Why are more and more carders choosing loneliness as a lifestyle? Does seclusion release obligations? How do loners change society itself? What does loneliness mean today and why is living alone no longer ashamed? We are getting acquainted with the book “Solo Life. New Social Reality ”by Erik Kleinenberg, Ph.D. from New York University, and understand the unique realities of the 21st century.
Until 50 years ago, the choice of living alone was associated with something marginal and unnatural. Almost from birth, everyone received the installation that living alone is not only strange and condemned, but also dangerous. Exaggeratedly, this idea appeared in the dystopian film "Lobster" (2015), according to the plot of which loners were persecuted by the law, and everyone who wanted, but did not find a mate, was turned into an animal and released into the forest. Indeed, even some 100 years ago, the inability to get married was considered a real grief, and tens of thousands of years before that, punishment in the form of expulsion from the community was often perceived as a measure much more terrible than the death penalty. Today, more and more people are deliberately leaving for free swimming - they refuse marriage, live and even travel alone. For example,
How can you explain the rapid abolition of the set of traditions and rules previously revered throughout the world? Kleinenberg argues that there are at least four reasons for the transformation of modern society: the emancipation of women, social media, changing urban spaces and increased life expectancy.
Indeed, for the first time in history, modern realities are such that each individual is a full-fledged cog in the economy, thanks to which a huge number of proposals for bachelors have appeared on the housing market. Female emancipation allows you to make a decision to marry and have children without a threat to your future, and an increase in life expectancy leads to the fact that one of the spouses inevitably outlives the other and is not always ready to connect his life with a new person.
Thus, loneliness takes on a completely different meaning today than it did 50 or 60 years ago. Now the right to live solo is a deeply personal and completely adequate decision, which is resorted to by millions of inhabitants of the planet.
However, despite the fact that physically living in solitude has become available, many stereotypes still hover around singles. It must be understood that living solo today does not mean complete isolation. Thanks to the internet and the ability to work from home, singles are immersed in an active social life. What's more, research shows that most single people have a richer life than their married acquaintances. First of all, this is due to the fact that a new way of life is a choice in favor of healthy egoism, that is, time intended for oneself.
“The masses of people decided on this social experiment because, in their view, such a life corresponds to the key values of our time - individual freedom, personal control and the desire for self-realization, that is, values that are important and dear to many from adolescence. Living alone gives us the opportunity to do what we want, when we want it and on the terms we set ourselves. "
“... people who have never been married are not only no less happy than those who are married, but they also feel much happier and less lonely than those who have divorced or lost a spouse. ... All those who have divorced or separated from your spouse, will confirm that there is no life more lonely than life with a person you do not love. "
Friends and relatives of single people are often worried and want to quickly find their soul mate, get a job in an office or see loved ones more often. In fact, those loners for whom solitude is a personal choice are not outsiders and do not suffer. From the point of view of psychology, the one who is not bored with himself is a whole person, not prone to destructive codependency. Kleinenberg notes:
“In fact, the increase in the number of people living alone has nothing to do with whether Americans feel lonely or not. There are many studies open to the public that have shown that feelings of loneliness depend on the quality, not the amount of social contact. It is not the fact that a person lives alone that is important here, it is important whether he feels lonely. "
In addition, it is quite obvious that today we are forced to rotate in a frenzied flow of information. Social media messages and notifications mingle with phone calls and TV news, turning our daily routine into an information grinder. Perhaps a conscious appeal to solitude is also associated with the desire to take a break from external noise.
Recent research, cited in Kleinenberg's work, suggests that most modern loners lead an active social life. Many of them have jobs, friends and lovers, and some even get married. What does loneliness have to do with it? The new social reality allows you to simultaneously have any kind of relationship and take care of yourself on your territory. Thus, married couples in need of personal space prefer to live separately, meeting, for example, on Sundays.
This approach to relationships often causes misunderstanding and even condemnation - a change in stereotyped behavior rarely causes acceptance by the majority. Also, many accuse loners of self-centeredness, high self-esteem and indifferent attitude towards people. It should be understood that most often such attacks arise from those who lead a less intense social life, have a lot of free time and are subject to psychological dependence. Modern loners are ready to maintain social contacts, but they are strict in choosing friends. Their external isolation (the desire to live alone) does not mean that they do not need people, or that they do not know how to love. In addition, those who choose the life of a solo understand that the number of friends and acquaintances does not guarantee inner comfort.
Also, many believe that loners do not face problems, since they are deprived of any obligations, which is also not true. Solo life as a lifestyle is a completely new phenomenon, for the scale of the spread of which the world was not ready. That is why loners today face many challenges. Some employers are not ready to hire an unmarried person, suspecting him of irresponsibility. In this case, loners are forced to fight against stereotypes. Travel enthusiasts note that the price of a tour or hotel room for one person significantly exceeds the cost of a vacation for couples or groups. That is why today there are whole societies for the protection of the rights of lonely people. It is obvious that soon it is possible to develop a business, the target audience of which will be single people.
Now, despite the global growth of households, which is only one person, conscious loneliness causes misunderstanding and accusations of infantilism. However, psychologists and psychiatrists note that the ability to live alone is a necessary quality that many cannot learn in their entire life. It is known that everyone needs to be alone from time to time in order to understand their place in the surrounding reality. Moreover, a high percentage of singles can afford to spend a lot of time on self-realization. It is no coincidence that this lifestyle is most often chosen by representatives of the so-called creative class.
Eric Kleinenberg published his research just two years ago. In it, he declares a "large-scale social experiment" in which the whole world participates. It is interesting that today, after 24 months, the phenomenon of solo life has become much more familiar, which means that soon we will be able to talk not only about an experiment, but also a truly new social reality.
Until 50 years ago, the choice of living alone was associated with something marginal and unnatural. Almost from birth, everyone received the installation that living alone is not only strange and condemned, but also dangerous. Exaggeratedly, this idea appeared in the dystopian film "Lobster" (2015), according to the plot of which loners were persecuted by the law, and everyone who wanted, but did not find a mate, was turned into an animal and released into the forest. Indeed, even some 100 years ago, the inability to get married was considered a real grief, and tens of thousands of years before that, punishment in the form of expulsion from the community was often perceived as a measure much more terrible than the death penalty. Today, more and more people are deliberately leaving for free swimming - they refuse marriage, live and even travel alone. For example,
How can you explain the rapid abolition of the set of traditions and rules previously revered throughout the world? Kleinenberg argues that there are at least four reasons for the transformation of modern society: the emancipation of women, social media, changing urban spaces and increased life expectancy.
Indeed, for the first time in history, modern realities are such that each individual is a full-fledged cog in the economy, thanks to which a huge number of proposals for bachelors have appeared on the housing market. Female emancipation allows you to make a decision to marry and have children without a threat to your future, and an increase in life expectancy leads to the fact that one of the spouses inevitably outlives the other and is not always ready to connect his life with a new person.
Thus, loneliness takes on a completely different meaning today than it did 50 or 60 years ago. Now the right to live solo is a deeply personal and completely adequate decision, which is resorted to by millions of inhabitants of the planet.
However, despite the fact that physically living in solitude has become available, many stereotypes still hover around singles. It must be understood that living solo today does not mean complete isolation. Thanks to the internet and the ability to work from home, singles are immersed in an active social life. What's more, research shows that most single people have a richer life than their married acquaintances. First of all, this is due to the fact that a new way of life is a choice in favor of healthy egoism, that is, time intended for oneself.
“The masses of people decided on this social experiment because, in their view, such a life corresponds to the key values of our time - individual freedom, personal control and the desire for self-realization, that is, values that are important and dear to many from adolescence. Living alone gives us the opportunity to do what we want, when we want it and on the terms we set ourselves. "
“... people who have never been married are not only no less happy than those who are married, but they also feel much happier and less lonely than those who have divorced or lost a spouse. ... All those who have divorced or separated from your spouse, will confirm that there is no life more lonely than life with a person you do not love. "
Friends and relatives of single people are often worried and want to quickly find their soul mate, get a job in an office or see loved ones more often. In fact, those loners for whom solitude is a personal choice are not outsiders and do not suffer. From the point of view of psychology, the one who is not bored with himself is a whole person, not prone to destructive codependency. Kleinenberg notes:
“In fact, the increase in the number of people living alone has nothing to do with whether Americans feel lonely or not. There are many studies open to the public that have shown that feelings of loneliness depend on the quality, not the amount of social contact. It is not the fact that a person lives alone that is important here, it is important whether he feels lonely. "
In addition, it is quite obvious that today we are forced to rotate in a frenzied flow of information. Social media messages and notifications mingle with phone calls and TV news, turning our daily routine into an information grinder. Perhaps a conscious appeal to solitude is also associated with the desire to take a break from external noise.
Recent research, cited in Kleinenberg's work, suggests that most modern loners lead an active social life. Many of them have jobs, friends and lovers, and some even get married. What does loneliness have to do with it? The new social reality allows you to simultaneously have any kind of relationship and take care of yourself on your territory. Thus, married couples in need of personal space prefer to live separately, meeting, for example, on Sundays.
This approach to relationships often causes misunderstanding and even condemnation - a change in stereotyped behavior rarely causes acceptance by the majority. Also, many accuse loners of self-centeredness, high self-esteem and indifferent attitude towards people. It should be understood that most often such attacks arise from those who lead a less intense social life, have a lot of free time and are subject to psychological dependence. Modern loners are ready to maintain social contacts, but they are strict in choosing friends. Their external isolation (the desire to live alone) does not mean that they do not need people, or that they do not know how to love. In addition, those who choose the life of a solo understand that the number of friends and acquaintances does not guarantee inner comfort.
Also, many believe that loners do not face problems, since they are deprived of any obligations, which is also not true. Solo life as a lifestyle is a completely new phenomenon, for the scale of the spread of which the world was not ready. That is why loners today face many challenges. Some employers are not ready to hire an unmarried person, suspecting him of irresponsibility. In this case, loners are forced to fight against stereotypes. Travel enthusiasts note that the price of a tour or hotel room for one person significantly exceeds the cost of a vacation for couples or groups. That is why today there are whole societies for the protection of the rights of lonely people. It is obvious that soon it is possible to develop a business, the target audience of which will be single people.
Now, despite the global growth of households, which is only one person, conscious loneliness causes misunderstanding and accusations of infantilism. However, psychologists and psychiatrists note that the ability to live alone is a necessary quality that many cannot learn in their entire life. It is known that everyone needs to be alone from time to time in order to understand their place in the surrounding reality. Moreover, a high percentage of singles can afford to spend a lot of time on self-realization. It is no coincidence that this lifestyle is most often chosen by representatives of the so-called creative class.
Eric Kleinenberg published his research just two years ago. In it, he declares a "large-scale social experiment" in which the whole world participates. It is interesting that today, after 24 months, the phenomenon of solo life has become much more familiar, which means that soon we will be able to talk not only about an experiment, but also a truly new social reality.
