Victim syndrome

[Brother]

No matter how strong a person is morally, there are situations when circumstances take over. And if there is a defeat, then there are two possible ways of development of events: a person begins to either blame others for his misfortune, or else look for reasons in himself and figure out how to correct and prevent such a situation in the future. This is the difference between a person with victim syndrome and a strong-willed person.

Everyone has had, is and will have problems - this is normal and to some extent even good. What characterizes a person is not a mistake, but a reaction to a mistake. One person can make just one mistake in life and stop taking risks, while another will commit thousands and eventually achieve overwhelming success. The first will blame the circumstances, other people, evil fate, and the first will blame himself or even his approach.

If you often find yourself thinking “Why me? For what? ”, Then you need to realize an unpleasant thing: you have the makings of a victim syndrome. This can be observed especially often in circumstances beyond our control. For example, public transport has broken down and you are late for work. Even in this case, anger and resentment against fate will do their dirty deed - you will begin to get used to blaming others.

There are times when we kind of rightly blame other people for letting us down. And even if we have the right to do so, part of the blame lies with us, namely, the ability to understand people, that they did not listen to their intuition, that they hoped too much for another person.

When we choose the role of the victim, it means that it is beneficial to us, despite the fact that it seems completely different. The victim usually chooses his role herself, she is comfortable, warm and familiar there. There are problems that prevent us from being successful. And there are problems that keep us from being successful. This is what is most dangerous for the victim. She is looking for a reason not to do anything, because there are enemies around and everyone interferes with her. A very profitable but losing position.

Let's look at six of the most common victim roles.

Depressive victim​

Such a victim is depressed for most of his life, and the rest of the time, depression is still nearby. There is a whole range of emotions that are characteristic of her: despair, sadness, melancholy, depression, unhappiness, rejection. All this translates into psychosomatic illnesses.

The depressed victim plays a double game - she constantly hints that she is not interested in life, joy and other people, and meanwhile, she is offended that they do not show interest in her. She draws pessimistic conclusions on any occasion. This allows her to do nothing, sit back. If this syndrome began to be noticed only recently, it is possible to correct it, but if it lasts for several years, the help of a psychiatrist is needed. In a depressed person, all processes in the body proceed slowly, so drug treatment may also be needed.

Infantile victim​

Spoiled people try on this role. Of course, the reason here is solely in childhood. Such a person was brought up as a sissy and did not give him a chance to show himself as a person. All decisions were made for him, but at the same time such a child was happy in childhood. However, when he grew up, it became clear that you need to really grow up, because few people want to deal with such a person. And yet there are still applicants. It is worth saying that such couples are quite happy in a sense, because one is realized by raising the other, and the second continues to try on the role of an infantile victim.

Such a victim develops a mass of complexes: unwillingness to grow up and grow, to accept his age, selfishness, the desire to be young, escape from reality. Such a person is incredibly often offended, one offense can even last for several hours or days.

Also, one of the manipulations is a "complete misunderstanding" of something in order to avoid responsibility and not make any decisions, hoping that others will do it.

Aggressive victim​

Direct and harsh manipulation through insults, orders, and sometimes physical actions. The main thing for such a sacrifice is to achieve their goal, and the harder the better, the better. Even if there is an opportunity to get what you want, simply by asking, it is considered below your own dignity and aggressive tools are still used to achieve what you want. The aggressive victim loves to evoke feelings of guilt and shame in the object of his manipulation.

What makes the aggressor a victim is that she blames others for her behavior: they say, she was driven, she was forced to scream and angered. Accordingly, after some time, there are reasons completely sucked out of the finger. And of course, all this ends with the fact that the aggressive victim, as it were, accidentally spoils all his opportunities to achieve success in life, because everyone annoys her and interferes with moving through life.

A narcissistic victim​

A sense of self-importance and worth is not always a bad quality, but when it is not based on anything, a person becomes a narcissistic victim. Egocentrism is off the charts, this person cannot be mistaken in anything, and if he was mistaken, then he was misled.

Such a victim believes that everyone around her owes her, but she owes nothing to anyone. In a relationship with her, it is impossible to get any benefit. Even when the victim does good deeds, the reason for this is to raise his own importance even more in his own and others' eyes.

Beggar victim​

This role is most often inherent in young and able-bodied people. First of all, such people do not have any financial education and treat money as their enemy, because they do not understand how it works and how to make it. They complain about their poverty, but at the same time they do nothing to earn money and get a job in life.

Such people are not necessarily unemployed and stupid. They can work for years in a company, have intelligence, but at the same time they do not at all strive for more - they do not even think about promotion.

While it would not be difficult for some of these victims to make a decent living, they tend to blame their bosses and government for all their troubles. If the poor victim is unemployed, she prefers to waste her time in a kind of begging than in work. In order to get rid of cognitive dissonance, they come up with a philosophy for themselves.

Addicted victim​

This sacrifice dissolves into another person. Your own “I” is lost and either “You” or “We” remains. Such a person ceases to understand what exactly he wants and completely adapts to the other.

There can be no question of independence and freedom of choice. Such a sacrifice is very painful to endure loneliness. She is constantly bored even when surrounded by her relatives, if the same person is not around. Such a sacrifice is ready to go to even the most humiliating things in order to feel support and love.

Any role of a victim is beneficial in that it allows you to find an excuse not to be responsible for your own actions and not to try to get settled in life. Of course, this is just a mask, but if it is deeply rooted in a person's personality, it can remain there forever. People change, but the problem with victims is that they are unable to grasp their roles. In order for them to change their behavior, they can be helped either by a meeting with a special intelligent person, or by the help of a psychologist, or some incredible accident. It is difficult to imagine how an infantile victim will understand how blind she was, only if by chance she is not alone on a desert island and is forced to change in order to survive.

Analyze your behavior in a variety of situations. Maybe you sometimes try on different roles of victims, so it is extremely important to identify them and get rid of them. We wish you success in this.

 

[Brother]

Each of us from time to time faces troubles, illnesses and setbacks. Someone reacts to them in a proactive way: takes reality for granted, thinks how and begins to act. And someone is looking for someone or what to blame - another person, the weather, bad luck, external circumstances or freemasons. One of the most dire consequences of this behavior is victim syndrome.

What is victim syndrome​

According to Wikipedia, victim syndrome is an acquired personality trait when a person considers himself a victim of negative actions of other people or circumstances. At the same time, he does not just think so, but also behaves as if he has obvious evidence of this. This behavior is practiced to the point of automaticity.

All this leads to great mental and physical health problems. The latter is expressed in the form of somatic diseases. But you can deal with victim syndrome. Many famous people say that in their youth they were exposed to it, but learned to resist. We will talk about this in our article. But first, about the symptoms and causes.

Victim Syndrome Symptoms​

The following symptoms are telltale signs that you have victim syndrome. Remember that individually all these signs may not mean anything, but if they go in combinations, you should look at yourself very carefully and critically.

Failure to take responsibility
Sometimes the people around you are really to blame for something, but this does not mean that accusations are the correct and only correct option for reactions or actions. Is this also your fault?

Serial prosecutor
This symptom builds on the previous one. Analyze your behavior - do you blame everyone and everything except yourself?

Feeling helpless
Another feature that is difficult to recognize, but must be done. Think back to the last few times you've run into problems and tried to feel sorry for yourself or blame circumstances. Did you feel helpless? In such a state, a person is very painful and he tries to give an outlet for this pain.

Self pity
Promoted him, not you? Sick again? Late for the bus? If these situations cause self-pity, this is a serious sign.

The destructive effect resembles a vicious circle: a person pities himself, because he has troubles in his life, but also troubles in his life from the fact that he feels sorry for himself and does not want to solve problems.

Focus on problems
If you think about it, there are always problems and in almost any area: financial, personal, public. Victims love attention and enjoy focusing themselves and others on their troubles.

Condemnation of ourselves
Such people, even when they condemn themselves, do it insincerely. Why? Because they do not draw any conclusions. This is usually a lamentation, not a search for exit options.

Separating yourself from the problem
Victims do not see the connection between the problem and their actions. They don't take responsibility for blaming others.

Causes of victim syndrome​

In a general sense, a victim is someone who has experienced a nuisance or a chain of failures. For most people, this is not enough to acquire victim syndrome - psychologically they cope with it. But some give up. The reasons can be different:

• Traumatic situations in childhood.
• Parents who overly indulge the child.
• Lack of a broad outlook.
• Too long chain of troubles (when even a strong person breaks).
• Low or high self-esteem.

If you notice symptoms in yourself, focus on the causes. What has influenced you in the past?

The correct answer will determine how efficient the recommendations from the article will be.

Victim Syndrome in the Family and in Relationships​

It usually starts with the family. The future victim makes some mistake, but the parents either do not notice this, or they tell the child that he is not to blame. Such love causes serious damage to the psyche.

A person grows up with the confidence that he is never to blame for his problems. And he, instead of self-reflection and personal growth, chooses self-pity and blaming others. This also applies to relationships with people.

At work, such a person will not want to take responsibility for their own mistakes. And if it is convincingly proven to him that he is guilty, he will feel sorry for himself and manipulate. This behavior repels everyone from him, even those who appreciate him.

In relationships with the opposite sex, the situation becomes even worse. It is beneficial for the victim to shove off the guilt for all his sins, so he chooses as a partner exactly the one who can endure it. But any relationship or relationship where there is a victim is abnormal in nature.

How to get rid of victim syndrome​

So we got to the most important thing - a strategy that will help overcome victim syndrome. It has seven steps. They are all simple enough, but the tricky part is making a conscious effort to gradually implement each step.

Step one: acknowledge and recognize the moment of helplessness​

Your first step is to recognize the fact that you are in a vulnerable position of helplessness. This is an important step, because without acknowledging and realizing the fact that you actually feel miserable and vulnerable, you simply cannot move forward.

It is also important to recognize that you are always acting from your limited and distorted perspective. That is, where you can calmly solve the problem, you begin to feel sorry for yourself and get angry at the unfair world. Diagnose yourself and continue.

Step two: decide what you want​

Ask yourself:

• What is my main goal?
• What do I want and what do I want to achieve?

It is helpful to turn your desired outcome into a goal. This makes it more concrete and real; what is tangible and what you can gradually move towards.

Having a goal is good, but now you have to fully commit yourself to achieving that goal, and it requires positive changes in your life. To do this, confirm that:

• I will no longer feel like a victim of circumstance.
• I will no longer put up with this behavior.
• I intend to make positive changes in my life.

Step three: take full responsibility​

Now that you are determined to make positive changes in your life, it is time to take responsibility for what is happening to you. By circumstances, we mean the difficulties, challenges and problems that arise in you and make you feel helpless.

It is important that you no longer complain, blame anyone, or make excuses for the way things are and what they should have been. Accept reality. Take full responsibility in all of your life situations. From now on, you will be able to make better decisions.

You already know that complaints and accusations have not helped anyone yet. And this will certainly not help improve the situation. Self-loathing is also incapable of this.

This step should be understood as the beginning of the change process. From now on, no matter what happens, you will not look for the guilty and complain.

Step four: examine your thinking​

At this point, you already:

• Acknowledged the problem;
• Indicated what they would like to achieve;
• We made a commitment to make positive changes and took full responsibility for all the results of this and the circumstances of our lives.

That's good enough, but every victim of victim syndrome carries with them a lot of psychological and emotional baggage that will probably keep you from moving forward.

So let's break down all the habits, thoughts, limiting beliefs and attitudes that can keep you in victim mode. And first of all, let's look at the areas in which you excuse yourself and complain about your circumstances. Ask yourself:

• What excuses do I allow for myself in this situation?
• What excuses am I making for this situation ?
• What am I complaining about?
• How do excuses and complaints make me feel?
• How useless is it to indulge in excuses and complaints?

Now let's dive deeper:

• How am I inclined to think about this situation?
• How does this kind of thinking hurt me?
• What habits arise from these thoughts?
• How does this habitual behavior hurt me?
• What am I forcing myself to believe when I am in this situation?
• How do I feel about myself when faced with this situation?
• How do all these beliefs influence my choices and decisions?
• How do they affect my behavior?
• Why am I inclined to act this way in this situation?
• Who or what influenced me?
• What kind of past experience influenced my development of victim syndrome?
• How does past experience affect the way I look at this situation?

These questions help you dig deeper, beneath the surface of what's going on in your thoughts as you grapple with a difficult situation.

The answers will provide you with information to help you gain the clarity you need to make positive change. They also aim to get you to look at yourself and problem situations in a completely different way.

The perspective you bring to every situation either empowers you or weakens you. In the second case, a state of helplessness arises.

However, if you flip the switch the other way, you can get out of the state of worthlessness and start making good decisions, taking full responsibility for yourself. Ask yourself:

• Given my answers to all of the above questions, how does this prospect hurt me? How much does it "lock" me into the victim's body?
• Given what I now know, how else can you perceive this situation? Is it possible to see her in a favorable light?

Step five: fix the unwanted program​

Now that you have some clarity about how your thinking is working, it's time to fix the unwanted program. To do this, you must work to eliminate limiting beliefs and harmful thoughts. Making changes in these two areas will help you subsequently change the way you think about the problems you face.

Moreover, you need to create a set of positive beliefs that will support your goal. Ask yourself:

• What would be helpful to believe in this situation?
• What are the benefits of my personality that I need to believe?
• What beliefs will be positive for me?

You also need to make a commitment to good habits that can help you achieve this goal. But bad habits are those small patterns of behavior that you follow every day and which lead to victim syndrome. Ask yourself:

• What habits do I need to create?
• What small, sequential steps do I need to take to fix the situation?
• What kind of daily rituals do I need to make me feel more competent in this situation?

At this stage, patience is the most important quality. Without it, at the first setbacks (and they will certainly happen), you will return to your usual pattern of behavior and thinking.

Step six: identify the missing pieces​

To get out of victim mode completely, you must find the missing pieces that will help you feel more confident and competent in this particular situation.

By "parts" we mean anything that will help in this situation. These parts can be, for example, represented in the form of knowledge, skills and experience that can be used to create a list of life resources. Ask yourself:

• What can be helpful to boost my self-confidence?
• What specific knowledge and information do I need?
• What skills might I need?
• What kind of rewarding experience could I have?

Acquiring any of these missing pieces will automatically boost your self-confidence. And with her, you no longer have to play the role of a victim.

Step seven: take responsibility for the situation​

The final step in this process: a conscious decision to take responsibility for the situation. You can do this by taking decisive and proactive actions towards the goal you have chosen.

Of course, you will not succeed in everything the first time, and you will surely encounter troubles on the way. Therefore, it is important to focus on asking solution-oriented questions that will direct attention to what is under control.

These questions are especially important if you return to the victim role. Then ask yourself:

• What can I control in this situation?
• What else can I control?
• In what areas can I make positive changes that will help me achieve my goal?

The answers to these questions and the complete belief in them help to take the driver's seat. You are no longer a companion and a victim, but are responsible for how you react to events and circumstances. They distract you from whining and allow you to focus on thinking proactively.

You can always control something. Even if it rains and the economy collapses, you are in charge of your reaction. And it is this ability that gets rid of the victim syndrome.

Books​

The victim syndrome occurs for various reasons, but the main one is the inability to understand one's own psyche. When you learn how to do this, everything will work out automatically. Read the following books and get to know yourself.

• "A Man in Search of Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Shows that, in fact, many of our problems are exaggerated. And the main thing is the reaction that we choose.
• "Proactive Thinking" by John Miller. It will make it clear that the right questions asked after a problem situation arises can not only relieve stress, but also lead to the right decisions.
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Arms with tools that help you grow as a person, instead of endlessly blaming others.
• One Habit Per Week by Brett Blumenthal. He will talk about how to change your negative habits and thought patterns that lead to victim syndrome.
• "Stress Resistance" by Sharon Miller. There are some great tips on how to get your psyche in order and how to react to problems.

We wish you good luck!