Negotiation is the backbone of business
Several decades ago, the world was built on a hierarchy: in the family, decisions were made by the father, and at work, everyone followed the path chosen by the director of the company.
Authoritarian structures are rare today. Hierarchies have practically outlived their usefulness, information has become more accessible, and many people are involved in decision-making. Talking to people is much more important now: politicians talk to voters, and companies encourage employees to participate in decision-making. Even family relationships are becoming democratic.
Example. In the Google era, parents can no longer tell their children, “Don't do this, it's harmful,” because they can go online, find evidence and challenge their point of view.
Through negotiations, you can come to an agreement in any area. Arguing with friends about choosing a movie is different from negotiating prices with suppliers or negotiating an international arms embargo, but in many ways, all negotiations are similar.
Every day of your life involves some kind of negotiation. Having acquired the necessary skills, you will significantly improve the results of any negotiations.
Avoid trench warfare
Positional warfare is a situation where both sides take a position, fiercely defend it, and make concessions in extreme cases. In such a situation, the solution found is not the result of negotiations. Either the most stubborn side wins, or a compromise will be found that more or less satisfies both sides.
The problem with such conflicts is that both sides are fixated on their original positions. They want to "win", but not find a mutually beneficial solution together. Open confrontation takes a lot of time and effort. The parties may take an uncompromising position, fearing that they will be forced to make concessions. In fact, this only leads to a lengthy and painful debate.
Positional warfare complicates the resolution of the conflict and even destroys relations between the parties. It ends up making suboptimal decisions (at best), wasting a lot of time and effort, and hurting business relationships.
Remember that you are negotiating with a person
It is wrong to view negotiations as a dialogue between absolutely rational individuals. In negotiations, there is no one opinion: at least there are two subjective points of view. The parties are endowed with personality, experiences, values and emotions.
The parties will look at things differently and interpret the “facts” in their own way. Sometimes two people talk about completely different things without realizing it.
People may react differently to one situation, especially a stressful one. Prolonged, tense discussion often makes a person aggressive, which can irritate the other and force them to defend themselves. Then further discussion becomes meaningless.
In negotiations, the combination of different opinions and strong emotions is the strongest obstacle to finding a mutually beneficial solution. Reasonable reasoning will not help here.
Negotiation takes place at two different levels: factual arguments and emotional perception. It is impossible to completely separate these levels. Remember that in addition to facts, there is an interpersonal level, which is the source of many conflicts or misunderstandings.
Suppress emotions such as anger or fear. Try to put yourself in the shoes of another and consider not only the facts, but also the feelings of people.
Your enemy is the problem, not the interlocutor
The purpose of the negotiations is to find a long-term mutually beneficial solution, not a "victory" for one of the parties. Separate discussion from interpersonal relationships. To negotiate successfully, stick to the facts.
Both sides must approach the problem from a rational point of view, not an emotional one. Treat each other as partners, not enemies.
You need to look at the topic of conversation from a neutral point of view. Sometimes it is useful to sit on one side of the table - this way the problem will be perceived not as a confrontation, but as an issue under discussion that can only be resolved together.
Be impartial and stick to the facts. Never get personal and do not blame the other person for being unreasonable, no matter how absurd his position may seem to you, so as not to create a distance that will make the interlocutor forget about the facts and react on a purely emotional level.
Example. A divorced couple should not argue over who is to blame for a failed marriage. They need to discuss the future of their children.
Before looking for a solution, one should understand the interests of both parties.
Often times, the positions of the two sides seem to be incompatible.
Example. The couple's vacation plans: “I want to go to the sea” versus “I want to go to the Alps”.
By digging deeper, you will find new solutions that arise without the need to make compromises. If the husband wants to swim, and the wife wants to go skiing, they can spend their vacation on a mountain lake.
A bargaining position is often driven by multiple interests. In this example, the different positions are the result of different expectations for the rest. Try to sort out all preferences to find a solution. By identifying the differences, it will be easier for you to prioritize and understand if painless concessions are possible. What is the ultimate goal? Where do you agree with each other? What are the differences between your positions? Where did these differences come from?
The basic needs of people for recognition, management, safety and love are often the main driving factors.
Example. If you don't know what motivates another person, ask: "Why do you want to go to the Alps?" or "Why do you mind"?
At the same time, you must understand what drives you. Be open about your desires before making any suggestions. Only when the interests of both parties are clear can a mutually beneficial solution be found.
List your options before looking for solutions
Negotiators usually have a clear view of the desired outcome: often they take draft contracts with them, hoping to convince the other person to agree with them. Such “decisions” are doomed to failure because they are based on only one position.
Instead of one-sided proposals, be open to discussing all possible solutions and only accept what works for both sides.
Example. Someone asks you, "Who do you think will win the Nobel Prize in Literature next year?" Most likely, you will not answer right away. Once you've made a list of candidates and thought about it, you will choose one.
Likewise, you should look for solutions in negotiations.
Negotiations consist of two stages: first, you outline possible solutions, then you start negotiating. Start by neutralizing extreme positions, study different scenarios and consider the details. Be creative: sketch out sketches, brainstorm, ask for expert advice. Try to find a way out of the most uncompromising positions. This will give you a variety of possible solutions, and if you move on to the second phase of the discussion, some of them will be acceptable to both sides.
Always base your selection on objective criteria
Even surprising your partner with a fully worded proposal is not conducive to negotiation. He is unlikely to agree and will respond with either defense or attack. First, find the right criteria on which to base your decision. The criteria must be unambiguous and objective, excluding misinterpretation.
Example. A fair price for a home is not just the expected price of a seller or buyer. It should be based on the average price per square meter, the condition of the building and the prices of similar houses in the area. These criteria are objective and verifiable.
In the course of negotiations, both parties should indicate their criteria for evaluating the decision. The criteria should not be the same, but objective and understandable.
Never give in to pressure. If someone puts an ultimatum: "This is my last offer," ask what criteria it is based on: "Why do you think this is a fair price?" Try to find objective criteria to base your decision on.
If it is impossible to find the right criteria, make sure at least the fairness of the decision-making process. It's like dividing cookies in kindergarten using the “I divide, you choose” method: the first child divides the cookies, but he'd better be honest, because the second child chooses the piece he likes first.
To negotiate well, you need to prepare for them.
Never go to negotiations unprepared. Gather as many facts as possible and study them carefully. Find out all about the participants and the specific context of the negotiations. What motivates the other person? What are his interests and goals? Does he make a decision independently or taking into account the interests of the boss, partner or spouse? Are there any personal, political or religious issues to be aware of?
The more you know, the better you understand the other person and the more likely you are to find a constructive solution. The less you know, the sooner you will start arguing about issues based on prejudice, speculation, and emotion.
Don't underestimate the negotiating environment. It is necessary to decide in advance where the negotiations will take place: in your office, at home, on neutral territory; how to conduct them: by phone, in person or in a group; what does the duration of negotiations mean for opponents; whether pressure in the form of a deadline will help or harm the negotiations.
Take the time to study the details and prepare to create a comfortable environment for both parties. This will greatly increase the chances of a constructive discussion.
Negotiation is communication!
Most conflicts arise from a lack of communication. Misunderstandings and knowledge gaps lead to controversy, and active communication helps avoid these problems. Even in conflict, your communication should be positive and solution-oriented. Continue to lead the discussion and do not interrupt it by dwelling on any argument.
Often we only hear what we want. Listen to what the person says and show it to him: "If I understand you correctly, you think ...". This will immediately eliminate misunderstandings.
Once you understand the other person's position, identify your own interests. Do not talk about what you consider mistakes and misconceptions in the position of the interlocutor, but share your expectations and hopes.
Don't react emotionally, but if necessary, allow the other person to vent their anger or emotions. In such cases, explain the behavior.
Example. "I understand why you are angry, and I myself was disappointed because ..."
The task is to bring the discussion to the level of facts and continue it. Silence means the end of any negotiations.
Even the best methods don't always guarantee success.
In theory, negotiations lead to better results when both parties are open, use objective criteria, and seek to find a solution together. But you can never force a person to act in a certain way or to give up their position. You can only try to do it.
Start the discussion by identifying the problem and the negotiation process: agree on how the discussion will go and how you will make the decision. If the other person does not support you in this or uses dishonest methods (classic - "good cop, bad cop" or sly - "I would love to, but my boss ..."), openly report it. Make it clear that you will participate in a discussion based on an understanding of the interests of both parties and based on objective criteria.
When there is an imbalance of power between the two parties (for example, discussing pay increases with bosses), you can only point out why you think it will be beneficial to both. But it's the boss who decides how the negotiations go, and you'll have to accept that.
Remember that not everything in life can be negotiated.
The most important thing
Do not think of conflict as a game where one person emerges victorious. Avoid trench warfare and try to understand and take into account the interests of the parties. Stick to the facts. Remember that you are dealing with people and be fair when it comes to making a decision.
Why is it important to learn to negotiate? Negotiation is the backbone of business. Avoid trench warfare.
What does it mean to negotiate? Remember that you are negotiating with a person. Your enemy is the problem, not the interlocutor. Before looking for solutions, one should understand the interests of both parties.
What methods and techniques can you use? List your options before looking for a solution. Always base your selection on objective criteria. Prepare for negotiations in advance. Negotiation is communication. Even the best methods don't always guarantee success.
Several decades ago, the world was built on a hierarchy: in the family, decisions were made by the father, and at work, everyone followed the path chosen by the director of the company.
Authoritarian structures are rare today. Hierarchies have practically outlived their usefulness, information has become more accessible, and many people are involved in decision-making. Talking to people is much more important now: politicians talk to voters, and companies encourage employees to participate in decision-making. Even family relationships are becoming democratic.
Example. In the Google era, parents can no longer tell their children, “Don't do this, it's harmful,” because they can go online, find evidence and challenge their point of view.
Through negotiations, you can come to an agreement in any area. Arguing with friends about choosing a movie is different from negotiating prices with suppliers or negotiating an international arms embargo, but in many ways, all negotiations are similar.
Every day of your life involves some kind of negotiation. Having acquired the necessary skills, you will significantly improve the results of any negotiations.
Avoid trench warfare
Positional warfare is a situation where both sides take a position, fiercely defend it, and make concessions in extreme cases. In such a situation, the solution found is not the result of negotiations. Either the most stubborn side wins, or a compromise will be found that more or less satisfies both sides.
The problem with such conflicts is that both sides are fixated on their original positions. They want to "win", but not find a mutually beneficial solution together. Open confrontation takes a lot of time and effort. The parties may take an uncompromising position, fearing that they will be forced to make concessions. In fact, this only leads to a lengthy and painful debate.
Positional warfare complicates the resolution of the conflict and even destroys relations between the parties. It ends up making suboptimal decisions (at best), wasting a lot of time and effort, and hurting business relationships.
Remember that you are negotiating with a person
It is wrong to view negotiations as a dialogue between absolutely rational individuals. In negotiations, there is no one opinion: at least there are two subjective points of view. The parties are endowed with personality, experiences, values and emotions.
The parties will look at things differently and interpret the “facts” in their own way. Sometimes two people talk about completely different things without realizing it.
People may react differently to one situation, especially a stressful one. Prolonged, tense discussion often makes a person aggressive, which can irritate the other and force them to defend themselves. Then further discussion becomes meaningless.
In negotiations, the combination of different opinions and strong emotions is the strongest obstacle to finding a mutually beneficial solution. Reasonable reasoning will not help here.
Negotiation takes place at two different levels: factual arguments and emotional perception. It is impossible to completely separate these levels. Remember that in addition to facts, there is an interpersonal level, which is the source of many conflicts or misunderstandings.
Suppress emotions such as anger or fear. Try to put yourself in the shoes of another and consider not only the facts, but also the feelings of people.
Your enemy is the problem, not the interlocutor
The purpose of the negotiations is to find a long-term mutually beneficial solution, not a "victory" for one of the parties. Separate discussion from interpersonal relationships. To negotiate successfully, stick to the facts.
Both sides must approach the problem from a rational point of view, not an emotional one. Treat each other as partners, not enemies.
You need to look at the topic of conversation from a neutral point of view. Sometimes it is useful to sit on one side of the table - this way the problem will be perceived not as a confrontation, but as an issue under discussion that can only be resolved together.
Be impartial and stick to the facts. Never get personal and do not blame the other person for being unreasonable, no matter how absurd his position may seem to you, so as not to create a distance that will make the interlocutor forget about the facts and react on a purely emotional level.
Example. A divorced couple should not argue over who is to blame for a failed marriage. They need to discuss the future of their children.
Before looking for a solution, one should understand the interests of both parties.
Often times, the positions of the two sides seem to be incompatible.
Example. The couple's vacation plans: “I want to go to the sea” versus “I want to go to the Alps”.
By digging deeper, you will find new solutions that arise without the need to make compromises. If the husband wants to swim, and the wife wants to go skiing, they can spend their vacation on a mountain lake.
A bargaining position is often driven by multiple interests. In this example, the different positions are the result of different expectations for the rest. Try to sort out all preferences to find a solution. By identifying the differences, it will be easier for you to prioritize and understand if painless concessions are possible. What is the ultimate goal? Where do you agree with each other? What are the differences between your positions? Where did these differences come from?
The basic needs of people for recognition, management, safety and love are often the main driving factors.
Example. If you don't know what motivates another person, ask: "Why do you want to go to the Alps?" or "Why do you mind"?
At the same time, you must understand what drives you. Be open about your desires before making any suggestions. Only when the interests of both parties are clear can a mutually beneficial solution be found.
List your options before looking for solutions
Negotiators usually have a clear view of the desired outcome: often they take draft contracts with them, hoping to convince the other person to agree with them. Such “decisions” are doomed to failure because they are based on only one position.
Instead of one-sided proposals, be open to discussing all possible solutions and only accept what works for both sides.
Example. Someone asks you, "Who do you think will win the Nobel Prize in Literature next year?" Most likely, you will not answer right away. Once you've made a list of candidates and thought about it, you will choose one.
Likewise, you should look for solutions in negotiations.
Negotiations consist of two stages: first, you outline possible solutions, then you start negotiating. Start by neutralizing extreme positions, study different scenarios and consider the details. Be creative: sketch out sketches, brainstorm, ask for expert advice. Try to find a way out of the most uncompromising positions. This will give you a variety of possible solutions, and if you move on to the second phase of the discussion, some of them will be acceptable to both sides.
Always base your selection on objective criteria
Even surprising your partner with a fully worded proposal is not conducive to negotiation. He is unlikely to agree and will respond with either defense or attack. First, find the right criteria on which to base your decision. The criteria must be unambiguous and objective, excluding misinterpretation.
Example. A fair price for a home is not just the expected price of a seller or buyer. It should be based on the average price per square meter, the condition of the building and the prices of similar houses in the area. These criteria are objective and verifiable.
In the course of negotiations, both parties should indicate their criteria for evaluating the decision. The criteria should not be the same, but objective and understandable.
Never give in to pressure. If someone puts an ultimatum: "This is my last offer," ask what criteria it is based on: "Why do you think this is a fair price?" Try to find objective criteria to base your decision on.
If it is impossible to find the right criteria, make sure at least the fairness of the decision-making process. It's like dividing cookies in kindergarten using the “I divide, you choose” method: the first child divides the cookies, but he'd better be honest, because the second child chooses the piece he likes first.
To negotiate well, you need to prepare for them.
Never go to negotiations unprepared. Gather as many facts as possible and study them carefully. Find out all about the participants and the specific context of the negotiations. What motivates the other person? What are his interests and goals? Does he make a decision independently or taking into account the interests of the boss, partner or spouse? Are there any personal, political or religious issues to be aware of?
The more you know, the better you understand the other person and the more likely you are to find a constructive solution. The less you know, the sooner you will start arguing about issues based on prejudice, speculation, and emotion.
Don't underestimate the negotiating environment. It is necessary to decide in advance where the negotiations will take place: in your office, at home, on neutral territory; how to conduct them: by phone, in person or in a group; what does the duration of negotiations mean for opponents; whether pressure in the form of a deadline will help or harm the negotiations.
Take the time to study the details and prepare to create a comfortable environment for both parties. This will greatly increase the chances of a constructive discussion.
Negotiation is communication!
Most conflicts arise from a lack of communication. Misunderstandings and knowledge gaps lead to controversy, and active communication helps avoid these problems. Even in conflict, your communication should be positive and solution-oriented. Continue to lead the discussion and do not interrupt it by dwelling on any argument.
Often we only hear what we want. Listen to what the person says and show it to him: "If I understand you correctly, you think ...". This will immediately eliminate misunderstandings.
Once you understand the other person's position, identify your own interests. Do not talk about what you consider mistakes and misconceptions in the position of the interlocutor, but share your expectations and hopes.
Don't react emotionally, but if necessary, allow the other person to vent their anger or emotions. In such cases, explain the behavior.
Example. "I understand why you are angry, and I myself was disappointed because ..."
The task is to bring the discussion to the level of facts and continue it. Silence means the end of any negotiations.
Even the best methods don't always guarantee success.
In theory, negotiations lead to better results when both parties are open, use objective criteria, and seek to find a solution together. But you can never force a person to act in a certain way or to give up their position. You can only try to do it.
Start the discussion by identifying the problem and the negotiation process: agree on how the discussion will go and how you will make the decision. If the other person does not support you in this or uses dishonest methods (classic - "good cop, bad cop" or sly - "I would love to, but my boss ..."), openly report it. Make it clear that you will participate in a discussion based on an understanding of the interests of both parties and based on objective criteria.
When there is an imbalance of power between the two parties (for example, discussing pay increases with bosses), you can only point out why you think it will be beneficial to both. But it's the boss who decides how the negotiations go, and you'll have to accept that.
Remember that not everything in life can be negotiated.
The most important thing
Do not think of conflict as a game where one person emerges victorious. Avoid trench warfare and try to understand and take into account the interests of the parties. Stick to the facts. Remember that you are dealing with people and be fair when it comes to making a decision.
Why is it important to learn to negotiate? Negotiation is the backbone of business. Avoid trench warfare.
What does it mean to negotiate? Remember that you are negotiating with a person. Your enemy is the problem, not the interlocutor. Before looking for solutions, one should understand the interests of both parties.
What methods and techniques can you use? List your options before looking for a solution. Always base your selection on objective criteria. Prepare for negotiations in advance. Negotiation is communication. Even the best methods don't always guarantee success.
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