Hacker
Professional
- Messages
- 1,044
- Reaction score
- 812
- Points
- 113
Prepare for contact
Before any contact, you need to tune in internally — just as you tune an instrument before a concert. Take a stable position: sit or stand so that you feel supported, balanced. Say only what you are sure of and what is important to you, keep in mind what you entered into the dialogue for. If there is a chance that you will be provoked to emotions, find a spot in front of your eyes or a piece of clothing that will symbolize stability and balance for you.
Tune in to finding a solution, not a fight
When starting a difficult conversation with a loved one, say out loud or to yourself: "I start talking in order to stay in touch, to be with you, and not to fight." Remember that dialogue is not conducted to win a battle, but to understand each other. When in contact with the child, stay at eye level and touch the child's body. At the end of a difficult conversation, be sure to say: "I'm with you."
Be open
Those around us have the right not to believe us, not to love us, and not to understand us, and they may disagree with us. Everyone has their own truth. Pay attention to what is hidden behind the words, look for a deeper meaning. To do this, try to calm down and be open in the dialogue.
Show respect to the other person
Everyone has the right to imperfections, mistakes, and misconceptions — this does not negate the initial respect for the interlocutor. Remember that you may be wrong, too, and allow yourself to learn. And the opponent's respect for us begins with our respect for ourselves.
Understand the peculiarities of the other person's perception
Everyone has their own language and their own speed of response. We perceive information subjectively, based on our experience and personal characteristics. Don't be afraid to ask again. Give yourself and the other person time to "assimilate" the information. Use the pronouns "I" instead of "you" more often (I feel, I'm offended, I'm angry, I think).
Separate your own feelings from those of others
In communication, we tend to project our thoughts or unmanifested desires onto the other person. Similarly, we are also credited with other people's feelings. Learn to distinguish between these projections and stay in touch with yourself.
Speak the other person's language
No wonder there is an expression "to be on the same wavelength". Try to catch the mood of the interlocutor, to understand what is bothering him right now. A successful joke can easily turn into an awkward situation. This happens if your opponent keeps a strict and distant attitude.
Don't let yourself be manipulated
When dealing with aggressive people, you should be able to get out of aggressive contact in time, not to take accusations personally. Such people often use common phrases and the pronoun "we"for manipulation. However, there are also passive-aggressive interlocutors. They prefer to speak behind their backs, throw the words "after". In this case, it is important not to project feelings of guilt or hyper-responsibility on yourself. After such contacts, do not deny yourself a good rest.
Don't get personal
Don't discuss the other person's personal qualities. Talk only about facts and events that are relevant to the subject of the conversation. If the dialogue does turn into an argument, it is often pointless to continue it. Try to turn the conflict into a joke. In such cases, I remember the phrase "Mold multiplies by spores. Don't argue with mold."
Show the other person that they are valuable to you
When talking to a person, repeat to yourself: "I see you", "I care about your thoughts and your presence, even if I don't agree with you". Let the other person know that they are valuable to you as a person.
Learn from your mistakes
It is important to be able to complete the dialog. "Thank you", "see you soon" - any words that sound sincere at this moment will do. Analyze past conversations and learn from them. A confident person calmly talks about what he feels and expects, thanks for the contact, and knows how to accept compliments.
Before any contact, you need to tune in internally — just as you tune an instrument before a concert. Take a stable position: sit or stand so that you feel supported, balanced. Say only what you are sure of and what is important to you, keep in mind what you entered into the dialogue for. If there is a chance that you will be provoked to emotions, find a spot in front of your eyes or a piece of clothing that will symbolize stability and balance for you.
Tune in to finding a solution, not a fight
When starting a difficult conversation with a loved one, say out loud or to yourself: "I start talking in order to stay in touch, to be with you, and not to fight." Remember that dialogue is not conducted to win a battle, but to understand each other. When in contact with the child, stay at eye level and touch the child's body. At the end of a difficult conversation, be sure to say: "I'm with you."
Be open
Those around us have the right not to believe us, not to love us, and not to understand us, and they may disagree with us. Everyone has their own truth. Pay attention to what is hidden behind the words, look for a deeper meaning. To do this, try to calm down and be open in the dialogue.
Show respect to the other person
Everyone has the right to imperfections, mistakes, and misconceptions — this does not negate the initial respect for the interlocutor. Remember that you may be wrong, too, and allow yourself to learn. And the opponent's respect for us begins with our respect for ourselves.
Understand the peculiarities of the other person's perception
Everyone has their own language and their own speed of response. We perceive information subjectively, based on our experience and personal characteristics. Don't be afraid to ask again. Give yourself and the other person time to "assimilate" the information. Use the pronouns "I" instead of "you" more often (I feel, I'm offended, I'm angry, I think).
Separate your own feelings from those of others
In communication, we tend to project our thoughts or unmanifested desires onto the other person. Similarly, we are also credited with other people's feelings. Learn to distinguish between these projections and stay in touch with yourself.
Speak the other person's language
No wonder there is an expression "to be on the same wavelength". Try to catch the mood of the interlocutor, to understand what is bothering him right now. A successful joke can easily turn into an awkward situation. This happens if your opponent keeps a strict and distant attitude.
Don't let yourself be manipulated
When dealing with aggressive people, you should be able to get out of aggressive contact in time, not to take accusations personally. Such people often use common phrases and the pronoun "we"for manipulation. However, there are also passive-aggressive interlocutors. They prefer to speak behind their backs, throw the words "after". In this case, it is important not to project feelings of guilt or hyper-responsibility on yourself. After such contacts, do not deny yourself a good rest.
Don't get personal
Don't discuss the other person's personal qualities. Talk only about facts and events that are relevant to the subject of the conversation. If the dialogue does turn into an argument, it is often pointless to continue it. Try to turn the conflict into a joke. In such cases, I remember the phrase "Mold multiplies by spores. Don't argue with mold."
Show the other person that they are valuable to you
When talking to a person, repeat to yourself: "I see you", "I care about your thoughts and your presence, even if I don't agree with you". Let the other person know that they are valuable to you as a person.
Learn from your mistakes
It is important to be able to complete the dialog. "Thank you", "see you soon" - any words that sound sincere at this moment will do. Analyze past conversations and learn from them. A confident person calmly talks about what he feels and expects, thanks for the contact, and knows how to accept compliments.
