CarderPlanet
Professional
- Messages
- 2,552
- Reaction score
- 710
- Points
- 83
"I have tried so many different things, but in the end, my heart does not lie to anything. Nothing can seriously captivate me, interest me." Why?
The roots of the problem, as banal as it may seem, are in childhood and upbringing. Interest in life, curiosity are inherent in every baby, otherwise the children would not develop, they would not learn new things. Desires and aspirations are our nature.
However, enthusiasm and desire can be blocked. It comes from a sense of self-preservation. Any child instinctively protects what he values most. In case of danger, we can hide our intelligence, originality. If necessary, so as not to get hit on the head once again, we can hide our desires. So deep that then it becomes unclear how to find them again.
What are these situations?
1. Constant criticism and reproaches from parents
Jackie: "If I did something well, my mother always found something to complain about, pointed out flaws. If I was in a good mood, my mother called me selfish. When I asked her why she would never tell me anything good about to me, she said that she did not want me to live a bad life, and so warns me. It was useless to argue with her. Mom often said: "Do you want me to be always kind with you? I mean, what, I lie to you?"
A child exposed to constant criticism is forced to defend himself. Instead of directing his energy to study the world around him, he spends it on self-defense.
2. Observing how others are criticized and rebuked
If the child himself is not criticized, but he constantly sees how his brother, sister are reproached and criticized, is a private witness of parental quarrels, then he is also traumatized.
Chris: "I decided not to do anything. In my presence, my older brothers and sisters were constantly scolded for expressing independent thoughts and wanting to do their own thing. I didn't want to be scolded either."
Ann: "In general, my childhood was happy. The only thing is, my parents were constantly angry at each other. Not at me and not at my brother, but at each other. My brother and I constantly heard them screaming and scandalizing. But we knew that they love us."
Aggression, no matter who it is directed at, scares the child and makes him unhappy. And unhappy children construct unrealistically high expectations from life. Naturally, in adulthood, they face disappointment.
3. The child is constantly interrupted
There are parents who love their children very much. They find many things to do for them, do their best for them. The only thing is that they do not allow the child to be alone. The natural flow of his thoughts, dreams, games - all this is interrupted every now and then.
Growing up, a person gets used to focus on what interests other people, but does not know himself, his "Ego" at all.
4. Broken promises
When Sandra was a child, her father used to say: "This summer we will go to Peru, to the jungle," or "We are going to Disneyland, study the guidebook." But they never went anywhere. At the start of the week, her dad pushed the kids off with great weekend plans, but on the weekend he either forgot about it or had urgent things to do.
Sandra grew up and started having problems with both work and personal life. She lived in her fantasies. Sandra had her own very successful business, but she did not respect her work. She was not interested in "ordinary" men, and the relationship with "glamorous" partners quickly ended. She was very worried every time. She believed that someday there would be a magic prince who would completely change her whole life.
In her childhood, fantasies and disappointments were constantly replacing each other. Sandra got used to the fact that reality is disappointing, and began to live in her dreams and illusions.
Jackie, Chris, Ann, Sandra were able to understand what was blocking their natural enthusiasm, which triggered such a negative stereotype as a child."
From the book by Barbara Sher "I Could Do Anything If I Knew What It Is"
The roots of the problem, as banal as it may seem, are in childhood and upbringing. Interest in life, curiosity are inherent in every baby, otherwise the children would not develop, they would not learn new things. Desires and aspirations are our nature.
However, enthusiasm and desire can be blocked. It comes from a sense of self-preservation. Any child instinctively protects what he values most. In case of danger, we can hide our intelligence, originality. If necessary, so as not to get hit on the head once again, we can hide our desires. So deep that then it becomes unclear how to find them again.
What are these situations?
1. Constant criticism and reproaches from parents
Jackie: "If I did something well, my mother always found something to complain about, pointed out flaws. If I was in a good mood, my mother called me selfish. When I asked her why she would never tell me anything good about to me, she said that she did not want me to live a bad life, and so warns me. It was useless to argue with her. Mom often said: "Do you want me to be always kind with you? I mean, what, I lie to you?"
A child exposed to constant criticism is forced to defend himself. Instead of directing his energy to study the world around him, he spends it on self-defense.
2. Observing how others are criticized and rebuked
If the child himself is not criticized, but he constantly sees how his brother, sister are reproached and criticized, is a private witness of parental quarrels, then he is also traumatized.
Chris: "I decided not to do anything. In my presence, my older brothers and sisters were constantly scolded for expressing independent thoughts and wanting to do their own thing. I didn't want to be scolded either."
Ann: "In general, my childhood was happy. The only thing is, my parents were constantly angry at each other. Not at me and not at my brother, but at each other. My brother and I constantly heard them screaming and scandalizing. But we knew that they love us."
Aggression, no matter who it is directed at, scares the child and makes him unhappy. And unhappy children construct unrealistically high expectations from life. Naturally, in adulthood, they face disappointment.
3. The child is constantly interrupted
There are parents who love their children very much. They find many things to do for them, do their best for them. The only thing is that they do not allow the child to be alone. The natural flow of his thoughts, dreams, games - all this is interrupted every now and then.
Growing up, a person gets used to focus on what interests other people, but does not know himself, his "Ego" at all.
4. Broken promises
When Sandra was a child, her father used to say: "This summer we will go to Peru, to the jungle," or "We are going to Disneyland, study the guidebook." But they never went anywhere. At the start of the week, her dad pushed the kids off with great weekend plans, but on the weekend he either forgot about it or had urgent things to do.
Sandra grew up and started having problems with both work and personal life. She lived in her fantasies. Sandra had her own very successful business, but she did not respect her work. She was not interested in "ordinary" men, and the relationship with "glamorous" partners quickly ended. She was very worried every time. She believed that someday there would be a magic prince who would completely change her whole life.
In her childhood, fantasies and disappointments were constantly replacing each other. Sandra got used to the fact that reality is disappointing, and began to live in her dreams and illusions.
Jackie, Chris, Ann, Sandra were able to understand what was blocking their natural enthusiasm, which triggered such a negative stereotype as a child."
From the book by Barbara Sher "I Could Do Anything If I Knew What It Is"
What do you want?