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How we sometimes love to give out valuable advice when we are asked for it and especially when we are not asked! At the same time, for some reason, we ourselves, with enviable consistency, make the wrong decisions and get into the stupidest situations.
Why, for example, do even educated, reasonable people often fall for the classic schemes of yet another scammer, believe tempting advertising promises, participate in dubious competitions or, say, roll out an untested build directly to production?
People tend to take a more rational view of a problem when it doesn't affect them personally. The classic "cobbler's children have no shoes."
These features of human behavior were confirmed by experiments conducted by Igor Grossman, PhD, from the University of Waterloo, and Ethan Cross, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.
They also came up with the name of the paradox. The biblical King Solomon is known as a wise ruler who successfully and effectively solved other people's problems - made "Solomon's decisions". At the same time, he is described as a person who was completely incapable of managing his own life.
Where does all this wisdom go when we have to solve our own problem?! We immediately turn into nervous individuals:
Why does this happen? It's all about the peculiarities of our brain. When we think about other people's problems, we do so without much emotion. This is the prefrontal cortex. When we give advice to others, we risk nothing, we don't have to worry, and this allows us to think about the problem thoroughly and calmly offer a solution.
Everything changes when it comes to ourselves. These are completely different stakes, and the amygdala comes into play. Few people are able to reason soberly about their own problems; our ancient brain immediately and automatically switches on the “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” program. There is no time for rationality here — we need to urgentlyescape from a saber-toothed tiger and think about what to do with a fallen base. Most of our daily problems are much less critical and certainly not so urgent.
You can act as an advisor, mentor or tutor who gives advice to his student or junior colleague. Or imagine that we have to give advice to a close friend who asked us for help. Even such a simple way will allow you to abstract yourself from the problem.
Another effective way is to talk about the problem using third person pronouns. Instead of “I,” use “he” or “she.” This way, we will tell the other person’s story, solving their problem.
It also helps to start addressing yourself by name in your internal monologue: "Semyon, you are, of course, a cool dude and a brilliant developer, and it is not for me to give you advice, but listen to what I have to say. First of all, Senya, you should check..."
During the experiment, the psychologists divided the participants into two groups. In the first group, the participants simply told the virtual Freud about their problem, who talked to them, asked questions, and made comments. His remarks were recorded in advance by the experimenters. In general, it all looked like a virtual psychoanalyst’s office.
For the second group, everything was organized more interestingly: the participants took turns "moving into" Freud's avatar, then into their own avatar. In fact, it turned out that they were having a conversation with themselves. To enhance the effect, the experimenters placed a mirror in the virtual scene: the participants always saw their reflection - in the role of Freud or in the role of themselves.
You probably already guessed that the second group showed much more effective results in solving problems. Its participants:
What if we try to solve problems using a similar method? To do this, we need to take turns acting as a student and a mentor, using appropriate means to enhance the effect.
Many times I have caught myself thinking that once I formulate a question on a complex topic, I immediately begin to better understand what I wanted to ask. It often happens that after writing a question in a work chat, I never send it — a completely exhaustive answer comes to mind by itself. Why not use this feature and combine it with the method of successive role changes?
I suggest you try the following algorithm:
1. Formulate the problem in the form of a letter to your imaginary mentor. The letter can contain the following information:
2. Before reading the letter, if possible, change the environment and surroundings. This will help the transformation into a mentor. For example:
By the way, you can even create separate mailboxes for the mentor and the student.
3. Become a mentor:
4. Become a student again:
If possible, it is better to separate the steps into time intervals.
Of course, in theory, all this looks beautiful. But in practice, there is not always time and opportunity to mess around with all these epistolary exercises. What is important here is the principle itself, the approach to solving the problem with the help of successive transformations from student to mentor and back. Distancing and an outside perspective is a very effective way to solve problems. Why not try it?
Read more on the topic: How the duckling method and corridor testing help solve complex non-standard problems.
Source
Why, for example, do even educated, reasonable people often fall for the classic schemes of yet another scammer, believe tempting advertising promises, participate in dubious competitions or, say, roll out an untested build directly to production?
The shoemaker has no shoes
The essence of Solomon's paradox is the asymmetry of decision-making. When we are asked for advice, we are always ready to help: we think over the problem, demonstrate miracles of rationality, give reasonable and practical recommendations. When we ourselves find ourselves in a similar situation, all our ingenuity and rationality disappear somewhere: we get lost, rush from one option to another, make completely short-sighted decisions.People tend to take a more rational view of a problem when it doesn't affect them personally. The classic "cobbler's children have no shoes."
These features of human behavior were confirmed by experiments conducted by Igor Grossman, PhD, from the University of Waterloo, and Ethan Cross, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.
They also came up with the name of the paradox. The biblical King Solomon is known as a wise ruler who successfully and effectively solved other people's problems - made "Solomon's decisions". At the same time, he is described as a person who was completely incapable of managing his own life.
Fight, flight or freeze
When we analyze someone else's problem, we are happy to act as a wise, experienced mentor:- we take into account all factors that may influence the decision;
- we predict the consequences of different decision options;
- we take into account the interests of all participants in the events;
- We understand the importance of compromise.
Where does all this wisdom go when we have to solve our own problem?! We immediately turn into nervous individuals:
- we make decisions under the influence of emotions;
- we grab onto the first solution that comes our way;
- we lose the ability to think rationally;
- we cannot assess the situation comprehensively.
Why does this happen? It's all about the peculiarities of our brain. When we think about other people's problems, we do so without much emotion. This is the prefrontal cortex. When we give advice to others, we risk nothing, we don't have to worry, and this allows us to think about the problem thoroughly and calmly offer a solution.
Everything changes when it comes to ourselves. These are completely different stakes, and the amygdala comes into play. Few people are able to reason soberly about their own problems; our ancient brain immediately and automatically switches on the “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” program. There is no time for rationality here — we need to urgently
About myself in the third person
To solve the problem, we need to somehow try to trick our ancient brain - to explain to it that there is no tiger. Since we love giving valuable advice to others, why not take advantage of it? Let's try to imagine that the problem we need to solve is not our own, but someone else's.You can act as an advisor, mentor or tutor who gives advice to his student or junior colleague. Or imagine that we have to give advice to a close friend who asked us for help. Even such a simple way will allow you to abstract yourself from the problem.
Another effective way is to talk about the problem using third person pronouns. Instead of “I,” use “he” or “she.” This way, we will tell the other person’s story, solving their problem.
It also helps to start addressing yourself by name in your internal monologue: "Semyon, you are, of course, a cool dude and a brilliant developer, and it is not for me to give you advice, but listen to what I have to say. First of all, Senya, you should check..."
Freud's Avatar
In 2019, a group of Spanish psychologists experimentally confirmed (PDF) the effectiveness of the method of abstracting from the problem and transforming into an advisor. It was not without modern technology. Scientists created virtual avatars of all participants in the experiment. To do this, they used 3D scanning technology. At the same time, they created a three-dimensional model of Sigmund Freud.During the experiment, the psychologists divided the participants into two groups. In the first group, the participants simply told the virtual Freud about their problem, who talked to them, asked questions, and made comments. His remarks were recorded in advance by the experimenters. In general, it all looked like a virtual psychoanalyst’s office.
For the second group, everything was organized more interestingly: the participants took turns "moving into" Freud's avatar, then into their own avatar. In fact, it turned out that they were having a conversation with themselves. To enhance the effect, the experimenters placed a mirror in the virtual scene: the participants always saw their reflection - in the role of Freud or in the role of themselves.
You probably already guessed that the second group showed much more effective results in solving problems. Its participants:
- understood their problem better;
- made more productive decisions;
- experienced less stress;
- better understood past and future events.
Your own mentor
The idea of transforming into a mentor character looks quite promising. It is better to choose a person you respect for the role of advisor - real or fictional (you can even use your personal feathered consultant sitting at the monitor).What if we try to solve problems using a similar method? To do this, we need to take turns acting as a student and a mentor, using appropriate means to enhance the effect.
Many times I have caught myself thinking that once I formulate a question on a complex topic, I immediately begin to better understand what I wanted to ask. It often happens that after writing a question in a work chat, I never send it — a completely exhaustive answer comes to mind by itself. Why not use this feature and combine it with the method of successive role changes?
I suggest you try the following algorithm:
1. Formulate the problem in the form of a letter to your imaginary mentor. The letter can contain the following information:
- list of participants in the problem - animate and inanimate;
- a list of circumstances surrounding the problem;
- a list of questions that need answers.
2. Before reading the letter, if possible, change the environment and surroundings. This will help the transformation into a mentor. For example:
- change device;
- open another editor;
- change the text design - font, background;
- Send the letter to your second mailbox.
By the way, you can even create separate mailboxes for the mentor and the student.
3. Become a mentor:
- receive a student letter;
- Think about the situation and your response to the student;
- formulate recommendations in the form of an action algorithm;
- list the pros and cons of different solution options;
- try writing a FAQ on an imaginary (or not) wiki page for other students who might have a similar problem - create your own personal Stack Overflow.
4. Become a student again:
- study the mentor's answer;
- apply the answer to solve your problem.
If possible, it is better to separate the steps into time intervals.
Of course, in theory, all this looks beautiful. But in practice, there is not always time and opportunity to mess around with all these epistolary exercises. What is important here is the principle itself, the approach to solving the problem with the help of successive transformations from student to mentor and back. Distancing and an outside perspective is a very effective way to solve problems. Why not try it?
Read more on the topic: How the duckling method and corridor testing help solve complex non-standard problems.
Source
