Safe communication. Effective behavior in situations of pressure.

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What does it take to become invulnerable? Is it possible to remain calm in any conflict situation, without turning into either a silent observer, or a fierce fighter for justice, or a sarcastic mocker? Take advantage of specific professional advice to help you succeed without the hassle.

In the life of any person, so-called situations of communicative pressure sometimes arise. They represent the following phenomena of the social life of homo sapiens: conflicts, inappropriate demands, unfounded claims, accusations, unfulfillable requests, etc. Quite harmless appeals may also fall into this category of events, which for a number of your personal reasons you simply do not want to accept. But no matter how unpleasant the situation arose, it did not happen on its own. There is always a specific source of negative treatment. This is a certain or, as we conventionally classify him, a problem person, or PCh.

Being in a situation of negative communicative pressure, a person experiences not only psychological discomfort. The body develops changes at the physiological level, which a person may not even feel, being absorbed by the situation. All attention will be focused on the perception of what is happening and on your own experiences. But tension in the body, palpitations, maybe cold sweat and other troubles will surely appear if you do not protect yourself in a timely manner.

In a challenging pressure situation, it is extremely important to remain calm . In V. Tarasov's book "The Art of Management Struggle" there is one parable that reflects the importance of keeping calm in unpleasant situations. Let us rephrase it and offer it to you.

One caliph fought his enemy for many years. The enemy was strong, his martial art was in no way inferior to the art of the Caliph. And the battle went on all my life. But one day, during the next battle, the caliph's enemy fell from his horse. The Caliph immediately took advantage of the opportunity and directed his spear straight into the heart of his opponent. Another moment and it would all be over. But in this tiny period of time, the enemy did one thing: he spat in the face of the Caliph. And the spear immediately froze, not piercing the chest.

The Caliph touched his face and said to the enemy: "Tomorrow we will start over again." The enemy was confused. He asked: “What's the matter? I have been waiting for this moment all my life, I have been waiting for the hour to come, and I will put the spear to your chest, and it will be over. But this luck did not come to me - it came to you. You could be done with me in an instant. What happened to you? "

The Caliph replied: “This was no ordinary war. I made a Sufi vow that I would fight without anger. Throughout the war, I have fought without anger, but today the anger has come. When you spat at me, I only felt anger for a moment, and it all became personal. I wanted to kill you, the ego entered it. Up to this point, you were my enemy, but it was not personal. It was important for me not to kill you, but to win the case. But now I forgot for a moment about the reason: you became my personal enemy, I wanted to kill you. That's why I can't kill you. So, tomorrow we will start from the beginning. "

But the battle never began, since the enemy in this case became a friend. He said, “Now teach me. Be my teacher. I want to fight without anger. "

Calmness is a great power! It is absolutely pointless to be nervous and upset in a situation of pressure. Of course, pressure is unpleasant: negative emotions, maybe even anger, overwhelm. And it is extremely outrageous to listen to unfounded claims and accusations! Indignation and indignation are torn in response to words. But negative emotions do not change the problem situation. In general, emotions are quite insidious. Without them, human life is unthinkable, but appearing in excess, they become unsafe. Having arisen, negative emotions remain within the limits of their own organism and, like a boomerang, hit it destructively. A breathing soothing technique (diaphragmatic relaxation breathing) will come to the rescue.

Having taken a couple of deep breaths, you can confidently resolve the problem situation in your favor with “peace of mind and clarity of thought”.

If in the problem communication that has arisen you decide to make excuses for the criticism sounding against you, for the accusations made or apologize for what you cannot do, then the problematic person will continue his attack with even greater efforts. There will be no limit to his enthusiasm, because making excuses and arguing with him, you fall on the hook. A problem person, receiving any information from you, uses it as fuel for his attack on you: all justifying words, sentences, sounds turn him on, inflame. Your excuses are like sticks to a fire, like oil to a fire: with an excuse you support his attacks! And therefore, at the beginning of the confrontation, decide what you need: justify yourself and thereby recognize the legitimacy of the claims made or maintain your position, defend your opinion.

In addition, making excuses, you find yourself in the position of the manipulated: you act according to his plan - you respond to criticism. In situations of pressure, never automatically respond to the statements of the problem person, pause , give the problem person the opportunity to throw out aggression. Its pressure will gradually decrease, it will, like a ball, "release the air", will weaken. After that, direct the interaction in the direction you want. In terms of the cost of psycho-emotional efforts, justification or response to criticism is similar to the energy consumption of ineffective carpet bombing. In situations of pressing, it is necessary to use point strikes. These are the techniques we offer.

If a problem person is excessively emotional, then his affect should not lead you astray.

Let the problematic person raise his tone, talk a lot. Remember, whatever he says is just sounds. And no more. The word is sound. Well, how can sound harm us? The sound of a human voice is not the sound of a jet plane. Mark Twain once said: “Noise proves nothing. A hen, having laid an egg, often clucks as if she has demolished a small planet. "Words can be harmful only if we give them some meaning. Or we will distort the true meaning, exaggerate it to incredible, terrifying proportions.

Algorithm for overcoming pressure

In order to preserve oneself in a situation of pressure, that is, to get out of it with the least emotional losses, it is necessary to choose a certain strategy of one's actions. And your actions should be effective with minimal energy consumption. There is an algorithm for this. Using it, we, firstly, gain peace of mind and thereby avoid the development of destructive stress, and secondly, we defend our position. Let's give this algorithm step by step.

Step one. Decide what you want to achieve from this communication. That is, set yourself a goal.

Step two. Keep calm. Use self-monitoring and correct breathing.

Step three. Ignore criticism and avoid controversy, pause.

Step four. Respond with a pressure counter technique.

NB When applying the algorithm, adhere to the chosen line of behavior. Go to your goal in order to exhaust the possibilities of influencing you.