Why do we not understand each other or "maps of the world"

[Tomcat]

We live in a world with a strong emphasis on words. And sometimes we don't think about whether these words are a direct and indisputable description of experience. Words are universal, experience is individual. How often do we remember this when we make decisions, make choices, agree, relying on the data of our unique "world map" .

This is how J. O'Connor defines this concept, which is basic for NLP: "The world map is a unique representation of a person about the world, based on his personal perception and life experience. It is not just a concept, but a way of life, the main mode of action."
The discrepancy between the "Territory" and the "world maps" leads to the same mistakes that inattention to the so-called false friends of the translator leads to. These are those foreign words that have become firmly established in the Russian language, have one well-known meaning, and are already translated automatically. In their own language, these words can turn out to be polysemous and have a huge number of other meanings, which depend on the context, prepositions, etc.

A person believes that he has a problem, for him it is real, therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to it at a given moment in time.
Here are just a few everyday situations that we encounter on a daily basis and which clearly illustrate the well-known premise of NLP "map is not territory".

Summer vacation, beautiful sunny day. Fifteen-year-old daughter is lying on the bed, staring at the computer. Mom enters the room, and the usual squabble begins on the topic that in the summer you need to rest, walk, and not spoil your eyes. To which the child invariably replies that she is so resting! Both mother and daughter talk about rest, but how far they are from mutual understanding. When the mother says the word rest, she involuntarily plunges into memories of how wonderful she spent her summer holidays with her grandmother in the village on the banks of the Oka. Games, swimming, bike rides, plans for the future ... She puts this enchanting picture on what "lies before her eyes" and proceeds to correct it. Of course, not his picture of the world, but the behavior of his daughter. Will she be understood? After all.

When a person suddenly finds himself in a new life situation, the old map of the world cannot be corrected instantly.
Mom and son came to the reception. The boy asks his mother to transfer him to any other school, and complains of stomach pains. From the story we learn that the family moved, and the boy moved to the third grade of the new school. Despite the fact that the programs were not very different, and the child did not lose his abilities (in the old school he was an excellent student), going to school turned from joy to torment. The difference was in the teacher's attitude to grades. She perceived poor grades as a personal insult, and any child was assessed as good or bad, depending on whether he received a good or bad grade for the test. At first, the son tried to explain to his mother that she had sent him to school, where both the teacher and the students were "abnormal."
Another example: a married couple seeks psychological help. They are already considering a divorce. After 15 years of marriage, husband and wife faced an obstacle that requires a revision of the entire system of relationships. The situation seems insoluble to them. And at the same time, they do the right thing when they choose ACTIVITY and turn to a psychologist for help. The second very important step is SPEECHING. The husband and wife talk about the current situation, once again experiencing emotions and revealing a different vision of the problem. Day after day, a psychologist has to deal with the same picture, when the lack of understanding of the spouses is rooted in the fact that they speak different psychological languages, when the banal purchase of shoes for the husband turns into a reason for divorce.

The husband needs shoes, but he cannot explain which shoes he wants to buy. The maximum amount of information that can be obtained so that it is soft, firm and not crushing. The husband is a sensitive and creative person. (Kinesthet)
The wife believes that there is nothing to do on the market for more than 15 minutes - it is not at all difficult to purchase black shoes with small heels with laces. She is a typical visual, with low sensitivity, for which appearance is most important. Misunderstanding permeates everyday life, drags on for years. The spouses no longer have the strength ... They are looking for a place where they will not have to solve these language problems. The psychologist has no choice but to become a translator for a while. To do this, he had to find out the features of the world map of each of the spouses. And then scrupulously explain what REALLY wanted to say each of the spouses when buying shoes, and in any other situation.

At work, a person faces the same problems. The boss requires an urgent report. If the exact time is not specified, the word "urgent" can cause confusion and even conflict. For one person it is urgent - this is in 20 minutes, when there is no need to remember about quality, for another it is urgent - this is by tomorrow morning, when there is an opportunity to sit at night and do full-fledged high -quality work. If the world maps of the boss and the employee are not clear and not coordinated in terms of the time and quality of preparing the report, then there is a high probability of a reprimand or in the prospect of finding a new job.

Most people prefer not to think about why this is happening to us. It is much easier to blame your neighbor for stupidity, indifference, misunderstanding. Don't rush to blame. Here is what MN Gordeev: “The big world is multifaceted and vast, and in order to somehow standardize it, a person is forced to simplify his opinion about it. For this, he can use three universal modeling processes - generalization, omission and distortion - thus creating his own small a model of the big world that surrounds him. "Consciousness is not able to process the avalanche of information falling on us, which means that the difference between the world and how we perceive it is not a problem. Difficulties begin when we begin to draw conclusions from our feelings. It's no exaggeration to say that this is about survival!

For effective communication, you must always clarify, ask the interlocutor what SPECIFICALLY he has in mind.
NLP techniques are aimed at learning to track the manifestations of various maps of the world, to clarify them for yourself and the interlocutor, and ultimately, to stop stepping on the same rake.