We develop codependent relationships when we become overly emotionally connected with other people. This is because we take responsibility for what the other person should be responsible for.
Codependency includes bad self boundaries and an inability to take proper responsibility. Those who tend to think and feel this way usually fail to set boundaries correctly. This pattern allows us to draw personal boundaries that enhance feelings of personal power, security, and focus.
The boundaries of "I" create in us a sense of "myself" as opposed to "the other." It is within these boundaries that we experience our values, beliefs, thoughts, feelings and sense of identity.
Setting the right boundaries pattern
Define the problem of boundaries.
What problems do you have that result from a lack of good, solid and sustainable boundaries?
Do you ever feel responsible for how the other person feels? Do you ever feel like you are saving another person from the problems they are creating, or are you more worried about something happening in another person's life than they are?
Create a sense of the space of your self and its boundaries.
Using the physical sense of your territory, your "space", imagine this space and feel how it is located around you at arm's length, and feel all the space within this area. If this is your zone of power, what qualities and resources would you like to fill it with?
Start filling this space with qualities, thoughts, feelings, resources, values, and so on that are exclusively yours (that is, self-confidence, faith, dignity, love, reliability, etc.).
Anchor this state with some color, word or object.
Strengthen the border.
At the end of your personal space, imagine an invisible border. You could imagine it as an area of power in a Star Trek movie, or a piece of plexiglass, or any other boundary that provides a special sense of “me”, different and separate from any other person.
Accept this individualization fully from the first perceptual position. When she is convincing, anchor her.
Take the second position of perception.
Step out of yourself for a minute and take the second position of someone who values you and respects your boundaries. Through the eyes of this person, see yourself with healthy and sustainable boundaries. From that person's perspective, hear the confirmation and recognition of these boundaries. How do you like it?
Do you need anything that can make this resource even better?
Take the first perception position again.
Identify and reinforce each personal value, belief and understanding that makes you different from others. Do you allow yourself to confirm them? How do you feel when you do this? When you adjust this perceptual attitude to the future, what does it remind you of? Does it suit you well? Would you like to keep it?
Eliminate the flaws.
Now imagine that you have met a person who does not respect your boundaries, who speaks and acts in such a way as to violate them.
How do you feel when you see him trying to do this while your resource self expresses itself in ways that maintain healthy boundaries?
Check the ecology and adjust to the future.
Imagine that you are using these boundaries when you are transported into your future. Now you can imagine how you would feel if you went out into the world with these boundaries ...
Source: Michael Hall "77 NLP Technician"
Codependency includes bad self boundaries and an inability to take proper responsibility. Those who tend to think and feel this way usually fail to set boundaries correctly. This pattern allows us to draw personal boundaries that enhance feelings of personal power, security, and focus.
The boundaries of "I" create in us a sense of "myself" as opposed to "the other." It is within these boundaries that we experience our values, beliefs, thoughts, feelings and sense of identity.
Setting the right boundaries pattern
Define the problem of boundaries.
What problems do you have that result from a lack of good, solid and sustainable boundaries?
Do you ever feel responsible for how the other person feels? Do you ever feel like you are saving another person from the problems they are creating, or are you more worried about something happening in another person's life than they are?
Create a sense of the space of your self and its boundaries.
Using the physical sense of your territory, your "space", imagine this space and feel how it is located around you at arm's length, and feel all the space within this area. If this is your zone of power, what qualities and resources would you like to fill it with?
Start filling this space with qualities, thoughts, feelings, resources, values, and so on that are exclusively yours (that is, self-confidence, faith, dignity, love, reliability, etc.).
Anchor this state with some color, word or object.
Strengthen the border.
At the end of your personal space, imagine an invisible border. You could imagine it as an area of power in a Star Trek movie, or a piece of plexiglass, or any other boundary that provides a special sense of “me”, different and separate from any other person.
Accept this individualization fully from the first perceptual position. When she is convincing, anchor her.
Take the second position of perception.
Step out of yourself for a minute and take the second position of someone who values you and respects your boundaries. Through the eyes of this person, see yourself with healthy and sustainable boundaries. From that person's perspective, hear the confirmation and recognition of these boundaries. How do you like it?
Do you need anything that can make this resource even better?
Take the first perception position again.
Identify and reinforce each personal value, belief and understanding that makes you different from others. Do you allow yourself to confirm them? How do you feel when you do this? When you adjust this perceptual attitude to the future, what does it remind you of? Does it suit you well? Would you like to keep it?
Eliminate the flaws.
Now imagine that you have met a person who does not respect your boundaries, who speaks and acts in such a way as to violate them.
How do you feel when you see him trying to do this while your resource self expresses itself in ways that maintain healthy boundaries?
Check the ecology and adjust to the future.
Imagine that you are using these boundaries when you are transported into your future. Now you can imagine how you would feel if you went out into the world with these boundaries ...
Source: Michael Hall "77 NLP Technician"
