Workplace manipulation - how to learn to say "no"?

[Tomcat]

Salyut, we have all heard the expression "the client is always right", but in many workplaces a different law is more likely to operate - "the boss is always right." But what if your manager's demands are increasingly becoming simply stupid and irrelevant to your core business? All these are the most real manifestations of elementary manipulation in the workplace, which is a very common occurrence.

You cannot just turn around and say to the person in charge, "No, this is stupid, I will not do this!" But if you carry out such assignments, you will be wasting your time, damaging your own productivity and well-being.

So what's the best way to say no to your manipulative boss?

1. Use the "magic question" method - "What priority should I put for this assignment?"

If the problem is that the boss asks you to do more than is physically possible in a certain amount of time, we offer you the following dialogue template:

Boss: “Can you take the extra time and become a coordinator for every person attending our training tomorrow? That would be very good of you. ”Employee:“ Yes, tomorrow I also have to work with the information packets, meeting with each supplier to make sure they have all the necessary conditions for the transaction. But tomorrow I also have to complete an assignment related to coordinating each participant - but what should I put first? ”Boss:“ Oh yeah, focus on the main things, don’t worry about coordination, it’s not that important. ”

2. Include humor.

When your boss asks you to do something far below your real capabilities or something that he could easily do on his own - needless to say, this is a destructive force for your business relationship. But again, you can't snarl so rudely and say that you are not a waiter or a courier!

For example, if a colleague asks you to change the temperature on an office thermostat, despite the fact that he can do so, you can answer: “You are really very smart. I believe that if you think hard you can figure out how to adjust the thermostat, you can do it! "

3. Cultivate a "teacher" in yourself.

For example, if your manager asks you to remind him of the date of an upcoming event, use this method as an occasion to show her where she can find the calendar or how she can install it on her smartphone.

Don't get used to just telling people the information they need - better find a way to show them how they can find it themselves!

4. Skip the "baton".

Sometimes the problem isn't that your boss has to deal with a problem himself. Therefore, he may ask the wrong person to cope with the task. When it does, just redirect it.

It is much easier to say, “I cannot do this, but X may be able to take care of this issue,” rather than simply refusing to comply.

5. Answer: "If you can X, then I can Y".

Finally, if you are assigned a huge task that goes far beyond your role (or work schedule constraints), we suggest shortening it by handing over some of the work. Instead of directly dismissing the task, this phrase allows you to simply reduce it a little:

"You can write, could you write his speech for our speaker?" - this may be the question. Instead of taking on such a big task, change it: "Overall, if he writes the initial draft, I'll come and edit it."

 

[Father]

Many people find it difficult to refuse others. This is not surprising, because from childhood we were taught to be responsive and polite to everyone. And even in adulthood it is difficult to say no directly. Here are some tips to help you overcome your fear of offending someone with rejection:

Set reasonable boundaries. Only you know what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. Do not be shy about informing people about it. Be calm and firm in your boundaries. In spite of all fears, most people accept honest and straightforward rejection normally.

Understand yourself. Perhaps in childhood, one of the family members reacted to the refusal with aggression or resentment. It taught you to refrain from direct conversation in order to avoid problems. Work with this pattern.

Take a look at the situation from your opponent's point of view. If you find it difficult to refuse a friend, think about what will happen if you find yourself in his place. This practice will help you understand that failure is not a disaster.

Suggest an alternative. Especially in communication with people who are really dear to you. It's the hardest thing to refuse to close people. Compromise is the perfect solution.

Take time for yourself. Find time just for yourself, and give it the same importance as time for family, friends, and work. You are no less valuable than everyone else.