Study the methods of vile people in more detail in order to better understand who is who in the world around you and be able to overcome them.
A punch to the nose is straight, obvious, and heals quickly. But a blow to your self-esteem in the right way and at the right time can cripple you to death.
~ Jay Carter, Ph.D.
All of us have encountered people who want to somehow mock us, humiliate us and destroy our self-esteem. And it's not so important where you come across them - at work, at home, or in a circle of acquaintances. There will certainly be at least one person near us who treats us much worse than we deserve.
And worst of all, they downgrade our assessment in such subtle and non-obvious ways that other people are far from always able to notice it. And if we try to explain how we feel, our tormentors will easily change everything in their own way, making us overly sensitive, selfish and prone to hasty judgments, turning us from victims to offenders.
Vile people who love to clip the wings of others have long developed certain methods of lowering our self-esteem. And I would like to share with you 10 methods used by vile people and how to deal with them.
Hopefully, as you study them in more detail, you will begin to understand much better who is who in the world around you.
1. They make you insecure.
One of the methods of vile people is to keep you insecure all the time. You never know when they will explode hysterically or do something that will piss you off.
For example, you may feel like you've reached an understanding, you have common themes for fun, and you generally start to trust this person. And now, when everything has been going this way for some time, suddenly a nasty person does something that crosses out everything that was before, and again plunges you into a state of uncertainty and uncertainty.
You never know exactly how to feel about this person, and therefore create emotional crutches for yourself, convincing yourself that you still like him.
2. They like to project their feelings onto you.
The projection of feelings can be explained very simply: it is when a person takes his feelings as a basis, but puts responsibility for them on you. For example, a person who dislikes you may say to you, "I don't think you like me."
They frame you in their projection, forcing you to explain and make excuses to them. And instead of thinking about the intentions of vile people, you start to doubt your own feelings.
3. They often try to manipulate you.
Manipulators seek power. Nasty people want to feel superior to you, and often - and make you think that you owe something to them. This behavior is common among politicians and managers.
For example, if you are asked to work overtime and you already have plans for the evening, your boss may try to convince you that work is more important than your plans.
And if you recall those evenings that you worked overtime before, he most likely will try to turn everything in such a way that, supposedly, you called on them yourself, or worked out some kind of "service" of the boss.
4. They always try to impose their opinions on others.
Nasty people like to label people around them, and then act like everyone agrees with them. For example, by saying “you are irresponsible,” this person takes it for granted that you are that kind of person, and everyone around will agree with this characteristic.
Nasty people label you because they subconsciously try to smash your self-esteem into small crumbs instead of helping you deal with the real problem (if present). To help cope with a problem means to take on a part of the responsibility, and nasty people are not ready to do this.
5. Even when they tell the truth, they generalize and inflate it.
Beware of generalizations. Vile people often use generalizations to make an elephant out of a fly. For example, if you forgot to clean your apartment, the nasty person might say, “You never help me” (translation: You forgot to clean the apartment), or “You are of no use” (translation: You forgot to clean the apartment).
Again, instead of tackling the real problem, they hit your self-esteem. The problem is that the apartment is dirty, not that you are useless or not helping.
6. They strike sneakily
“I don't want to upset you, but ...” (Most likely, you will be upset with something now). “I don't want to interrupt you, but ...” (But I already interrupted!).
Typically, vile people who are about to sneak a blow at you speak in a soft, sympathetic voice. Their faces show sympathy. They may seem the sweetest people - only in the second hand they squeeze a dagger behind their back.
7. They put double meanings into words.
The double meaning usually manifests itself in phrases whose words say one thing, but the tone is quite different. For example, nasty people may ask you in a mocking tone: "Well, how are you?" And if you answer, as you most likely want, "Get out!" business for you.
Vile people are great masters of double bottom phrases. They may even seem harmless to observers, but you immediately feel how they hit right on target.
8. They like to cut off the conversation.
Another valuable tool of a vile person is to cut off a conversation in mid-sentence. If he asks you to tell something about yourself, rest assured that he will cut you off before you finish answering.
And their questions are often tricky. If you are asked something like “Have you stopped drinking cognac in the morning?”, You should know that there is simply no correct answer to this question. The vile person may even cut off the dialogue with you in the middle, leaving you alone with a bunch of unspoken thoughts.
9. They lift you to the top, and then chop off your wings.
Many nasty people love to change you in such a way that you become more and more dependent on them. They convince you that they will always be there, that you can always rely on them, and that you can always share the most intimate with them.
But when you really need help, the nasty person will gently and unobtrusively switch your attention to your own negative traits. This way he can chop off your wings to give you enough sense of superiority and instill in you the confidence that you need him.
10. They use double bullshit on you.
"Double nonsense" is the most vile of all their techniques, because with it you will harm yourself if you agree with them, and if you resist. For example, if you enroll in self-esteem courses, your significant other may become jealous of you or believe that your increased self-esteem is something that threatens her. And as a result, you are faced with an ultimatum: "Either I, or your courses."
Of course, you are not going to give up established personal relationships for the sake of courses - but by doing so you deprive yourself of the slightest chance to make the slightest positive changes in your own life.
How to avoid the influence of vile people?
Now, having learned about 10 methods by which vile people ruin your life, you not only have a much better idea of how to resist them, but you also better understand the vile people themselves and their intentions.
No wonder they say that knowledge is power. And even if we may not be able to avoid some of the people in our lives, we can at least avoid their pitfalls.
And after all, all that is needed for this is to pay more attention to the behavior of the people around us, and to behave with them more confidently and assertively.
A punch to the nose is straight, obvious, and heals quickly. But a blow to your self-esteem in the right way and at the right time can cripple you to death.
~ Jay Carter, Ph.D.
All of us have encountered people who want to somehow mock us, humiliate us and destroy our self-esteem. And it's not so important where you come across them - at work, at home, or in a circle of acquaintances. There will certainly be at least one person near us who treats us much worse than we deserve.
And worst of all, they downgrade our assessment in such subtle and non-obvious ways that other people are far from always able to notice it. And if we try to explain how we feel, our tormentors will easily change everything in their own way, making us overly sensitive, selfish and prone to hasty judgments, turning us from victims to offenders.
Vile people who love to clip the wings of others have long developed certain methods of lowering our self-esteem. And I would like to share with you 10 methods used by vile people and how to deal with them.
Hopefully, as you study them in more detail, you will begin to understand much better who is who in the world around you.
1. They make you insecure.
One of the methods of vile people is to keep you insecure all the time. You never know when they will explode hysterically or do something that will piss you off.
For example, you may feel like you've reached an understanding, you have common themes for fun, and you generally start to trust this person. And now, when everything has been going this way for some time, suddenly a nasty person does something that crosses out everything that was before, and again plunges you into a state of uncertainty and uncertainty.
You never know exactly how to feel about this person, and therefore create emotional crutches for yourself, convincing yourself that you still like him.
2. They like to project their feelings onto you.
The projection of feelings can be explained very simply: it is when a person takes his feelings as a basis, but puts responsibility for them on you. For example, a person who dislikes you may say to you, "I don't think you like me."
They frame you in their projection, forcing you to explain and make excuses to them. And instead of thinking about the intentions of vile people, you start to doubt your own feelings.
3. They often try to manipulate you.
Manipulators seek power. Nasty people want to feel superior to you, and often - and make you think that you owe something to them. This behavior is common among politicians and managers.
For example, if you are asked to work overtime and you already have plans for the evening, your boss may try to convince you that work is more important than your plans.
And if you recall those evenings that you worked overtime before, he most likely will try to turn everything in such a way that, supposedly, you called on them yourself, or worked out some kind of "service" of the boss.
4. They always try to impose their opinions on others.
Nasty people like to label people around them, and then act like everyone agrees with them. For example, by saying “you are irresponsible,” this person takes it for granted that you are that kind of person, and everyone around will agree with this characteristic.
Nasty people label you because they subconsciously try to smash your self-esteem into small crumbs instead of helping you deal with the real problem (if present). To help cope with a problem means to take on a part of the responsibility, and nasty people are not ready to do this.
5. Even when they tell the truth, they generalize and inflate it.
Beware of generalizations. Vile people often use generalizations to make an elephant out of a fly. For example, if you forgot to clean your apartment, the nasty person might say, “You never help me” (translation: You forgot to clean the apartment), or “You are of no use” (translation: You forgot to clean the apartment).
Again, instead of tackling the real problem, they hit your self-esteem. The problem is that the apartment is dirty, not that you are useless or not helping.
6. They strike sneakily
“I don't want to upset you, but ...” (Most likely, you will be upset with something now). “I don't want to interrupt you, but ...” (But I already interrupted!).
Typically, vile people who are about to sneak a blow at you speak in a soft, sympathetic voice. Their faces show sympathy. They may seem the sweetest people - only in the second hand they squeeze a dagger behind their back.
7. They put double meanings into words.
The double meaning usually manifests itself in phrases whose words say one thing, but the tone is quite different. For example, nasty people may ask you in a mocking tone: "Well, how are you?" And if you answer, as you most likely want, "Get out!" business for you.
Vile people are great masters of double bottom phrases. They may even seem harmless to observers, but you immediately feel how they hit right on target.
8. They like to cut off the conversation.
Another valuable tool of a vile person is to cut off a conversation in mid-sentence. If he asks you to tell something about yourself, rest assured that he will cut you off before you finish answering.
And their questions are often tricky. If you are asked something like “Have you stopped drinking cognac in the morning?”, You should know that there is simply no correct answer to this question. The vile person may even cut off the dialogue with you in the middle, leaving you alone with a bunch of unspoken thoughts.
9. They lift you to the top, and then chop off your wings.
Many nasty people love to change you in such a way that you become more and more dependent on them. They convince you that they will always be there, that you can always rely on them, and that you can always share the most intimate with them.
But when you really need help, the nasty person will gently and unobtrusively switch your attention to your own negative traits. This way he can chop off your wings to give you enough sense of superiority and instill in you the confidence that you need him.
10. They use double bullshit on you.
"Double nonsense" is the most vile of all their techniques, because with it you will harm yourself if you agree with them, and if you resist. For example, if you enroll in self-esteem courses, your significant other may become jealous of you or believe that your increased self-esteem is something that threatens her. And as a result, you are faced with an ultimatum: "Either I, or your courses."
Of course, you are not going to give up established personal relationships for the sake of courses - but by doing so you deprive yourself of the slightest chance to make the slightest positive changes in your own life.
How to avoid the influence of vile people?
Now, having learned about 10 methods by which vile people ruin your life, you not only have a much better idea of how to resist them, but you also better understand the vile people themselves and their intentions.
No wonder they say that knowledge is power. And even if we may not be able to avoid some of the people in our lives, we can at least avoid their pitfalls.
And after all, all that is needed for this is to pay more attention to the behavior of the people around us, and to behave with them more confidently and assertively.
