How to sign up for trust
Salute, carders, today we will talk about psychological techniques for calling trust.
Enter into trust — to win over to your side, to win over, to enter into favor (S. I. Ozhegov). When they try to achieve the same thing by trickery or flattery, they say that the person wants to ingratiate himself (creep) into trust.
Each person has their own individual style of behavior, facial expressions, gestures, body posture, intonation in the voice, a basic set of verbal expressions and, of course, a representative system. Each person has a certain system of worldview, perception of external reality and behavior. Knowing these features of the interlocutor, you can gain their confidence while communicating with them using the technique of hidden manipulation of the interlocutor (neuro-linguistic programming-NLP), using the "adjustment"method.
"Adjustment" is aimed at achieving subconscious trust in the interlocutor (rapport). The technology of building subconscious trust contains the following main components:
- adjusting to the pose;
- adjustment by gestures;
- adjusting to your breathing;
- speech adjustment;
- psychological adjustment.
Adjustment to the pose. The first thing you should do to build rapport is to copy the pose of your interlocutor. But this should be done naturally and easily, so that the interlocutor does not have the impression that the positions of his body are deliberately copied. During the conversation, the partner may change their body position several times. Therefore, copying all the changes that occur in the position of his body, you need to follow them with a small lag.
Adjustment by gestures. Gestures are always a signal of any psychological changes in the interlocutor. Clearly making adjustments to the system of gestures of the interlocutor, you can achieve a deeper level of trust on the part of his unconscious.
To gain confidence in the interlocutor, you don't need to focus on exact copying of gestures, just reproduce their general direction. For example, if the interlocutor raised his hand to his forehead, you can remove an imaginary speck from his jacket. If the interlocutor has removed and is wiping his glasses, you can manipulate the pen that lies in front of you.
Adjustment to breathing. This is a very difficult technique to master, requiring a long training session. Adjusting to our breathing means that we begin to breathe with the same depth and intensity as the other person. At the same time, it is better to start monitoring one thing, either the person's inhalation or exhalation. An important feature of this technique is the ability to apply cross-tuning, i.e. a person's inhale and exhale should be reflected not by their own breathing, but by the movement of body parts, for example, by tapping a finger on a table.
The greatest difficulty in adjusting to breathing is to recognize exactly how the other person is breathing. Human breathing can be heard, you can notice steam from the breath in winter, in summer — the movement of the nostrils. You can see how a woman's chest moves or a man's stomach moves. You can put your arm around me or put your hand on my shoulder and get into a rhythm.
It is necessary to note such an aspect as the importance of exhalation. Since we speak mainly on the exhalation, our internal speech is also synchronized with the exhalation. Therefore, when you adjust to the other person's breathing and speak on their exhalation, your speech will automatically adjust to the inner rhythm of the other person and increase the effect of psychological impact.
Speech adjustment. Speech adjustment includes adjustment to the timbre of the voice, the speed of speech, and other characteristic features of the interlocutor's speech, such as their use of parasitic words or verbal predicates.
Theatrical reception
Let's look at a crushing technique that allows you to instantly gain the trust of a person. This is a wonderful theatrical technique — echo. It consists in repeating the words and phrases that the interlocutor uses in his speech. These words and their characteristic phrases may depend on various factors — from profession, place of residence, occupation, and much more.
What is the special feature of using this method? Imagine that you are talking to the owner of a motor boat. If you call the object of his pride "boat", then your chances of getting this boat for rent are sharply reduced to practical zero. Why? Yes, all because the owner will definitely call it "ship"! And in order to effectively get in touch, you need to speak their language, because otherwise there will be a subconscious barrier between you and the other person that will prevent further development of the conversation.
How to build trust and open up the conversation of the other person? Speak their language. Also, notice when someone speaks to you in your own language, because this is a professional who is familiar with this technique and wants to gain your trust and build good constructive communication and dialogue.
If a person calls their home "chalet", they won't tolerate you calling them "cabin", so be careful. In fact, many kindergarten teachers have a hard time tolerating being called "caregivers" because they are "preschool teachers"!
When talking, notice the slang words that a person uses to describe elements of their life, and then casually insert them into the conversation.
Psychological adjustment. This adjustment is implemented by creating a communication space in which you will feel like part of the same whole with your interlocutor. At the same time, when it comes to methods of psychological adjustment, you must remember that you are entering the territory of maximum significance for another person and any wrong word or act will immediately become an obstacle for you in further interaction with this person.
Adjustment to emotions. Before starting the exposure, it is advisable to bring yourself to the same emotional state as the interlocutor.
Adjustment to the value structure. The values of another person are their rigidly fixed and definite attitude to all things in the world. If a deep dissonance between your values suddenly appears — the person will be completely lost to you. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid any evaluative statements in the preparation and implementation of the impact. An evaluative statement activates the value structure of the interlocutor, and this very often leads to dissonance.
Adjustment to the representative system. Each person has a more developed one channel of perception. The main ones are: visual, auditory, kinesthetic. The dominance of a particular channel means that a person receives and processes information mainly in this form. The tactics of influencing a person depend on the dominant system of perception.
Among the signs of visual channel dominance is a lively look: the eyes are in constant motion, speech is fast (the person does not have time to describe the images that arise in his head), expressions constantly slip through the conversation: "I see it this way...", "I saw it...", "I look at these things...", gestures in the upper body. Directions of eye movement: right-up (creating visual mental images), straight-up (remembering visual images), left-up (remembering visual images), straight-forward (imaginative imagination from memory or the outside world).1
In the course of communicating with a visual, you should not tell him "listen to me", but rather say "look". It is necessary to rely on figurative comparisons, talk about "bright prospects", support his expectation of a "bright future".
A sign of the dominance of the auditory canal is a very pleasant, modulated voice with complex and diverse intonations. In speech, there are often expressions: "I hear...", " these are the sounds of my soul..."," the melody of life..."," but I heard..."," on hearing... " Such people are very sensitive to the correct phonetic organization of speech, in particular to accents. Direction of eye movement: left-sideways (recollection of sound images), left-down (internal dialogue with oneself).
How can you gain the trust of such a person? When communicating with the audience, it is necessary to pay maximum attention to the intonation of speech (raising or lowering the tone, changing the timbre, increasing the volume, switching to a whisper), since this will be the main instrument of influence.
1 For left-handers, this happens with the mirror opposite. In addition, there are some individual deviations from the general rules, and at different points in time, the perception system may change.
A sign of kinesthetic channel dominance — a person operates with such concepts as feelings: "I feel this way..."," I felt this..."," oh, what feelings..."," I was captured by this feeling... " He has a good memory for sensations, attention to his comfort is noticeable, selectivity in food, a great love for outdoor recreation. Direction of eye movement: straight-down (imagining bodily sensations), right-sideways (creating internal sounds).
When communicating with a kinesthetic person, you need to include more descriptions of possible sensations that the interlocutor may experience during the interaction. For example, you can often say the phrases "you can feel that...", "a sense of firm confidence". He needs to say "you feel", "feel" , etc.
Approval. When a partner does or says something, they are always subconsciously waiting for their actions to be evaluated. This is a very deep psychological mechanism, which is connected with the fact that any of our actions should automatically be evaluated by society. Using approval, you can push the other person's subconscious mind to build their trust in you. When entering a trust, you should consider the following.
Naturally, the subject wants to establish rapport in all parameters at once. However, this will lead to the fact that his brain will be overloaded with information. Instead of following the thread of the conversation, it will load the brain with things like the need to avoid evaluative statements, and so on. During a conversation, you need to talk, and not think about the individual components of how to build trust. Therefore, it is advisable to train the rapport setup strictly sequentially. And until the subject brings one skill to automatism — you should not take on the next tool.
In order not to look ridiculous and suspicious, it is necessary to act very subtly and carefully, without causing discomfort to the interlocutor. After all, openly imitating, you can offend a person. In addition, it should be borne in mind that at first it is difficult to get used to this communication technique, but with practice it will become a habit.
