written by an experienced psychologist, will allow you to look at your work from the outside, change your attitude towards many things, and develop good habits that increase motivation and reduce stress levels.

Communication is needed in order to motivate, influence, teach, manage, persuade, and to unite for the organization's mission and personal ideas and goals.
Tony Alessandra "The Platinum Rule"

Effective communication is undoubtedly essential for the successful realization of an organization's goals. Distorted, misinterpreted messages are often the cause of the defeat of large companies, armies and peoples. Yet many managers, entrepreneurs, and business people still think that communication is about giving orders, arguing, and making excuses. Whereas, first of all, this is active listening. As Americans joke, for New Yorkers, listening means waiting for their turn to speak up.

Any salesperson knows that a potential customer needs to be listened to in order to understand his needs, and in order to maintain long-term cooperation, you should put yourself in his place, speak at the same pace and with the same phrases. In other words, a successful business is built on long-term customer relationships. When you provide them with quality services, contact is established between you. After disputes or discussions, you move to another level, realizing that you have been heard, understood and are friendly towards you. Deep connection is built on effective communications that build the loyalty of colleagues, employees, and customers.

Effective or ineffective

• Ineffective communication is bickering with others aimed at defending your goals and plans. It implies the existence of winners and losers. This style of "communication" is rooted in a philosophy that divides the world in two: "right and wrong", "victory and defeat" or "good and bad", not taking into account the intermediate states. There is only one correct opinion, therefore, the views and experiences of people can be neglected, which can enrich our knowledge of the world and form a holistic picture. Instead, we constantly defend our narrow views. A pause in the conflict, when the defender temporarily retreats, is considered a success. Disagreements eventually translate into resistance, loss of team effectiveness, and even sabotage, until a balance of power and respect reigns.
• Effective communication, in turn, aims to understand the views, feelings and opinions of others. When two parties listen to each other, both wins. Mutual understanding and respect become the basis for cooperation, interdependence and loyalty. Success is achieved if each side says, “Yes, that's what I meant. Do you understand me ".

Effective communication skills allow opposites to coexist - this is the highest ability to understand a different point of view and find a compromise. Why argue about who is right and who is wrong? The goal of effective communication is to build and maintain communication, support and working relationships that are mutually beneficial and therefore lasting.

Demonstrating a willingness to listen and understand the other person's position and feelings (without denying your own point of view), you create an atmosphere of safety and approval, which increases the likelihood of signing a lucrative contract or closing a deal.

The power of active listening
The power of active listening is most evident in customer service and negotiation. The better its staff works, the fewer complaints and the more satisfied customers and repeated calls.

Well-trained staff in the department offer excellent service, learn to avoid disputes and try to smooth out conflict situations.

My training in effective communication includes listening exercises that involve dividing the audience into subordinates (or clients) and managers (or service staff). The initial goal is to listen to at least three sentences and then rephrase what is said until the speaker confirms that he has been heard and understood. When participants demonstrate that they share the client's frustration or irritation, the client will moderate their fervor. One real customer even said, “Oh, you're so cute. I thought you would argue with me or accuse me of lying. "

Once at a seminar at a construction company, engineers interrupted their speech and began to argue and look for a solution to the problem even before the subordinate finished the sentence. Even in the context of role play, the discussion was quite heated. When you are trying to express your dissatisfaction and resentment, and you are not listened to, it is very annoying.

It took several days of practice before the construction company staff learned to listen to ten sentences in a row and began to accurately paraphrase what the speaker was trying to say. Several participants in the training (mainly among the male audience) told me during the break that these classes also help in communicating with my wife. To which I replied: "If you want to achieve more, from time to time insert the words" Go on "and" You're right. "

Naturally, active listening helps not only in personal relationships, but also in the work of the service department, in the field of personnel management, etc. Among other things, if you listen carefully to the interlocutor, there is no time left to come up with counterarguments or justify your position ... Absorption in speech demonstrates approval and allows the speaker to feel comfortable and open up even more. This means more satisfied customers, repeat visits, and increased sales. Effective communication skills directly affect the bottom line of any business.

Effective communication exercises
Participants in my trainings know that the more relevant the topic and the more emotional the discussion, the more relentlessly it is necessary to follow the guidelines to achieve mutually beneficial communication. The process of attentive and active listening proceeds much more naturally if these rules are applied several times in practice.

• Decide how long each of you will speak continuously.
• Look at each other and observe facial expressions and gestures. You should not be separated by foreign objects, and the distance between you should be comfortable, about a meter and a half.
• Determine who speaks first. While one expresses a thought, the other listens attentively and observes. The listener concentrates on the words of the interlocutor, his intonation and body movements, in order to retell the message later. The speaker stops after three to five phrases - quite enough for the listener to grasp the meaning, and not so much to forget the essence of what was said.
• The listener retells the words, describes the gestures and facial expressions of the speaker without any interpretation or correction. If the speaker has taken too high a tempo, the listener can interrupt him with the words:
• "Wait a minute, let me make sure I understand what you said earlier."
• After the listener has stated his version, the speaker indicates what he is right about, corrects mistakes and confirms that he was heard and caught by verbal and non-verbal messages.
• The exercise continues until the speaker has finished and is satisfied with being understood. Then the participants change roles (you can even change places) and repeat everything from the beginning.

Retelling someone's thought requires attention to the speaker's words, intonation, and gestures. You must provide feedback in the form of a quintessential verbal and non-verbal cues. When expressing the thoughts of the interlocutor, you are pursuing the following goals:

• Focus your attention on the other person instead of judging, arguing, or seeking a solution.
• Demonstrate respect and a sincere attempt to understand.
• Check if you understood everything correctly.
• Allow the interlocutor to clarify the meaning of the above, as well as find out other meanings of the appeal. For example, you might say, "Your words indicate that you are offended, but your intonation and clenched fist make me think that you are probably even angry."

Please refer to this manual at least once and then refer to it as needed. The main thing is to listen to each other, and not to argue. Companies that have adopted active listening skills can easily sweep away the barriers that block communication, negotiation, and productive teamwork.

Communication principles

You communicate continuously
In order for your silence or gestures to be interpreted correctly, it is better to immediately communicate your physical and emotional state.

“If it seems to you that I am a little uncollected, do not take it personally. I just got a terrible runny nose. "

“It's hard for me to talk about my feelings. I'm afraid this will ruin our relationship, but I am very angry that you did not support me in the meeting. "

Hearing does not mean understanding
Try not to deliberately think badly about the character or intentions of others and ask them to explain the thought if you doubt the meaning of a message or gesture.

"I think I understood your point, but for the sake of confidence, I'd better repeat it."

“Perhaps I recorded the time of the meeting incorrectly. I was expecting you at 9 am. "

Communication is not complete until the listener confirms that you are right
Compare the two dialogues.

• Nice day, isn't it?
• I completely agree with you. I look forward to taking a walk in the park.
• Nice day, isn't it?
• Did you watch the Los Angeles Lakers game yesterday?

The speaker must make sure that the listener understands him.
Put yourself in his place. Try to feel the cultural context of the listener. Pay attention to language and meaning differences.

“You look puzzled. Maybe I was vaguely expressed? "

“Sorry, I just want to make sure you understand what I mean. Let me explain it differently."

Use the pronoun "I"
Do not deviate from your subjective truth, your problem, and your goals. For example:
“I faced one problem: I want to promote you, but I can't, because you are late and do not submit projects on time”.

Try not to get into the soul, not to analyze and dictate your will. Do not speak:
"How can! You are always late (you forget, you take it to heart)".

Avoid sarcasm and jokes during a serious discussion. When expressing resentment, anger, or disappointment, insert the pronoun "I". For example:
“I didn't care about sarcasm. If you are angry, tell me straight, and stop repeating that I don't understand jokes or take everything to heart. "

No mutual complaints
Communication is most effective when it focuses on one speaker or one problem. Give up any excuses. Whoever complains should be:

• heard;
• understood;
• convinced that you are on the way to a compromise, even before the listener answers and retells his words.

Schedule chilling periods and emotional outbursts
When the arguments are exhausted and begin to go in a circle, it is better to take a break and calm down.

“Is it convenient for you to speak now? Maybe we can postpone it to 9 pm?"

Different communication styles and preferences
Communication fails for a number of reasons, among which one of the main ones is the difference in styles, cultures and preferences. Although, in fact, this is a given, not a problem. Business people simply need to have excellent communication skills.

Personal styles and communication preferences can be positioned on the axes as follows: straight versus indirect and task-oriented versus person-centered.

Four communication styles and personality types:

1. Direct and task-oriented: directors, managers, presidents.
2. Direct and human-centered: salespeople and PR people.
3. Indirect and task-oriented: accounting and technical staff.
4. Indirect and human-centered: HR managers and administrative staff.

Each team must have all personality types and communication styles (see Table 4.1). These are generalized categories, in fact, attitudes, styles and preferences in communication intersect and combine. But the table reminds of their difference. Remember, the difference is a given, not a problem.

Styles of information perception
In addition to different communication styles, your subordinates, partners and clients perceive information differently, that is, everyone sees, hears and interprets it in their own way. One of the communication specialists, former head coach of the Oakland Raiders football team, John Madden, once said: “For some players it is enough to simply explain the scheme of the game and they will understand. Others do not need to say anything, but rather draw on the board. And the third need to explain, draw, and they still will not understand until they themselves run across the field. "

Madden received a teacher education and at 42 became the youngest coach to achieve 100 victories in seasons. In practice, he was faced with the fact that some perceived information by ear (audials), others visually (visuals), and still others physically (kinesthetics).

To effectively teach and communicate with employees, find out their typical listening style so that they hear you and be heard, see what you mean, and grasp what you want to convey to them. If you listen carefully and observe clients and subordinates, you will find that they use words that signal the most convenient ways for them to assimilate information. Audials listen to sound and intonation. They are very sensitive to the emotions expressed by the voice. Visuals need to see the words, otherwise they won't understand you. Kinesthetics need to physically and emotionally feel what you are talking about, touch and let through.

Observe for a few days which words give out your communication style. Also notice how the best salespeople adapt to their customers' communication style.

These skills are usually overlooked, but they have a positive effect on business contacts, resolve conflicts much faster and turn you into an effective manager.

 

[CarderPlanet]

10 tips to overcome your fear of communication
"How to overcome the fear of communication?" - this is a question that worries a sufficient number of the fair sex. Some of them have learned to hide their anxiety, someone is successfully fighting it, and someone, unfortunately, still suffers from fear, and sometimes so much that it comes to depression, and it is not clear what to do.
In any case, these women have one thing in common - a feeling of tension and discomfort. This means that the problem has not been resolved. How to get rid of it? The Land of Beauty will tell you about this today.

How can you overcome your fear of communication? Find the reason
The problem can be solved very easily if you know its true cause. Therefore, in order to really understand and understand how to overcome the fear of communication, find out what triggered its appearance and how long ago it was. You may even be able to recall a situation after which difficulties arose: criticism of parents or teachers (especially with friends and classmates), ridicule and jokes of friends, an unsuccessful start to a conversation, a bad speech, and much, much more.
Most likely now it greatly interferes with your studies, work, personal life, in achieving your own goals. If so, forget about your laziness and start taking action. If you don't budge yourself, no one will do it for you.
If from day to day you only cry and at the same time postpone overcoming fear, it means that you are not so bad, your life suits you, and the fear of communication is another reason to cry, feel sorry for yourself, or is generally a fiction!

How to overcome your fear of communication: first steps
If you are all determined to grapple with a problem, develop the necessary skills first. No matter how ridiculous the first attempts are, do not give up what you started! It's like learning to ride a bike, you have to fall to feel the "weak" spot. But, having learned to ride, you will no longer be able to unlearn it, and confidence will come by itself, simply from the fact that you stop “hammering” yourself about the fact that you cannot or cannot do something.
So where do you start? Probably best with a reassessment of the past. Take any traumatic situation and look for the pros. Hard? Still would! But this must be done. This will allow you to either thank the situation in the future, or even leave it alone. To do this, try to look at the situation from today, from the side of yourself, that is, take stock over the past time and find out how that event still helped you in life. For example, during your "forced" loneliness, you have mastered Photoshop. Isn't it an achievement?

And from that moment on, train yourself to fish out for yourself the most valuable and, most importantly, positive information from all life situations.
How to overcome the fear of communication: advice from psychologists
It is not enough to know how to overcome the fear of communication; it is also necessary to apply the acquired knowledge in practice. And we must start immediately: life is too short to waste time on doubts!

So, here are 10 tips to overcome your fear of communication:
Tip 1. Learn to make virtual contact. If you are an introverted, shy person, then it will be quite difficult to immediately go out “on the street”. But visiting the forum is much easier. Free yourself first on the Internet, comment on events, photos, participate in the discussion of a particular topic. If you want to get personal advice (and you want it!) - ask someone from the participants to communicate with you separately, outside the forum, using e-mail.

Tip 2. Mastering the phone. As soon as you get your hands on the Internet, move on to telephone conversations. Remember what you wanted to do for a long time and what information you need to do this. Let's say you have long wanted to dry-clean your coat: that means you call several organizations, find out how much it will cost and how long they take it, how much the cost will increase if you want to pick up the coat faster. Now ask for their opening hours, address and ask them to explain to you how to find them. Now it's the same with the dentist visit you've been putting off for six months. Call every day, gradually increasing the number of companies and questions!

Tip 3. Let's move on to practice and real contact. To do this, simply contact strangers with a request as often as possible: find out on what transport you can get to the stop you need, how to get to a certain street where this or that institution is located. If you happen to be at the ticket office, ask how much it will cost you to attend a concert of your favorite band. In stores, agree to the offer of a sales assistant to help you or take the initiative yourself. Look for such reasons yourself, it will develop your imagination and relieve unnecessary stress when meeting new people.

Tip 4. Broaden your horizons. To make sure you can keep the conversation going, keep up with life. If you love watching TV, make it a rule to stay on top of the news. If you are a fan of the Internet, in addition to news, get acquainted with the latest movies, music, books. Be interested in other things as well. Of course, it is impossible to predict all possible topics for communication, as well as to understand everything deeply, but nothing prevents you from living “in step” with the times.

Tip 5. Learn to formulate your thoughts and have your own opinion. Getting acquainted, for example, with new movies, read reviews about them, take note of interesting thoughts (but in no case pass them off as your own!), Learn to form your own opinion. Practice with loved ones, with whom you feel relaxed, tell them about the movie you watched: what you liked / disliked and why; how do you like the main characters and actors who performed them; what struck the plot; will you watch other works of this filmmaker and so on.

Tip 6. Not knowing something is not scary. If you suddenly come to a conversation on a topic in which you are an absolute "zero", do not be afraid to admit it. On the contrary, make people pleasant, ask questions, ask them to explain or explain something, this will give them the opportunity to feel their importance, and this is an additional plus to your merits. If they try to ridicule you with phrases like "you have to watch the news at least sometimes!" or "you are in your repertoire, everyone is talking about this now!"

Tip 7. You can't do without a hobby. As you know, nothing brings people together like a common cause, so the next step should be to choose an activity you like, to which you will be happy to devote all your free time. It can be commonplace for collecting fridge magnets. But it's better to complicate your task and choose a more "communicative" hobby. They can be dancing, fitness, learning a foreign language or psychology, photography or drawing. Now master some of the basics on your own to feel that this is really yours and go ahead - sign up for courses!
How to overcome the fear of communicating with people?

Tip 8. Looking for an opportunity to meet new people. By the way, courses can be a great start. And you can choose other options. Why don't you visit your existing friends more often, celebrate holidays with them, or get out somewhere to relax! And where, then, are new acquaintances? Everywhere. If you are invited to a company where you only know your girlfriend, everyone else is a great chance to hone your skills! Well, for example, in a club where you two go, there are even more such opportunities, the main thing is not to miss. Remember that even if you don't meet anyone, this “going out” is also a good practice for you to learn how to feel comfortable and free surrounded by strangers.

Tip 9. We are all human, and nothing human is alien to us. Do not be afraid and worried that you may be wrong, say or do something wrong. Such fear is the consequences of excessive demands on oneself and, at the same time, high self-criticism. Firstly, anything can happen to anyone, and, secondly, constantly thinking about failures, you, like a magnet, attract them to yourself. This suggests that you are thinking too "loud" or that you are simply programming yourself for this behavior or for failure. In fact, you just need to relax and remember to breathe deeply!

For you, your life credo should be the saying “you won't praise yourself - no one will knock you down!”. Continually praise yourself for even the smallest successes, improve your self-esteem! Get yourself a journal or diary where you will write down all your achievements. Better yet, start a blog: have people with similar issues read, get inspired, and comment on your behavior. Here's some useful feedback!

Tip 10. Consulting a psychologist. Do not be afraid to seek help from a specialist. He will help you deal with your problem, maybe even advise you to attend group psychotherapy sessions or recommend excellent training for women to help you develop communication skills.
The main thing for you is not to dwell on the problem, not to dig yourself, but to start acting. It will be much easier to overcome your worries and doubts with each step, because now you know that you are doing everything to solve your problem and overcome the fear of communication!