At the beginning of the negotiation process, you need to determine in what type of negotiations you are participating: business communication, business negotiations, tough negotiations, war. In this article, we will focus on the so-called tough negotiations.
Tough negotiations and their reasons
Tough negotiations are characterized by the following: ultimatum communication (“if you don't give a discount, we don't work with you”), the desire to establish unilateral control over the situation, the unwillingness to make concessions, the active use of psychological pressure, tricks and manipulations, which often distract from the lack of logic. Once you are convinced that this is the kind of negotiation ahead, try to determine the opposing side's strategy and choose a strategy for yourself. First, ask yourself: "Why is this communication style used against me?" There can be two reasons: external, not depending on you personally, and internal, completely dependent on you.
- External reasons are not force majeure circumstances like an earthquake, but a well-thought-out tactic of your opponent, in which manipulations and pressure are provided in advance. Alas, for many, this style is accustomed to automatism: the attitudes of such a negotiator say that it is possible to achieve an effective result only by “squeezing out” others. The professional deformation of the interlocutor is also possible: for example, he worked in military structures and is used to giving orders if something is not "according to him." Or the subject of the negotiations itself is more important to him than the relationship. Sometimes the reason lies in the unequal size of the companies or because the negotiations are limited in time.
- Internal reasons are when it is definitely in you. Most often, a conflict of expectations arises if, for example, you have already worked with a client, but have not been able to meet his expectations. There may be inaccuracies in the information: if you distort it, or even openly lie, you should not be surprised that your partner went over to a tough scenario. Defiant or overly emotional behavior, attempts to unjustifiably claim a role, the use of jargon or slang that does not take into account the other person's "map of the world", unjustified manipulation on your part - all this can also "spark". For example, if a man and a woman are involved in negotiations, each partner should think especially carefully about what behavior the other side expects, and for this it would be nice to get to know the opponent better in advance. Someone really needs a compliment, but someone it will only anger,
Criteria for breaking the situation
An experienced negotiator knows the vulnerable parties of the other side and, accurately influencing them, gets the desired result. Vulnerable topics of any person: life and safety, health, intelligence, appearance, status, material resources, vanity, hobbies and interests, family, social and religious beliefs, moral and volitional qualities. Through all these topics, you can influence the other side in the negotiations.
Breakdown is the loss of control over one's own emotions, it happens, for example, if the cost of losing in negotiations is too high for one of the parties. How to understand that your opponent is psychologically broken?
- Uncontrolled pause. As Somerset Maugham said, "The bigger the artist, the longer the pause . " If you pause consciously - you earn an extra point, if unconsciously - then you succumb.
- Vegetative reactions: trembling of hands, voice, lips, discoloration of the skin (reddened, turned pale), tears.
- If the opposing side has changed the dynamics of behavior, the speed of movements: you see their sharp acceleration or deceleration.
- If excuses and platitudes came into play.
- If the time for thinking about the answer has increased not demonstratively, but naturally: the decrease in the speed of thinking, the opposite side, most likely, "considers" the result of its pressure.
How to counteract pressure and manipulation
The following psychological techniques help to resist pressure:
- “Moscow is behind, there is nowhere to retreat”: imagine something big and important that needs your protection. For example, when negotiating charitable projects, it is important to remember that you are asking not for yourself, but for thousands of sick children or people with disabilities.
- Diary of emotions. You must determine in advance what triggers negative emotions for you. For example, "this situation puts pressure on me, and I get lost . " At the same time, your emotion is complete confusion, and the trigger is "I do not have all the information . " Accordingly, so that this emotion does not arise, you must prepare qualitatively for the negotiations.
- Determination of your break points, which the opponent can influence. For example, feedback is important to you, you love to be praised, and in the end you succumb to manipulation. If you are aware of this, then you can control the process.
- Establishing the rules of the game: whoever pronounces them in negotiations wins. For example: "Colleagues, let's talk constructively, otherwise we will have to break off the negotiations . "
- Mental protection, because sometimes it is important at some point to say to yourself: "This is all a game, they are not attacking me, but my role . "
- Scaling emotions, that is, presenting them in the range from 1 to 10: "I want to be angry with two now, no, already with five . " So, according to the theory of NLP, you can work out any emotion and learn how to manage your emotional state.
There are also external methods of counteracting pressure. Evaluate your resources, strengths and capabilities and, depending on this, choose brutal (attack in response) or soft resistance (using certain communication techniques) or curtailed contact - give up interaction for a while, until the next stage of negotiations. You can use:
- joining the opponent's opinion in order to add your own counterargument;
- a compliment - reinforce something that your opponent is showing you;
- verbal assessment of the situation (your description of the moment of negotiations);
- distribution of responsibility ( “if you continue to press me, the negotiations will come to a standstill” ... );
- "Third gate" (transfer of responsibility to others who are not present here);
- demonstrative calm;
- reciprocal distorted interpretation;
- seizing the initiative through a sharp change of topic;
- metaphor, representation of the problem in the form of some image.
Let's move on to manipulation - hidden influence to achieve hidden goals.
The basic principle of manipulators is to make you want to do what the opposing side wants to do. Stephen Karpman, an American psychotherapist, argued that a person is always in one of three roles: persecutor, savior or victim, this is the so-called "Karpman triangle". The manipulator finds out your favorite role and influences you. For example, you like to feel like a "savior", an impeccable knight: by appealing to your nobility, the opponent can beg for what he needs.
You will understand that you are being manipulated if you experience an imbalance of emotions, internal contradiction, for example, feeling pride and resentment or joy and distrust at the same time. Or if the emotions that you are experiencing seem strange to you, not typical for this situation.
It is worth clarifying that there is emotional and pragmatic manipulation. At the first, the person tries to get only your emotions, negative or positive. The goal of pragmatic manipulation is no longer your feelings, but your concrete actions. Typical manipulative phrases: “successful companies always meet their customers halfway”, “agree that now you are trying to bring me to a certain point of view”, “it's strange that, working in such a company, you still don't drive a Porsche ”. Note that in all these phrases, the causal relationship is broken, their logic is not obvious.
And finally, general rules for tough negotiations:
- determine what result you want to achieve in the behavior and actions of your opponents;
- decide which weak areas of your opponent you will target;
- think over tactical moves;
- list the vulnerabilities of your opponent;
- Consider a fallback scenario in case the first fails.
