Pathological liar - to recognize and neutralize

[Lord777]

There are more of these people than we think, and they are found not only in the stamped plots of Hollywood films. Such characters may be among your friends, acquaintances, and my close friend was married to such a person for four years.

The statement “lying is not good” is irrelevant for a pathological liar.
Yes, it turns out there are people who constantly tell lies and at the same time feel the need to behave that way. But pathological deceit, or pseudology (from the Greek pseudos lie and iogos word, teaching) should not be confused with deceit for the sake of profit, flattery or other selfish motives. Addiction to your own lies is a pathological tendency to invent and tell others about fictional events, successes and adventures from your own life in order to attract attention and exalt yourself above others.

For example, a person can talk about how he got a high position, bought an expensive car, flew to Cuba, etc. Much less common is a pathological lie about himself in a negative light (self-talk).

The main difference between pathological deceit and ordinary deceit is that in the first case, a person gradually gets used to the role himself and begins to believe in his own lies. Although not all psychologists agree with this opinion, everyone unanimously classifies pseudology as a special mental disorder. Living next to a pathological liar or having to communicate regularly with him becomes a real nightmare for normal, honest people. But can this behavior be changed? Let's try to understand everything in order.

Signs of pathological deceit.
Addiction to incessant lies is usually viewed not as a separate behavioral pathology, but as part of a general psychological personality disorder. The pathological liar does not realize how much harm he can do to himself and his environment by constantly telling lies about himself.

Moreover, in addition to using lies, he does many things unconsciously, and some signs give him away:

• the message about the same event is constantly changing, acquiring new, often conflicting details;
• inconsistency in the presentation of events and facts, due to the impulsive nature;
• exaggeration of not only significant facts from life, but also a lie over trifles;
• absolute confidence in your righteousness;
• protection, aggressiveness and resourcefulness in the event that his lies are revealed; the ability to shift the blame onto the one who brought it out into the open;
• non-recognition of one's own lies, or recognition in exceptional situations when deception significantly threatens personal well-being;
• adjustment to a person from whom you need any benefit and lack of your own opinion;
• "Blasphemous" lies: about the death of a loved one, a serious illness of a child, a car accident, etc.

The ordinary person's reaction to the liar's fantasies is always expressed in resentment and resentment. But the pathological liar does not at all seek to offend anyone: he simply wants to be talked about and discussed about his life. Often he himself believes in his lies, which are positive (career success, winning, etc.)

Causes of pathological deceit.
Pathological deceit in an adult is rooted in childhood. Of course, many at a tender age like to fantasize, but this is good until they cross all boundaries and begin to create difficulties with mutual understanding with parents and friends.

Children prone to lying act in such a way as to attract attention. Often this is the behavior of children who, with full financial support, lack parental affection and care. Or, on the contrary, the child was constantly praised, not even on the case, which developed an inflated self-esteem and a desire to "build" others around him, to be in the center of attention.

In adulthood, pathological lies are often caused by the disguise of their own shortcomings.
So, a man who tells everyone about dizzying career successes is in fact a lazy man and a parasite, and a woman who does not enjoy the attention of the opposite sex claims that she is showered with compliments and gifts. Usually, in this case, complexes and fears are hidden behind the facade of a lie, a lie becomes a kind of psychological defense.

Diagnostics and treatment of pathological deceit.
In general, it is not possible to correct and cure a pathological liar, because, strictly speaking, pseudology is not a mental disorder, but a negative personality trait. And the problem is much deeper than it might seem.

There is no special diagnosis of pathological deceit in our country. Revealing this behavior is possible at the reception of a psychologist, and then, if a person himself confesses how he behaves.

In the United States, there is a special method for examining the brain, which can reveal a tendency to rampant lies. So, in pathological liars in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, the volume of neurons (gray matter) is reduced and, compared with the norm, the volume of nerve fibers (white matter) is increased. Thus, the structure of the prefrontal cortex influences a person's tendency to lie.

There is no cure for addiction to one's own lies, and even more so, there are no drugs that "force" a person to be honest.

And opinions about whether a person can improve themselves differ among psychologists. On the one hand, this is real if a person himself realizes the harmfulness of his behavior and wants to change, and on the other hand, it is impossible, because the structure of the brain cannot be changed.

Sessions of psychotherapeutic help, in which a person learns to find the reasons for their lies and understand themselves, can provide only a short-term effect. And then the liar will take up the old again.

But what about those who have to constantly or periodically contact a pathological liar?

A few tips should help in communication:

• Don't try to educate a liar. It is useless to influence him with arguments and morality.
• Stop believing in all of his stories and question every phrase.
• Move away emotionally from the liar and do not expect positive changes.
• Do not try to rip off the mask from him - this will only aggravate his psychological state.
• Stop communicating with this person and cut off all the threads that bind you, if possible.
• Remember that a pathological liar will never accept reality for what it is and will continue to live with illusions and lies.

 

[Teacher]

What is a lie? Is it necessary?
By the nature of my work, I often have to meet people and, as a result, with human lies. One way or another, a person tries to hide information in order to look his best in the eyes of others, in order to receive material benefits, in order to avoid punishment, etc. I, as a specialist, do not treat lies in terms of evaluating “bad” or “good”. For me, this is just a phenomenon of hidden information, no more, no less. Lying is a mechanism of evolution, it helped and helps us to survive, and for some who have succeeded in this business, it helps to live at a high level. In no way am I encouraging people to cheat. Rather, on the contrary, the longer you have been in the profession of a polygraph examiner, the more you value sincerity, even if it is not the brightest, not always the same as we would like, but it is real, and therefore you are real.
No matter how sad it sounds, a person will still continue to lie, wherever it suits him. However, this is not the limit. And what if a person lies not only in situations of profit, but just like that, and so often that you are completely lost, where is the truthful part of life, and where is the lying. Pathological lie.
The world famous Wikipedia defines such a phenomenon as a pathological tendency to report false information, to write fantastic stories. It is believed that usually pathological lies are caused by the desire of the individual to attract the attention of others, by proving his own worth. As a psychologist by my first education, I can quite agree with this. Interestingly, further in the definition it is said that pathological liars can realize that they are lying, or they can believe that they are telling the truth. Some psychologists believe that pathological liars differ from ordinary liars in that the pathological liar is confident that he is telling the truth, and at the same time gets used to the role. Many, however, do not fully agree with this interpretation, but agree that pathological lies are a special mental state. Although the term " having asked this question, I began to look for an answer in scientific communities. What has emerged?

Is anatomy important?
It is the anatomical features of the brain that are formed at the last stages of embryonic development that determine a person's ability to separate real events from fictional ones. Researchers from the University of Cambridge (UK) report that they have found a structural feature of the cerebral cortex that allows our memory to separate what was and what was not. We are talking about the para-girdle sulcus, which forms in the later stages of fetal development. Such variations in brain structure are common. It is believed that half of all people have individual characteristics associated with the late formation of some grooves and convolutions of the cortex.
The differences in the structure of the brain can be quite significant, but they are quite acceptable. The presence or absence of one or another groove, of course, will affect the activity of the higher nervous system, but without a pathological connotation. So, for example, some people can clearly and in detail remember an event that once happened, while others will mix in their memories with some imaginary words and actions attributed to the participants in the events. To find out how the brain of some differs from the brain of others, neurophysiologists conducted an experiment with 53 volunteers. They were healthy, they had no disturbances in higher nervous activity, and the level of education was about the same for all.
The experience was as follows. All participants were given a set of well-known word pairs, for example, “black and white,” “man and woman,” etc. Then, when all pairs were learned, the experimenters asked subjects to imagine the second word in their minds when they heard the first. Finally, in the last step, some of the paired words were voiced by scientists, and some had to be uttered by the participants in the experiment in response to the first word they heard. After some time, the participants were tested to find out if they remembered what they imagined and said themselves, and what they heard from the experimenters.
People who lacked the parabital groove in their cerebral cortex tended to confuse what they said following their own imaginations with what they heard from outsiders. If, however, in at least one hemisphere there was this groove, then the memory of its owners worked in this sense much more clearly. The entire work of the researchers is presented in the Journal of Neuroscience.
Curiously, the participants who could not distinguish the real from the imaginary did not complain about memory, believing that they had it in perfect order.
Thus, it is really possible to justify pathological liars, they say he is not to blame, the whole point is in the structure of the brain.
But are all pathological liars “sick liars”? In my life, I once had the experience of advising such a person. I would underestimate if I say that he distorted every day, rather every other day. A person used this type of communication just like that, out of habit. He is so used to not worrying about the difference between true and false messages, in order to avoid explanations, it is easier for him to say the first thing that comes to mind. Of course, this is convenient and often does not bother anyone. The interesting thing is that this familiar pattern is an adopted one. This style of communication was used by the parents of this person. This client did not do a brain tamogram to analyze the para-girdle sulcus, but I know for sure that he distinguished the fictional from the real one. So the question was a desire to learn how to communicate sincerely, what I really call. To do this, you need to learn to communicate with people qualitatively, to follow what you say and for what purpose, not to be lazy to explain, not to be afraid to admit, and much more. In fact, this is a lot of work, because it is much easier to dismiss the expected message as it is much easier to continue lying in order to achieve your goals.

Pathological lies in psychopathy
Another extreme, pathological lie in psychopathy. In this case, people also distinguish between fictional and real, but this category of people has its own peculiarities of the structure of the brain. Their neocortex works differently and the limbic part of the brain that is responsible for emotions is practically not used. Therefore, they only in words, but no more, know what conscience, duty, honor, love, friendship are ... As a result, they do not need anything to deceive a person, to hurt him. An ordinary person knows how to sympathize, because at least once he himself experiences pain. Sad, worried. These people have never had this. They are only familiar with physical pain. The only emotion they can have is fear for their own lives in certain situations.

What is the conclusion from this?
Whatever the reasons for the distortion of information, this is something that cannot be avoided. While working at the Academy, I was asked to create a course about children, in particular about children's lies. When I was preparing it, of course I studied literature, but what else I did was watch my child. Yaroslav is only 4 years old, and she is already quickly learning and mastering this method of communication with people. On the one hand, the appearance of a lie in a child speaks of his intellectual development. On the other hand, as a mother, I was certainly worried why my child suddenly began to try to deceive me. As any psychologist I know, if you want to find out the cause of a child's illness, turn to his parent. And I began to observe myself. It was a weekend morning. The whole family gathered at a round table to have breakfast. What was my surprise when, at the end of breakfast, which lasted 40 minutes, I counted 8 times when we (myself and other adult family members) lied, distorted or embellished something. These were not significant moments. Just because we, like that pathological liar, were somewhere too lazy to explain something to a child, somewhere we didn't want to reveal ourselves, but somewhere, on the contrary, we wanted to hide unpleasant moments. After this breakfast, of course, we discussed this moment, and, of course, I had no questions to ask Yaroslav. I just started taking care of myself. Of course, we discussed this point, and, of course, I have no questions to ask Yaroslav. I just started taking care of myself. Of course, we discussed this point, and, of course, I have no questions to ask Yaroslav. I just started taking care of myself.
In many ways, we do not see a lie, because we do not want to see it, but this does not justify the behavior of the one who resorts to it. Those who have known us for a long time already know that we do not perceive information in its pure form, a person always distorts it, and then so little remains of the true, and adding a lie, the “realness” of a person completely disappears. What could be sadder. People have been exploring the world for so long, studying nature, comprehending the value of things, investigating themselves, and the further this research progresses. the more a person distorts. Sometimes it resembles a dog playing with its own tail.

 

[Tomcat]

How to recognize a liar?​

HOW TO RECOGNIZE A LIAR BY SPEECH?
1. Ask questions and always watch what the person starts to answer you.
2. If you asked a stressful question and in response heard a counter question, for example: "Why do you need this?", "Well, what about the point?" etc., it means that the person is hiding information. Most likely, he is lying.
3. If you asked a stressful question and you heard, “It doesn't matter,” and any other evasive answers, then the person is hiding information. Most likely, he is lying.
4. If you asked a stressful question and in response heard a tirade, namely: a large flow of information, spoken in a high tone of voice, not relevant to the topic. Most likely, the person is not telling the truth.
5. If you asked a stressful question, and the interlocutor ignored you, did not answer the question, or simply stopped the conversation, most likely he has something to hide from you and, perhaps, he is telling a lie.
6. If you hear a long story with a list of sequential actions, and you doubt its veracity - ask him to say the story in reverse. If the story is false, the liar will not be able to reverse it.

PHYSIOLOGICAL INDICATORS

1. If you asked an important question, and after the answer the interlocutor looks at you carefully, it means that he is lying. It is always important for a liar to know if you believed his words.
2. If a person is telling a lie, in most cases his mouth dries up. This means that touching the face and lips will become more frequent. Watch this.
3. When a person tells a lie, he may blush, feeling embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed.
4. When a person speaks a lie, he may turn pale sharply, experiencing the emotion of fear. During fear, a person turns pale, because the blood rushes to the legs.
5. When a person speaks a lie, the person's breathing quickens, becomes deeper. The change in breathing can be seen by observing the upper chest.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE A LIAR BY GESTURES?

1. If a person is lying, the number of gestures he has is reduced. Realizing that he can give himself away with gestures, the liar unconsciously limits gesticulation.
2. If a person is telling a lie, then he tries to distance himself from the interlocutor. This means that it will hide behind books, briefcases, computers, tables, etc. In psychology, these are called barriers.
3. If, before answering a question, the interlocutor coughs, lights a cigarette, takes a sip of water (coffee, tea), he needs to take a time-out in order to think over the “correct answer”. This means that such an answer may be a lie.
4. If, while answering a question, the interlocutor leans back, touches himself, hugs himself, he experiences stress. This means that he can speak a lie.

Remember, you cannot recognize a lie by just one gesture or speech. Lies are always determined by a combination of different signs.