Lord777
Professional
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At the psychiatry department of the medical university where I studied, a doctor got a pearl daddy. The supplier of pearls were journalists who periodically caught a schizophrenic in an aggravated stage, after which "sensational" nonsense appeared, such as "the KGB reads his thoughts", or "a resident of Voronezh communicates with aliens." Plus, the folder included student gems, from the case histories, which had to be written on every subject, including psychiatry.
My classmate made her small contribution to the content of the pack. Describing the patient's psychostatus, she wrote. Subjectively - goosebumps. Objectively - no goosebumps.
We constantly have to deal with people who constantly suffer, worry, engage in self-flagellation, react to all the events that take place very painfully. Moreover, the overwhelming majority of them fall under the modified formula of my classmate: subjectively - suffering; objectively, there is no reason for suffering.
Why does a person constantly suffer? The answer is quite simple - he wants to suffer. I'm naturally talking about suffering out of the blue. He who seeks will always find, especially since such people have the skill of suffering from childhood developed to automatism. It is important to answer the question why such a person wants to suffer?
Here it is worth returning to such a topic as the comfort zone. The term is quite common, although the word comfort confuses many. Indeed, in the ordinary sense, the word comfort means convenience, something pleasant. Although in reality "comfort zone" means a little different - it is a situation that is familiar to you, in which you know what to do. Which does not mean at all that the comfort zone should be good and really comfortable. It should be familiar, and for many, familiar does not mean pleasant at all, rather the opposite.
In films about the war, such an episode is often shown in one form or another. People get so used to fighting, when there are explosions, gunfire and so on, that the alarm is caused not so much by the battle itself as by the lull. The silence is unusual and promises uncharted consequences. For them, the fight is more familiar and more comfortable than a lull.
If a person was brought up under difficult conditions, faced pressure from parents and others, felt his uselessness, unloved, felt injustice, experienced all the negative moments inside, then for him the suffering experiences become the norm. That is, he is accustomed to when he is experiencing. He is "good" when he is "bad", and this is not because he is really good, but because he is so used to it. He is used to it, he knows what to do with it, how to behave in it. This is his comfort zone.
Any person strives for what is familiar and understandable for him, for his “comfort zone”. If the comfort zone is suffering, then he will definitely find a way to suffer. Moreover, from the experience of our work, I can say that a person is looking for ways to find himself in his comfort zone.
At the same time, he in every possible way avoids situations in which he can be truly good, comfortable and pleasant. Why?
Because "the present is good" is outside the comfort zone.
When a person is really good, he does not know what to do with it, he is simply not used to it. This leads to the fact that anxiety arises, which gradually increases. A really comfortable state is so unusual, it is so incomprehensible what to do with it, so a person begins to feel anxiety and worry that this is all for a reason, and may end in some unpredictable disaster.
And how can you avoid something unknown bad? A very simple formula, so that something unknown bad does not happen, you need something habitually bad to happen, that is, something that you are used to from childhood, you know how to behave in this case, what to feel and in general it is well worked out and lubricated mechanism.
Further, individual tinctures are included, which help to enter the familiar comfort zone:
1. You can remember childhood grievances. Why does a person not want to let go of the past. Because there is always an opportunity to remember the past and "roll" into the usual suffering. He will ask how I can let go of the past, but in fact he does not want to let him go, because for him this is an important factor allowing him to be in his comfort zone.
2. You can organize your life to experience suffering. For example, a child was constantly forced to do something that he did not want at all. Tedious, uninteresting and monotonous work. He worried, felt unhappy, and this became such an integral condition that as an adult he chose an uninteresting, routine, low-paid job. Work does not bring either moral or material satisfaction, but it allows you to maintain the usual emotional state. Moreover, he may periodically try to look for a way out of this situation, but finds nothing and returns to his comfort zone. Although objectively there are many opportunities to change the situation.
3. You can find a partner who will take on the functions of a "generator of suffering", which will allow you to stay in your comfort zone for a long time. At the same time, partners who are not ready to try on the role of a sadist are somehow not very interesting. It is not clear what to do with them.
4. In the end, you can just do self-flagellation. Catching on to some insignificant crap, then going into memories - voila - comfort zone. Experiences, suffering.
People find many ways to get hurt. You need to understand this mechanism. And learn how to control it, for which such a tool as a diary with retrospective analysis is perfect. And "sufferers" need to understand that everything they strive for in their minds, close relationships, interesting work, pleasant communication, inner peace, all this is outside the comfort zone. And the subconsciousness pulls into habitual suffering, so it is important, understanding this, to stop taking pleasure in suffering, but to learn to accept and enjoy pleasure from interest, joy, intimacy.
Objectively, most people have no reasons for suffering.
Subjectively, you don't need to look for them.
My classmate made her small contribution to the content of the pack. Describing the patient's psychostatus, she wrote. Subjectively - goosebumps. Objectively - no goosebumps.
We constantly have to deal with people who constantly suffer, worry, engage in self-flagellation, react to all the events that take place very painfully. Moreover, the overwhelming majority of them fall under the modified formula of my classmate: subjectively - suffering; objectively, there is no reason for suffering.
Why does a person constantly suffer? The answer is quite simple - he wants to suffer. I'm naturally talking about suffering out of the blue. He who seeks will always find, especially since such people have the skill of suffering from childhood developed to automatism. It is important to answer the question why such a person wants to suffer?
Here it is worth returning to such a topic as the comfort zone. The term is quite common, although the word comfort confuses many. Indeed, in the ordinary sense, the word comfort means convenience, something pleasant. Although in reality "comfort zone" means a little different - it is a situation that is familiar to you, in which you know what to do. Which does not mean at all that the comfort zone should be good and really comfortable. It should be familiar, and for many, familiar does not mean pleasant at all, rather the opposite.
In films about the war, such an episode is often shown in one form or another. People get so used to fighting, when there are explosions, gunfire and so on, that the alarm is caused not so much by the battle itself as by the lull. The silence is unusual and promises uncharted consequences. For them, the fight is more familiar and more comfortable than a lull.
If a person was brought up under difficult conditions, faced pressure from parents and others, felt his uselessness, unloved, felt injustice, experienced all the negative moments inside, then for him the suffering experiences become the norm. That is, he is accustomed to when he is experiencing. He is "good" when he is "bad", and this is not because he is really good, but because he is so used to it. He is used to it, he knows what to do with it, how to behave in it. This is his comfort zone.
Any person strives for what is familiar and understandable for him, for his “comfort zone”. If the comfort zone is suffering, then he will definitely find a way to suffer. Moreover, from the experience of our work, I can say that a person is looking for ways to find himself in his comfort zone.
At the same time, he in every possible way avoids situations in which he can be truly good, comfortable and pleasant. Why?
Because "the present is good" is outside the comfort zone.
When a person is really good, he does not know what to do with it, he is simply not used to it. This leads to the fact that anxiety arises, which gradually increases. A really comfortable state is so unusual, it is so incomprehensible what to do with it, so a person begins to feel anxiety and worry that this is all for a reason, and may end in some unpredictable disaster.
And how can you avoid something unknown bad? A very simple formula, so that something unknown bad does not happen, you need something habitually bad to happen, that is, something that you are used to from childhood, you know how to behave in this case, what to feel and in general it is well worked out and lubricated mechanism.
Further, individual tinctures are included, which help to enter the familiar comfort zone:
1. You can remember childhood grievances. Why does a person not want to let go of the past. Because there is always an opportunity to remember the past and "roll" into the usual suffering. He will ask how I can let go of the past, but in fact he does not want to let him go, because for him this is an important factor allowing him to be in his comfort zone.
2. You can organize your life to experience suffering. For example, a child was constantly forced to do something that he did not want at all. Tedious, uninteresting and monotonous work. He worried, felt unhappy, and this became such an integral condition that as an adult he chose an uninteresting, routine, low-paid job. Work does not bring either moral or material satisfaction, but it allows you to maintain the usual emotional state. Moreover, he may periodically try to look for a way out of this situation, but finds nothing and returns to his comfort zone. Although objectively there are many opportunities to change the situation.
3. You can find a partner who will take on the functions of a "generator of suffering", which will allow you to stay in your comfort zone for a long time. At the same time, partners who are not ready to try on the role of a sadist are somehow not very interesting. It is not clear what to do with them.
4. In the end, you can just do self-flagellation. Catching on to some insignificant crap, then going into memories - voila - comfort zone. Experiences, suffering.
People find many ways to get hurt. You need to understand this mechanism. And learn how to control it, for which such a tool as a diary with retrospective analysis is perfect. And "sufferers" need to understand that everything they strive for in their minds, close relationships, interesting work, pleasant communication, inner peace, all this is outside the comfort zone. And the subconsciousness pulls into habitual suffering, so it is important, understanding this, to stop taking pleasure in suffering, but to learn to accept and enjoy pleasure from interest, joy, intimacy.
Objectively, most people have no reasons for suffering.
Subjectively, you don't need to look for them.
