Lord777
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I don't know what they did to us in our childhood, and how did we all get that overcoming was considered one of the important "tricks" of upbringing in the post-Soviet space. Overcoming is placed next to adaptation, stress resistance, motivation and will. However, overcoming is rather a path to the development of motivation, will and stress resistance.
In explanatory dictionaries "overcome" is interpreted as "to win", "to overpower", "to achieve", "to overcome". That is, we are talking about some kind of obstacle, often hiding in ourselves, overcoming which we achieve our goals, which means that we become one step higher in our incessant self-development.
Personal comfort, laziness, lack of motivation, anxiety and fear, doubts, physical or intellectual complexity of the task at hand can act as obstacles. By coping with these obstacles, we become stronger, more flexible, more persistent, more adaptive. Or, on the contrary, a strong, flexible, motivated person can easily overcome any obstacle? I am wondering how much an element of overcoming should be present in a child's life? What qualities does he lay down and how to simulate such situations in life? And in general, what is considered an overcoming?
I am often approached by parents whose children have completely lost the motivation to study at school (training, music lessons, and so on). When we begin to analyze the situation, it turns out, as an option, that the child is at the mercy of an exorbitant load for his age, that, purely physiologically, he is not able to achieve success within the framework in which he was set. Moreover, in the minds of the parents, the child must overcome this situation, cope, survive. For example, with united efforts, the child entered a prestigious gymnasium, they do not leave such schools - only feet first, you need to withstand at any cost.
The second option is that the child is forced to constantly interact with a person (teacher, coach) who causes him fear or expresses irritation or rejection towards the child. Naturally, the motivation to learn here also tends to zero. Again, parents perceive this as an excuse for the child to overcome his inner discomfort and adapt to the current situation.
The third option is that the child does not have the ability to do the kind of activity that he is forced to do to strengthen his character, or he has pronounced learning difficulties. Whether it is school or the sports section, he is put in a situation of chronic failure. And again we, indefatigable parents, remember overcoming: come on, try, you can, you can handle it. Unfortunately, success stories don't work out, and motivation again tends to fall into the abyss.
And what, asks the parent, take him? Create comfortable greenhouse conditions for him? But life will not be merciful, and he simply will not survive in the face of fierce competition! It's good that while dad and mom are near, what will happen next? No, it's better to let her study now
But one of the signs of successful adaptation is the ability of a person to get out of a traumatic, meaningless, or simply uncomfortable situation without explanation. Hasn't the creative transformation of reality, the search for one's own path, understanding oneself and one's capabilities and limitations gave birth to a million amazing discoveries? How often do we, accustomed to overcoming the insurmountable, endure what is not necessary, humble ourselves where it makes no sense, live in captivity of rigid attitudes that it is so "necessary", "we must", "and for whom it is easy now. "But life really can be easy. And what's most interesting is that you don't have to pay for it, as supporters of the theory of overcoming difficulties think.
Well, then what is the role of overcoming in the development of personality? Is it all empty? Of course not. Only by overcoming ourselves every day, we feel a taste for expanding our capabilities, a taste for growth and development, we develop in ourselves a sense of strength, passion, confidence, we cultivate motivation. It is important here to clearly understand what overcoming is for a child and how to make it work in a positive way.
Overcoming must be with a plus sign
This means that the child does not have to overcome the conditions of chronic stress, where the reward for him will be ... yes there will be no reward. Effort should always be accompanied by joy, positive reinforcement, recognition, parental attention and, as a consequence, an increase in self-esteem and the development of motivation: the desire to repeat this pleasant experience - the “effort - joy” link in the future. There are a lot of examples of how this works in the literature. As a child, I was very embarrassed to speak in front of the class, but when I first read my essay in front of everyone, the teacher and the children liked it so much that since then this fading in front of the audience has become the sweetest feeling, and for the sake of it I want to overcome myself again and again. There was a limitation in this story - my fear, overcoming - going out to the public and positive reinforcement - recognition. As a result, my motivation for writing texts got a breeding ground. And this is how it works in all areas. When you invite your child to overcome something, think about what awaits him beyond the pass?
Overcoming should be within the strength of the child
These adults sometimes amaze with the strength of the spirit and the triumph of will, literally jumping over their heads. However, apparently, these adults had a powerful experience of faith in themselves in childhood. Apparently, my mother and father were nearby, who did not doubt them for a second. And the child ... his personality only grows and gets stronger, his motives are fragile. When we give him a super task, we are guaranteed to bury his motivation in the ground. No, this does not mean that the child should only perform easy tasks. But the difficult things that he needs to overcome must be feasible, at least in theory. Example: Many child gymnasts overcome pain during splits. A wise coach will never stretch children right away in the first months of training. The wisest - sometimes waits for a year or more, he waits until the child is imbued with the beauty of this sport, begins to identify himself with other athletes, wants to be like them. That's when he starts pulling the kids. First, stretching becomes meaningful for the child, he sees the goal and is glad that he is getting closer to it. Secondly, the pain from stretching is bearable, you can endure it. And gradually children begin to reach out on their own, through pain, at home - here it is, motivation in action. A narrow-minded coach starts pulling children right away, in the first days, children yell and cry, parents mutter about overcoming, the coach pulls painfully and rudely. As a result, it is unlikely that such children who have escaped from sports, in principle, will want to endure even the slightest physical discomfort in the future. And gradually children begin to reach out on their own, through pain, at home - here it is, motivation in action. A narrow-minded coach begins to pull the children right away, in the first days, the children scream and cry, the parents mutter about overcoming, the coach pulls painfully and rudely. As a result, it is unlikely that such children who have escaped from sports, in principle, will want to endure even the slightest physical discomfort in the future. And gradually children begin to reach out on their own, through pain, at home - here it is, motivation in action. A narrow-minded coach begins to pull the children right away, in the first days, the children scream and cry, the parents mutter about overcoming, the coach pulls painfully and rudely. As a result, it is unlikely that such children who have escaped from sports, in principle.
Overcoming must be short term
The child should see what his work leads to, what effect he was able to achieve. The younger the child, the closer the goal and the joy of achieving it should be. You must admit that the topic that you need to plow for five years in a strong gymnasium in order to enter a prestigious university later will not work. Here it is more reasonable to look for more transparent and tangible goals, for example, participation in Olympiads, defense of their own projects, teacher recognition.
Summing up, dear parents, I am still convinced that being in a hostile team is not overcoming.
To endure the humiliation and rudeness of the teacher is not overcoming. Being in chronic fear is not overcoming; sleeping little and eating poorly is not overcoming. Feeling a constant sense of failure is not overcoming
It's all about how to kill the motivation for learning and self-development for many years to come, guaranteed. But I am tormented by the question, why is it still so scary for many parents to take a child out of uncomfortable conditions for him? Why do they believe that the only way to raise a stable, motivated and strong child is to make him feel very bad?
In explanatory dictionaries "overcome" is interpreted as "to win", "to overpower", "to achieve", "to overcome". That is, we are talking about some kind of obstacle, often hiding in ourselves, overcoming which we achieve our goals, which means that we become one step higher in our incessant self-development.
Personal comfort, laziness, lack of motivation, anxiety and fear, doubts, physical or intellectual complexity of the task at hand can act as obstacles. By coping with these obstacles, we become stronger, more flexible, more persistent, more adaptive. Or, on the contrary, a strong, flexible, motivated person can easily overcome any obstacle? I am wondering how much an element of overcoming should be present in a child's life? What qualities does he lay down and how to simulate such situations in life? And in general, what is considered an overcoming?
I am often approached by parents whose children have completely lost the motivation to study at school (training, music lessons, and so on). When we begin to analyze the situation, it turns out, as an option, that the child is at the mercy of an exorbitant load for his age, that, purely physiologically, he is not able to achieve success within the framework in which he was set. Moreover, in the minds of the parents, the child must overcome this situation, cope, survive. For example, with united efforts, the child entered a prestigious gymnasium, they do not leave such schools - only feet first, you need to withstand at any cost.
The second option is that the child is forced to constantly interact with a person (teacher, coach) who causes him fear or expresses irritation or rejection towards the child. Naturally, the motivation to learn here also tends to zero. Again, parents perceive this as an excuse for the child to overcome his inner discomfort and adapt to the current situation.
The third option is that the child does not have the ability to do the kind of activity that he is forced to do to strengthen his character, or he has pronounced learning difficulties. Whether it is school or the sports section, he is put in a situation of chronic failure. And again we, indefatigable parents, remember overcoming: come on, try, you can, you can handle it. Unfortunately, success stories don't work out, and motivation again tends to fall into the abyss.
And what, asks the parent, take him? Create comfortable greenhouse conditions for him? But life will not be merciful, and he simply will not survive in the face of fierce competition! It's good that while dad and mom are near, what will happen next? No, it's better to let her study now
But one of the signs of successful adaptation is the ability of a person to get out of a traumatic, meaningless, or simply uncomfortable situation without explanation. Hasn't the creative transformation of reality, the search for one's own path, understanding oneself and one's capabilities and limitations gave birth to a million amazing discoveries? How often do we, accustomed to overcoming the insurmountable, endure what is not necessary, humble ourselves where it makes no sense, live in captivity of rigid attitudes that it is so "necessary", "we must", "and for whom it is easy now. "But life really can be easy. And what's most interesting is that you don't have to pay for it, as supporters of the theory of overcoming difficulties think.
Well, then what is the role of overcoming in the development of personality? Is it all empty? Of course not. Only by overcoming ourselves every day, we feel a taste for expanding our capabilities, a taste for growth and development, we develop in ourselves a sense of strength, passion, confidence, we cultivate motivation. It is important here to clearly understand what overcoming is for a child and how to make it work in a positive way.
Overcoming must be with a plus sign
This means that the child does not have to overcome the conditions of chronic stress, where the reward for him will be ... yes there will be no reward. Effort should always be accompanied by joy, positive reinforcement, recognition, parental attention and, as a consequence, an increase in self-esteem and the development of motivation: the desire to repeat this pleasant experience - the “effort - joy” link in the future. There are a lot of examples of how this works in the literature. As a child, I was very embarrassed to speak in front of the class, but when I first read my essay in front of everyone, the teacher and the children liked it so much that since then this fading in front of the audience has become the sweetest feeling, and for the sake of it I want to overcome myself again and again. There was a limitation in this story - my fear, overcoming - going out to the public and positive reinforcement - recognition. As a result, my motivation for writing texts got a breeding ground. And this is how it works in all areas. When you invite your child to overcome something, think about what awaits him beyond the pass?
Overcoming should be within the strength of the child
These adults sometimes amaze with the strength of the spirit and the triumph of will, literally jumping over their heads. However, apparently, these adults had a powerful experience of faith in themselves in childhood. Apparently, my mother and father were nearby, who did not doubt them for a second. And the child ... his personality only grows and gets stronger, his motives are fragile. When we give him a super task, we are guaranteed to bury his motivation in the ground. No, this does not mean that the child should only perform easy tasks. But the difficult things that he needs to overcome must be feasible, at least in theory. Example: Many child gymnasts overcome pain during splits. A wise coach will never stretch children right away in the first months of training. The wisest - sometimes waits for a year or more, he waits until the child is imbued with the beauty of this sport, begins to identify himself with other athletes, wants to be like them. That's when he starts pulling the kids. First, stretching becomes meaningful for the child, he sees the goal and is glad that he is getting closer to it. Secondly, the pain from stretching is bearable, you can endure it. And gradually children begin to reach out on their own, through pain, at home - here it is, motivation in action. A narrow-minded coach starts pulling children right away, in the first days, children yell and cry, parents mutter about overcoming, the coach pulls painfully and rudely. As a result, it is unlikely that such children who have escaped from sports, in principle, will want to endure even the slightest physical discomfort in the future. And gradually children begin to reach out on their own, through pain, at home - here it is, motivation in action. A narrow-minded coach begins to pull the children right away, in the first days, the children scream and cry, the parents mutter about overcoming, the coach pulls painfully and rudely. As a result, it is unlikely that such children who have escaped from sports, in principle, will want to endure even the slightest physical discomfort in the future. And gradually children begin to reach out on their own, through pain, at home - here it is, motivation in action. A narrow-minded coach begins to pull the children right away, in the first days, the children scream and cry, the parents mutter about overcoming, the coach pulls painfully and rudely. As a result, it is unlikely that such children who have escaped from sports, in principle.
Overcoming must be short term
The child should see what his work leads to, what effect he was able to achieve. The younger the child, the closer the goal and the joy of achieving it should be. You must admit that the topic that you need to plow for five years in a strong gymnasium in order to enter a prestigious university later will not work. Here it is more reasonable to look for more transparent and tangible goals, for example, participation in Olympiads, defense of their own projects, teacher recognition.
Summing up, dear parents, I am still convinced that being in a hostile team is not overcoming.
To endure the humiliation and rudeness of the teacher is not overcoming. Being in chronic fear is not overcoming; sleeping little and eating poorly is not overcoming. Feeling a constant sense of failure is not overcoming
It's all about how to kill the motivation for learning and self-development for many years to come, guaranteed. But I am tormented by the question, why is it still so scary for many parents to take a child out of uncomfortable conditions for him? Why do they believe that the only way to raise a stable, motivated and strong child is to make him feel very bad?
