Keeping Secrets

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Keeping secrets (lawyerX)


This is one of the best articles I've read on keeping your life secret. It's long but it's worth it if you value your freedom.

The difference that I have seen between those who are successful and those who end up with there a(s)s in a sling every few years is this information right here.

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Keeping Secrets

Strategy #1: INITIAL EVALUATION

List and evaluate the reasons to keep your secret against the reasons NOT to keep your secret. The Initial Evaluation is different from the Risk Analysis (that follows in Step#2). In the Initial Evaluation you are primarily comparing the benefits of keeping your secret against the benefits of NOT keeping your secret. You will also compare the consequences of keeping your secret against the consequences of NOT keeping your secret. Some examples of practical reasons NOT to keep a secret

If the keeping of the secret could damage the trust and/or stability of an ongoing relationship.

If the consequences of getting caught are significantly higher than any potential benefits of keeping the secret.

If the number of variables required to keep the secret are too many to adequately control...and therefore the risk of getting caught is unacceptably high.

The keeping of this particular secret violates the law in some manner.

The Risk Assessment (Step#2) can play a part in the Initial Evaluation...however the Risk Assessment is listed as the second step, specifically because you should perform an initial evaluation on the benefits/consequences of keeping (or not keeping) your secret, somewhat apart from your assessment of the probable chances of success of in keeping your secret.

You may well decide that while you will probably be successful in keeping your secret (as indicated in the Risk Assessment)...you will NOT keep the secret because the Initial Evaluation indicated that the benefits of keeping the secret did not outweigh the beneifts or consequences of NOT keeping the secret. REMEMBER: Just because you CAN successfully keep your secret.... doesn't mean you SHOULD keep your secret.

CAUTION: Do NOT skip the Initial Evaluation.

A surprisingly large number of people "drift" into keeping a secret and never truly consider whether or not they really should be...or really want to be...keeping this secret.

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Strategy #2: RISK ASSESSMENT

Risk Assessment is the process of evaluating the many aspects of keeping secrets. This includes.................

Evaluate your costs in time, resources (money etc.), and energy, to keep the secret.

Evaluate (and list) the risk areas pertaining to your secret.

Example: Can these risks be mitigated? Are they great in number??

Evaluate how many uncontrollable areas pertain to this particular secret. For example, simply not telling your spouse about a previous lover may carry the same BENEFITS as hiding old photos of the previous lover....but hiding photos carries a greater RISK of getting caught because hiding a physical object involves more uncontrollable areas than simply not talking about old memories. The potential for "Unexpected Events" is also greater if you are concealing artifacts as opposed to simply not revealing your past.

Determine who the probable searchers for your secret are and evaluate their ability to find our your secrets.

Who will be looking: Will the person(s) most likely searching for this be a spouse? An ex-spouse? A law enforcement agency??

Motivation Level: Will the person(s) most likely searching for this be highly motivated...or will they only search casually?

Available Time to Search: Will the person(s) most likely searching for your secret have lots of time...or is their time limited?

Resources: Does the person(s) most likely searching for your secret have lots of resources..(money, skill, training)???

Determine for how LONG you intend to keep your secret.

Time can work against (and occasionally for you), depending on the type of secret you are keeping and depending on other specific situations pertaining to your secret.

Assess your odds of getting caught.

Using the information gather from the previous steps...perform an unbiased assessment. No matter how badly you want to keep your secret...if the risks are too high, you may be better off not keeping it.

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Strategy #3: CONTINGENCY PLANNING

Contingency Planning is just what its name implies....planning for the contingency that someone will suspect the fact you have a secret, or perhaps even partially discover the secret itself. If this happens...what will you do? Will you lie and try to cover up? Will you deny that it was ever really a secret, reveal all, and then act as though you thought the person already knew it? Last...but not least you should consider what you will do if your secret is discovered in its entirety. If the secret involves hidden objects...how will you deal with their discovery? If your secret involves hiding current or ongoing activities...how would you deal with the discovery of your actions.

Contingency Planning is an uncomfortable process....but it is NECESSARY. If you cannot bring yourself to even contemplate how you would handle increased scrutiny, and partial/complete discovery of your secret....how do you reasonably expect to effectively KEEP the secret in the first place.

More about RISK ASSESSMENT
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Performing a good Risk Assessment is crucial to the success (or failure) of keeping your secret. Some components of the Risk Assessment are intuitively obvious...so we won't spend more time on them. however, a few components of the Risk Assessment benefit from seeing them in more detail.

1. Evaluate your costs in time, resources (money etc.), and energy, to keep the secret.

This seems fairly obvious...but a number of people get themselves into keeping secrets that exceed their resources. Keeping the secret winds up taking more time, or more money, or simply more energy than they can (or will) devote. Think through your plan for keeping your secret and then come back to this step.

2. Evaluate the risk areas pertaining to your secret.

Details are important...but early on you can get buried in details and lose sight of your overall strategy. Start out by listing the risks by general category, then go into more detail.

3. Evaluate how many uncontrollable areas pertain to this particular secret.

This may sound silly...but make every attempt to list all of the things (beyond your control) that might impact your ability to keep your secret. Get creative....think about improbable things that might cause your secret to be found. Rest assured that real life can (and often does) throw curve balls at you. The better you do this step....the greater your chances of successfully keeping your secret.

4. Assess the Risks based on "What" you are keeping secret... and "From Whom" you will keep your secret:

Not all Secrets Are Equally Easy to Keep. This seems intuitively obvious...but once again people often overlook the obvious and approach complex secrets in the same manner as simple ones.

A surprisingly large number of people have no idea of the relative complexity of the secret they are about to keep. We can illustrate this "relative complexity", by using

- "what type of secret" (from Concept #1)
- "from whom you are keeping the secret" (from Concept #2),

to perform a numerical evaluation of the "Relative Difficulty" of different types of secrets. The following chart provides GENERAL guidelines on the relative difficulty in successfully maintaining a secret, based on the type of secret and from whom it is kept.

Each Concept #1 component (Info, Physical Object, Activities) has a numeric value assigned to it (in parenthesis).

Each Concept #2 component (Strangers, Friends/relatives, Officials) also has a numeric value assigned to it (in parenthesis) .

Each Concept #1 value gets multiplied by the corresponding Concept #2 value, which gives a resulting COMPARTIVE DIFFICULTY FACTOR (CDF). The higher the numerical value of the CDF...the more factors and risks are involved in keeping that kind of secret. These CDF values provide comparative values for the relative difficulty of keeping a secret.

For example:

- Keeping information secret from a stranger has a CDF of 1
- Keeping information secret from a Friend/Relative has a CDF of 3
- Keeping information secret from Officials has a CDF of 15

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This CDF chart assumes equal motivation that is to say all types of searchers for your secret have reason to suspect and/or search for your secret.

You can see that keeping secrets from "officials" has significantly higher CDF ratings than any other group. Generally speaking, "officials" have resources not available to ordinary people. "Official" agencies have investigators to double check facts, they have legal weight (subpoenas, threat of legal action, etc.) and they have training and other resources not generally available to ordinary folks. If you plan to keep a secret from "officials"....you will encounter significant issues.

The chart indicates that (generally speaking), it is 3 times more difficult to keep information secret from a Relative/Friend than from a stranger....and 15 times more difficult to keep information secret from officials than from a stranger. Notice also that keeping Physical Objects secret, have overall higher CDF values than keeping information secret....and keeping activities secret have the highest overall CDF values of all.

The greater number of variables, physical clues, and inclusion of other people make hiding physical objects and hiding current activities significantly more difficult to keep secret than simply keeping information to yourself.

REMEMBER: These are COMPARATIVE ratings intended to aid you in determining the relative difficulty of keeping secrets. These are not "hard and fast" difficulty ratings that apply to all secrets. Generally speaking it is twice as hard to keep physical objects secret as it is to simply keep information secret. Generally speaking it is 8 times as difficult to keep current/future activities secret as it is to keep information secret.
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5. Assess the time, resources, and motivation of those who will most likely be the ones interested in (or searching for) your secret

To help illustrate this...take a look at the following matrix. The number immediately preceding each description, is the "Comparative Risk Factor" for that item.

Who will be looking:

(1) Stranger/Acquaintance

(3) Spouse/close friend

(15) Official

Available Time to Search:

(2) Very little time

(5) Little time

(10) Moderate Time

(25) Lots of time

(50) Totally dedicated time

Available Resources (money, skill, training.. or access to people who have these)

(2) Few resources

(6) moderate Resources

(15) Lots of resources

Motivation Level:

(0) No motivation to look...Doesn't suspect...doesn't care

(2) Low motivation...Unaware of your specific secret but

generally inclined to be curious or nosey

(4) med motivation...suspicious of your general secret

(Cool high motivation.. suspicious of your specific secret

Using the Risk Factors listed above we can create a Risk Assessment algorithm that looks like this...

(WHO + TIME + RESOURCES) multiplied by MOTIVATION = (CRF)

(CRF) is Comparative Risk Factor

Look at the examples below to get an idea of how this works. Remember...this algorithm provides a COMPARATIVE indicator between combinations of different risk factors...not a finite indication of risk.

Spouse/moderate time/few resources/ low motivation

(3 + 10 + 2) x 2 = 30

Spouse/moderate time/few resources/ suspicious moderate motivation

(3 + 10 + 2) x 4 = 60

Spouse/moderate time/few resources/ suspicious high motivation

(3 + 10 + 2) x 8 = 120

You can see that while the risks go up for all categories....the risks go up much more rapidly with increases in motivation.

Let's look at another example...

Official/Lots of time/Lots of resources/ No motivation

(15 + 25 + 15) x 0 = 0

This doesn't mean that there is NO risk....but as a means of comparison...it shows that keeping a secret from a moderately motivated spouse is much harder than keeping a secret from completely dis-interested (or unknowing) officials.

However...if the motivation for officials goes up by even one or two categories... (still well below the level of suspicion)

Official/Lots of time/Lots of resources/ med motivation

(15 + 25 + 15) x 4 = 220

the CRF (Comparative Risk Factor) starts going through the roof. If Officials are motivated....they pose significant risk to the successful keeping of your secret.

Play with the variables....do your own comparative risk calculations...and you will begin to see how the differences in individual risk factors imapct your overall chances of successfully keeping your secret.

6. How long will you keep your secret:

Time is a factor in all secrets, but it has a disproportional effect on some secrets. For example:

Keeping Information Secret: Generally, it is no harder to keep Information secret on day 365...or even day 3650, than it was on day 1. The obvious exception to this is, if someone with high motivation to find your secret is closing in on you.

Keeping Physcial Objects Secret: If the physical object is "static" (that is hidden and rarely accessed or retreived by you) then the general rule is similar to Keeping Information Secret. Your hiding place may be as secure on day 3650 as it was on day 1.

If however, your physical object is "active" (that is often or regularly accessed or retrieved by you), then the odds of having your secret discovered go up the longer you keep your secret. Every time you access our hidden object, you run a risk of losing your secret. The risk may be the same for each time...but over time there is an "accumulation factor" which simply says that the longer you do something...the greater the odds that eventually something unpleasent will occur (also know as one of the many "Murphy's Laws"). and more opportunity for "The Unexpected Event". The longer you keep something hidden...the greater the chances for discovery.

Keeping Activities Secret:

Time has a significant impact on keeping Activities secret. The longer you continue to keep an activity secret...the greater the odds that it will be discovered. The very nature of activities leaves clues and creates opportunities for mistakes and/or unexpected events, that simply do not occur in other types of secrets.

If you plan to keep an activity secret....the duration of time you plan to keep it secret is a definite issue.

NOTE: Once the activity ends...you are no longer keeping an activity secret...you are keeping information secret. At this point your activity is history, and the risks associated with keeping it secret generally become less.


TACTICS of DECEPTION
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INTRODUCTION:

The process of deception is in many ways, exactly like a chess game. If the person doing the deceiving is more skilled (or simply does a better job) than the person being deceived, then the deception will be successful....(and vice versa). In deception, (just as in chess), some encounters will end in "stalemate".....in that the deceiver was not entirely successful in convincing the person being deceived....but neither did the person being deceived get enough information to really determine that a deception had occurred.

Effective deception requires more than just lying. Some of the other elements of successful deception include, a good cover story, creating false impressions, mid-directions and red-herrings....and of course the fine art of lying.

Creating and delivering effective Deceptions (Lying) is a skill that can be acquired just as the ability to regularly detect Deception/Lying is a skill that can be acquired. Like all skills, the art of lying must be practiced if you are to do it effectively. (more about this later).

Unfortunately for those who plan to keep secrets, there are no perfect techniques that allow you to successfully deceive/lie 100% of the time to 100% of the people.....AND...... Despite the claims of a few hucksters and con-artists eager to get your money, there is NO KNOWN METHOD to ALWAYS successfully deceive/lie.

There are however, techniques that will help you effectively Deceive/Lie, and if you learn AND PRACTICE these techniques, you can effectively deceive/lie to... most of the population 99% of the time. With practice, and perhaps with some innate abilities, you can even hold your own with many so-called "professional" interviewers. Performing effective Deception requires forethought, skill, courage and calm nerves, and PRACTICE.

NOTE: This site does note promote or encourage illegal activities.

Now.....let's take a look at the basic components of effective deception.

BASICS of DECEPTION

- Creating False Impression
- The Cover Story
- The Alibi
- Lying

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TACTICS of CREATING a FALSE IMPRESSION

Creating False Impressions can be accomplished by various methods, but the end result is always the same...to create an image that supports your deception, deflects attention, and defuses suspicion.

Keeping your secret may (or may not) require that you take the step of creating a "false impression", (this is an optional step) ....but if it is used...it must be used early and in advance of the secret you are trying to keep. It's tough (although not impossible) to create a false impression after you have already started keeping your secret. Creating a False Impression can be elaborate, or simple, depending on your secret.

Another obvious (but often overlooked) example of creating a false impression, is simply NOT behaving as though you have a secret. When people begin keeping their secret, too often they start behaving differently and acting in ways that draw attention to themselves. This change in behavior may ultimately force them to perform acts of more overt deception....and increase the risk of their secret being discovered. Creating a False Impression can be as simple as quietly (and effectively) acting as though you have no secret.

Read the following two examples of "Creating a False Impression".

EXAMPLE #1:

A prominent man (Fred) lived in a rather small southern town. Fred was relatively wealthy (by small town standards) and his family was socially prominent. Fred owned several businesses and he participated in the local government. Fred was also visibly active in the local "Moral Majority" organization, which condemned, among other things, pornography.

Fred was a "silent partner" in a business, that in addition to it's regular sales activity, also sold "X-Rated" videos and other "adult material" under the counter (so to speak). Both the videos and other "adult material" were completely legal in Fred's locality and in Fred's home state-.however the sale of such items was definitely not socially acceptable-.especially for someone of Fred's standing. The nature of this business was eventually discovered, and a small town scandal erupted, but Fred was never implicated.

Example #1 Summary: Fred was smart enough to keep his strong financial participation in this business silent....and Fred was also smart enough to actively participate in the one group (local Moral Majority) that could cause him the most trouble. Fred's public behavior created a "False Impression" that shielded him from suspicion, so when the scandal broke, no one even looked for information or clues that could have lead the scandal to Fred.

In an interesting postscript...after Fred's recent death, a "northern cousin of Fred" casually revealed that Fred had been a strong financial supporter of the ACLU. It is obvious that Fred wanted to remain in the town of his birth, and Fred had things he wanted to do....but knew the small town society wouldn't accept nor would they let him keep private. So, Fred chose to keep these things secret.

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EXAMPLE #2:

A more pronounced example of creating false impressions is that of a millionaire living in a mid-American city who hid his wealth. This guy lived with his family in a modest 4 bedroom 3 bath suburban house. He drove nice (but not ostentatious) 2-3 year old cars, he went on nice but not extravagant vacations, and he didn't seem to have expensive hobbies or tastes. His family dressed nicely but not ostentatiously. He and his family always seemed to have money to do what they wanted, but the didn't appear to be rich. No one suspected that the guy had millions of dollars....and it wasn't until his death and he left a ton of money to the local charities, that anyone even suspected he was so wealthy.

Regardless of this man's reasons for living this way, the effect of his life-style was to create a "False Impression" that he was not wealthy. No one suspected he had lots of money, so it is not difficult for him to keep his wealth secret.


TACTICS of The COVER STORY
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One of the most effective ways to keep your secret....is to do it in such a way that no one knows you even HAVE secrets to keep. This sounds intuitively obvious, but a large number of people jump immediately to more overt methods of keeping their secrets without ever considering what they might do to prevent people from even developing suspicion that a secret exists. Creating a good "cover story" can be an excellent way to defuse/deflect suspicion and allow you to maintain your secret.

Not all deceptions require a "cover story", but many deceptions will benefit greatly from taking this step. The classic example of this is the spy novel (and even real spy stories), where the spy always has a good cover story. This "cover story" facilitates the spy's mission in three ways:

- It provides a plausible reason for the spy to be where he is
- It provides a plausible reason for the spy to be doing what he is doing.
- It defuses/deflects suspicion and allows the spy to operate with a minimum of scrutiny and/or questions.

In short....the spy's cover story creates a whole rationale that reduces the need for the spy to practice overt deception and reduces the risk of being found out.

While you may never go to such extremes to create your cover story, the basics of your cover story should be similar.

Your story must be plausible and consistent with known facts and/or situations.

Your story must provide a plausible reason for you to do what you're doing and/or be wherever you are.

The cover story should provide plausible explanation for whatever portion of your world you want to keep secret. Whatever cover story you develop...your cover story should keep people from getting suspicious and/or asking lots of questions.

A good "Cover Story" can often be fabricated from real factually based bits and pieces of your daily life. Creating a "cover story" in this manner can greatly simplify the keeping of your secret. Let's take a recent real life example, (names and location changed) of an innocent secret and how the lack of a cover story complicated it.

EXAMPLE #1:

Fred and Wilma live in Bedrock. They have been married for nearly 20 years. Fred wants to throw a big surprise party for Wilma on their 20th wedding anniversary. Fred tells Wilma that he has made reservations at a local posh restaurant for their anniversary. Feeling very clever, and believing that his ruse with the restaurant has satisfactorily tricked his spouse about the true nature of the celebration, Fred then set about calling local hotels for ballroom rentals, caterers for food, DJ's for music....etc.

Fred begins taking time after work and on weekends to do all of this planning and preparation. Needless to say...Wilma notices the changes in Fred's behavior patterns and starts to wonder what is going on. Finally Wilma casually asks Fred what he plans to do this Saturday. Fred pauses, hems and haws, and evasively never gives Wilma a real answer. Now Wilma's suspicions are somewhat confirmed which increases Wilma's motivation to investigate further. After Fred comes home later than usual from his Saturday golf game, Wilma performs the time honored snooping technique of looking in Fred's wallet...where she finds a receipt for $150 from a local hotel. Wilma can't think of any legitimate reason Fred should have such a receipt, and she is now really starting to think something weird is going on. Fred has been talking on the phone in his study and when he is finished he goes outside to mow the yard. Wilma goes to the phone in the study and hits "REDIAL". A woman answers the phone and Wilma hangs up, (the woman was the wife of the DJ Fred hired for the party).

You can see where this is going. Wilma is now fully suspicious and she watches Fred's every move. Wilma finally confronts Fred and he of course eventually spills the beans about the Anniversary party. At the party Fred laments to everyone that he wishes he could have made this a true surprise, but Wilma "just saw right through him". Wilma smiles knowingly.

Summary for example #1: Fred should have created a good cover story....and it would have been relatively easy to do using nothing more than real bits and pieces of his current life.

Fred had a big project going at work, and Barney's (his best friend) golf game had recently improved (all known and verifiable facts). Fred could have told Wilma that he needed to temporarily put in some extra time at the office...and...Fred could also have told Wilma that for the next couple of weeks he planned to spend a little extra time at the golf course on Saturday "hitting an extra bucket or two of balls" so Barney wouldn't keep beating him so badly at golf. Both stories sound plausible and they match Wilma's view of the world.

This cover story would have provided adequate rationale for Fred's temporary deviations form his usual behavior patterns...and they were non-specific enough that Fred had room for further explanation if Wilma accidentally called the office in the evening or drove by the golf course on Saturday afternoon.

The lack of a good cover story to explain the changes in Fred's behavior patterns, directly led Wilma to ask questions (which Fred was not prepared or equipped to answer deceptively)...and...lead to Wilma's further investigation which turned up the hotel receipt and the strange woman's voice on the phone.

A good cover story can make it MUCH easier to keep your secret


TACTICS of The ALIBI
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We are looking at "The Alibi", not because it is crucial to an effective deception, but because people so often over-rate the alibi and spend far too much time planning it at the expense of the Secrecy/Deception plan. Having a good alibi often plays a central role in detective novels and movies, and having a good alibi has worked its way into general public perception as a sign of having a "good plan". It is not.

While having a good alibi may be part of you overall plan....it should NOT be a part of your Secrecy/Deception Plan. Needing to use an alibi is a sure sign you are already in trouble, and that your Secrecy/Deception Plan has failed.

Tactically speaking, the required timing of an alibi, (used only AFTER you have been accused), makes it not suitable as part of your Secrecy/Deception plan...ONLY as part of your Contingency Plan.

The ONLY reason to use an alibi is if someone already considers you guilty (or deceptive) and you must now defend yourself and convince them that you are in fact innocent (or truthful). If you use an alibi before anyone even accuses you (or challenges your story), you are behaving in such a way that admits you feel the need for an alibi. Innocent people don't feel the need for an alibi.

One last time...the alibi is part of your Contingency Plan. You use an alibi ONLY if your secret is found out or you are under strong suspicion and direct questioning. Using an alibi for any other reason only admits guilt (or your concern of guilt) and it will backfire on you.

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The Alibi:

An alibi is any story, (true or otherwise), that supports your position and/or assertion of innocence (or in this case veracity). An effective alibi should be plausible and consistent. It should have enough facts to be believable and verifiable, AND your alibi should not have factual loopholes that allow people to punch holes in it (metaphorically speaking). This is a tall order.

Unfortunately in this case, your alibi is constructed to support a deception...which means it will have some vulnerability and/or at least a few gaps. Make it as good as possible and try to limit and camouflage the gaps. Don't try to make it perfect or airtight....because you can't.

No alibi in support of a deception can be perfect. However, depending on the circumstances, it is possible to create an alibi good enough to get you out of trouble once you are under suspicion.


TIP #1: Spontaneously offering an alibi full of details and providing event history timed down to the hour, is generally considered a sign of deception. Innocent people have to stop and think about where they were and what they were doing. Innocent people ALWAYS remember the events that eventually become their alibi, in bits and pieces. Only guilty people, (or people who think they need an alibi and have pre-rehearsed it), are able to relate their alibi complete and well ordered on the first try.

TIP#2: However much time you spend on the alibi...you should spend at least 3-4 times that much effort on your Risk Analysis/Deception Plan.


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TACTICS of LYING

INTRODUCTION:

Anyone can TELL a lie....but making someone BELIEVE a lie, (creating an effective deception), is a different issue. Lying is simply sending a message (telling someone else something), that is not true. Effective lying is sending a message (telling someone else something) that is not true AND having them believe it.

To convince someone that your story is true you must be able to adequately and effectively communicate with them. To be able to create an effective communication at will, (any communication), requires knowledge about the Basics of Communication (BOC), and knowledge about how humans process information. To be able to create an effective DECEPTIVE communication requires the same basic knowledge...plus the knowledge of how to create and deliver your deception well.

NOTE: Understanding these basics and possessing this skill will be very helpful even if you never tell a lie.


The BASICS OF COMMUNICATION (BOC):

The first step in learning effective deception techniques is to analyze and understand that EVERY communication between people consists of three basic components. Whether truthful or deceptive, all communication contains these three components.

The Message (What you are saying):

Every message is composed of facts, comments, and/or assertions. For our purposes, the pertinent sub-components of "The Message" are

Plausibility: How reasonable (plausible) is your message. Could it have happened...does it sound reasonable?

Consistency: How consistent is your message with what the other person knows. Is this message consistent with known facts? Is it consistent with how the other person sees you (or the situation)? Is this consistent with previous information and previous behavior?

Verbal Delivery (How you say it):

The pertinent sub-components of The Delivery are:

- your Tone Inflection
- the Rhythm of your speech (Ex: smooth and even rhythm...or choppy with frequent pauses)
- the Pacing of your ideas, sentences etc.
- your Grammar
- your usage of "catch phrases" or verbal crutches
- your verbal Responses to queries, comments

Non-Verbal Delivery (Body Language):

A significant portion of each interaction is body language. Anyone who has ever tried to handle complex interactions over the phone has learned the problems inherent with communicating without being able to see the person. Smiles, frowns, changes in body posture...everything physical....provides a wealth of information about the content of a message.

The pertinent sub-components of Body Language are....

- your Gestures
- your Body Posture
- any nervous tics or nervous body movements
- increase or absence of Mannerisms
- The Timing of your Body Language with regard to your Verbal Delivery

All three BOC components are present in every communicative interaction, however not all interactions emphasize all three components equally. The proportion between, and emphasis of, each of the three Communication Components, changes from interaction to interaction.

Not all three Communication Components must be optimum for the message to be accepted and believed....however the mix of all three components must be good enough.

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In the following two examples, each story is true. However what was required to make each story believable to the listener is different for each example, as is the proportion of which Communication Component the listener uses to determine the truth of your message.

Example#1: Your friend asks you what you did this weekend. You say you went to a movie.

The friend asks "which movie" ...and the conversation proceeds smoothly. In this example your initial message is plausible and it matches known facts, (you like movies...it was the weekend so you had time to go....you had money....etc.). The friend believed your message. In this example, the content of "The Message" did all the work and the other two components of communication (Verbal Delivery and Body Language) while present, were not primary in making your message believed.

Example#2: Your friend asks you what you did this weekend. You say you took a flight in a small airplane and then you parachuted out. Your friend looks very surprised and asks "You did WHAT?!?!". You repeat your message only to hear your friend say "Nooooo....you didn't really do that". You now launch into an excited and animated description of how you decided to confront your fear of height and how scared you were, but then it got kind of fun. You provide details of the flight and how good you felt afterwards because you really did it. Slowly your friend believes you...although he still seems very surprised that you did such a thing.

In this example your Message was not plausible and not consistent with what your friend knows about you and about your life in general. Your friend did not initially believe your message, and he only finally believed you because you convinced him using the other two components (Verbal Delivery...and Body Language). Without your excitement, animation, and impassioned Verbal Delivery (and congruent Body Language), your re-telling of the facts of the weekend would not have been believed (even though they were true).

SUMMARY - -BASIC COMMUNICATIONS: There are three components to every

communications interaction (The Message, Verbal Delivery, Non-Verbal Delivery/Body Language). Whether or not someone believes you, is based on how well you deliver these three Communications Components and how they interpret these components. The actual truth of the message is not always the determining factor to having your message believed.

False stories may be believed while true stories may not be. Ironically, even telling the truth is no guarantee that you will be believed.

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CONSTRUCTING AN EFFECTIVE DECEPTIVE MESSAGE:

(Building the Lie)

Step #1 of constructing an effective deception (building the lie) is to develop "The Message". Regardless of what you are trying to hide, you will need to convey believable information to someone else.

NOTE: This particular deception activity is not the same as creating "The Cover Story", that is a separate activity. If you don't understand go back to The Cover Story .

The objective of the lie you are about to tell...is to convince the other person that the reality you present in "The Message" is in fact the "real one". There are several general rules you should follow when creating "The Message". Please note that here (like everywhere else in life) these rules have exceptions...however learn the rules first and follow them whenever possible....then make exceptions when appropriate.

GENERAL RULE #1: Usually (but not always) it works best to construct your deceptive message as simply as possible. A simple message often has "the ring of truth". A simple message is easy to remember, thus making it easy to repeat and easy for you to maintain consistency. A simple message can be easily embellished or expanded upon later if needed, and in the process of embellishing/expanding you can make subtle changes of direction as needed. Starting out with an overly complex message works against you in that the detail involved tends to lock in your direction from the very start, and can leave you with little "wiggle room" if you need it later.

Rule #1 (addendum): Just because you construct a simple message, doesn't mean that you don't have supporting details. An effective lie..(just like the truth)..should have enough PERTINENT details to make it believable. Even if these details are not provided in the initial conversation, they should be prepared and ready for effective delivery if the need arises.

GENERAL RULE #2: If possible...keep your deceptive message (your lie) as close to the truth as circumstances allow. This makes your message easier to remember because most of it really happened. It also simplifies the problem of effective delivery, because most of the message is true and therefore requires little deceptive effort. Additionally, keeping your message as close to the truth as possible gives you more verifiable facts to rely on if someone decides to check your message.

Rule #2 (addendum): If it is not possible (or not desirable) to keep your message close to the truth, then keep it as close to previous truths and/or composite truths. An example of this is would be keeping your participation in last Saturday night's poker game with the guys, secret from your girlfriend. You create a "Cover Story" about going to the movies last Saturday night. When your girlfriend asks about the movie, you talk about a real movie (one that is still playing in theaters) that you really saw two weeks ago. In this case you've created a whole new version of what happened last Saturday night, but it matches a previous "real" experience. The details of the movie, the theater, and other pertinent events are easy to recall, plausible, and easy to deliver.

GENERAL RULE #3: Check the facts of your message and close the loopholes BEFORE you deliver it. You should prepare for the possibility that someone will question and/or even check on your message/lie after you've told it. Remember...it may be very difficult to make adjustments to critical portions of your deceptive message "after the fact". Don't offer up fake details that are too easy to check and/or disprove. Mentally play the "devil's advocate" and make sure that your message stands up to whatever level of scrutiny and questioning you anticipate receiving.

GENERAL RULE #4: Generally speaking make your message both plausible and consistent.

Your facts, comments, and assertions should all fit within the context of understanding of the person(s) to whom you will be delivering the deceptive message.

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DELIVERING AN EFFECTIVE DECEPTIVE MESSAGE:

(Telling the Lie)

The actual delivery of the deceptive message (telling the lie) is generally acknowledged to be most difficult part of the process. However, the difficulty in delivering effective deceptive messages (ie. lying well) can be overcome. Remember...anyone trying to determine if you are lying to them only has two tools at their disposal. They can only make their determination of whether or not you are lying based on what YOU say and how YOU say it. If what you say is obviously incorrect or too easily discredited.. you will fail. If your delivery is poor and riddled with telltale signals of deception...you will fail.

To repeat this one more time...all lie detection techniques depend on the Lie

Detector/person noticing and interpreting YOUR verbal /nonverbal signals to determine if they think you are lying. To the degree you have crafted a plausible (and reasonably verifiable) message and to the degree you deliver it well....the other person can't tell whether or not you are lying.

There are lots (and I do mean lots) of verbal and non-verbal signals that experienced interrogators/interviewers (and expert lie detectors) look for as signs of possible deception. A small subset of the verbal and non-verbal signals that experts look for are also generally recognized by everyday people as signs of possible deception. We will look at the most common telltale signals of deception on later on this web site.

Please note that I have not listed every telltale signal od deception. I strongly urge you to do some reading and acquire familiarity with the broad range of verbal and non-verbal signals considered to be signs of deception. There are many books that purportedly provide this information, (unfortunately many of these books are incomplete or factually incorrect). I do have a list of recommended books.....all of which are well written, well researched, and generally well regarded.

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Let's compare and contrast the Verbal and Non-Verbal portions of the "Basics Of Communication" between a Truthful message and a Lie....and see what causes people to not believe your message.

First let's look at how this applies to a "truthful" message/interaction (and one that is also believable).

TRUTHFUL MESSAGE:

Verbal Delivery (How you say it):

Your tone inflection is normal...not tight or pinched sounding. The rhythm and pacing of your speech in "normal" (for you) and doesn't deviate noticeably from how you always speak.

Your grammar is good (at least as good as it always is) and you don't noticeably stumble over words or phrases. You haven't added unusual "catch phrases" or verbal crutches. You answer questions directly and simply. You don't add information inappropriately...and pauses in the conversation (periods of silence) don't prompt you to launch into volunteering ever increasing torrents of information.

Non-Verbal Delivery (Body Language):

Your body language is consistent with your message. If your message is casual then you don't seem anxious, nervous, or excited. If your message is emotional then your body language matches the message, (whatever that emotion is...angry, sad, happy, confused.. etc.) You are neither too rigid nor too animated. The timing of your Non-Verbal responses (Body Language) match your verbal responses and it matched the emotional content of your message. You do NOT exhibit inappropriate nervous tics, shallow nervous breathing, or other signs nervous behavior.

You are relaxed, you respond in your normal manner (whatever that is), you don't try too hard to convince the other person and most importantly....you know your subject matter so that you don't halt/pause/stumble looking for the next thing to say.

INEFFECTIVE DECEPTION (poorly told lie)

Now let's look at how these same Verbal and Non-Verbal "Basics of Communication" apply to an ineffective (badly delivered) "Deceptive Message" (lie).

Verbal Delivery (How you say it):

Your tone inflection is not normal...your voice sounds tight and/or pinched. The rhythm and pacing of your speech is a little (or a lot) "off" and it deviates noticeably from how you always speak. Your grammar occasionally gets twisted around (more than usual) and you noticeably stumble over some words or phrases. You may have added unusual (for you) "catch phrases" or verbal crutches. You answer questions indirectly and evasively. You add information inappropriately and pauses in the conversation (periods of silence) prompt you to launch into volunteering more and more information. You become defensive if anyone even alludes to the general area of your deception...even if they did it accidentally.

Non-Verbal Delivery (Body Language):

Your body language is not consistent with your message. Regardless of whether or not your message is casual, you seem anxious, nervous, and/or excited. If your message is emotional, your body language doesn't always match the message and the listener gets the sense of everything being a "little off" (somewhat like the watching dubbing of English in a foreign film). You seem a little too rigid or too animated....or you over compensate by trying to seem too relaxed. The timing of your Non-Verbal responses (Body Language) does not match your verbal responses nor do they always match the emotional content of your message. You exhibit inappropriate nervous tics, shallow nervous breathing, or other signs nervous behavior.

We have all seen this behavior...and probably we've all exhibited this behavior at some time or other in our life. At some point in your life you have tried to deceive/lie, and regardless of well you crafted "The Message", the other two components of communication (Verbal Delivery and Body Language) probably gave you away. If you intend to send effective deceptive message, you must develop personal tactics (and practice them) that will remove these telltale signs of deception.


TACTICS of HIDING STUFF
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Hiding Physical objects presents challenges and risks not present in simply keeping information secret. When the process of keeping your secret ventures into the physical world, you have all the same deception issues of keeping information secret, plus the added issues of finding an effective hiding place, dealing with physical clues, and leaving a physical trail that must be obscured, camouflaged, and dealt with.


CONCEALING (Hiding Stuff):

There are only 4 basic approaches to hiding stuff.

Hide things out of easy sight, but not hidden to any great extent.

(Ex: hiding adult "sex toys" under the underwear in the chest of drawers). This is usually how people hide things. This approach is very unreliable because people with opportunity will generally do some snooping, and people with motivation will ALWAYS do some searching and prying. Any hiding place that is located in a generally accessible location, can be easily accessed and/or disturbed. One notable advantage to this approach is that your Contingency Plan need not be very elaborate. If someone finds your secret, you simply shrug it off and claim that it was never really hidden in the first place. Even if your secret is tucked away, your position is, that not leaving things in plan sight is not the same as hiding them.

Hide things in remote and barely accessible parts of the house/office/farm etc.

This can be effective, because any hiding spot that is located where people seldom go (or in a generally inaccessible area) is less vulnerable to prying eyes and hands. It is also less vulnerable to accidental discovery. This approach is not however immune to determined searches. Because the hidden objects are concealed but not secured, they are also more vulnerable to the "UNEXPECTED EVENT". Because the item is obviously hidden, you need a good Contingency Plan in case it's found.

Camouflage the hiding place:

Camouflage the hiding place in such a way that no one recognizes what they are seeing (so they ignore it) or camouflage it so that no one even knows the hiding place exists. This approach requires extra work and often the construction of a hiding place...but it can be VERY successful. If camouflaged well enough, your hiding place can be in generally accessible areas (even public places) as well as remote locations.

WARNING: If your hiding place ever it found...you will have a very hard time explaining why you went to such lengths to hide something and why you needed such an elaborate hiding place.

Hide things "off site":

This is often a very reliable approach...but it requires a secure secondary location. This also makes your access to and usage of any hidden items more difficult and time consuming, and you must pre-plan access to the hidden objects. Like #3 this can be difficult to explain if found.

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SECURING (Locking Stuff Up):

Securing can be as simple as a locked closet, a locked file cabinet, or a locked drawer. This

approach may keep things safe, however it does not keep them secret. Known items can be locked up (secure) but not secret...because everyone knows what's locked up. Unless you let everyone know what is locked up, the presence of a locked closet/cabinet/drawer can prompt questions and curiosity. The presence of an openly secured location may prompt so much speculation that it will be impossible to keep the contents secret (although they may be secure).

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CONCEALING AND SECURING:

This is the method of choice for hiding physical objects, and it is also the most difficult. This approach requires concealing your hiding place (see #3 above) and securing your hiding place against tampering and/or accidental discovery. This approach always involves extra work and the special construction (or purchase) of a secret hiding place.

The selected location must be camouflaged/hidden so that if searchers DO stumble across it (either by accident or design), it's function as a hiding place is not readily apparent. The best approach is to make your hiding place unrecognizable as a hiding place/secured site NOTE: If the hiding site is camouflaged well enough, it can even be located in an easily assessable location.

However, ALWAYS secure the hiding place so that it can't be gotten into even if it is discovered and/or accidentally tampered with. Ideally this securing should be done in a non obvious way that will not prompt suspicion. The inability of someone to get into your hiding place should ideally be a logical and reasonably expected extension of the hiding place itself.

TIP: Prepare a "CONTIGENCY PLAN" ahead of time so you don't have to think "on the fly".

Have an explanation ready in case the location is discovered. Remember.... discovery of the hiding place may not necessarily mean discovery of what is hidden inside. If you camouflage the hiding place well enough, whoever finds the hiding place may not recognize it as a hiding place, and a good explanation may take care of the situation.

See Example #2 for a good idea of the concept of Concealing and Securing.

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The tactics and techniques of hiding things are many and varied. If you want to pursue this in great detail, there are several books that contain good ideas about hiding things.

(Go to the HIDING/DECEPTION BOOKSTORE )

One word of caution....use the books on "hiding" as guidelines but don't necessarily follow them word for word. Remember, if you bought the book...so could someone else. Use the examples in these books to create your own hiding spots, but be creative.

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TACTICS of HIDING ACTIVITIES

INTRODUCTION:

Keeping your current and on-going activities private and secret is the most difficult secret to keep. Successfully keeping a person (or group) from learning about your activities, requires a level of deceptive skill that few people have. Many people try to keep their activities secret....and many people FAIL. The movies, the newspapers, books, (and probably your own personal experience), all contain stories and ample evidence of people who tried and failed to keep their activities secret. Activities such as love affairs, personal secrets, as well as business transactions and financial dealings, seem to get discovered with regularity. NOTE: Before you read any further...make sure that you have read and understood the previous pages on this web site. The effective implementation of the tactics on this page, requires the context provided by the previous pages.

Successfully keeping your activities secret is very difficult because activities ALWAYS leave physical clues and evidence, as well as usually involving other people. However, the fact that your activity always leaves behind some physical traces of itself, does not mean that you cannot keep your activities unknown from select people....if you exercise proper planning and proper diligence, (and if you don't have too much bad luck).

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RULE #1: You ALWAYS Leave Clues Behind ...accept it and plan for it. Everything you do leaves a physical trail and you always leave some evidence that your activity occurred. Additionally, you will always leave behind some evidence that you participated in the activity.

There is no such thing as the perfect crime...OR...a completely secret activity. The prisons are full of people who thought they could commit the perfect crime and failed. The divorce courts are full of people who thought they could keep an affair completely secret and failed.

Accept the fact that no matter how careful you are...someone saw you and that someone (even if they don't understand what they know) has knowledge of your activity.

TIPS:

Remove as many clues as possible....and if possible...make the remaining clues difficult to find.

Think in terms of "types" of clues as well as specific clues. What types of clues will be left behind?

Evaluate the types of clues (or what specific clues) that will remain and try to make those clues difficult to associate with you and/or your activity.

One timeworn example of limiting clues, is that of a couple meeting at a motel for a sexual liaison. They never sign their real name on the register and they don't use a credit card. The select an out of the way motel in another part of town, far away from people they know...perhaps going so far as to drive separately and going to the room separately. They of course leave behind clues that a couple was there, but they have limited the number of clues that associate THEM with being at the motel.

RULE #2: Limit the number of people involved.

The more people you have involved in the activity and/or in keeping your activity secret, the greater the chances that you will fail to keep it secret. The chances of discovery go up exponentially with the number of people directly involved. Involving lots of people in your activity...or worse yet...involving lots of people to support your deception is NOT a good idea. The ideal number of people to participate in your secret activity is one...(you).

However, understanding that this will often not be possible or desirable, LIMIT the number of people you involve.

RULE #3: You MUST have a good Cover Story.

You need a plausible, consistent, and believable story (delivered in a believable manner) that explains your actions...or covers up for them. You need plausible reasons for being where you are and doing what you're doing. Spend LOTS of time on your cover story.

RULE #4: Spend time building up credibility and background for your cover story. For example, the spouse who suddenly starts being gone from home a lot, or suddenly starts taking "business trips" attracts attention to their behavior...even if it is legitimate or innocent behavior. A sudden change in behavior ALWAYS prompts attention (even if it is not suspicious attention). If your sudden change in behavior also coincides with keeping your secret activity....guess what....the chances of your being found out increase. The best way to cover up clandestine activities, is to somehow mask them in your usual range of activities...or...alter your usual range of activities some time BEFORE you begin your secret activity.

RULE #5: Learn to Lie Effectively.

When keeping activities secret, it is a forgone conclusion that you WILL have to lie and deceive to maintain your secret. Keeping activities secret involves far too many uncontrollable variables to completely take care of with the other methods of deception. You will definitely have to lie to maintain the secrecy of your activities. Learn to lie well and effectively....or you are doomed to fail.

RULE #6: Prepare for the "Unexpected Event".

The Unexpected Event is a more frequent problem in trying to keep activities secret than with any other type of secret. There are so many variables and so many opportunities for things to go wrong that the odds of something "out of the blue" happening are pretty good.

Evaluate what might go wrong...but don't make yourself crazy trying to anticipate every little thing (because you can't). Definitely look at what parts of your secrecy plan are most vulnerable and/or most likely to be susceptible to problems.

One way to illustrate how to effectively prepare for unexpected events, is to take a look at airplane pilot training. Pilots must pass tests that demonstrate knowledge of emergency landing procedures, as well as handling emergencies in the air. Emergency training for pilots is NOT taught on specifics such as "what do you do when the oil pump fails...or what do you do when the spark plugs fail". The training is taught on a more general level of "what do you do when you lose power".

No one can anticipate every specific event (or thing) that can happen. You can however, anticipate what "TYPES" of things can happen, and decide how you might deal with them.

RULE #7: Stay Calm...Don't Panic....THINK.

Keeping activities secret requires more "on your feet thinking", than any other secret. For example, the fact that someone you know accidentally saw you going to or coming from your secret activity, does not automatically mean they know about the activity itself. Don't panic and give yourself away by starting to explain, give alibis, and otherwise act guilty. Stay calm, act normal, find out what they know (or suspect) before you do anything. You may not need to say anything other than "hi". The fact that someone may think it odd to find you in a certain place, or out at a certain time, does not automatically mean they suspect you of anything.

Remember, people with no secrets don't feel the need to explain their every action....act like a person with no secret.

RULE #8: Make a list....check it twice.

One more time....keeping activities secret involves many variables. Unless your activity is very simple and it only happens once, there will be lots of issues to deal with. There is power in the written list. Write your plan and sequence of events down on a list. Think about (and jot down) the clues you will leave behind and what (if anything) you can do about them.

Think about what things could go wrong, write them down, and then list remedies and/or damage control plans. Pay attention to the details.... Little details matter. Ignore them and you fail.

Remember the old fable about the missing horseshoe nail that caused the horseshoe to fall off that caused the horse to stumble that caused the messenger to fall of the horse that caused the message to not get delivered that caused the general to do the wrong thing (because he didn't get the message) that caused the battle to be lost that cause the kingdom to fall.

P.S. DON'T FORGET TO DESTROY or SECURE THE LIST... the list, (while necessary), is evidence of your secret activity than you definitely do not want found.

Suggestion: If this process seems too underhanded, too sneaky, or just too much work...then I strongly suggest you reevaluate your reasons for keeping your activity secret and your commitment to keeping it secret.


The 3 LEVELS of LIE DETECTION
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Generally speaking, (and to keep the concept simple), we can lump all of the various situations of Deception/Lie Detection into three categories. These 3 Levels of Deception/Lie Detection vary vary from casual interactions, to full force, highly intense, interrogations. These levels are listed below in increasing order of formality and increasing degree of difficulty for the person attempting the deception.

Lie Detection Level #1

Semi-formal and/or Casual Interactions:

This includes interactions between spouses, relatives, strangers, co-workers, and just about anyone else we encounter in our daily lives. This also includes "semi-official" interviews/interactions between worker and boss...