And again about the victims

[Teacher]

"If you want attention - become unhappy"
If a person really realizes that his unsuccessful scenarios are repeated, and his forehead is already covered with rake scars, then he must give up the old way of living. He must begin to do the opposite of what he did before, even if the force of the habit pulls back irresistibly. Karpman's triangle is a space that is entirely built on manipulations and habits to them, it is difficult to notice in your life, and even more so - to change. Firstly, because a person is inside a situation and it is difficult for him to keep track of himself, and secondly, a hidden benefit interferes. Each of the triangle's subpersonalities - Victim, Controller, and Rescuer - have their own payoffs, even if they don't like the big picture and the overall bottom line.

But this very hidden benefit - it is like a tit in the hand, it is difficult to let it go, because the crane is far and high, and it is not yet known whether it will be possible to catch it.

In order to leave the Controller in the Philosopher (Blasep) - you should often say "yes" to life. Everything that happens in it. The main credo of the Philosopher is acceptance. Even if he doesn't like what is happening. But since it is already happening, it is useless to resist. In order to change something, you must first accept, give it the right to exist. And only with this you can start further.

Exit from the Sacrifice - into the Hero - How? Say "I want!" and follow your desires.

It seems like a tempting offer, but the Victim is scared. This was not the case before - all desires were subject to strict control. But now (if, of course, you want to get into another life), your favorite question should be: “What if? ... What if I take a chance, do something that I didn't do before, even if others do not understand me, and will condemn, get angry, reject? "

It seems that everything is very clear, but following these simple tips is hindered by the very hidden benefit, we will deal with it.

Hidden Benefit of the Sacrifice
A victim who is not ready to say goodbye to their script will answer: “I want to. BUT ... "and then there will be a long list of circumstances that hinder the implementation of the conceived: ... finances do not allow ... children (parents) get sick ... in our country it is impossible .. . And the apotheosis: "... I am not like you. I do not have your purposefulness (health, perseverance, strength, etc.) "Further may follow the continuation" good for you, but I have ... (list of circumstances). "

Strength, perseverance, determination, and even health do not come out of thin air. These are the qualities of a Hero, and they are brought up in the process of life (just like muscles are pumped up in the gym). These qualities are the result, which only then turns into a means.

But the Hero does not live in Karpman's triangle! He came out of there, and for this he needed to bring out into the light of God's hidden benefit, consider and abandon its charms.

The victim is not ready
If the Victim is not ready, dialogue with her is meaningless for her and harmful to herself. There is a risk of falling unnoticed into the Rescuers or the Controller. You can only act as a Provocateur, that is, give out a ruthless banter like "Well, hang yourself!". There is a chance that it will work, minimal, but there is.

Why doesn't the Victim want to step out of his role? After all, it is obvious that it is bad there! It seems that everyone can see, and she is better than the rest.

Do not flatter yourself, it's not so bad there, mainly because it's familiar and understandable, there is no need to take risks.

There is a hidden benefit - safety

But the benefit if the Victim leaves his position is doubtful for her. After all, she is not familiar with the energy in which the Hero lives, she does not know its taste. There her, this energy is 10 times more and life flows brighter. But from the pit in which the Victim sits all his life, the light blinds and frightens.

Hidden benefit - what is it?
This is what the Victim receives for her unhappiness. And - completely free of charge and without any stress. They feel sorry for the unfortunate, they are helped. Who does not know the example of frequently ill children? A healthy child is invisible, he does not get the attention (= love) of others. But around the patient, everyone begins to rush about with tea, compresses, pills and thermometers. Endless questions “how are you feeling? Is it easier for you? "warm the soul. The child feels loved at least for the duration of his illness. And a nice bonus - don't go to school (kindergarten). Mom (grandmother) stays at home with him and her time is now subordinate to him ...

If such a scenario is several times, it is fixed as repeated usual. And in adult life, a person continues to act according to the principle: "if you want attention, become unhappy." Even if there is no one around to take care of the disease. To give love and care to oneself - it is elementary to lie down and rest, a person needs indulgence (permission) in the form of illness.

To get his hidden benefit, the Victim activates the Rescuers in the surrounding. And not only health speculations are used. Complaints about life, others, the environment, the state, even the climate. Moreover, they are by no means unfounded. The victim, like a magnet, attracts all sorts of troubles, something always happens to her. That is, she always has reasons to blame her life.

The style of complaints can be different - from restrained, with the dignity of presenting dry facts to outright whining. And the content always answers the question: "What's wrong with your life?" If such a person is your friend or relative, then he wants to help. Empathy, advice, money. I would like to do something to ease his heavy cross a little. Show that life is not so bad, and there are bright moments in it. And if you do this, then the Victim receives his latent benefit. She won!

And you are on the hook. Now you are the Rescuer, that is, you hang out with the Victim in the Karpman triangle. And the Rescuer has its own hidden benefit (but more on that in another article).

The most common example is borrowing money. The victim drowns in the financial quagmire, the Rescuer lends money. Without interest, of course - this is friendly help! Time passes, the Victim does not return money. The Rescuer at first delicately reminds, then he is forced to demand, but the Victim has no money. The result is that friendships go down the drain. The rescuer feels cheated. And the Victim is offended. Because there is no money, “… doesn't your friend understand? And what kind of friend is he after that? "Or the Victim may begin to blame himself and vividly demonstrate the feeling of guilt - you see, they say, how I suffer! He may give money, but three kopecks a month, which does not solve the problem.

What is the Rescuer? He either acts on the principle: "forgive, forget, hammer," or cherishes the hope of getting his full. In the first case, he turns into a Philosopher (Blasep) from the next triangle. At the same time, he concludes that he will not lend more money to the Victim. And only in this case, friendly relations can be preserved.

If he is unable to admit his own stupidity and say goodbye to money, then he is thrown into the third subpersonality of the Karpman triangle - the Controller (Persecutor). There can be no question of maintaining friendly relations. The controller is angry (they deceived his hopes, took advantage of his trust). The victim is offended - they did not enter into her position.

The example with money is very indicative, it translates emotions and time into hard currency that can be calculated and measured.

Another very important nuance is that all strategies become obsolete. And it is not possible to extract hidden benefits according to the same scenario. All the same, a person living here, in our rapidly changing world, is doomed to invent something new all his life. So you can choose what to invent - ways to be unhappy or ways to be happy. In my opinion, the choice is obvious.

If you want to get out of the Sacrifice
Discard hidden benefits! Don't let others and yourself think of yourself as a loser, unhappy, unjustly offended!

For this:

• do not maintain "how bad things are"
• don't spread negative news
• get away from situations and people who do it
• never complain about life to anyone (only to a specialist with whom you discuss your problems: a lawyer, financial advisor, psychotherapist, doctor)
• follow what proverbs you use, what phrases you often say. For example, such as "a pig will find dirt everywhere", or "trouble does not go alone" - from the arsenal of the Victims, and it is better to throw them in the trash forever
• for every complaint you catch yourself doing some kind of physical "punishment", for example, pinching your hand. This action must be done immediately, and unnoticed by others.
• often ask yourself what you want at this moment and try to do it!

The hidden benefit in the Karpman triangle keeps a person in a state of low energy, which means melancholy and apathy. The victim manages to win this game - she always gets her win, but it is scanty. And it is in no way comparable to those capitals (emotional, financial, event-related) that the Heroes accumulate. You need to dare to detach from the familiar, and then life will change beyond recognition! Checked on myself.