Why do you think we ask each other questions? It seems that the answer is obvious - when we want to know something, that is, to get the information we are interested in. Well, well, let's see.
- Hey. How are you?
- Good.
Indeed, very good. It is good that your interlocutor did not start a half-hour story about his "affairs". Because that's not what you asked him. Actually, you didn't ask him anything at all. Your question solved a completely different problem. In this case, start communication, strike up a conversation.
Or look at the question that this article starts with. Did we expect to receive an answer from you? Of course not. (Look, we asked the question again and answered it ourselves). The main task of these questions is to actively involve you in reading the text and thinking it over. We do the same in oral communication. Unlike a monologue, which the interlocutor can listen to half-heartedly, questions require an answer and literally force the audience into the conversation.
Want to learn how you can easily and discreetly manage other people using questions?
And here is more attentive. This is no longer "just a question". This is an example of hidden influence. The goal is to arouse curiosity and form a desire (in this case, to come to the training). Reread it again. Do you feel how it works?
How much do you have to repeat this?
How many times have you asked your child about this? And what answer did you want?
In the relationship between parents and children, very often the content side of the question being asked does not exist. Correctly asked rhetorical questions in a mild form indicate an error on the one hand, and develop the child's intuitive thinking on the other. Incorrectly asked questions can not only completely discourage the desire for independence, but also seriously spoil the psyche of the child. By the way, for life.
By the way, about children. What is the question to meet a child returning from school? Don't rush to read the answer. Stop. Think about it. This is such a small thing that alone can make your child happy. Or vice versa.
The correct answer is none. This is the case when the questions will wait a minute. The first reaction that a child returning from school should receive is that he is loved and welcomed here. It doesn't matter with fives or twos, clean or dirty, funny or sad - whatever. You really love him that much, don't you?
I ask - but I do not answer
Sounds like the name of a cat and mouse game. It is played every day by HR specialists during interviews. When applying for a job, they ask applicants a huge number of questions. And they get the same number of responses. However, ask any professional, and you will be surprised to find out that more often than not, these answers do not interest them at all. Why? Simply because recruiting professionals know very well that 9 out of 10 cases the jobseekers are not telling the truth, trying to appear better than they really are.
But then why are there so many questions? It's simple. HR professionals do not listen to the answers, but observe completely different things (gestures, facial expressions, posture, clothes, smell, skin color, involuntary reactions, etc.) It is there that they find answers to their questions. As in films about the police - there is direct evidence, and there is indirect evidence. So it is here. There are direct questions, and there are indirect ones that allow you to break through the "yes or no" game.
Do you want to learn this too? Oh sorry, it seems like we're trying to manipulate you again
Getting information is a difficult task
Let's assume that we are lucky with the interlocutor. First, he is ready to answer all our questions. And secondly, he swears to speak the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth (well, what, maybe some kind of alien or an angel in the form of a man). Let's try to find out how to feed him better.
- What do you want for dinner tonight?
- Most of all I want potatoes.
Fine. Can I go and cook potatoes? Is not a fact. Look:
- You just boil or make mashed potatoes?
- Hmm ... Actually, I don't like boiled potatoes. I love fried.
Ops. It seems that one question was not enough. But now you can safely go to the stove? Do not hurry.
- Do you like sunflower oil or olive oil more?
- On sunflower. And, forgive me, of course, but I see that you are cutting potatoes into strips, and I love it when in slices.
Oh my God! It's so good that he is there and can himself, without our questions, say what is needed!
... A little more salt.
... Don't need pepper.
... No, you need to fry it harder.
... And the bow? Forgotten onion!
...
Phew. And this is an ordinary potato. But what about a subordinate to whom the boss (and this is not always a kind, patient and forgiving angel) sets a task? How to ask questions correctly? How do I get the information I need?
Questions as elements of speech strategies
As you already understood, with questions it is not so simple. It turned out that they are very bad at obtaining information and require special education or even special equipment for this. (Well, it's not a bad idea - a lie detector as a gift to the bride for a wedding. Or is it better before the wedding?
But in skillful hands, questions turn out to be an effective way of influence and latent influence. Frequently asking questions, we do not seek to get an answer, but try to hint, push a person to some action, indirectly suggest a thought. Someone does it professionally, someone is not very professional, someone does not know how to manage other people at all and is forced to put up with the fact that they are being controlled.
Well? Do you still have (have) questions? Fine. This is one of the tasks that we set for ourselves, starting to write this article. And yes, we really hope that you will want to find answers to them. Do you want to?
