Strength of personality

[CarderPlanet]

Once, three kung fu masters argued over who was the best master. And they decided to find out their dispute in public. All the people were summoned to the square and a competition was announced. And the first master came out, stood in front of the crowd and said:
- People, throw stones at me!
And the crowd began to throw stones at him, and he began to beat them with his hands, palms, fists, feet, and not a single stone hit him ... And the people said:
- Yes! You are a cool master!

And the second master stood before the people and said:
- People, throw stones at me!
And people began to throw stones at him, and he began to dodge, jump, fall, jump up, dodge a snake - and not a single stone hit him ... And the people said:
- Yeees !!! You are a cool master !!!

And the third master stood before the people. And said:
- PEOPLE, THROW STONES AT ME ... !!!

... and not one dared to throw a stone at him ...

And in our life we easily throw stones at someone, but not at someone. Someone will easily throw a cobblestone at us, someone will be afraid. Someone has an influence on us, someone not very much. We ourselves can influence someone, but we cannot influence the other. We live in a world of communication and influence, in a world where every day we try to influence and we ourselves fall under the influence, once we lead others and lead, once they lead us, and we only follow the leader.

This applies to situations of business, negotiations, relationships, conflict situations, family and personal life, wherever there is interaction and contact between people. Think back to your experience. One head of the firm has influence over employees, the other has long been out of favor. One manager successfully negotiates or sells a product, and it is better not to entrust the other. One husband is really the head of the family and his word is decisive, and only the name remained from the second spouse, and even the cat wipes its paws on him.

Why do we react differently to different people? Why even children hardly react to one adult when he persuades them to go to bed, and the other needs to say only one phrase? Why does one subordinate our will, and the other does not? Why can one easily convince us even at times of absurd things, while it is difficult for another to instill in us even quite clever thoughts?
The answer is as follows. Our will, our subconsciousness, our personality is subject to POWER. Or rather the Psychological strength of another person. This happens unconsciously, that is, we often do not realize how exactly another person influenced us, and this has already happened and, sometimes, it is not in our interests. We can explain this to ourselves in different ways: “convinced”, “persuaded”, “inspired”, “argued” - but the point is that our personality fell under the influence of the psychological force of another personality. Psychological strength is not directly related to physical strength, because there are examples of "strong" women who can subjugate men - both in politics, and in business, and in personal life. Psychological strength is interpreted by our subconscious mind as an internal, personal strength.

It is interesting that we cannot truly know the true strength of a person, but we get a certain impression of the appearance of a person, by which we judge his psychological strength. There are many factors of psychological strength, but the first impression, and often the strongest, is formed by the most expressive in the appearance and appearance of any person - by the look. The eyes are the window to the soul, people say. By the eyes, we really judge the strength or weakness of a person, about his emotional experiences, about momentary emotions and, with some skill, by the eyes, you can even guess his thoughts. You can kill with a glance. In a figurative, thank God, sense for now. Modern research by scientists shows that human eyes have a powerful bioenergetic effect.

The social significance of the gaze is of a biological nature. Two tigers face each other, meeting on the same path, in order, even without a physical struggle, to find out which of them is stronger and more entitled to vital resources: territory, food, females, a place in the sun. In terms of internal tension, this confrontation is not inferior to the struggle of business giants. And the one who in this inner struggle of nerves showed more volitional qualities, withstood the psychological stress, proved his strength with his gaze and earned a higher comparative rank and becomes the winner. Observe, at least, the cats, which can hypnotize each other for hours, figuring out who should give up the cat's "eldorodo" (the neighboring trash heap) to whom.

The same thing, on an unconscious level, happens in humans. By looking, we create the impression of our personal strength and form the attitude of other people towards ourselves. We call a person who finds it difficult to look into the eyes shy and, apart from pity, he is unworthy of other feelings. If a person in a conflict situation looks away, we consider him weak, and he has no chance of winning the situation. The running glance of an employee who is reprimanded by the boss makes a miserable impression, and such an employee only emphasizes his guilt and further lowers his rank. It is more difficult for a businessman who does not know how to firmly accept the gaze of his opponent in negotiations to give the impression of a strong person. But they don't agree with the weak - they dictate conditions to the weak!

Interesting scenes from the Kremlin are broadcasted on TV all over the country on a regular basis. And right away from the fussy gaze, facial expressions and all behavior, one can read all the timidity of some ministers on the carpet of such an important person. The impression of personal strength, confidence and professional competence of such a person is absolutely unfavorable for him and from the outside it is a very miserable sight. Another example. It seems that not the least role in the disgrace of the famous gasoline oligarch with the letter "X" and the subsequent show trial of him was played by the weak image of the mentioned oligarch, in particular, the look. Remember the usual look of the former oil king? Most people associate a running, unsteady, fussy gaze that does not stop at anything with weakness and insecurity. And when the authorities had to carry out an instructive trial over some "king of life", it was the weak link that emerged. This, of course, is not the only factor in choosing a weak link, but it is important.

Magnetic eyes were possessed not only by the great hypnotists, but also by the great politicians, writers, influential people of their time. Our president, in particular, already quite convincingly and firmly keeps his eyes on his ministers, and on the representatives of the biting press and on the TV camera. Although, if you recall our GDP at the beginning of his career, the look was not the strongest side of his image - Vladimir Vladimirovich sinned by fussing and running away from the public. Now he is in complete order with him, over the years he has worked well on him and this is a fact.

Especially relevant is the look and appearance of a person in the minutes when he is tried, figuratively speaking, "to the teeth." Have you ever seen the face of an employee who is reprimanded by a boss? And the face of the driver who is about to be fined by a traffic policeman? What about your face when unpleasant things are told to you?

When there is a confrontation, difficult negotiations, a conflict situation arises - this is always a test moment when it becomes clear who is worth what. At such moments of truth, it is especially important to make a convincing impression in terms of psychological strength and absolutely confidently control the situation, speech, appearance, gaze.

This is where mastering a technique called "zero reaction" will help. What does an opponent, aggressor, manipulator want to see when he throws a stone at you, that is, makes tough demands or attacks with impartial accusations? He wants, first of all, to see that his stone or arrow hit the target. How can he see it? Only according to your reaction, namely: how you shudder, how embarrassed you look away, how unpleasant it will become to you, how you will squeeze, how your face will grimace, how your voice will tremble, how you will rush to defend yourself or make excuses. All these signs for the aggressor are signals that his arrow has hit the target. And this is the most important thing for him. It is not so important how you defend yourself, it is important that his words hurt you - which means that he has an influence on you! And this automatically adds enthusiasm and inspiration to him in this confrontation. By your reaction, you are already pouring water into his mill! And if the aggressor has fired one arrow, another, and a third - and the visible reaction of his opponent is "zero", that is, absolutely absent ... then this inevitably deprives him of strength and energy.

An aggressor who does not see the reaction to his actions is half disarmed. Where did his arrows go? Either they flew past, or hit your powerful armor, or are they made of soft foam rubber? The fact is that if there is no reaction visible in your form, the arrow missed the target. It means that you are stronger than his arrows, stronger than his attack, stronger than himself! This does not mean that you should not respond to aggression, but it is important to restrain the initial impulsive automatic defense reaction, which is associated with vulnerability and will reduce your rank, your apparent strength in front of your opponent. And already during the "zero assessment" you will receive the optimal choice and response. Either to demonstrate reciprocal aggression, or to react in a soft style,

It is fundamental that the aggressor and all observers associate "zero reaction" with strength, confidence, invulnerability. This is what it means to take a hit. The one who holds the blow remains "on his feet", that is, he is calm, outwardly calm, it is impossible to determine any signs of pain on his face.

The metaphor that explains the effect of this technique is as follows. Imagine that you are watching a huge, heavy cast-iron ball, about a meter in diameter, slowly and surely rolling on a flat parquet floor. Yes, that's power! - we say to ourselves. Now imagine that from somewhere around the corner a small metal ball flew out, clinked against a large one and bounced to the side. And if suddenly we saw that the large cast-iron ball changed its trajectory at least a little, we will be disappointed in it and understand that it turns out that it is not as heavy as it seemed if the small ball moved so easily. This means that their mass turns out to be comparable - maybe it is empty inside, or maybe it is actually made of papier-mâché. And if, after the collision, a large ball rolled and continues to roll, without changing its trajectory at all,

It is known from acting practice that it is easiest to play supermen. You just need to have the texture (square jaw) and master the "zero reaction" technique for the entire time you are on stage or in front of the camera. Think of any classic superman and you will be convinced of this: Arnold, Stallone, Bond, Stirlitz and any other strong character therefore make a convincing impression that they react to any irritants and any extreme situations with a zero reaction, that is, with absolute equanimity. And only then can immediate action follow.

- Terminator does not feel pain, regret, compassion. You can't come to an agreement with him, you can't bribe him. It will never stop ...

And if the viewer saw any human reaction in supermen: fear, surprise, pain, annoyance, laughter, joy, sadness, anger, then they would no longer be supermen. They would be just people - with all human weaknesses ... Remember any such film - supermen never show any human emotions. And so they are supermen. And even when bullets hit the Terminator, when he tears off his hand, when he slowly plunges into the molten metal - all this happens time with a stone, impenetrable face and a complete lack of emotion.

To Arnold's credit, he's not only shown a decent mastery of zero reaction in films. The famous provocation was committed against him during the election campaign for governor of California. The Terminator, shining like a golden dollar, walked with his white-toothed Hollywood smile through the crowd to the microphone, shaking hands with enthusiastic voters - behind, as expected, security. And suddenly ... a chicken egg flew out of the crowd. They aimed in the face, hit in the shoulder and a very bright yellow spot spread on the lapel of his jacket. But! There was nothing new in Terminator's face, no change in the broad American smile. He did not even turn his head towards the egg thrower and absolutely did not raise an eyebrow! What did Arnold do? He continued to walk through the crowd and shake outstretched hands with the same radiant smile. And only the guards began to fuss and began to wipe the yellow spot on the jacket on the go. This is called self-control and composure. Or a superbly executed take for the next episode of the film. Any other reaction, except zero, would be a losing one and absolutely deadly for his political rating (which was what the provocateurs were counting on). Fancy an angry Terminator? How would he glare viciously, splash saliva, swear, rush through the crowd to the offender, swing his pound fist? On the one hand, a frightening, but at the same time humiliating spectacle. Why? Because he descends on the psychological strength and significance of the personality on the same level as the offender. By doing this, Arnold would tell all viewers that the aggressor touched him, “got him” and was able to throw him out of mental equilibrium. This means that his abuser is about the same strong, but Schwarzenegger is not so strong, as one might think. And it seems that the American people would never have seen him in the governor's chair.

But Schwarzenegger not only embodies the laws of the genre on the screen, but also in life. Having shown restraint and control over emotions, when he had already reached the microphone, the future governor allowed himself to react with a joke:

- Here you offered me an egg, but where is the bacon to it ...?

And the audience laughed with relief ...

"Anyone can offend an artist." But not every artist can pass this test. A situation that was known to everyone in 2004. The scandal of the year was the case with Philip Kirkorov. I am sure that the readers will remember, but, just in case, we will recall it. Press conference in Rostov after the concert. As always, harmful journalists. And the very harmful of them in a low-cut blouse, asked her moderately harmful question about the large number of remakes in the work of the popular singer. Perhaps fatigue, or an unwillingness to answer, or a hot-tempered nature affected, but Philip did something that could not be done in public. Everyone saw that the question had hurt him, his face was distorted, his eyes narrowed, his lips twitched, he began to wind up before his eyes:

- Who are you?! Do you know how many remakes I have?! You don't know my work at all !!! What are you staring at?! Why did you stick out your boobs ?! ...

The result is known. The sarcasm of the press. Public response. A tarnished reputation. Disruption of concerts. Offended like a child, Filya. Attempts to make excuses. Trial. Compensation for moral damage. And only the lazy one did not kick his carcass.

Even when all is lost, only dignity is not lost. No matter how much you want to immediately give the offender in the forehead, the initial reaction to the attempt to resent is important. If everyone saw how you rushed to aggressively defend yourself, it means that you HAVE TOUCH! The artist's image could be saved by the possession of a zero reaction, which had to be demonstrated in this situation. It is imperturbable to look the journalist in the eye, to stop the initial indignation, to make a slight pause, to respond in general terms about the real number of remakes and about the delusion in which journalists respected by artists sometimes stay. And even the most charming among them. Everything. It's enough. And the image of the artist in the eyes of the population would not suffer,

Churchill once said: "When Stalin enters a room, it is as if I was thrown from a chair." I want to wish readers to train their art of influencing people, to learn to have no less influence than Joseph Vissarionovich and, most importantly, to use their personal power for the benefit of themselves and other people!

In the next article, we will talk about how to develop a winning perspective and strength of your personality.