What is Karpman's Triangle or Who is Batman - Rescuer or Victim?

[Tomcat]

In 1968, psychologist and MD Stephen Karpman described the human relationship model that exploded psychology, psychotherapy, and media culture, and the explosion continues to resonate today. The model was called the Drama Triangle, also known as the Karpman Triangle, and is referred to every time a toxic relationship is discussed.

Vertices and faces
"Karpman's Triangle" is a role-playing game model in which three characters are involved: Rescuer, Persecutor, Victim. Each role has its own scenario and its own set of characteristics, and together all three participants make up a single destructive mechanism in which their childhood traumas, anxieties and psychological attitudes coincide like cogwheels. The wheels are spinning, the music is playing, each participant plays his role.
Who's playing?

Victim
A person who has chosen the role of a victim professionally knows how to suffer and throw off responsibility. His life is hard and unprepossessing, and he, as in the song of the ABBA group, is waiting for the very person who will take the unfortunate sufferer under his wing, throw problems on one shoulder, responsibility on the other, and they will fly away to a bright future together. Or they will not fly away, the main thing is that the Victim's responsibility is removed and there is no need to decide and change something for himself.

Pursuer
This person enters the game to prove to himself (and to the whole world) that "goodness must be with fists." The persecutor knows how to do good and bring joy only with the help of brute force, verbal violence and under the pressure of external circumstances that force him to act cruelly. From the point of view of this character, the world is unfair, and only one Persecutor knows how is right, how it should be, and that this cruel world made him a villain, but in fact, his actions are based on a good beginning (at the moment of this realization, he himself takes position of the Victim). The persecutor can see himself as a mentor, a defender of justice, and throughout the game he will point out to the Victim of her helplessness and weakness.

Rescuer
The person who fulfills this role pretends to be an altruist. He provides assistance without having the slightest idea of what really needs to be done. The Rescuer gets involved in the confrontation between the Victim and the Persecutor in order to feel important, to feel grateful to the Victim or to make her dependent on himself. This is that nice guy who joins the game to show everyone how good he is, and so that everyone owes him. If help fails, he will reassure himself with the thought that he is simply not appreciated.
Claude Steiner, Karpman's colleague, described these characters as follows: “… The victim is not really as helpless as he feels. The Rescuer doesn't really help as much as he thinks, and the Persecutor really has no good reason to be angry or blamed."
The main rule of the game is every man for himself. Each participant plays his party according to his own rules, and the main goal of each is not to let the others win. What happens if it does happen?
How to look at life from the bright side and successfully resist stress? Learn this in the Antifragility course.

Vicious circle or musical chairs?
When one person completes the game, the mechanism falls apart. Participants need the Dramatic Triangle to prevent closeness and intimacy - Karpman writes - it postpones the decision of important issues, for example, solving the Victim's problems or realizing the Rescuer through some other activity. All three find themselves face to face with their own problems, and in order not to drown in them, they restart the game. Perhaps the composition of the participants will change, but the roles will be the same.
Before the demons begin to tear up their masters, the players, as in the "musical chairs", need to re-take their seats. For example, if the Rescuer wins, and the Victim is freed from the torment of the Persecutor, the Victim becomes the aggressor herself and unleashes her anger on the liberator, shouting: "I did not ask (a) to save me, you destroyed everything!"
Many people who want to avoid responsibility love this Triangle game, but the writers love it even more. Karpman's Triangle has become an ideal framework for constructing conflicts and plot twists for films, comics and TV series. For example, the relationship between Batman and Joker is based on this model. They take turns playing the role of Victim and Persecutor, Persecutor and Rescuer, depending on which character will become the third participant in their game. A similar model can be found in the Rapunzel cartoon and in every Marvel film.
In his book, Karpman describes on triangles not only the games of friends and enemies, lovers and spouses, but also plots of dysfunctional families, office stories, "games of swindlers" and alcoholics. All these plots with exemplary situations help the reader to recognize in time that he is being drawn into such a game.

How do I quit the game?
The games described by Karpman are of three levels:

First degree games: socially acceptable, talked about and shared. It can be a difficult relationship at work, an advantageous boss, or a landlord who crosses boundaries.

Second degree games: have more dire consequences. It is considered indecent to talk about such games. This category of games includes manipulation by romantic partners, violation of personal boundaries by relatives or friends.

Games of the third degree: the most dangerous and destructive games that end in a hospital, police station, court. In such games, the participants are really in danger. These can be “games” with the participation of swindlers, alcoholics and other people with addictions, as well as with aggressive Persecutors, for example, in a situation with domestic violence.
A game of any degree must first be recognized and defined its role in it. At this stage, you need to develop the skill of high-quality active listening in order to recognize the invitation to play the game from other participants and refuse in time.
Second, refuse to play games and offer quality honest interaction instead. It includes honest feedback, with no hidden foundation of self-serving intentions.
Third, take 0% responsibility for others and 100% for yourself. You cannot shift responsibility for your emotions and decisions to others, just as others cannot delegate you to make decisions and live emotions for others. You can experience a full range of emotions and not feel guilty about it. As long as you live emotions within your personal boundaries, no one can drag you into the game.

 

[Tomcat]

How not to get involved in a conflict? Karpman's triangle​

Our life is full of conflicts. They can appear anywhere: at home, at work, in transport, on the road and even on the doorstep of your own home ...
Conflicts tire, sometimes we don't even understand how it happened that we were again dragged into some kind of altercations and quarrels. You are a constant participant in conflicts, are tired of this situation and want to live a normal life. Or, if you are always trying to reconcile everyone, and in the end you are to blame for everything, read this article to the end.

A conflict is a clash of opinions, a heated argument. It doesn't have to be a fight or an insult. It is impossible to find people with the same opinions on all issues, the same interests, outlook on life, on relationships, friendship. Therefore, conflicts arise that take away the nerves and cause anger and anger. Not the best emotions, you must admit.

Conflicts are inevitable, we are all participants from time to time. Don't believe me? Take a look around - we are all in some kind of disputes and conflicts with different people: here a friend complains to you about a mutual acquaintance and is waiting for you to support her; at work, two colleagues are “friends” against you; the husband yelled at his daughter, she cried, you yelled at him and now no one is talking to anyone ...

When two are quarreling and a third is present, then his disputants will certainly be drawn into a conflict. Conflicts are different, but the main ones are:
- you accuse someone and someone else comes to the defense of the accused;
- you are accused;
- the most frequent type - you are just a witness, an observer, “passed by”, and these two pulled you into their feuds.
You don't want everyone to participate in this, but you still somehow get involved.
As soon as you take the position of one of the two conflicting - that's all, you are in conflict.

This model of relationships between people in conflict is the most common. It was first described by the classic of transactional analysis by Stephen Karpman in 1968. It got its name from his name - Karpman's Triangle.
Karpman outlined 3 roles of people in conflict - victim, persecutor, savior.

1. Victim - a person who is accused of something and comes down with criticism and demands.
2. Persecutor - one who makes claims against the victim, accuses and demands an explanation.
3. Savior - considers it unjust that the persecutor hits the victim and rushes to her defense.

The most interesting thing is that while the victim and the persecutor are in a state of conflict, they have a chance to find out everything and disperse in an amicable way. But as soon as the third party - the savior - appears and takes the side of the victim, a triangle appears, where the roles begin to rapidly change. And it is impossible to predict the direction of their changes.
For example, let's take this situation: on the way home, you notice a guy and a girl who are loudly figuring out something right on the street. You make a remark to the guy, something like “men do not behave like that with women”, and in response the girl, instead of gratitude, shouts to you “What for, you climb wherever you ask! Nobody asked your valuable opinion! ”The guy generally shouts something unprintable. You had good intentions, you wanted the best, but it turned out as always - now you are not a savior, but a victim.

In Karpman's triangle, it is impossible to predict role reversals. The situation may turn so that you, not participating in the conflict, find yourself guilty. And both of you will be blamed.

The Karpman triangle is the system where the transfer of responsibility takes place.
The Savior, creating a triangle, assumes that the victim is not to blame for anything, but the persecutor is to blame for everything, who demands something, is indignant and is dissatisfied with something. Therefore, the savior seeks to protect the victim.

How not to create Karpman triangles and not allow yourself to be drawn into conflicts?

Here are some tips to help you always:

1. The main advice that everyone forgets - you see an argument or a quarrel between two people - do not get involved, no matter how much you want to stop them. This simple rule always works. They have to figure out all the questions themselves.
2. Link "victim - persecutor".
You are an observer, and the situation still requires your intervention.
Solution:
You enter the conflict not as a savior, but as a victim, and as a victim in relation to both parties to the conflict. For example, two employees sort things out at work. Tell them, “Your argument and the heightened tone of the conversation is getting in the way of my work. Because of you, I will not be able to submit the report on time. "
You enter the conflict as a persecutor, addressing the parties to the conflict at the same time: “You both behaved stupidly in this situation. If you were far-sighted, this situation would not even arise. "You address both of them equally, without singling out one of them as the victim or as the culprit. You say they are both wrong.

3. The triangle has already started, and you are not a participant, you are an observer.
Solution:
Eliminate one of the roles - try to convince one of the participants to get out of the conflict. It is necessary in this whole dispute to find a participant who will be the easiest to influence: “Alexey, you promised to help me. You need it now, can you? "
You assign responsibility to each participant: “If a dispute arises, who is responsible for resolving it? You both? So let's settle disputes like adults - you give reasons for your position, and I can participate in this process as an independent party. "Each participant understands where he is, what he is responsible for, and then no Karpman triangle will arise.

Analyze your experience of getting out of conflicts, observe how Karpman triangles are formed in different contexts, and try to practice avoiding them in your life.