What fears are driving you?
Everyone is healthy, this Stalilingus! How are you, my manipulators? All is well, is it working out?! Hope so.
Today I would like to share with you material about our fears. Very useful and fascinating article, pleasant reading!
Fear is a feeling familiar to every person without exception. Each of us has faced a situation where fear has become a serious obstacle in an important matter. It could be a typical student story, when you did not pass the exam, because out of fear you forgot everything that you learned, or fear prevented you from approaching and getting to know the girl you liked, and then you regretted it for a long time.
For some, fear does not allow speaking in public and so inhibits career growth. Most often, a psychologist is consulted when fears become destructive for the individual (unfounded and obsessive fears, phobias, panic attacks, nightmares, etc.).
Repressed and unconscious fears
But if the fears do not bother you, it does not mean that you have got rid of them, and you do not have them. It is not customary to brag about fears; they try to forget, avoid, supplant them, not think about them. Nevertheless, fears are inherent in every person, and if you do not know anything about them, this does not mean that they do not exist.
The main fears are usually unconscious, and therefore you may not understand that it is the fear that gives you anxiety or stops your development. Thus, you may not even notice that it is not you who are controlling your behavior, but your unconscious fears.
Where do unconscious fears come from?
Fear accompanies the growth and development of a child, and then of an adult - at each new stage of development, a new fear appears, associated with the development of new skills, an unfamiliar "territory" for him, which must be overcome.
Usually, fears for which no defenses were developed in childhood, fears that the child could not overcome, usually hinder and inhibit development in adulthood. And a child can do this only with the help of adults. For the child's survival, care and communication with loved ones play a primary role, and the danger of losing them becomes tantamount to the danger of losing life.
Your unique set of "disturbing" fears was formed by childhood events that threatened communication with loved ones (divorce, illness or death of one of the parents), as well as situations that you perceived as a threat to life in childhood and were not explained by your parents (trauma, operations, disasters, etc.).
Therefore, the characteristics of your parents, the way they communicated with you in childhood, their personality and their repressed fears, play a major role in the origin of your unconscious fears.
The main forms of fear
The famous German psychoanalyst Fritz Riemann identified the main types of fears that have the greatest impact on the development of a child's personality. It turns out that behind many different fears there may be one or several of the most important fears, thanks to which your character traits were formed.
The four basic types of fear correspond to the four basic needs of a person.
1. The need for individuation, separately (to have the right to be different from others, to maintain their uniqueness, singularity, separateness and independence of their personality). This need corresponds to the fear of being absorbed by another person, the fear of merging, the fear of self-giving, the fear of losing one's freedom and autonomy, the fear of intimacy.
2. The need to be part of the whole, society. And the fear corresponding to this need is the fear of being rejected, not accepted, the fear of loneliness, fear of the manifestation of one's own opinion, which is different from others, etc.
3. The need for constancy, stability. The threat of this need creates a fear of change, instability of the situation, disorder, freedom and risk.
4. The need for change, for development. The fears that arise in connection with this need are fear of responsibility, necessity, routine, which are experienced as lack of freedom and finality.
Personality types depending on the type of fear
All of these forms of basic fears are inherent in each of us to a greater or lesser extent. But if any of them prevails, it forms a one-sided personality based on one of the basic unconscious fears. Fritz Riemann identified 4 personality types that correspond to basic fears.
1. Fear of losing oneself in contact with others, fear of intimacy forms a schizoid personality.
The main fear of such a person is formed at the earliest stage of life - if a nursing child is faced with alienation, abandonment, emptiness, or, on the contrary, oversaturation with impressions that he cannot perceive, instead of trust and interest in the world, a basic distrust and appeal to himself is formed in him. This can happen due to the loss of parents, frequent change of persons who take care of the child, unwanted pregnancy, lack of emotional contact with the mother.
2. The fear of being rejected, abandoned forms a depressed personality.
Depressive individuals are dominated by the desire for confidential close contacts, the passionate desire to love and be loved, the desire for self-sacrifice and dedication. Fear of independence, a deep experience of feelings of their own worthlessness and guilt can be formed either by mothers too attached to the child, "fixated" on the child, who do not give him the opportunity to show their independence and independence, or in a situation where the mother is overly demanding, constantly refusing. rejecting, criticizing, or neglecting the needs of the child.
3. Fear of change is an obsessive personality type.
Such individuals are characterized by caution, planning their lives, the desire to avoid any surprises. In individuals with obsessive development, an important role is played by the desire for perfection, perfectionism, therefore, any of their actions is accompanied by a series of doubts. It is formed during the period of training the child to use the potty, and other rules of behavior that limit the child's spontaneous manifestations. The more strict the attitude of the parents towards the child during this period, the more he understood that he needed to restrain his impulses, the more likely this type of personality would emerge. The obsessive person is most afraid of change, freedom and risk.
4. Fear of constancy - forms a hysterical personality.
Hysteroid personalities are most afraid of restrictions, traditions, patterns and order, which are so important for the obsessive personality. They are prone to quick and thoughtless satisfaction of their desires, without any unnecessary thoughts about the inevitable consequences (according to the principle "here and now", "after us, even a flood"). In love, it is important for them to be in the center of attention, to constantly confirm their importance, but not for the purpose of self-giving, as in a depressed person, but for the intoxication of their influence on a partner. Partnerships are characterized by frequent quarrels and reconciliation, exactingness towards a partner. The emergence of this fear is attributed by psychoanalysts to the age of 4 to 6 years, when the child realizes himself as a “boy or girl” and imitates the parent of his gender in a prosperous family. In single-parent families, with conflicting relationships between parents, domestic violence,
The more you work on yourself, understand yourself, the closer you come to your core fear. The main feature of key fears is that due to the early age at which they arose, they were not understood, named and realized by us, but were closely related to our survival, and act automatically, without our control. Therefore, the first step on the path to change is to discern your fear, acknowledge its existence, find out why it was vital to you in childhood, how it can be useful to you now, and when it interferes with you and you need to overcome it.
