Lord777
Professional
- Messages
- 2,579
- Reaction score
- 1,513
- Points
- 113
Direct threats, blackmail, blatant flattery - skillful manipulators rarely act so clumsy. In most cases, they find much thinner threads and pull on them imperceptibly. How to recognize their actions and protect yourself?
1. "Overwrite" your memories with yours
If in some situation everything went wrong the way the manipulator wanted, be sure: he or she will instantly "forget" about this unfortunate incident. And at the same time he will try to convince you that nothing happened - you “seemed”, “imagined”, you “confused” and in general “remember everything wrong”.
And, most likely, sooner or later you will really start to doubt yourself and your memories. Manipulators lie to themselves and others and do it convincingly. They are fluent in gaslighting techniques, and that is what makes them dangerous.
2. Avoiding attempts to discuss the situation
Such people refuse to take responsibility for their actions or behavior. Therefore, in most cases, they use avoidance tactics so that they do not have to be responsible for what they did later.
Eluding the answer, changing the subject - they are masters in this. Avoiding conversation manipulators skillfully disguise compliments, words that we most want to hear from them. “You know that no one is more important to me than you” - and now we are melting, forgetting what initially upset us.
3. The game of sacrifice
Difficult childhood, cruel or cold parents, bullying at school - he will tell such stories over and over again, supplementing them with new details and explaining his behavior or "character traits" with them. And as soon as you get tired of listening to this, he will throw new firewood into the fireplace of your sympathy: for example, he will tell you how bad he is right now, what a difficult period he is ... Well, how can you make claims to a person who is already in a hard time?
4. Counter accusations against the partner
The manipulator in an incomprehensible way turns any situation inside out and blames the partner for everything. He drinks or plays because of you, you force him to act in one way or another. This is his or her classic defense, getting away with it and leaving you feeling guilty.
How to resist a manipulator?
Build boundaries - rigid, unbreakable. Easier said than done, but this is the only way to protect yourself, otherwise you will be pulled by the strings.
Boundaries mean we don't let others control and rule our lives. We do not rush to "save" another and do not take the blame for what we did not do, we do not feel obliged to constantly justify ourselves for everything. That our self-worth does not depend on what another says about us.
1. "Overwrite" your memories with yours
If in some situation everything went wrong the way the manipulator wanted, be sure: he or she will instantly "forget" about this unfortunate incident. And at the same time he will try to convince you that nothing happened - you “seemed”, “imagined”, you “confused” and in general “remember everything wrong”.
And, most likely, sooner or later you will really start to doubt yourself and your memories. Manipulators lie to themselves and others and do it convincingly. They are fluent in gaslighting techniques, and that is what makes them dangerous.
2. Avoiding attempts to discuss the situation
Such people refuse to take responsibility for their actions or behavior. Therefore, in most cases, they use avoidance tactics so that they do not have to be responsible for what they did later.
Eluding the answer, changing the subject - they are masters in this. Avoiding conversation manipulators skillfully disguise compliments, words that we most want to hear from them. “You know that no one is more important to me than you” - and now we are melting, forgetting what initially upset us.
3. The game of sacrifice
Difficult childhood, cruel or cold parents, bullying at school - he will tell such stories over and over again, supplementing them with new details and explaining his behavior or "character traits" with them. And as soon as you get tired of listening to this, he will throw new firewood into the fireplace of your sympathy: for example, he will tell you how bad he is right now, what a difficult period he is ... Well, how can you make claims to a person who is already in a hard time?
4. Counter accusations against the partner
The manipulator in an incomprehensible way turns any situation inside out and blames the partner for everything. He drinks or plays because of you, you force him to act in one way or another. This is his or her classic defense, getting away with it and leaving you feeling guilty.
How to resist a manipulator?Build boundaries - rigid, unbreakable. Easier said than done, but this is the only way to protect yourself, otherwise you will be pulled by the strings.
Boundaries mean we don't let others control and rule our lives. We do not rush to "save" another and do not take the blame for what we did not do, we do not feel obliged to constantly justify ourselves for everything. That our self-worth does not depend on what another says about us.
