Lord777
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Psychologist Irina Parfenova says that all the problems of our adult life come from childhood, in which we were disliked.
In the adult world you need:
- take responsibility for your own life, and sometimes for the lives of others;
- make a choice, sometimes in difficult situations;
- to risk;
- compete;
- work hard to achieve;
- take it yourself, and not wait for what others will give.
I often meet people who are 20, 30, 40 years old, but this is outwardly. And there inside they seemed to have remained in distant childhood and are still waiting for love, which they did not receive then. And they stay there until they independently learn to find satisfaction in themselves.
We remain at the age where we were disliked.
Each age has its own needs, which means that the care and love of parents every year have their own characteristics.
In infancy, trust begins to form, so love for a child lies in the mother's sensitive concern for his needs. If at this age the mother was unreliable, rejected the child, etc., then this can form suspicion and fear for her well-being.
In adulthood, it is difficult to establish contact with such people; in a relationship, they often subject their partner to tests and tests of trust. In close relationships, they may feel defenseless and vulnerable.
A little later, at 2-3 years old, the child learns to be autonomous and develops self-control. If parents hinder development in these areas, for example, impatiently and persistently do what the child can do himself or, conversely, expect actions that the child is not able to do on his own, a feeling of shame is formed. And if the parents are constantly overprotective of the child and, thus, remain deaf to his true needs, there is a doubt about their ability to control the world around them and control themselves.
As adults, such people, instead of being confident, think that others are scrutinizing them and treat them with suspicion and disapproval. They may also have obsessive-compulsive symptoms or paranoid fear of persecution.
Love for a child aged 3-6 consists in encouraging independent action, in supporting initiative, in recognizing the right to curiosity and creativity. If parents during this period do not allow the child to act independently, excessively punish in response to their needs, a sense of guilt develops.
And then in adulthood such “big children” lack determination and determination to set realistic goals and achieve them. In addition, persistent feelings of guilt can lead to passivity, impotence or frigidity, and psychopathic behavior.
At school age, hard work is formed in children. If during this period they doubt the child's abilities or status among peers, this can discourage the desire to study further, and a feeling of inferiority may also form, which will further kill confidence in one's ability to function effectively and exist in the world.
If children perceive school performance and work as the only criterion by which to judge their merits, in adulthood they can become a “work force” in the role hierarchy established by society.
I offer to lend a helping hand to your inner child and help him grow. To do this, find your child's photo or just imagine a child who lives in you. How old is he? What does he look like? What is he thinking about? Who is there? What worries him? ..
Talk to him ...
Take a sheet of paper and two pencils of different colors: one in your right hand, the other in your left. If you are right-handed, write with your right hand on behalf of yourself as an adult, and with your left hand on behalf of your inner child. If you are left-handed, then vice versa.
Only you and your inner child are in dialogue. Which one of you will be the first to make contact? How do you start your communication? The answers to your questions may be unexpected for you.
Now that you have found the child and entered into a conversation with him, it is time to establish that relationship with him. Communicate with the baby inside as much as he wants. Ask what he is missing. Give him what he asks for. Call him by name, say warm, kind words, express your love to him. Give him some advice.
Be the parent you needed then.
(c) Irina Parfyonova
In the adult world you need:
- take responsibility for your own life, and sometimes for the lives of others;
- make a choice, sometimes in difficult situations;
- to risk;
- compete;
- work hard to achieve;
- take it yourself, and not wait for what others will give.
I often meet people who are 20, 30, 40 years old, but this is outwardly. And there inside they seemed to have remained in distant childhood and are still waiting for love, which they did not receive then. And they stay there until they independently learn to find satisfaction in themselves.
We remain at the age where we were disliked.
Each age has its own needs, which means that the care and love of parents every year have their own characteristics.
In infancy, trust begins to form, so love for a child lies in the mother's sensitive concern for his needs. If at this age the mother was unreliable, rejected the child, etc., then this can form suspicion and fear for her well-being.
In adulthood, it is difficult to establish contact with such people; in a relationship, they often subject their partner to tests and tests of trust. In close relationships, they may feel defenseless and vulnerable.
A little later, at 2-3 years old, the child learns to be autonomous and develops self-control. If parents hinder development in these areas, for example, impatiently and persistently do what the child can do himself or, conversely, expect actions that the child is not able to do on his own, a feeling of shame is formed. And if the parents are constantly overprotective of the child and, thus, remain deaf to his true needs, there is a doubt about their ability to control the world around them and control themselves.
As adults, such people, instead of being confident, think that others are scrutinizing them and treat them with suspicion and disapproval. They may also have obsessive-compulsive symptoms or paranoid fear of persecution.
Love for a child aged 3-6 consists in encouraging independent action, in supporting initiative, in recognizing the right to curiosity and creativity. If parents during this period do not allow the child to act independently, excessively punish in response to their needs, a sense of guilt develops.
And then in adulthood such “big children” lack determination and determination to set realistic goals and achieve them. In addition, persistent feelings of guilt can lead to passivity, impotence or frigidity, and psychopathic behavior.
At school age, hard work is formed in children. If during this period they doubt the child's abilities or status among peers, this can discourage the desire to study further, and a feeling of inferiority may also form, which will further kill confidence in one's ability to function effectively and exist in the world.
If children perceive school performance and work as the only criterion by which to judge their merits, in adulthood they can become a “work force” in the role hierarchy established by society.
I offer to lend a helping hand to your inner child and help him grow. To do this, find your child's photo or just imagine a child who lives in you. How old is he? What does he look like? What is he thinking about? Who is there? What worries him? ..
Talk to him ...
Take a sheet of paper and two pencils of different colors: one in your right hand, the other in your left. If you are right-handed, write with your right hand on behalf of yourself as an adult, and with your left hand on behalf of your inner child. If you are left-handed, then vice versa.
Only you and your inner child are in dialogue. Which one of you will be the first to make contact? How do you start your communication? The answers to your questions may be unexpected for you.
Now that you have found the child and entered into a conversation with him, it is time to establish that relationship with him. Communicate with the baby inside as much as he wants. Ask what he is missing. Give him what he asks for. Call him by name, say warm, kind words, express your love to him. Give him some advice.
Be the parent you needed then.
(c) Irina Parfyonova
