Shield against rudeness and other things

[Tomcat]

It is believed that most often they are rude to “too educated and too cultured intellectuals”.

And I think that boors unconsciously gravitate towards such people, because it is these qualities that make it possible to respond to the rudeness and bad manners of others.

After all, politeness can upset a boor no worse than a straitjacket.

For example, cultured people always thank for everything:
- Thank you for stepping on only one foot.
- Thank you for showing your true colors.
- Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciated their depth.

Well-mannered people always apologize:
- Sorry to stop you from interrupting me, but I haven't finished my thought yet.
- Sorry that I itch (sneeze, cough) in your presence, I'm just allergic to rudeness.
- Sorry to disagree with you, but I know my rights very well.

Polite people know how to listen to the end, without interrupting the interlocutor, and then they can ask:

- Is that all for you? I hope you feel better now?

Cultured people know that boorish behavior has its own reasons, therefore, after listening to an ill-mannered rude person, they politely ask:

- Are you rude? What for?
- Do you want to offend me? What's the point?

Intelligent people know how to think logically, so they believe that if a person is rude, then he is a rude, and generously share their simple conclusion with a cultured, ill-mannered unintelligent:

- You are a boor.

And rightly so. Let the rude man know who he is, and not be in a dangerous delusion about this ...

But it happens that educated people go numb from shock, faced with rudeness and bad manners in their address. Then they get upset. It happens that they cry.

Some hide from this imperfect world, withdrawing into themselves, avoiding new contacts and preferring the life of a “hermit”, which, in fact, does not suit them very much.

Such people need to understand that their politeness and good manners are not weaknesses, but a powerful shield against rudeness. To use this defense successfully and in a timely manner requires training.

It is best to start them with the Happy End exercise.

Exercise 1. "Happy end"

Remember the situation when you were naughty, and you were very upset ...

Rate your emotional state in this situation on a scale from -10 to + 10 ...

Think about how you could react in this situation in order to improve this condition (use the information from the beginning of the article) ...

Imagine this and evaluate in points (from -10 to +10) how your condition has changed. If you are "profitable", then this is the happy end.

For greater effect, you can come up with several more options for the successful completion of an unpleasant situation for you, evaluate them in points and choose the most successful of them.

Return periodically to this exercise in order to gradually modify all your negative experiences of dealing with rudeness and develop the skill of dealing with it positively.

Exercise 2. "Piggy bank"

Start collecting and writing down all the decent hamam answers that you observed from the outside or generated yourself, that you read about in books or saw in the movies. "Try on" them on yourself, mark the most suitable for you.

As you fill in the "Piggy bank", you can proceed to the next exercise.

Exercise 3. "Ranking"

“If a sparrow is nearby, we prepare a cannon ...” - is sung in a well-known children's song about those who use their power in an inadequate situation: either a cannon against sparrows, or a dead poultice.

But you and I are not like that. Well, we will definitely not be like that if we rank all the answers from the Piggy Bank from the most delicate to the most straightforward and harsh.

For example, I ranked 4 statements as follows:
1st place: “Are you rude? What for?" In my opinion, this is the most peaceful answer to a boor.
2nd place: "Thank you for stepping on only one foot." If you say this in the sad voice of Eeyore's depressing donkey, it turns out even funny and defuses the situation.
3rd place: "You are a boor." Very straightforward, not in the eyebrow, but in the eye.
4th place: "Please give me your book of reviews and suggestions." I think this is one of the extreme options ...

Exercise 4. "Thank you, boor!"

Oddly enough, boors are useful: in a painful but vivid and unforgettable way they point to our sore spots, for which therapy has been crying for a long time.

Remembering your past encounters with boors, the thoughts of which still cause you strong feelings, analyze what is common in these situations (low self-esteem, increased feelings of guilt, constant fear offending another person or the desire to avoid conflict at any cost ...) and how you would like to change that.