Anti-manipulation protection

[Carding 4 Carders]

Goodwill is precisely the basis from which we perform all our actions and actions. But people are people and it is not at all surprising that sometimes, and even quite often, some resort to all sorts of tricks and tricks, wanting to get their way from us or with our help. In psychology, this is called manipulation.

We have already talked about manipulations, this time we will focus on what protection from manipulation is, we will offer effective mechanisms that allow you to protect yourself and your psyche from other people's influence in communication, both in everyday and business.

Anti-manipulation protection​

External pressure can come down on us, anywhere: in relationships with family and friends, at work, at home or on the street when communicating with complete strangers. Without even pursuing serious malice, one way or another, others may want to get something from us, without at all thinking about our opinion or the desire to play someone else's game.

Here are some simple examples of possible manipulations in everyday life:

• For some reason, you start helping a friend, although an hour ago you were not at all going to solve other people's problems.
• After a meeting with your superiors, for some reason you are not doing what is included in your direct responsibilities, and this is very important for you.
• After talking with someone from your family on the phone, you go to the Internet bank and send money to this person, although you know that your budget is strictly limited.

There are many more similar situations, but each of them will relate to the field of psychological pressure, and it is very important not only to notice this pressure, but also to suppress it. Otherwise, you will only serve for the good of other people, play by someone else's rules, achieve anything, but not what you need. Anti-manipulation mechanisms will help you become the true master of your life.

As we have already said, we will not consider all the variety of situations of manipulation and the entire arsenal of methods against it. In this article, we will look at several common situations associated with manipulation and show you how to successfully get out of them. Everything you learn about will serve as an excellent protection against manipulation in business communication and ordinary communication.

A good start to the main topic will be a video from the candidate of psychological sciences and psychotherapist Viktor Semyonov, where he explains how to communicate with manipulators.

There are many ways of psychological influence themselves, and some people use not one technique, but their whole complex. Let's consider the most "popular" ones.

The manipulator presses on the feeling of guilt​

Feelings of guilt are a point loved by a huge number of people, from relatives to work colleagues. For example, your cousin, with whom you communicate as long as, may suddenly show up at 5 in the morning and ask for a loan of money. A colleague with whom you work in the same department may begin to insist that you make a report for him before the New Year, because he had some very urgent business.

Influencing the feeling of guilt, manipulators choose a very “correct” strategy, because the feeling of a person when he is guilty of something can be very painful, and he will do everything to get rid of it. Feelings of guilt, like heartburn, eat away at the insides. That is why so often people who need something from you will make every effort so that you experience it "to its fullest" and fulfill their requirements in order to stop feeling guilty.

By and large, this can be called a real psychological blackmail, but you can successfully get rid of the influence of such a plan, and this is how it is done (remember these mechanisms and practice more often):

• When they point out to you that you are acting ugly or dishonestly, to begin with, simply agree with the manipulator, and tell him that you perfectly understand him, that it is really not very good to do so, that you agree that you are "To blame".
• Do not take on unnecessary responsibility, do not make unnecessary promises and do not agree to the "requests" of the manipulator. If you are asked a direct question, answer it, and if provocative, feel free to point out this provocation.
• Do not make excuses, do not go into detailed explanations and do not succumb to feelings of guilt - this will avoid the intrusion of the manipulator into your personal psychological space. It is better not to pay attention to your emotional urges at all, otherwise you can later regret it.

Let's take the same example with a colleague who "shoves" his report on you. If you don't feel like doing someone else's work and wasting your time and energy, it makes sense to neutralize the manipulation. So, you can agree that colleagues usually help each other, and that, of course, you will prove yourself not in the best way by denying the request.

At the same time, refuse any attempts to foist documents on you or insert a USB flash drive into your computer. If a colleague asks provocatively: “What should I do now? Don't submit a report? I counted on you so! ”, Answer that it is not in your competence to decide how and to whom to conduct your affairs. Do not forget that they are trying to manipulate you - you should not feel guilty.

If you initially did not give any promises to help, how a colleague will submit a report is not your problem at all. Of course, it is not worth talking so directly, otherwise you will succumb to the provocation and find yourself in a disadvantageous position, besides, you will also be rude to the person, which you do not need to do.

Understand: a person in any case will find a way out. Therefore, you do not need to justify yourself with non-existent reasons or sudden deeds. Explanations and excuses are the bait they are trying to catch you with. Your task: to intelligibly explain that you will not do someone else's report (and it does not matter why) and end the conversation as soon as possible.

In this case, the manipulator will be surprised that he did not manage to throw his troubles on you, but no conflict will follow from this, because you reacted correctly. When you agree with the manipulator, and you do it all the time, it will be very difficult for him to keep pushing you.

The manipulator asks rhetorical questions​

Any manipulation is pure psychology. And one of the most effective methods of psychological influence is asking rhetorical questions. Manipulators often use them to force the victim to agree with their point of view, which can often be seen in arguments and quarrels.

But what could be dangerous in rhetorical questions? And the fact that during an argument or quarrel, they involve a person in the process at the level of emotions. If a question does not imply a normal adequate answer, it can cause resentment and even anger, after which it makes no sense to talk about emotional balance.

Examples of common rhetorical questions:

• How can you be so dull?
• What do you allow yourself?
• Do you even understand what you are saying now?

Such questions do not really need an answer, and manipulators ask them for one purpose - to hook the victim emotionally, so that it becomes easier to control it. But if the role of the object of manipulation does not suit you, you do not need to remain silent or give monosyllabic answers. It is much better to turn the conversation into a positive direction and try to come to a compromise. Constructive dialogue is often the key to solving many problems in communication, and this is much more effective than silence and other things that can aggravate the situation.

The best defense against manipulation in business communication and everyday communication in the case of rhetorical questions is to try to make the manipulator laugh. With a sense of humor, you can give quite interesting answers to rhetorical questions, for example:

• Not only is it possible to be so dull, but sometimes it is necessary!
• I allow myself a lot, especially when it comes to playing chess. Maybe we can play?
• Don't you understand what I am saying? Do you have a speech therapist friend?

With the help of wit, you can imperceptibly turn the situation to your advantage, which will allow you to establish normal communication. But for this you need to maintain self-control and awareness. This will allow not just listening, but hearing a person, understanding his motives and needs, and, of course, not allowing himself to be controlled.

The manipulator conducts a "massive attack"​

In a massive attack, the protection against manipulation should be more serious. The very same method of manipulation can be called traditional for working and business relations, and especially for those who occupy leading and high positions (but note that a massive attack is based on the activities of many companies engaged in traditional and Internet trade, as well as the media and PR companies).

The essence of the reception lies in the fact that people from everywhere begin to "send" the same messages on a specific topic (for example, advertisements in magazines, on TV channels and banners). Fashion trends imposed on people by all possible sources can serve as another example of a massive attack. This is called a massive attack, and it can be more difficult to defend against such manipulation than others.

At the household or professional level, this manipulation manifests itself in endless opinions, advice and mentions of others about what supposedly "best of all" for you to do: where to go, what decision to make, with whom to cooperate / communicate, what to conclude deals, how to treat whom and etc.

Defending against a massive attack, it is useful to simply “brush off” the annoying advisers, promising to look later, think, take the time to make a decision, or use another familiar excuse. But if the attack is planned in advance and several manipulators are trying to influence you (some people may be them and not even aware of it), then the first step is to find the initiator. It will almost always be someone who cares about the decision you make or the action you take.

After the main manipulator is found, you should bring him to the "clean water", but this, again, must be done correctly, observing tact, conducting a constructive dialogue and applying the methods of protection that we have considered in cases with feelings of guilt and rhetorical questions.

Manipulator uses direct threat​

Another well-known communication manipulation technique. It can be effective, but in itself is obviously weak, because is simply offensive to common human fears. Fear, as you know, is a very strong emotion that quickly cloudes the mind. It is very important to maintain a sobriety of mind and a certain detachment from the situation; the most important thing is to understand what the manipulator wants to achieve by threatening you directly.

It should be said that this manipulative technique is resorted to in the absence of arguments. Therefore, noticing that someone wants to scare you, you can assume that the opponent is vulnerable and has an urgent need for something. To achieve this, he must agree with you by hook or by crook. So here it is important to clearly understand what a person wants, and this, among other things, will tell you what he is afraid of himself.

Direct threats in communication indicate that a person is almost in a hopeless situation, does not know what to do next, and he will not be able to solve his problem without you. Based on this, fight against fear and do not succumb to it, listen carefully to the person. If necessary, try to find a compromise and offer it. But in any case, you only need to make a decision on your own.

In addition to this, one must understand that when one person threatens another, a conflict situation takes place. This means that protection from manipulation is equated with the ability to resolve conflicts. There are different ways of behaving in a conflict environment, for example, avoidance, competition, cooperation, adjustment, and others. So you should master them, and you can learn about them from our articles "7 effective strategies for behavior in conflict" and "Conflicts and strategies for behavior in them."

Recall that we have only talked about some of the frequently encountered situations of manipulation. We will not touch on other cases, since we want to offer several recommendations for protection against manipulation in business communication and at the day-to-day level, applicable to most situations in general.

Simple techniques for protection against manipulation The mechanisms of all manipulations are based on human psychology (more precisely, on the knowledge of its features), therefore there are techniques of universal protection in principle. We decided to highlight the following:

• Study the ways of manipulation and their peculiarities so that you can distinguish between them and understand what they can be directed towards (ie what they might want from you).
• In any communication, always keep your main interests in mind. This will allow you to make your own decisions and not accept other people's rules.
• Always try to control your emotions, think soberly and objectively. This will help you make the right decisions.
• Track your feelings and emotions as you interact with people and make decisions. By doing this, you will extinguish emotionality, thereby taking away an important trump card from the manipulator.
• Waste the time when you are required to immediately make an imposed decision. Thanks to this, you will be able to assess the state of affairs yourself, and deprive the manipulator of his advantage (without allowing himself to rush), which is why he himself may stop trying to influence you.
• Learn to refuse and say no to people. This skill will not only protect you from unnecessary situations, but will also give you the opportunity to say “Yes” to yourself more often.
• Ask direct questions when you feel a catch. This discourages the manipulators, makes them nervous. As a result, you will be able to understand whether the person is sincere with you, and whether it is worth dealing with him.
• In "difficult cases" criticize the manipulator, give an objective negative assessment of his actions, scoff at his attempts to control you in communication. These are drastic measures, but they are very effective. Suitable for cases where the relationship with the manipulator is of no value to you.
• If the situation permits, ignore the attacks of the manipulator. This is a passive version of the previous technique. Ignore what the manipulator is doing or saying, but you can easily hint that you-all-understood.
• Respond to manipulation in the same way. You can put your own conditions in exchange for the fulfillment of the request, or you can imperceptibly force the manipulator to do what you need.
• Be unpredictable because it is very difficult to find an approach to people from whom one can expect something unknown, it is much more difficult to adapt to them.
• Develop self-confidence and build correct self-esteem. People who know their own worth are prey that many manipulators are too tough for.
• Be attentive in communication and develop communication skills. Communication experience can tell a lot of interesting things about how people achieve hidden goals.
• Distract the manipulator while communicating. To do this, you can turn on your TV or tape recorder, go to an interesting site on the Internet. These "interference" will attract the attention of the manipulator, and you will have time to assess the situation.

As you yourself noticed, any person can protect themselves from manipulation, the main thing is to determine the manipulation and set a goal to stop it, using any of the options. But still, we want to introduce you to another method of protection. It differs in that it affects the manipulator at a non-verbal level. It consists of several steps (not necessarily sequential):

1. Take a “closed” pose with your legs crossed and your arms folded. This psychologically isolates you from the person and focuses your attention on yourself.
2. Do not let the manipulator come into bodily contact with you and go outside the zone of personal comfort, so as not to allow him to increase his influence.
3. Position yourself in the room so that the space between you and the manipulator is filled with something: a table, an armchair, a railing, a bar counter, etc.
4. Move your eyes to your surroundings to break eye contact with the manipulator and distract your attention.
5. Mentally create a barrier between you and your opponent, such as a wall. So you will lower your emotionality and weaken the influence of manipulation.

The purposeful use of such non-verbal signals on a subconscious level will be noticed by the manipulator, which can both make his actions less effective and discourage him from manipulating in general. Here's an interesting piece on 19 Practical Anti-tampering Techniques.

Almost everyone manipulates from time to time, but this does not mean that people are bad. It's just that circumstances, conditions and, in general, life itself may require it. But our task is to be able to protect ourselves from any encroachments on our freedom and freedom of our choice, and we hope that the listed methods will be useful to you in this. And to make you feel even more confident, we have selected a useful video for you - a master class "How to protect yourself from manipulation" from Doctor of Philosophy and Professor of Volgograd State University - Andrey Makarov. We wish you success in everything and the ability to always remain yourself!

 

[Brother]

19 Practical Techniques for Defending

Against Manipulation Technique 1. Technique of Infinite Refinement. It is used when a communication partner emotionally demands something or blames something. In this case, find out as detailed and accurate as possible everything that happens to him, without entering into wrangling, explanations or excuses. Your partner may increase the pressure, provoking you to resist, but you must steadfastly hold on to the position of the person who wants to find out the opinion of the other.

The ability to pose a question requiring a meaningful and detailed answer activates one's own intellectual efforts. In order to ask a question or answer a question in essence, you need to think, therefore, part of the energy charge is transferred from the emotional flow to the rational one. In addition, time is gained that the partner spends thinking about the answer. Thus, by asking a clarifying question, we gain time and energy in order not to let feelings overwhelm us.

Reception 2. Technique of external consent, or Hovering fog. This technique is especially effective against unfair criticism or outright rudeness. A confident person outwardly agrees, although he may not change his position. For example:

“What an unexpected thought! It will be necessary to think it over ... ";
“I’ll think about how I can take this into account in my work”;
“I’ll think if it has anything to do with me”;
"Maybe ..."

Technique 3. Technique of the spoiled plate. In response to the attack, the addressee formulates a succinct phrase containing important information to the attacker. The phrase should be such that you can repeat it several times without disturbing the meaning of the conversation. The phrase should be pronounced like a stuck record, with the same intonation. There should be no "metal" or "poison" in the tone. This technique uses an old rule of thumb:

First tell them exactly what you are going to tell them.
Then tell them what you are going to tell them.
Then tell them exactly what you told them.

Reception 4. Technique of the English professor. The partner correctly expresses doubts that fulfilling someone's requirements does not really violate his personal rights:

"George, could you speak a little slower and in shorter phrases so that I can translate more accurately?"
“I'm afraid not ... You see, speaking quickly and in long phrases is part of my personality.”

Possible answers:

“This is the subject of my convictions”;
“If I do this, I will no longer be me”;
"It doesn't fit with my self-image."

Reception 5. Calm and aloofness. Effective psycho-protection requires a certain psychological coldness and aloofness. Anger, fear, anger, surprise, joy must be stopped before concrete psycho-protective actions are taken. If such an emotion is difficult to stop completely, then it needs to be complicated and transformed - anger and hatred should be translated into sarcasm, fear and surprise - into alertness, joy - into irony, etc. If you get angry or angry, you will lose.

Reception 6. Search and connection of additional factors that can affect the situation. There are always potential situational forces working for us - be it time, people, social stereotypes, some kind of parallel events. Anything that the manipulator has excluded from the situation, "adjusting" it to suit himself, may do. Has someone planned a conversation at home? - take it to the street! Are they trying to influence you in private? - bring up the topic in the company! Change the situational field in such a way that it becomes alien to the manipulator and creates additional benefits for you.

Reception 7. Preliminary training in a foreign field. From time to time it is worth practicing behavior that is atypical for yourself - to break your usual role-playing and personal image. On the one hand, this increases the degree of freedom of behavior, on the other, it makes you less predictable.

Reception 8. Do not accept someone else's assessment of the situation. If you accepted someone's assessment of the situation and began to plan some actions in accordance with this assessment, the manipulator has achieved his goal. It is necessary not only to reject someone else's situational framework, but also to offer your own assessment of the situation. Your getting rid of the framework imposed by someone can begin with the phrase: "And now let me tell you how I see all this ..." - and then you can already draw a situational picture from a point that is beneficial for you.

Reception 9. If possible, do not accept obligations imposed on you from the outside. It is better to endure short-term losses in money, time and energy than to undertake to fulfill outwardly uncritical obligations for you, which are imposed from the outside. It is necessary to proceed from the fact that, above all, obligations to oneself are important.

Reception 10. The ability to change attitudes. It must be remembered that any interpersonal situation is reversible: there is always the opportunity to step back from any interpersonal situation and say to the controlling and manipulating (be it a boss, spouse, politician, etc.): “I can continue to live without your love, friendship, disposition, mistreatment, even if such a life is difficult for me - until you stop doing A and start doing B. "

Reception 11. Avoid provoked thoughtless actions. If someone insists that something be done “immediately,” you should never agree to it right away. To get started, take some time to think about the situation and get more information. You should also insist on intelligible explanations. Weak explanations are signs of deception or lack of knowledge on the part of the allegedly informed interlocutor.

Reception 12. Critical perception of situational requirements. Any situational requirements should be approached critically, no matter how trivial they may seem: role relationships and rules should always be understood, but not always accepted. Group rituals, slogans, responsibilities and obligations - all this for some reason someone needs. The requirements arising from the situation are not always mandatory.

Technique 13. There are almost no simple decisions in life. If someone talks about “simple solutions” to your difficult personal, social, and political problems, then this is most likely not true.

Technique 14. There is no instant “affection”. There is no such thing as sudden and unconditional love, trust, or friendship from strangers. Friendship and trust always develop over time and usually involve mutual exchange, overcoming and complicity - i.e. preliminary work on both sides. Therefore, "sudden love" and "suddenly arisen" friendship are most likely the situational background that the manipulator creates for a more successful influence for you.

Reception 15. Separating yourself from everyone. You should avoid "total situations" when they address and point to "everyone" and not to you personally. In such situations, there is very little personal control and freedom, so it is immediately worthwhile to determine the boundaries of your own autonomy and, just in case, prepare psychological and physical paths for retreat.

Tactic 16. Your mistakes are your problem. Seek to immediately recognize the symptoms of “guilt” that someone is provoking in you, and never act out of a guilt motive. Mistakes are inevitable, but they are your mistakes. Therefore, do not rush to correct mistakes in a way that was not planned by you.

Technique 17. Every situation has something new. Be mindful of what you do in a “typical situation”. You cannot allow habit and current standard procedure to force you to act thoughtlessly - after all, each subsequent “typical situation” is always slightly different, and your routine actions can always be used due to their high predictability.

Technique 18. Don't be tied to past behavior. When someone mentions your "reliability", you should always be wary. After all, there is absolutely no need to maintain correspondence between your actions at different points in time - both you and the situation can change. Therefore, the status of “reliable” is always somewhat false, since it provides for some actions and reactions that depend not on the situation, but on the status of “reliability” itself. The status of "situation adequacy" is much more preferable.

Reception 19. Have thought - act! It is not enough to simply understand that manipulation is taking place. One must always be willing to openly disobey, defend, challenge, and endure the consequences of such behavior.