And that's why:
Like everything important in our life, self-esteem is laid in the child's communication with adults. Up to eight years old, children see themselves through our eyes. The peculiarities of how we treat them, the assessments we give them, our ways of punishing and rewarding - they all learn, and on this basis, their self-esteem is built by adolescence.
It would seem that praise the child more often and more - and you will get a person with adequate self-esteem. If only it were that simple! Vague praise is harmful. Well, we say to the child that he is "smart" or "beautiful" or "well done", but he does not care. Because these words are incomprehensible to him, there is nothing behind them that he owns. He has no tool with which to reproduce what he has been praised for. Children always want to like it. They know for sure: if adults like you, you will have many benefits and all kinds of pleasures. How can a child arbitrarily achieve the state that adults who are important to him call "beauty", when he does not yet have his own criteria for assessing appearance, intelligence or any other valuable quality of his own?
A very dangerous situation arises. Imagine that you got to the aliens. They do you good and bad. When they do well, they explain that this is because you have, say, “nous”. And you don't even know what it is and how often to show this "nous" so that you feel good. How will you feel? Terrible. And the child feels the same when he is praised for all sorts of "nosy".
Praise is necessary for the deeds. The more specific the praise, the clearer it is to the child that adults value what they think is good. Requirements can be all sorts, even tiny ones, as long as the child understands how to fulfill them. Help me set the table. Make your bed in the morning. Put the toys down, take out the trash. One should always praise for such desirable actions. This is how a son or daughter learns and learns to accept good things about himself, understand how to change behavior to achieve his goal, and as a result, the child will have adequate self-esteem - an indispensable tool that allows, without generalizing or going to extremes, to determine whether everything in me there is for the solution of an urgent life task.
Like everything important in our life, self-esteem is laid in the child's communication with adults. Up to eight years old, children see themselves through our eyes. The peculiarities of how we treat them, the assessments we give them, our ways of punishing and rewarding - they all learn, and on this basis, their self-esteem is built by adolescence.
It would seem that praise the child more often and more - and you will get a person with adequate self-esteem. If only it were that simple! Vague praise is harmful. Well, we say to the child that he is "smart" or "beautiful" or "well done", but he does not care. Because these words are incomprehensible to him, there is nothing behind them that he owns. He has no tool with which to reproduce what he has been praised for. Children always want to like it. They know for sure: if adults like you, you will have many benefits and all kinds of pleasures. How can a child arbitrarily achieve the state that adults who are important to him call "beauty", when he does not yet have his own criteria for assessing appearance, intelligence or any other valuable quality of his own?
A very dangerous situation arises. Imagine that you got to the aliens. They do you good and bad. When they do well, they explain that this is because you have, say, “nous”. And you don't even know what it is and how often to show this "nous" so that you feel good. How will you feel? Terrible. And the child feels the same when he is praised for all sorts of "nosy".
Praise is necessary for the deeds. The more specific the praise, the clearer it is to the child that adults value what they think is good. Requirements can be all sorts, even tiny ones, as long as the child understands how to fulfill them. Help me set the table. Make your bed in the morning. Put the toys down, take out the trash. One should always praise for such desirable actions. This is how a son or daughter learns and learns to accept good things about himself, understand how to change behavior to achieve his goal, and as a result, the child will have adequate self-esteem - an indispensable tool that allows, without generalizing or going to extremes, to determine whether everything in me there is for the solution of an urgent life task.
