Technique of acceptance is used by psychoanalysts, helping the patient to relax, trust the specialist and, accordingly, accept help from him. But it is also indispensable in many other cases: when communicating with children and parents, lovers, friends-always when trust and understanding are needed. The same technique can be considered as a way to influence other people, but its effectiveness is not very high. On the other hand, it allows you to be liked by another person and opens the way to a more reliable way of managing people.
Rapport in the most general sense is an emotional and intellectual connection between people based on deep mutual understanding and sympathy.
In the technique of acceptance as a method of establishing rapport, 3 elements are most important:
- facial expression;
- voice tone and modulations;
- distance between people.
Features of establishing rapport and influence through the adoption technique
If you want to establish rapport with a person, your face should express genuine interest in a conversation - any insincerity, detachment, even a third-party thought is soon guessed by the interlocutor, and he "closes", sometimes irrevocably.
More important than the meaning of the spoken words, for a person, is the tone of voice.
And finally, the third important point - pose of acceptance.
If you approach, and the person immediately moves away, it means that he is uncomfortable with your presence in this area of his personal space.
The position of hands, feet, and gestures is of great importance - during revelations, a person shows (including on an unconscious level) hypersensitivity to every detail!
Physiological adjustment (in fact, it is copying the body movements of the interlocutor, his postures, characteristic gestures) is one of the simplest methods of achieving rapport, in which two types are distinguished - direct and mirror. In direct tuning, you copy the other person symmetrically: he raises his right hand and you raise your right hand, he swings the toe of his left shoe and you swing the toe of your left shoe. The most important thing is that copying is natural.
Please note that in everyday life, mirror adjustment occurs very often. Watch your friends engaged in conversation - their poses will probably have a lot in common, and as soon as one makes a characteristic gesture (for example, straightens his hair, crosses his legs, etc.), the second (as well as the third, and so on) one way or another, they can repeat it - it's like a wave passes through the company. In it, all participants have one or another influence on other people, therefore, you need to achieve the same effect-but on a conscious (on your part) level.
If the technique of acceptance and adjustment to the physiology is quite simple to master, then matching the speech style and type of thinking can be considered one of the most difficult ways to enter a state of rapport, but it gives a more stable result in influencing other people, which persists over time and at a distance. It consists mainly of observing a person and determining their type of thinking - auditory, visual, or tactile (kinesthetic).
Adjusting your thinking patterns to manage other people
If you want to control the other person to a certain extent using this method, your task is to understand what type of thinking is inherent in your counterpart, and imperceptibly introduce features of his type into your speech. However, to do this, first of all, you must know the other person well enough or be able to quickly isolate the necessary markers from their speech. Also, if you want to influence other people in this way, you should practice how to harmoniously adapt your familiar phrases to what your interlocutor "wants to hear".
If the other person often uses marker words with the meaning "sound" in their speech (I can hear it well, it sounds good, etc.), they are auditory. Use similar expressions, pay special attention to copying their timbre, speech tempo, and individual intonations.
When a person uses a lot of figurative words (brilliant prospects, interesting questions, bright talent, a picture of what is happening), when first of all he sees colors and outlines - he is a visual. Always pay attention to their appearance (in a positive context), use vivid images in conversation, say: I see your (your) progress, I often imagine you.
The kinesthetic is guided by contact sensations, he says: I firmly believe, sweet feeling, gentle voice, etc., choosing definitions-contacts. To establish rapport with them, you will need to look at the world from the point of view of tactile feelings and support, encourage kinesthetics, using appropriate markers: you have an iron character, you speak as if you are stroking your hand, I feel this problem the same way and others.
When establishing such contacts, in principle, pay attention to other characteristic words in the other person's speech and carefully transfer them to your speech, making it as natural as possible.
In general, it is recommended to combine adjustment to the type of thinking with other techniques. They will help you establish quick contact, and adjusting your speech style will help you consolidate the result.
