Lord777
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Every carder fears most of all that he is not good enough and will not be loved.
Beliefs and behavior
Every person fears most of all that he is not good enough and will not be loved. We are born this way. These are the foundations of human psychology. A human child dies without love. The cubs of other animals are not. This is not a fictional concept, it is embedded in us at the deepest level.
However, in adulthood, a life of love is enjoyable, but will not be necessary for survival. When we live as if we cannot live without love, and do whatever we want so that we are not rejected, we behave like children. The problem is, most of us have no idea what we are doing. We do not realize that we are looking into the refrigerator after a hearty dinner so as not to feel rejected. We say: "We just want something." We are convinced that we deserve it after a full day of work. But behavior is just an expression of our beliefs. It's that simple! Think about it: human behavior is an expression of beliefs, yet most of us internalized beliefs before we were old enough to think for ourselves. And if we do not question our beliefs, we will look through this prism at any situation.
We live in an era of a breakneck pace. People expect immediate action and communication from themselves and others. - a mobile phone is always with you, an answer to an e-mail message is expected from you within a few minutes, supermarkets have all possible food products, an answer to any question is easy to get using Google, social networks require 24 / 7 presence. Before this era, the feeling that we are not good enough, we are not loved and rejected, was expressed in how we ate, spent money, talked to others, etc. All this is still relevant. However, in the age of impetuosity and speed, another, more obvious, more intense and, in my opinion, more harmful way of expressing this feeling has appeared. Women believe that they should try to please everyone, so that they are never rejected, and do not even realize that they are doing it. To please everyone, to do whatever they "must" in order not to let anyone down and not to be rejected, they develop a vigorous activity. Why do you need this, if only somewhere in the depths of your soul it does not seem to you that your life depends on it? I'm serious. As I like to say, it's all about love. Is always.
My favorite author, Jinnin Roth, says: "We all live according to the instructions we received ten, thirty or fifty years ago from people whom today we would not even ask for directions." We have drawn conclusions from what happened around us in early childhood, but we do not realize it. We just thought that when our father had “that” expression on his face, he was happy, sad, angry, or about to explode. And when a mother sighs like that, it means she is disappointed, tired, or relieved. We thought so. Mother or father did not tell us how they felt in those minutes. We watched them and life around us, and we formed ideas about how the world works. However, this is our version of the world, so when you talk to twins about their childhood, you start to doubt that they grew up in the same family.
Below I will list a few examples to help you better understand what this is about. If we have often heard “Don't be so narcissistic! People do not like it, "then they began to think:" If I want to be loved and accepted, I have to be gray and nondescript, I must be simpler. "One more example. If we see how parents argue about money, if money becomes a source of conflict in the family, or, conversely, if no one ever talks about it, we draw the following conclusions:“ If I want happiness in family life, it is better to never talk, not think and not raise the issue of money. "
We assess situations and make sense of them. And based on this, our beliefs are formed, which then determine how we see ourselves and how we behave. And then all our life we act as if reality are our subjective beliefs: "I will never have enough of this and that"; “I have to keep the peace”; “I'm lazy / stupid / unloved”; "People won't love me if I don't agree with everyone." We believe that our vision of the situation is reality, and it cannot be otherwise. And we reinforce beliefs with actions. Most of us don't even know what we believe in! We are convinced of the correctness of what we see and feel, and do not understand that our vision depends on ourselves, and not on the real state of affairs. It doesn't even occur to us that our belief system is subjective, that the same situation can be interpreted in many ways. As Jinin put it well, “Until we acknowledge and say out loud how much our version of reality depends on instructions from people whom we would not ask on the street for directions today, our emotional, financial and spiritual life will be frozen in the past ... distorted by beliefs that are inconsistent with our current ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become." which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. " our emotional, financial and spiritual life will be frozen in the past. distorted by beliefs that are inconsistent with our current ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become." which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. " our emotional, financial and spiritual life will be frozen in the past. distorted by beliefs that are inconsistent with our current ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become." which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "
No matter how positive and optimistic I was, I was not able to completely replace some beliefs with others, using only affirmations.... No doubt they are useful. They help you switch to the positive side of things and hope that life can be better. But you can repeat a thousand times a day "I am worthy of love", you can stick the notes "I am super successful" in the car, on the mirror, on the computer screen, on the glass, but if you have a belief in your psyche that you are not worthy of love that was formed even before you learned to speak, it will be easier for you only for a moment. And all because you do not believe yourself. If you don't destroy your fundamental beliefs, affirmations have nothing to gain a foothold in and their impact will be short-lived. Do not misunderstand me. Be sure to repeat the affirmations. They feed the soul. It's just that I have not yet met a person who, with just affirmations, would get rid of the beliefs embedded in him at the very beginning of his stay on earth. Be sure to stay positive and repeat that you are loved. But for change to be long-term and sustainable, you need to properly deal with your beliefs.
When people say, “Your beliefs determine your experience,” think about it. If it seems to you that there are not enough hours in the day, that you will always live in poverty, that you will always be complete, so it will be. In other words, if you look at the world through broken glass, the world appears to be broken. We always act according to our beliefs, and because actions have consequences, beliefs manifest themselves in different situations. When you act on your beliefs, you see the results of your actions everywhere. This is exactly what happens when you buy a car of a certain color, make and model. Suddenly, you start seeing these cars everywhere! Guess what I want to say? They have always been! You just determined not to notice them. Beliefs work the same way. You see 'evidence' everywhere you believe
Of course, different actions lead to change. It is not enough to acknowledge and name your beliefs. But in my experience with human health, lasting change is not possible without an awareness of the deeply rooted beliefs that govern behavior. If you do not realize that you see things differently than they really are, if you do not understand that you see yourself, your family, your attitude to food, money and the world in the light of ideas that were formed in early childhood, you believe, that it is impossible to see the world differently. You only know what you have experienced yourself, and if others describe the world in a different way, you simply will not believe them. […]
How to slow down the pace
Many women have no idea how to slow down. And when I say that you just have to be because we are here for life and not for countless things, I see on their faces what they diligently hide - that they would rather go and stick their heads in a bucket of ice water than surrender. Therefore, I give them assignments. I offer women ways to bring serenity and space back into their lives. I invite them to carefully - kindly, not judgmental - work out what led them to the constant race for what they want to achieve. It's necessary. But then you need to go further. Because it's not about what you'll achieve - a bigger bill, no mortgage, slimmer hips - but how you'll feel when you get what you want. And I have not yet had a single patient who in the end would not see that she is really chasing love (regardless of whether there is love in her life or not). And at this moment, tears always flow, because I know: her life will never be the same. Because she finally understood that what she was looking for, what she was constantly striving for, is in herself. Calmness and serenity allows you to see and feel it. She was born like this. She just forgot. And, most likely, he will forget again, only the next time not so thoroughly. […]
So, as I said, doing the same thing over and over, year after year, and expecting a different result is crazy. However, we seem to go into a trance for ten, thirty years, for a while, for a lifetime, doing everything we can to become "better." (As if we're not good enough!) And we don't notice that we're doing the same thing, and life doesn't change. We think that we just need to try a different diet, a different exercise program, or eat less - and everything will change. The first thing to do is stop dieting. […]
To-do list
By no means do I want to say that you do not need to do anything during the day! I live in the same world as you. I also have a to-do list from which I just can't cross everything out. And I love to cross things off the lists! I used to love it so much that if I did something that was not on the list, I first added this task so that I could cross it off immediately and be glad that I did even more than I had planned! The problem is not in the affairs themselves. The problem is the attitude towards them that affects your health and the belief behind the attitude. If your to-do list has eight hundred items, you may either start to panic and freak out, or feelground under your feet, take a deep breath in and out for more than eleven seconds, and admit that you have eight hundred to-do items on your to-do list. Whether you are depressed or calm, the number of cases will not change. But you can choose your attitude towards them. It takes some practice to keep calm and poise as your normal working state. You need to support yourself in ways that help you stay calm (rather than relying on three double lattes to wake up completely in the morning) and figure out what made you feel anxious. Were the reasons physical and biochemical (for example, too much caffeine in the morning) or emotional? Or both at the same time?
Good girl
When you think about the reasons why you are spinning like a squirrel in a wheel, does it occur to you this: you were raised as an exemplary girl and you are so afraid of problems that all your life you try to do your best even before you are asked to do so? Or even before you get yelled at for not doing something? Or don't you want to be criticized? There is no right or wrong answer here. We will not judge whether it is good or bad that you were raised that way. Our behavior can both benefit and harm us.
It deeply worries me why you do what you do, because you can choose behaviors that are good for your health and refuse what is harmful to them. Until you understand the destructive behavior in the areas of life where it manifests itself, and you do not find its causes, change will be difficult. You will return to old habits all the time. It worries me that if you live under the influence of wrong beliefs that you cannot give up, you have to be an exemplary little girl. And while this probably makes you a kind and pleasant person, you risk turning into a worn out woman and facing all the ensuing health consequences if you live in such a state long enough. Constant striving not to be rejected ... What does it cost you?
Fathers and daughters
Now I will say an important thing. Emotionally, the most important in this book. I have not yet met a single exhausted woman whose heart was not broken by her father. You are a grown woman, and your father is either still your hero, or disappointed you as a child. In adulthood, you can realize and come to terms with this, but I want to say that with fathers, there are only two options: the hero or the cause of sadness. If your father is still your hero, then there will be no place for a male partner in your life. Well, if there is one, he plays a secondary role: no matter what he does, he will never compare with your father. In this case, you will not be constantly running. You will be the master of your own destiny. And you are in the minority. But if your father broke your heart, something very important could be the cause of your disappointment, such as death or mistreatment of you, another family member or loved one. Maybe his behavior only hurt you and the others didn't notice. Careless remarks did not seem offensive, but they could be so interpret . A passing phrase that you were worth a lot of money, for example. And one of my recent patients was hurt by the phrase: "You are just like your mother." Maybe he always picked you up late from school. Let's say you were an emotionally immature child and didn't realize that he was late all the time because he worked hard. All in order to pay for the house in which you lived, and the education that he wanted you to receive, so that the best opportunities in life would open up for you. All you know is that he was never there when he was needed. And it must be your fault.
A close friend of mine felt betrayed by her father and was angry with him for thirty-two years because he died of cancer when she was nine. A 41-year-old woman told me, "What kind of father is leaving his nine-year-old daughter?" As if he had abandoned her rather than died. As if he had a choice! An adult woman sat opposite me and said what a nine-year-old girl felt. The father died, and the mother had to go to work. My friend began to see her much less, and from a financial point of view, their life became more difficult. In her eyes, from her point of view, her father abandoned her. And she didn't have enough money all the time. One of the most hardworking women I have met, she was eager to take care of every aspect of her life. And she became such as a result of a situation that evokes deep sympathy. Of course,
And you, too, behave based on beliefs. I bet if you have never thought about it before, you are treating yourself without any empathy. On the contrary, unconsciously you are likely to judge yourself quite harshly. However, you need to be kind to yourself in order to get rid of the behaviors and beliefs that make you agree to everything, and also to criticize yourself when you do not meet the incredibly high standards that you place on yourself. Stop blaming yourself when you rarely call your mother or your closest friends, let alone email you never answer. As a result of all this, you have lost the ability to truly rest. It's time to start engaging in behaviors that are detrimental to your health.
Therefore, when your father (most likely without even realizing it) hurt your feelings, you decided that you should be prettier, slimmer, taller, smarter, louder, quieter, thriftier, more generous, kinder, sweeter, worry less, worry more. And all so that he loves you. Whatever conclusion you draw, your behavior was born out of it.
Remember, people will do more to avoid pain than to enjoy. This is how we are made. We must survive. And so, when you do your best for your father, whether he is alive or not, to praise you, be proud of you and love you, you turn into a worn out woman. Technology allows this. You make the choice unconsciously because part of your nervous system is tuned in to survive. However, with an adult logical mind, you understand that living in such stress, you harm your health (as discussed in the previous chapters) and can complicate relationships with those you love most in the world. So study your stories. Take a fresh look at them. It's time to see the world as it really is, and not look at it through the eyes of the child you once were. It's time to take responsibility for yourself and your choice.
Starting to understand the stories you make up, talk to yourself as if you were a beloved child, so that from this tenderness the fear of not being good enough disappears and no longer determines your behavior. The more consciously you live, the better you feel every moment, the more clearly you will see that you are beautiful. There is not a single little girl in the world who does not know from birth that she is beautiful. We are losing this knowledge. That is life! Girls lose this understanding at different times, but they still lose it. And I think we spend the rest of our lives trying to feel the same way again - with food, shopping, achievements at work, making others happy. But if you knew who you really are, you would be amazed! […]
Each person has their own story. Everyone has a reason why they are who they are. Try not to forget about this, as it helps you not to judge others.
The Dalai Lama said it well: “The basis of humanity is compassion and love. So even if a few people just try to create peace and happiness within themselves and act responsibly and kindly towards others, they can have a positive impact on those around them."
And Tony Robbins says, “The more you acknowledge the best in others, the more gratitude you will feel for the qualities that make them who they are. The more you express gratitude, the more alive and successful you feel - and the more you are able to appreciate the very best in yourself."
Beliefs and behavior
Every person fears most of all that he is not good enough and will not be loved. We are born this way. These are the foundations of human psychology. A human child dies without love. The cubs of other animals are not. This is not a fictional concept, it is embedded in us at the deepest level.
However, in adulthood, a life of love is enjoyable, but will not be necessary for survival. When we live as if we cannot live without love, and do whatever we want so that we are not rejected, we behave like children. The problem is, most of us have no idea what we are doing. We do not realize that we are looking into the refrigerator after a hearty dinner so as not to feel rejected. We say: "We just want something." We are convinced that we deserve it after a full day of work. But behavior is just an expression of our beliefs. It's that simple! Think about it: human behavior is an expression of beliefs, yet most of us internalized beliefs before we were old enough to think for ourselves. And if we do not question our beliefs, we will look through this prism at any situation.
We live in an era of a breakneck pace. People expect immediate action and communication from themselves and others. - a mobile phone is always with you, an answer to an e-mail message is expected from you within a few minutes, supermarkets have all possible food products, an answer to any question is easy to get using Google, social networks require 24 / 7 presence. Before this era, the feeling that we are not good enough, we are not loved and rejected, was expressed in how we ate, spent money, talked to others, etc. All this is still relevant. However, in the age of impetuosity and speed, another, more obvious, more intense and, in my opinion, more harmful way of expressing this feeling has appeared. Women believe that they should try to please everyone, so that they are never rejected, and do not even realize that they are doing it. To please everyone, to do whatever they "must" in order not to let anyone down and not to be rejected, they develop a vigorous activity. Why do you need this, if only somewhere in the depths of your soul it does not seem to you that your life depends on it? I'm serious. As I like to say, it's all about love. Is always.
My favorite author, Jinnin Roth, says: "We all live according to the instructions we received ten, thirty or fifty years ago from people whom today we would not even ask for directions." We have drawn conclusions from what happened around us in early childhood, but we do not realize it. We just thought that when our father had “that” expression on his face, he was happy, sad, angry, or about to explode. And when a mother sighs like that, it means she is disappointed, tired, or relieved. We thought so. Mother or father did not tell us how they felt in those minutes. We watched them and life around us, and we formed ideas about how the world works. However, this is our version of the world, so when you talk to twins about their childhood, you start to doubt that they grew up in the same family.
Below I will list a few examples to help you better understand what this is about. If we have often heard “Don't be so narcissistic! People do not like it, "then they began to think:" If I want to be loved and accepted, I have to be gray and nondescript, I must be simpler. "One more example. If we see how parents argue about money, if money becomes a source of conflict in the family, or, conversely, if no one ever talks about it, we draw the following conclusions:“ If I want happiness in family life, it is better to never talk, not think and not raise the issue of money. "
We assess situations and make sense of them. And based on this, our beliefs are formed, which then determine how we see ourselves and how we behave. And then all our life we act as if reality are our subjective beliefs: "I will never have enough of this and that"; “I have to keep the peace”; “I'm lazy / stupid / unloved”; "People won't love me if I don't agree with everyone." We believe that our vision of the situation is reality, and it cannot be otherwise. And we reinforce beliefs with actions. Most of us don't even know what we believe in! We are convinced of the correctness of what we see and feel, and do not understand that our vision depends on ourselves, and not on the real state of affairs. It doesn't even occur to us that our belief system is subjective, that the same situation can be interpreted in many ways. As Jinin put it well, “Until we acknowledge and say out loud how much our version of reality depends on instructions from people whom we would not ask on the street for directions today, our emotional, financial and spiritual life will be frozen in the past ... distorted by beliefs that are inconsistent with our current ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become." which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. " our emotional, financial and spiritual life will be frozen in the past. distorted by beliefs that are inconsistent with our current ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become." which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. " our emotional, financial and spiritual life will be frozen in the past. distorted by beliefs that are inconsistent with our current ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become." which do not correspond to our today's ideals and values. Doesn't match who we have become. "
No matter how positive and optimistic I was, I was not able to completely replace some beliefs with others, using only affirmations.... No doubt they are useful. They help you switch to the positive side of things and hope that life can be better. But you can repeat a thousand times a day "I am worthy of love", you can stick the notes "I am super successful" in the car, on the mirror, on the computer screen, on the glass, but if you have a belief in your psyche that you are not worthy of love that was formed even before you learned to speak, it will be easier for you only for a moment. And all because you do not believe yourself. If you don't destroy your fundamental beliefs, affirmations have nothing to gain a foothold in and their impact will be short-lived. Do not misunderstand me. Be sure to repeat the affirmations. They feed the soul. It's just that I have not yet met a person who, with just affirmations, would get rid of the beliefs embedded in him at the very beginning of his stay on earth. Be sure to stay positive and repeat that you are loved. But for change to be long-term and sustainable, you need to properly deal with your beliefs.
When people say, “Your beliefs determine your experience,” think about it. If it seems to you that there are not enough hours in the day, that you will always live in poverty, that you will always be complete, so it will be. In other words, if you look at the world through broken glass, the world appears to be broken. We always act according to our beliefs, and because actions have consequences, beliefs manifest themselves in different situations. When you act on your beliefs, you see the results of your actions everywhere. This is exactly what happens when you buy a car of a certain color, make and model. Suddenly, you start seeing these cars everywhere! Guess what I want to say? They have always been! You just determined not to notice them. Beliefs work the same way. You see 'evidence' everywhere you believe
Of course, different actions lead to change. It is not enough to acknowledge and name your beliefs. But in my experience with human health, lasting change is not possible without an awareness of the deeply rooted beliefs that govern behavior. If you do not realize that you see things differently than they really are, if you do not understand that you see yourself, your family, your attitude to food, money and the world in the light of ideas that were formed in early childhood, you believe, that it is impossible to see the world differently. You only know what you have experienced yourself, and if others describe the world in a different way, you simply will not believe them. […]
How to slow down the pace
Many women have no idea how to slow down. And when I say that you just have to be because we are here for life and not for countless things, I see on their faces what they diligently hide - that they would rather go and stick their heads in a bucket of ice water than surrender. Therefore, I give them assignments. I offer women ways to bring serenity and space back into their lives. I invite them to carefully - kindly, not judgmental - work out what led them to the constant race for what they want to achieve. It's necessary. But then you need to go further. Because it's not about what you'll achieve - a bigger bill, no mortgage, slimmer hips - but how you'll feel when you get what you want. And I have not yet had a single patient who in the end would not see that she is really chasing love (regardless of whether there is love in her life or not). And at this moment, tears always flow, because I know: her life will never be the same. Because she finally understood that what she was looking for, what she was constantly striving for, is in herself. Calmness and serenity allows you to see and feel it. She was born like this. She just forgot. And, most likely, he will forget again, only the next time not so thoroughly. […]
So, as I said, doing the same thing over and over, year after year, and expecting a different result is crazy. However, we seem to go into a trance for ten, thirty years, for a while, for a lifetime, doing everything we can to become "better." (As if we're not good enough!) And we don't notice that we're doing the same thing, and life doesn't change. We think that we just need to try a different diet, a different exercise program, or eat less - and everything will change. The first thing to do is stop dieting. […]
To-do list
By no means do I want to say that you do not need to do anything during the day! I live in the same world as you. I also have a to-do list from which I just can't cross everything out. And I love to cross things off the lists! I used to love it so much that if I did something that was not on the list, I first added this task so that I could cross it off immediately and be glad that I did even more than I had planned! The problem is not in the affairs themselves. The problem is the attitude towards them that affects your health and the belief behind the attitude. If your to-do list has eight hundred items, you may either start to panic and freak out, or feelground under your feet, take a deep breath in and out for more than eleven seconds, and admit that you have eight hundred to-do items on your to-do list. Whether you are depressed or calm, the number of cases will not change. But you can choose your attitude towards them. It takes some practice to keep calm and poise as your normal working state. You need to support yourself in ways that help you stay calm (rather than relying on three double lattes to wake up completely in the morning) and figure out what made you feel anxious. Were the reasons physical and biochemical (for example, too much caffeine in the morning) or emotional? Or both at the same time?
Good girl
When you think about the reasons why you are spinning like a squirrel in a wheel, does it occur to you this: you were raised as an exemplary girl and you are so afraid of problems that all your life you try to do your best even before you are asked to do so? Or even before you get yelled at for not doing something? Or don't you want to be criticized? There is no right or wrong answer here. We will not judge whether it is good or bad that you were raised that way. Our behavior can both benefit and harm us.
It deeply worries me why you do what you do, because you can choose behaviors that are good for your health and refuse what is harmful to them. Until you understand the destructive behavior in the areas of life where it manifests itself, and you do not find its causes, change will be difficult. You will return to old habits all the time. It worries me that if you live under the influence of wrong beliefs that you cannot give up, you have to be an exemplary little girl. And while this probably makes you a kind and pleasant person, you risk turning into a worn out woman and facing all the ensuing health consequences if you live in such a state long enough. Constant striving not to be rejected ... What does it cost you?
Fathers and daughters
Now I will say an important thing. Emotionally, the most important in this book. I have not yet met a single exhausted woman whose heart was not broken by her father. You are a grown woman, and your father is either still your hero, or disappointed you as a child. In adulthood, you can realize and come to terms with this, but I want to say that with fathers, there are only two options: the hero or the cause of sadness. If your father is still your hero, then there will be no place for a male partner in your life. Well, if there is one, he plays a secondary role: no matter what he does, he will never compare with your father. In this case, you will not be constantly running. You will be the master of your own destiny. And you are in the minority. But if your father broke your heart, something very important could be the cause of your disappointment, such as death or mistreatment of you, another family member or loved one. Maybe his behavior only hurt you and the others didn't notice. Careless remarks did not seem offensive, but they could be so interpret . A passing phrase that you were worth a lot of money, for example. And one of my recent patients was hurt by the phrase: "You are just like your mother." Maybe he always picked you up late from school. Let's say you were an emotionally immature child and didn't realize that he was late all the time because he worked hard. All in order to pay for the house in which you lived, and the education that he wanted you to receive, so that the best opportunities in life would open up for you. All you know is that he was never there when he was needed. And it must be your fault.
A close friend of mine felt betrayed by her father and was angry with him for thirty-two years because he died of cancer when she was nine. A 41-year-old woman told me, "What kind of father is leaving his nine-year-old daughter?" As if he had abandoned her rather than died. As if he had a choice! An adult woman sat opposite me and said what a nine-year-old girl felt. The father died, and the mother had to go to work. My friend began to see her much less, and from a financial point of view, their life became more difficult. In her eyes, from her point of view, her father abandoned her. And she didn't have enough money all the time. One of the most hardworking women I have met, she was eager to take care of every aspect of her life. And she became such as a result of a situation that evokes deep sympathy. Of course,
And you, too, behave based on beliefs. I bet if you have never thought about it before, you are treating yourself without any empathy. On the contrary, unconsciously you are likely to judge yourself quite harshly. However, you need to be kind to yourself in order to get rid of the behaviors and beliefs that make you agree to everything, and also to criticize yourself when you do not meet the incredibly high standards that you place on yourself. Stop blaming yourself when you rarely call your mother or your closest friends, let alone email you never answer. As a result of all this, you have lost the ability to truly rest. It's time to start engaging in behaviors that are detrimental to your health.
Therefore, when your father (most likely without even realizing it) hurt your feelings, you decided that you should be prettier, slimmer, taller, smarter, louder, quieter, thriftier, more generous, kinder, sweeter, worry less, worry more. And all so that he loves you. Whatever conclusion you draw, your behavior was born out of it.
Remember, people will do more to avoid pain than to enjoy. This is how we are made. We must survive. And so, when you do your best for your father, whether he is alive or not, to praise you, be proud of you and love you, you turn into a worn out woman. Technology allows this. You make the choice unconsciously because part of your nervous system is tuned in to survive. However, with an adult logical mind, you understand that living in such stress, you harm your health (as discussed in the previous chapters) and can complicate relationships with those you love most in the world. So study your stories. Take a fresh look at them. It's time to see the world as it really is, and not look at it through the eyes of the child you once were. It's time to take responsibility for yourself and your choice.
Starting to understand the stories you make up, talk to yourself as if you were a beloved child, so that from this tenderness the fear of not being good enough disappears and no longer determines your behavior. The more consciously you live, the better you feel every moment, the more clearly you will see that you are beautiful. There is not a single little girl in the world who does not know from birth that she is beautiful. We are losing this knowledge. That is life! Girls lose this understanding at different times, but they still lose it. And I think we spend the rest of our lives trying to feel the same way again - with food, shopping, achievements at work, making others happy. But if you knew who you really are, you would be amazed! […]
Each person has their own story. Everyone has a reason why they are who they are. Try not to forget about this, as it helps you not to judge others.
The Dalai Lama said it well: “The basis of humanity is compassion and love. So even if a few people just try to create peace and happiness within themselves and act responsibly and kindly towards others, they can have a positive impact on those around them."
And Tony Robbins says, “The more you acknowledge the best in others, the more gratitude you will feel for the qualities that make them who they are. The more you express gratitude, the more alive and successful you feel - and the more you are able to appreciate the very best in yourself."
