10 common phrases that indicate hidden aggression

[Lord777]

10 common passive-aggressive phrases, the knowledge of which will help you understand when exactly the interlocutor is in an aggressive mood and is trying to provoke you into a conflict, veiling his mood with rather harmless and everyday phrases.

Do you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster ride with someone? One day, you may have a casual conversation, and the next time you meet, you run into isolation or hostility. Or maybe you yourself sometimes behave like that?

Because people are not good at controlling negative emotions, anger, irritation, and aggression can find workarounds for self-expression. The person, it seems, told you a simple phrase in a calm tone, and you are already boiling and are ready to bite the interlocutor.

Passive-aggressive behavior is a manner of behavior in which passive resistance to negative remarks of the opponent is expressed, in which, meanwhile, it is possible to achieve the goals set by the person using this behavior.

People who prefer a passive-aggressive way of communication will not openly oppose what they do not like.

In these people, the accumulated tension that requires an exit is manifested through the refusal to perform any action. This demeanor is aggressive due to the fact that "no" is expressed in a passive way.

1. "I'm not angry"
Denial of feelings of anger is a classic passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of honestly admitting their feelings and explaining what exactly caused them, the person will continue to say, "I'm not angry!" Although at this time, an emotional storm of global proportions can occur inside.

2. "Good", "whatever you say"
Sulking and avoiding direct answers or arguments is another classic passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of saying that he doesn't like something and give his arguments against, the person closes in and answers the standard "Good" or "As you say, so be it." Thus, anger is expressed in indirect ways and the door to open dialogue is closed.

3. "Yes, I'm already going!"
It doesn't even need to be explained here. Just try to call your child to clean the room / do homework / do the dishes / sit down to eat something that is not very tasty. How many times will you need to call him? And in what tone will he say this "I'm coming!" for the tenth time?

However, not only children do this, but also adults, if they really do not want to do what they are called for. Thus, they put off the inevitable at least for a short while.

4. "I didn't know what you mean now"
And this phrase is one of the favorites of procrastinators. If a person is given a task that he does not really want to do, he will postpone its completion by all available means. Accordingly, if he is asked whether he has already completed the assigned task, the excuse will be standard - “I didn't know what you mean to do it now?!”. This phrase means that this task is unpleasant for a person and it is unlikely that he will quickly complete it even after the n-th reminder. And it definitely pisses him off.

5. "You just want everything to be perfect."
When the constant postponement for later is no longer suitable, the person finds another option - to blame the person who gave the task. The student did not have time to do his homework - the teacher is to blame, who wants everything to be perfect. The employee has exceeded the limit of the funds allocated for the project - the employer is to blame for demanding perfect results for such little money.

6. "I thought you knew"
And with the help of this phrase, a person expresses his hidden aggression by deliberately hiding information that could help. Usually such concealment is carried out by petty dirty tricks or those who like intrigue. They didn't show the letter, didn't say about the call - any little thing can be used.

There was a conflict or embarrassment, but it turns out that you should have known about that annoying little thing that led to all this. Didn't they know?! And I thought you knew ...

7. "Of course I would be happy."
And this phrase is one of the favorites among service personnel, telephone operators, or clerks who do paperwork. They can smile at you as much and as sweet as they like. They can promise that your case will be considered first, but ... but most likely, the more persistently you insist on urgency, the further the issue will be postponed. Up to the point that your papers may end up in the trash bin marked "Refuse".

I don't know why, but very often such people, whose job is to receive papers, consider themselves almost the center of the Universe, as if everyone owes them and only on them the positive outcome of your case depends. I think that anyone who has applied for a visa at least once or handed them over to the office of the passport office will understand what is at stake.

8. "You did everything so well for a person with your level of education (qualifications)"
But this can already be attributed to the category of dubious compliments. It's like saying to a fat lady something like, “Don't worry, you're still getting married. Some men like chubby ones."

Moreover, usually such "compliments" relate to age, education and weight. Very often used by those who want to offend you and cause unpleasant emotions. And at the same time, bribes from them are smooth, since they did not offend you, but they made a compliment!

9. "I was just kidding."
Sarcasm is another option to covertly express your aggression towards a person. You can say something nasty, and then immediately back down - "Well, I was just joking!" And any harsh response from a person who was attacked can be turned against him again, saying that he has absolutely no sense of humor. Well, really, don't you understand the jokes?

10. "Why are you so upset?"
And after a ridiculous joke, you can ask why the person is so upset. In fact, such a person specifically asks such a question after an obvious situation, after which it would be strange not to get upset. Thus, he gets a latent pleasure from the fact that again will throw you off balance.

If you feel that they are trying to make you angry with such phrases, do not react to them, this is a banal provocation in a hidden form.

 

[Brother]

Aggression is not only about "hitting" and "insulting". And also sarcasm, silence, ignorance

First, about the good. Aggression is energy, without which it is impossible to survive. In order to create and realize, defend and develop, we need aggression. Aggression is multifaceted - from discomfort and irritation to anger and rage. A key skill that every person needs is to learn to recognize aggression in oneself, accept it and process it in such a way as to convey one's feelings to another person in a civilized way.

Unfortunately, we do not know how to do this. We have been accumulating grievances for a long time and are silent. Often this behavior occurs in women, because we tolerate what we do not need to endure.

We have such a culture of society that women are expected to be accepted and understood. “You’re a girl,” she hears from childhood and understands that she should not be angry. Brother can, dad can, mom, too, clearly feels the right to be angry. But she can't, she's a girl. But negative emotions don't go anywhere, they settle and find other ways out - not direct forms of aggression.

How passive aggression is expressed

Sarcasm, humiliation, discontent, annoyance, disregard, gossip, insults, ridicule, intrigue, manipulation, and sabotage. These forms of psychological violence are the result of unexpressed aggression and accumulated grievances. They are difficult to trace, difficult to point to, and nearly impossible to prove. “Well, finally, you look good,” your mom tells you. On the one hand, a compliment. But on the other hand, something is clearly wrong. "Finally? How do I usually look? " - you are trying to defend yourself. “Well, why do you react to everything like that, I didn’t say anything bad,” Mom retorts, thereby devaluing your just hurt feelings.

Try to tell the aggressor that you are uncomfortable, and he, most likely, will tell you about being too vulnerable and his best intentions. Living next to a person who practices passive aggression is a bit like the condition of a patient in a psychiatric hospital. You definitely feel that something is wrong, and those around you tell you that you are making it up.

- Something happened? - the husband asks his wife in the morning at breakfast. She sits with her lips pursed, showing her displeasure with all her looks.

- No. What am I doing wrong again? - the wife says through clenched teeth, and dad and the child begin to look at each other. Everyone remembers what mistake they could have made in the last 30 minutes that upset mom / wife so much.

- No, everything is okay. It's just that you are somehow tense, - the husband is trying to figure it out.

- You constantly do not like something in me.

The husband begins to lose his temper, and away we go ...

An angry woman who shows her displeasure with all her looks, but does not acknowledge it. Mom did not like the child's deed or words, and she went headlong into the boycott.

The child might not have been there at that moment, but mom is sure that he understands everything or should guess. She meets him with a stony face from school, does not respond to his questions, or reacts extremely coldly. The child tries to guess what is happening, twists all the details and moments in his head when he could be guilty. He may even guess the reason, but he is afraid to ask a direct question.

Ignoring is a severe form of passive aggression that affects children the most. The child loses contact with the closest person, he gets the feeling that he does not exist. Sometimes a dad, grandmother, or one of the siblings (brothers or sisters) adheres to such a strategy, and the boycott is scaled up. The child rushes about in search of answers, curses up with his mother, then begins to provoke her, trying to push her to an open conflict in order to end everything by any means.

If a mother behaves passively-aggressively with the child's father, she puts him in an absurd position. Dad seems to be there, but mom with all her looks shows that he is not. The child is uncomfortable, he does not understand how to react to double signals, whether he can now communicate with dad or must also behave "strange". In any case, the situation is ambiguous, and the child is seriously suffering from it.

The passive-aggressive person is a product of the situation. Once a similar style of behavior was chosen by his parents, and he does not know how to go out of their conflict in another way. And often it's ourselves.