Beliefs

[Teacher]

Our life is determined by a system of values (beliefs). Or: our value system and our beliefs define our life.

Further, the following conclusion suggests itself: if my beliefs and values are highly moral or highly moral, then my life should be happy and without suffering. But for some reason it is hard to believe in the truth of this conclusion. Limitations immediately arise: only when everyone shares these values and beliefs, or only when you are a recluse.

Each of our beliefs has two sides: if our belief is shared by the environment, we experience pleasure and happiness, if not, then suffering.

Let's take a look at this with an example. Let's choose this conviction: a family should be created once and for all.

How was this belief formed? The continuity of generations. Grandfather and grandmother lived for fifty years, supporting each other. And mother and father have been together for thirty years, despite the fact that they do not live very friendly, but still together. This is the value of the family, which the daughter also takes over.

The first option: my daughter has an excellent family, her husband shares this value - a family, and does everything so that everyone in this family feels good. And it provides financially, and no one is deprived of attention, well, just everything, as she dreamed, her parents and the parents of her parents. Everyone is happy.

The second option: the daughter has been married for ten years, has two children, but somehow it is not at all the way she wanted and dreamed of. The options may be different: the husband drinks; or does not support the family financially and all the care of providing for the family rests on the shoulders of the woman; or all went to work, and there is absolutely no time for a wife and children, and children without a father completely got out of hand; or walks; or humiliates a woman; or something like that.

Although a woman is not happy with marriage, tradition is more important than personal happiness and the happiness of children. Suffers, but suffers. And then, as luck would have it, the neighbor of her third husband is changing, she will not settle down in any way, everything is not so for her. Well, is this how I leave my husband? What about children? What will the parents say? And the neighbors, what, will also point a finger at me, as at a neighbor? Not life, but eternal suffering. And together it is bad, and one is scary.

And even if her patience breaks and she leaves her husband, all the same, the suffering will not stop. Now she will be tormented by a feeling of guilt that she could not keep her family or that she could not create a family like her parents. Or there will be indignation about what happened with us with the institution of the family. In general, whatever one may say, only suffering.

Those who do not have this conviction, and in the first place is not the family as such, but something else, for example, personal happiness, the happiness of children, looking at a woman who keeps the family, by all means, will condemn her, her patience, her unwillingness to get out of an unsuitable relationship.

There may be many options, but the essence is the same - what are the beliefs, how these beliefs are realized, such is life.

Or another example.

Family - mother, father and two children, a boy and a girl. We will not go into details, but much more attention is paid to the girl. At the same time, the boy feels unnecessary and rejected. Children grow up without finding a common language.

A boy starts his own family, a boy and a girl also appear in this family. Remembering his unhappy childhood, the boy decides that it is necessary to pay equal attention to both children and instills in them the value of love and friendship between brother and sister. And everything seems to be fine, the brother takes care of the sister, the sister takes care of the brother.

Time passes, they grow up with the idea that brother and sister are the closest and closest beings, about whom you need to take care of first of all, for whom you should always be support and support.

The situation unfolds in the following way: in order to complete her education, a sister needs a certain amount of money and she is counting on her brother, who will certainly help her, who is also a brother.

And my brother's child gets sick and he also needs a certain amount of money for expensive treatment. Between the sister and the child, the brother chooses the child. Everything seems to be reasonable and everyone understands this.

But absolutely against his conscious will, the brother feels a sense of guilt towards his sister that he cannot help her in such a situation. The instilled value prevents the brother from feeling this unpleasant feeling.

And the sister, even understanding her brother's motives, still feels that she was pushed away in a difficult situation for her, that now she will not receive a diploma, and God knows how her fate will turn further.

No, deliberately everything is clear and accepted, but the subconscious mind does its job - the brother always feels guilty when meeting his sister, the sister occasionally laments that one cannot count on his brother in a difficult situation either.

There are many such examples from life. For example, a son's love for his mother, which interferes with a healthy environment in the son's family, some kind of traditional family hobby, etc. And not all of them end in "quiet" suffering.

These are seemingly worthy values, but they do not bring happiness to the owners of these values.

Each value has two sides, both positive and negative.

From childhood, we are given a certain program with which we live, on which we rely and, on the basis of which we evaluate other people.

If you were taught from childhood that cheating is bad, then you will condemn those who cheat and feel guilty if you yourself have cheated someone, knowingly or inadvertently.

This happens with any of our beliefs. We judge those who do not share or align with our beliefs, and feel guilty if we don't follow our beliefs. Some kind of vicious circle.

Can you imagine how many of these different beliefs we have that make us experience these unpleasant feelings? Do we know them or do we only encounter them when we suffer or feel guilty?

To paraphrase the well-known phrase “tell me who your friend is and I will tell who you are”, in our context it will turn out like this: “tell me your conviction, and I will tell you where and under what conditions you will experience suffering ”.

Everything that is your value is also your vulnerability.

If a woman considers herself to be a beauty, then any hints that this is not true will cause her physical pain. And her reaction will be appropriate - protection.

If the family is a value for a woman, then the disintegration of the family for her will be the tragedy of her whole life. If for a man his career is a value, then leaving this path not at his will can become the tragedy of his whole life.

It is sad, but defending our values, we are doomed to suffer. And all our psychological trauma is nothing but a disagreement with our beliefs, our opinions, our points of view.

All our beliefs are our personality program, it is like a military charter that cannot be violated. And if you go against these beliefs, these attitudes, you will experience severe pain.

Look at what annoys you. Look at where you feel guilty. What is your focus? What is the belief behind this?

You can assume - find a belief that prevents you from living happily, give it up and there will be no suffering.

It is not always possible to give up a belief, since the situation is complicated by the fact that most of our thoughts, beliefs, opinions and points of view were presented to us from childhood and completely unconsciously entered our life. Something entered with a plus sign, and something with a minus sign. We may not know anything about them at all and not even guess that this is our conviction, believing that this is just a reasonable choice. This is why we can never tell who we really are. We do not know our essence or our true self.

Our personality program is a set of thoughts, points of view, beliefs, and stereotypes of thinking. We, like a baton, accept this program from our parents, teachers, society and culture. By identifying with it, we accept ourselves as this program.

Life corresponds to a system of values (program) - a person is happy, does not correspond - suffers. Satisfy a person's values - make him happy, destroy values - make him unhappy. That's the whole secret of happiness and unhappiness.

Now, here, every person is in some kind of limited "cage" - a good mother (father), a good daughter (son), a successful businessman, and so on. And you are no exception. And God forbid, if someone tells you that you are different. He will become enemy number one for you. That's all we have. And, as I said, most of it is not ours, not genuine.

But is the person conscious of this? Does the person realize that he is not a program and that he has access to his essence, to a life without suffering? Does he realize that his ability to access is limited by beliefs, opinions and beliefs? Does he realize that his sufferings and joys are determined by his value system?

Yes, I know, you say, but where is the way out of this vicious circle of accusation and guilt?

There are two of them.

The first and the simplest one is to stay in your convictions and learn how to relieve stress during periods of aggravation of suffering or find something that will distract you, ie external energy source. In other words, to put your mind to sleep. Sources can be different, for example: favorite work, sect, drugs, trainings, institute of faith, gym, shopping, books, alcohol, soap operas, etc.

The second - more complex - self-inquiry (not to be confused with self-examination, it has nothing to do with self-inquiry). In other words, to wake up your consciousness.

The first step on this path will be the realization that you are not a creator. Realize that you are a done thing by your parents, your teachers, your friends, the media, society.

The second stage will be acquaintance with your program, according to which you live and suffer, with a program that consists of beliefs, beliefs, points of view, stereotypes of thinking.

Even a simple observation of your program will begin to change something in you and take you out of your suffering life. At a minimum, you will learn how to relieve stress on your own without an external source.

The third stage will be the knowledge of your essence.

Nothing is right or wrong from the options offered. Any choice will be right for you.