What are limiting beliefs and why work with them?

[Tomcat]

What is a belief?

By itself, the term persuasion means a firm gaze on something.
The "hard rule of life" in which we believe and act in accordance with our faith. We usually follow beliefs without exposing them to logic or analysis, because they come to us from people who are significant in our life or from important personal stories.

We make ourselves believe in beliefs, noticing what confirms them and not seeing at all what could refute them.
Most of our important beliefs are located in the unconscious part of our̆ Model of the World, therefore, at a conscious level, we, as a rule, do not know about their existence. If we do NOT know about something, then we cannot change it!

The most important first step is to reveal your beliefs. Beliefs can be found by analyzing the patterns (repetitive scenarios and situations) of your life.

How can you find your limitations in a simple way?

They often start with the words:
• I should ...
• I need ...
• I must ...
• I should ...

IMPORTANT: The same belief can be useful in different situations or, on the contrary, destructive.

Examples:
"Money is evil"
"Don't touch dad, he's tired after work."
"I am not worthy of a good life"
"You must sit down at the table with clean hands"
"Garbage should be thrown into the trash bin"
How are limiting beliefs hindering us?

Limiting beliefs often destroy life: they prevent us from building the relationships we dream of, having an income that we are afraid to even think about, being close to interesting and kind people who do not betray, being needed and important first of all to ourselves , doing what we love, to allow ourselves to be ourselves, to accept ourselves, to be where we want, to eat what is tasty, to buy what we want, and not what is cheaper .. we can continue indefinitely.

Of course, our limiting attitudes stifle the "inner child." And then we have no contact with our true desires and with everything that our inner child is. What are these qualities? The same as for real young children:

• He gives freedom to his true desires
• Gives freedom to feelings
• Free to show genuine surprise
• He is in the moment
• Does what he wants, not what he should
• Has intuition
• Rejoices in simple little things
• He's spontaneous!

You and I were all children, inside EACH OF US there is an "inner child" who remembers all this and knows how! There is so much drive, energy, resource, pleasure, pure joy, love to live and create! But we do not hear his voice, desires, under a layer of pseudo-attitudes, false rules, restrictions and beliefs.

Working with persuasion

Below I will give my personal example - I have analyzed in detail one of my limiting beliefs using one of the techniques.

1 persuasion

"You have to pay for everything in life."

2. What is the use of this belief (physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually)

I'm not looking for freebies
I'm honest, I don't try to outwit
I am not waiting for handouts
This is true: market relations, the material consumer world is clear to me - clear guidelines
A clear causal relationship between how to get what I want (find out the cost, get the funds and get what I want)
I am independent
I easily agree to compromises, deals, barters, exchanges
I part with money easily

3. What does this belief deprive me of (physically, psychologically, socially, spiritually)

I live in tension and calculation

I'm literally waiting for reckoning - for EVERYTHING

For example, what price did I pay to be happy?

I definitely didn't pay money for happiness, then what? Three options:

Happiness will just end soon. I live and am afraid of it, and I wait.

I will pay for happiness with health - my own or those of my loved ones.

I must be silent about happiness (not to rejoice openly) - as soon as I tell you, they will take it away, this is my price.

As a result, I am happy, but I cannot rejoice, appreciate what I have. I cannot easily and simply be in the moment next to my daughter, my husband. There is no carelessness, there is eternal concern “is everything all right? What can be improved? "

I try not to think and not dissolve in happiness, but to occupy my thoughts with something else, rather to switch, so that "God forbid, start thinking about happiness, start feeling it and rejoicing!" Nagging appears, looking for imperfections, flaws in happiness.

I devalue what I have. Because if my happiness is not so great, then the price will not be high (cheap things are cheap because they are of poor quality or defective). I myself destroy my own happiness in the end.

Plus, there is always a tedious mathematician that exhausts the head and body in my head: how many requests and favors I did, who and how much made them to me “in exchange” (returned), whether I and my friend gave an equal number of gifts to each other, and so on. Irritation appears and grows with people who “did not repay the debt, did not balance the scales, did not restore the balance, owe me a request / gift / service / whatever else”.

4. How much from 0 to 10 it prevents me from achieving my goal

7 points.

5. In what cases persuasion does not work, an example

I don't have to pay for myself in a restaurant, cafe or bar.
I don't pay for sincere compliments.
Daughter's smile is free.
The sun is in the window - I am not crying for it.
Blueberries in the forest do not need payment.
The rain is also free.

6. When did it arise? How old was it, who said what, what is the story

I was about 4-5 years old. I was in the hospital: my mother worked as a nurse at night, and she took me with her if there was no one else to leave with. The nurses knew me, and I knew them. And one of them that evening gave me (lo and behold!) A mattress, a pillow and a blanket sewn for her for me - exactly the size of my doll! I carried the doll with me, and the nurse saw it several times, so I knew the exact size.

There was no limit to my delight !! I galloped along the nursing room (analogous to the doctors' office), happily exclaiming something like: “Mom, look at this one! I got it as a gift! This is for me! Present! Just! To me! "

And my mother, who went to the nursing room to take a break from hard physical labor and drink tea, at first silently nodded. And then, with sad eyes and a heavy exhalation, she casually threw the phrase to the side or under her breath: "nothing in life gets just like that ... you have to pay for everything ..."

And she went with a mop and a bucket to wash the hospital corridor.

What have I done? There was no place left for joy from the gift: after all, when I felt happy, my mother felt sad. I am guilty. I upset my mom. And she might get angry. And it's scary - then they'll yell at me, but I don't want that. I am afraid of my mother in anger. I remember how it happens. And I also feel guilty: my mother felt sad because of me and she went to work, “work off” my gift - after all, she said that it was “not just that!” and "you have to pay for everything." So she pays - for my doll mattress by washing floors and toilets in the hospital ...

The installation was reinforced more than once - by my mother, grandmothers, godmother. And it sits firmly in the head.

Plus, my mother was ashamed and is still ashamed of this chapter in her life, when she worked as a nurse. "It is a shame for the poor", "This work is for the uneducated", "It is a shame to admit and show someone that you are poor, that there is no money to pay for something" - these are also my, relatives, attitudes with which I have to work and work ...

7. What am I really afraid of? What this belief protects me from

It turns out that when I am happy, when I feel good and I am happy, then someone else becomes bad and sad. And that means you don't have to rejoice in gifts (something free), because this will upset mom. Do not show that I am happy (or you can be happy "on the sly"). Then mom will get angry and I can fly.

8. If this conviction is absent, then I ...

I can be joyful, happy, grateful for what I have and sincerely express these feelings, share them with the people around me.

Rejoice in the moment.

Do not live in anticipation of "something will happen", "it will be over soon", "the hour of reckoning is near," not with me "

To relieve the burden of anxiety and not keep Bradis' tables for accounting and payments of everything in the world in your head.
9. If I become free of this belief right now, what is the first step I will take?

I'll spend the day with my friends without taking any money with me and see what happens!

I want to try to be free, to relieve the burden of calculating and waiting for the worst.

It's amazing how young children are able to take responsibility for the problems of adults and then carry this burden throughout their lives ...

The good news is that you can (and should!) Learn to find and neutralize old crooked patterns. And learn again, as in childhood, to hear yourself, your true desires, to regain contact with your real self.