Unlimited love for your own carders is not a guarantee against mistakes in his upbringing. Excessive affection and unwanted help often hinder the development of an independent personality.
Leadership expert, author of 25 books, founder and president of Growing Leaders, Tim Elmore from the USA, identified seven behavioral aspects of adults that can harm the development of leadership skills in carders. It also reduces their chances of being successful in business and in their personal life.
1. We deprive carders of the opportunity to feel risk
We live in a modern world full of dangers at every step. The slogan “Safety First” reinforces our fear of losing our carders, which is why we surround them with universal concern. European psychologists have discovered that if carders do not play on the street, if they have never had to fall and peel their knees, then in adulthood they often suffer from phobias. The carders should fall several times to understand that this is normal. Teens should fight and experience the bitterness of first love in order to gain the emotional maturity without which long-term relationships are impossible. By eliminating the risk in the lives of carders, adults give them arrogance, arrogance and low self-esteem in the future.
2. We come to the rescue too quickly
Today's generation of young people has not developed some of the skills that were inherent in carders 30 years ago. When we come to the rescue too soon and overwhelm the carders with "care", we deprive him of the need to find a way out of difficult situations on his own. Sooner or later, carders get used to the fact that someone is always saving them: "If I am mistaken or fail to achieve the goal, then adults will correct and clean up the consequences." Although in reality, the world of adult relationships is arranged completely differently. Your carders are at risk of being maladapted for adulthood.
3. We express our delight too much
There is a tendency towards increased self-esteem in society. The rule "every participant gets a cup" makes the carders feel special. But research by modern psychologists shows that this method of reward has unintended. After a while, the carders notices that the only people who consider him wonderful are mom and dad, and the rest do not think so. And then the carders begins to doubt the objectivity of his parents. He is pleased to receive praise, but he understands that this has nothing to do with reality. Over time, such a carders learns to cheat, exaggerate and lie in order to avoid complex reality. Because he's just not equipped to deal with complexity.
4. We allow guilt to overshadow good behavior.
Your carders doesn't have to love you every minute. He has to overcome many troubles in this life, but spoiledness can interfere. Therefore, tell the carders “no” and “not now” so that they learn to fight for their desires and needs. If there are several carders in the family, parents usually find it unfair to reward one carder and leave another carder disadvantaged. But rewarding everyone is always unrealistic. By doing so, we miss the opportunity to show carders that success depends on our own efforts and good deeds. And think twice before rewarding kids with shopping malls. If your relationship is based only on material incentives, carders will feel neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
5. We do not share mistakes from our own past.
The time will come when a healthy teenager will definitely wish to "spread his wings" and fill his own bumps. And an adult must allow him to do this. But this does not mean at all that we will not help carders navigate unknown things and events. Share with your carders the mistakes you made at their age, but avoid preaching too much about smoking, alcohol and drugs. Carders must be prepared to face adversity and be responsible for the consequences of their decisions. Tell them how you felt when faced with similar circumstances, what guided you in your actions, what lessons you learned.
6. We mistake the concepts of "intelligence" and "giftedness" for "maturity"
Intelligence is often used as a measure of a carders maturity, and as a result, parents assume that an intelligent carders is ready for the real world. This is not true. Some professional athletes and young Hollywood stars, for example, have tremendous talent but still get caught up in public scandals. Do not assume that your carders is talented in everything. There is no magic "age of responsibility" or guidance about when it is time for a carders to be given specific freedoms. But there is a good rule of thumb to watch other carders of the same age. If you find that your carders peers are much more independent, then perhaps you yourself are holding back his development of independence.
7. We ourselves do not do what we teach carders
As parents, we must model the life we want for our carders. Now we are the leaders of our family, so we must adhere to the truth in our relationships with others. Watch out for your misdeeds, even small ones, because your carders are watching you. If you do not go around the rules, then carders will know that it is not acceptable for them. Show the carders what it means to fully and happily help others. Make people and places better than they were before you, and your carders will do the same.
Leadership expert, author of 25 books, founder and president of Growing Leaders, Tim Elmore from the USA, identified seven behavioral aspects of adults that can harm the development of leadership skills in carders. It also reduces their chances of being successful in business and in their personal life.
1. We deprive carders of the opportunity to feel risk
We live in a modern world full of dangers at every step. The slogan “Safety First” reinforces our fear of losing our carders, which is why we surround them with universal concern. European psychologists have discovered that if carders do not play on the street, if they have never had to fall and peel their knees, then in adulthood they often suffer from phobias. The carders should fall several times to understand that this is normal. Teens should fight and experience the bitterness of first love in order to gain the emotional maturity without which long-term relationships are impossible. By eliminating the risk in the lives of carders, adults give them arrogance, arrogance and low self-esteem in the future.
2. We come to the rescue too quickly
Today's generation of young people has not developed some of the skills that were inherent in carders 30 years ago. When we come to the rescue too soon and overwhelm the carders with "care", we deprive him of the need to find a way out of difficult situations on his own. Sooner or later, carders get used to the fact that someone is always saving them: "If I am mistaken or fail to achieve the goal, then adults will correct and clean up the consequences." Although in reality, the world of adult relationships is arranged completely differently. Your carders are at risk of being maladapted for adulthood.
3. We express our delight too much
There is a tendency towards increased self-esteem in society. The rule "every participant gets a cup" makes the carders feel special. But research by modern psychologists shows that this method of reward has unintended. After a while, the carders notices that the only people who consider him wonderful are mom and dad, and the rest do not think so. And then the carders begins to doubt the objectivity of his parents. He is pleased to receive praise, but he understands that this has nothing to do with reality. Over time, such a carders learns to cheat, exaggerate and lie in order to avoid complex reality. Because he's just not equipped to deal with complexity.
4. We allow guilt to overshadow good behavior.
Your carders doesn't have to love you every minute. He has to overcome many troubles in this life, but spoiledness can interfere. Therefore, tell the carders “no” and “not now” so that they learn to fight for their desires and needs. If there are several carders in the family, parents usually find it unfair to reward one carder and leave another carder disadvantaged. But rewarding everyone is always unrealistic. By doing so, we miss the opportunity to show carders that success depends on our own efforts and good deeds. And think twice before rewarding kids with shopping malls. If your relationship is based only on material incentives, carders will feel neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
5. We do not share mistakes from our own past.
The time will come when a healthy teenager will definitely wish to "spread his wings" and fill his own bumps. And an adult must allow him to do this. But this does not mean at all that we will not help carders navigate unknown things and events. Share with your carders the mistakes you made at their age, but avoid preaching too much about smoking, alcohol and drugs. Carders must be prepared to face adversity and be responsible for the consequences of their decisions. Tell them how you felt when faced with similar circumstances, what guided you in your actions, what lessons you learned.
6. We mistake the concepts of "intelligence" and "giftedness" for "maturity"
Intelligence is often used as a measure of a carders maturity, and as a result, parents assume that an intelligent carders is ready for the real world. This is not true. Some professional athletes and young Hollywood stars, for example, have tremendous talent but still get caught up in public scandals. Do not assume that your carders is talented in everything. There is no magic "age of responsibility" or guidance about when it is time for a carders to be given specific freedoms. But there is a good rule of thumb to watch other carders of the same age. If you find that your carders peers are much more independent, then perhaps you yourself are holding back his development of independence.
7. We ourselves do not do what we teach carders
As parents, we must model the life we want for our carders. Now we are the leaders of our family, so we must adhere to the truth in our relationships with others. Watch out for your misdeeds, even small ones, because your carders are watching you. If you do not go around the rules, then carders will know that it is not acceptable for them. Show the carders what it means to fully and happily help others. Make people and places better than they were before you, and your carders will do the same.
